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I have had depression and anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember (I am 41 yrs) and I am so tired and worn out of the constant battle with myself just to try and feel normal. There are things that I can't talk about with family or friends and I just feel so alone. I often feel Worthless, pathetic and no good at anything but I don't want to be this way anymore. I took my first overdose at 18 and then again 3 years ago and I often have feelings of not wanting to be here anymore but then I get scared as I have to children (age 21 and 17) and I can't leave them. I have been a single parent for 14 years and this often contributes to the day to day loneliness that I feel but I have no want to meet anyone and start a relationship. I was recently signed off work for 4 weeks as I didn't want to leave my house or speak to anyone and on returning to work I found myself hiding in the toilets and crying like a child....I just feel so stupid! I was referred a couple years ago for CBT but it didn't last as I missed 2 appointments. I was at the time diagnosed with BPD and APD. I am fed up of my GP continuously giving me more tablets (to collect just in case I feel like taking another overdose) and telling me that I will get there in the end! NO I WON'T BECAUSE THESE THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE WITH ME!! I'm sorry to shout but I just can't see a change happening at all.
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