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Tired of health anxiety ruining my life!

Posted , 10 users are following.

Olivia2211
Olivia2211

Hi, it's the first time I have posted in a forum but I am at a loss as to what to do anymore

I am 35 with two children and a husband and to anyone looking in life is a rosey

Apart from health anxiety. It is totally crippling me. I have suffered with health anxiety as long as I can remember, but since my son was born 3 years ago it has spiralled out of control. I have diagnosed myself with every cancer going and am convinced there must be something serious otherwise I wouldn't feel the way I do.

I have given myself a brain tumour, bowel cancer, liver lung pancreatic bone cancer you name it I have had it(in my head) today I am worry I have breast cancer that's spread and that's why I feel so terrible! I think the lump I can feel is my rib but it still doesn't stop the constant tapping in my brain of what if.

I dread checking any body part because I know if I find something i can't control my anxiety but I also can't stop checking until I do find something

I am just so tired of feeling like this but don't seem to be able to control it. I have had 8 sessions of cbt which helped for a while but it's back with a vengeance

I don't want to live in fear I am terrified of cancer to the point if I see an advert I think it's telling me I have it

I don't really have anyone to talk to about it,my friends don't know, my husband pretends it's not happening if I say I feel anxious and my mum is amazing but has really had enough now. There favourite is you need to snap out of it now.

I just want to escape my brain for just one day, laugh again and enjoy life like used to but then there's the anxiety saying what if it's not in your head, what if you do have cancer, so I have to keep checking and googling to stay safe.

Sorry for the long post I have just had enough today

2 likes, 18 replies

18 Replies

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  • jaimej
    jaimej Olivia2211

    Posted

    Good evening Mama.....first you just have to slow down and take a few deep breaths. I know the feeling of an overwhelming and unbelievable amount of stress and uncontrollable thoughts that diminish our light inside. I've experienced it.....do you have a therapist/psychiatrist? I have never had anyone regularly but I do as of February this year and she's been helping me so much. She referred me to a psychiatrist in May who diagnosed me with Cyclothemia and anxiety. I have never been a fan of rx drugs. But let me tell you something, it saved my life. I wish I knew about this 15 years ago. I'm Close to 40 and a single mom of an 8 year old. You aren't alone

    • Olivia2211
      Olivia2211 jaimej

      Posted

      Thank you for you reply, I am in the uk and my doctor won't give me any medication she believes you need to find the source of the problem which is great but I can't even begin to work through it when I am this anxious. I was so nervous posting but it is a relief to know it's not just me

    • jaimej
      jaimej Olivia2211

      Posted

      Oh you are absolutely not alone. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, and many other mood disorders are so common. People don't like to talk about them but once you have the courage to talk about it… You start to realize that so many people are tortured by these ailments. If your doctor is not wanting to help you in that way… Maybe it's time to find a new doctor. I don't know your history but I do know that there are prescription drugs out there that can really help people like you and I. There are people that take things overboard and become overly medicated… That is a different story. First you need to find a new therapist. If you have good insurance, Sit down today with a pen and paper and look either online or in your member directory and call a few of the offices. Let them know you are looking for a therapist. You can ask them if they have a psychiatrist in their office so that it will be a one stop shop for you. Otherwise your doctor will have to refer you to a psychiatrist. As far as I know, they don't give you medication the very first time… They usually want to see you first and get to know you. You need someone that's going to be really upfront and honest with you. I'm not saying the pills are the magic miracle… But I have an issue controlling my ups and downs. When I am happy I am elated… Almost like I'm on drugs. And yet when something bad happens or I feel down… I feel completely hopeless and I can't see any good in me or my life. I am not considered bipolar because I can go through these emotions throughout the day… That's why I tell you my doctor diagnosed me with Cyclothemia. I take lamictal and now buspirone. I'll tell you, they are changing the way I do life. I am no therapist but I will tell you this… In the meantime, don't look at your life in the big picture. Just tiny little moments. Just worry about right now. How you can take the best care of yourself right now in this moment. And the most important thing is to quiet that negative self talk. We are so mean to ourselves, and then we wonder why we feel so terrible. Try to be more conscious of your thoughts. What do you say or do to yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror? What are the thoughts going through your mind when you're sitting with your family? When you're driving in the car? When you're taking a shower? Start being conscious of those thoughts and if you find it they are all negative… You will start to see why you're feeling so terrible. Start changing those thoughts to positive ones even if you don't believe what you're saying. You will start feeling better right away… I promise you. Anyways, I am here to chat and I am actually in San Diego California. Make sure you look through the member directory and start looking into getting an appointment with a new therapist. I think that would be good for you… It's just my opinion. Have a great day today and don't be so hard on yourself. ??

    • jaimej
      jaimej Olivia2211

      Posted

      Last thing. I'm just going to be super blunt… I know why I feel the way I do about myself. I was molested at a very young age and my family know how to deal with it so they swept it under the rug. I am 39 years old and I still have those feelings of not being good enough. They have plagued me my entire life. Even though aesthetically, I am always told I am beautiful, I am always told I am so talented and successful in my career… But those emotions have plagued me most of my life. So I am dealing with those issues in therapy. I am not looking for a magic pill to make me happy. So you do have to put in the work. But there is absolutely nothing more important than dealing with our issues. They are never going to go away, but we will learn to quiet them, live a better life, and when her triggers come up… We will have better tools to deal with them and face them.

    • Olivia2211
      Olivia2211 jaimej

      Posted

      So sorry you have gone through such an awful thing, I have children and its unimaginable to think something like that stole your childhood and has shaped the way you feel as an adult. Totally understandable you have anxiety but you still have it in you to come forward and help others, thank you, I will definitely be booking back in at the doctors x
  • jmcg2014
    jmcg2014 Olivia2211

    Posted

    Health anxiety is a terrible thing, but it's helpful and important to remember that it's just anxiety presenting in a different way. You should treat the anxiety at the root of it and not the health part - once the anxiety is controlled,so will the rest of it be. Cbt generally isnt very effective,maybe asking for a referral to Psychotherapy and starting some real therapy might be useful, it can work very well

  • lynsey90326
    lynsey90326 Olivia2211

    Posted

    Hi I feel like I could have written that post it is all to familiar I am 33 2 kids and a lovely husband I should be really happy and just like u I am convinced I am seriously ill I diagnose myself with something different sometimes on a daily basis. I feel for u so much as I know how much of a struggle it is. I can't give much advise as I am still going through this myself but I find it comforting to speak to people who feel the same way so I'm here if u want to mesg me or anything. Do u have physical symptoms you experience mines is mostly lightheadedness faint feeling and I noticed every single change or slight twinge in my body all day everyday it is tiring x

    • joycemadine
      joycemadine lynsey90326

      Posted

      Hi Lynsey

      ​My symptoms are the same as yours light headedness and feeling faint always worse in the mornings .been to my GP but he didnt know what was causing it took my bp and my oxygen levels said they were fine x

    • Olivia2211
      Olivia2211 lynsey90326

      Posted

      It is awful and so frustrating as I just want to be normal again. It's nice to hear from people going through the same, don't feel as alone. My general symptoms are usually aching, tired and generally feeling unwell but then any twinge and I am convinced I am dying of cancer. im just not sure how to go about getting the right help. I hope you are feeling ok and also take a little comfort in knowing you aren't alone x

    • lynsey90326
      lynsey90326 Olivia2211

      Posted

      I'm the same this all started for me back in January when I was taken to hospital from work after having what I know now was a major panic attack the first one I had ever suffered after blood test I found out I was severely anemic and was put on iron tablet I thought this would be the end of it but it got worse feeling lightheaded sick worrying all day everyday pains in arms legs chest after lots of trips to a and e and told there is nothing else wrong with me I still can't convince myself. I desperately want to go back to the person I was before that day and although I have improved since it for st started I have a long way to go. I hope u find a treatment that helps u I plan on starting cbt in next few weeks to see if it helps x

    • Dbmetsfan
      Dbmetsfan lynsey90326

      Posted

      I could have written that post myself. Up until 2 years ago nothing ever bothered me. I had an incident while shopping went to my knees for no reason. Went to ER everything good. Next morning woke up to room spinning. Back to ER diagnosed with vertigo. Have had MRI CT scans blood work. Everything good but am prediabetic. Ever since that day I cannot shake that something is wrong. The slightest twinge and I am convinced I am having a heart attack, brain tumor. Whatever part aches is turns into something major in my mind. Yet I know it is mostly anxiety because if I am feeling a pain in chest and then an hour later I get a pain in my head the chest pain is gone and I am stressing about the head pain. It is a vicious cycle and I hate it. I wish we could all just get rid of our anxiety and fears and live normal lives.
  • helen53017
    helen53017 Olivia2211

    Posted

    Hi i too am 35 have 3 children and a partner. i am going thru the same as you checking myself for lumps having pains and self diagnosing on google which i know is the worst thing to do but we still do it ..i have been at my wits end i have even taken myself to a and e as i felt my gp was not listening to me and taking me serious.I have started to take sertraline for my anxiety i have been on it for just over a week now and waiting for it to kick in which i hope is soon. If you ever want to msg me feel free as you sound as you are going thru the same as me .
    • Olivia2211
      Olivia2211 helen53017

      Posted

      Hi, thank you for replying can I ask are you in the uk? My doctor has done loads of blood tests but will not give me medication for anxiety as she insists cbt is better. It's so exhausting I just need a break from it and I know tablets aren't a magic wand but if they give me a little head space to think it might help. I hope the tablets kick in soon for you and you start to feel a little better x

    • helen53017
      helen53017 Olivia2211

      Posted

      Hi yes im in west yorkshire my doc was good about giving me the tablets as i had them before a few years ago, and they worked i felt 'normal' again so stopped taking them then in april my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer so that started the anxiety back off again xx

  • henrique20581
    henrique20581 Olivia2211

    Posted

    Olivia you sound exactly like my brother who was diagnosed with a specific type of OCD. many people don't know that OCD is not only related to obssessive organisation or obssessive cleaning, it can be also an obssession about getting ill or having a health problem. My brother couldn't walk in front hospitals thinking he would get something from there, also when he looked at a car sign with the letters HIV for example, he would totally panic thinking it was a message to made him aware he had aids. Lol

    He had to meet a psychologist/psychiatrist to be diagnosed and treated. It was afecting his life so badly that he couldn't carry on. It seems to be your case (i am not a doctor so I dont know) but you JUST sound like him , when he decided to share with me what was going on to him. I read a book about OCD he gave to me and there are many types. There was a mention about woman having this trigger after giving a birth cause by the stress.

    The doctor told him this is something cause by a very high stress event he experienced in the past and now he has to live with and to control it like if was a diabetes. He takes a medice that is related to the production of serotonine in the brain and he also does terapy. He is absolutely fine now.

    I hope this can help , and will be thinking of you to get better and have a good life quality to enjoy ur life with ur family!

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