Tired of fighting myself
Posted , 10 users are following.
I have had depression and anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember (I am 41 yrs) and I am so tired and worn out of the constant battle with myself just to try and feel normal. There are things that I can't talk about with family or friends and I just feel so alone. I often feel Worthless, pathetic and no good at anything but I don't want to be this way anymore. I took my first overdose at 18 and then again 3 years ago and I often have feelings of not wanting to be here anymore but then I get scared as I have to children (age 21 and 17) and I can't leave them. I have been a single parent for 14 years and this often contributes to the day to day loneliness that I feel but I have no want to meet anyone and start a relationship. I was recently signed off work for 4 weeks as I didn't want to leave my house or speak to anyone and on returning to work I found myself hiding in the toilets and crying like a child....I just feel so stupid! I was referred a couple years ago for CBT but it didn't last as I missed 2 appointments. I was at the time diagnosed with BPD and APD. I am fed up of my GP continuously giving me more tablets (to collect just in case I feel like taking another overdose) and telling me that I will get there in the end! NO I WON'T BECAUSE THESE THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE WITH ME!! I'm sorry to shout but I just can't see a change happening at all.
1 like, 16 replies
DivyaParvin nadine88667
Posted
It’s okay to not feel good at times. But it doesn’t mean that nothing good is going to happen in your life. Look at the positive things you have and you will want to get more and work for it.