tomorrow is day 13!
Posted , 12 users are following.
Tomorrow is day 13 for me. I can't even explain how grateful I feel, so.happy when I wake and the reality sinks in. I didn't think it was possible , but it is. I have no desire to drink. I ask for strength everyday to continue to have that feeling and these thoughts. There's so much more to enjoy in life sober. Seriously. Thanks to everyone here with encouraging words and sharing stories, you have all helped tremendously and I genuinely wish to return the favor. The only real problem I have is struggling with my guilt now of all the years and the pain I.caused people I love, that will probably take some therapy to deal with.
Thanks again all
Lori
3 likes, 46 replies
numpty lorilin16
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lorilin16 numpty
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Misssy2 numpty
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numpty lorilin16
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numpty lorilin16
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numpty Misssy2
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Thank you 😊 x
Smile47824 lorilin16
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Good for you lorilin!!! Happy to hear that you feel so good! Keep it up. You deserve it. 😊
lorilin16 Smile47824
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Thank you. We all deserve to feel good. Each of us
Misssy2 lorilin16
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Congratulations on almost 2 weeks! Hey, call it 2 weeks! you worked for it!
The guilt:
Yea, GUILT is a side effect of "recovery". And it is very powerful...and impacts our lives in a big way. Our eyes open and we can see what has happened over the years.
All the people we have harmed..and most of all ourselves. What we have missed out on....Literally, I gave up being a Nurse because drinking alcohol after work was more important.
The realization hit me the other day when I was with my mother. I am 52. For years..I was working and going to school and raising 2 boys.
When I stopped going to school....I said that it was the pressure of having 2 growing boys and working full time. I was lying to myself. The REAL reason I stopped was because I couldn't fit in drinking at night if I was going to school for 3 hours.
There are so many things to talk about feeling guilty about regarding drinking...and very few things to be proud of...because most of my life I drank.
The most important thing I was told by my counselor was to let the past stay in the past...yes, I can think about it and try to make amends to the people I have harmed...but if they can't let it go...I have to recognize that they are not ready to let go of their pain...but I can do my best to leave the past behind...and take one day at a time...doing the NEXT RIGHT THING.
And I'm told..when you do the NEXT RIGHT THING...RIGHT things happen.
And if I don't drink again...I don't have to add anymore "guilt trips" to my inventory.
lorilin16 Misssy2
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Excellent point of view. I'm realizing although I can't make up for all my wrongs I can make sure to never do them again and be present in my every moment now with a clear and conscious mind. I do struggle with the quilt because since the age of 14 I have been a drunk. Not nearly as bad as I have been the last ten years or even the last 5 month's but I'm admitting it to myself. Knowing that I'm finally putting that all behind me is such a feeling of relief. I can tell such a difference in my oldest child. She is 14 and I thought I had her fooled but I was only fooling myself, I'm very ashamed of that. That's the shame and quilt that keeps me sober though. As silly as it sounds, the world looks brighter sober, colors are more vibrant... I find myself smiling at simple things. All in all I'm so happy I finally took this step. I'm focused on my path and I love this site to hold me accountable and all the words of advice and encouragement is amazing
Lori
l71207 lorilin16
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Misssy2 lorilin16
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I know when someone has the gift.
You know how I know? Cause i HAD it....and you describe everything I was feeling.
I would bet a million dollars that you are going to be OK.
You have the "gift".
They always said in AA...that sobriety is a gift that was given to them (some of them). I used to roll my eyes...unitl I FELT the gift.
I for sure...years ago had that "psychic" change they always talk about too...I changed totally as person ..just like THAT...and I stayed sober 8 years.
Then I REALLY thought I could have a beer...seriously...you don't drink for 8 years..you should be ok and able to just stop again right?
WRONG.
lorilin16 Misssy2
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I think for me the fear of.drinking again is.real.I can't lie to myself, I.know I'm a mess. I lied.to myself through my life and now I'm facing that all. I love your responses. You seem.like such a strong woman to me, I admire strong woman. I do see it as a gift and I take it as such and treat it fragile as one. This could have gone two ways for me but thru major determination I.made it go this way and I couldn't be happier. 8 years sober is a MAJOR accomplishment. One not many could do, and you.know what they say.... it you had it in you to do it once you certainly can do it again,. I'm sure there will be a day I also think one drink won't hurt and I'm "cured" and I also will learn the hard way but for today that day won't be today. I genuinely.appreciate all your thoughts and comments. I can't believe I was able to quit smoking and drinking at the same time and actually don't even think about either. I'm a pretty spiritual person so I truly put most of that to my higher power .
Thanks again misssy2
gwen45436 lorilin16
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Hi lorilin, you are right, that lil ole Misssy is one hell of a gal. Very strong which is what is pulling her through (you know you are Misssy x).
I also am spiritual and this time round I have called in my angels to help me out. Don't know if they have but I am doing well and still having a single small glass of wine as a nightcap. Today I have made a curry for dinner and would normally have a bottle of wine before it and a bottle after it. I ignored the bottles doing a little jig at me in the Supermarket earlier today and came home. I am chuffed to mintballs that I did not sucumb and have patted my own back. I did not ever think I could get this far and without treatment just down right bloody minded willpower. I will not be beaten and I was sinking and cross that I was afraid that I was being beaten. This site made me pull my socks right up and stop making excuses.
It is such a good feeling especially when I wake in the early hours with no sweat on my face and neck and no awful tight knot in the tum though disgust and anxiety.
Well done to you on how far you have come and on the smoking as well, that is a double wammy.
Keep going, as I will, and keep posting (all you guys too) you are all life savers and feel like family,
Best wishes to all
G.
l71207 lorilin16
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lorilin16 l71207
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You absolutely will. How far are you? I have my moments of moodiness but overall I'm a totally different person. I feel alive for the first time in a long time 💝
Misssy2 lorilin16
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see..I didn't even get down this far..and now you say you are a "totally different person" read what I wrote to you above.
I KNEW YOU HAVE IT LORI...God bless.
lorilin16 Misssy2
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I love your responses . Your so knowledgeable and.helpful and strong . Thank you , I do truly believe I do have it in me. I.feel it. I won't let this opportunity pass me by. I'm far to grateful.
Thank you for all your words of wisdom
numpty lorilin16
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You do have it in you Lori and you can smash this demon. I'm hoping I have it in me too. If it's there it's doing damn good job of staying hidden!!!! x
Misssy2 lorilin16
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Lori..so many people post here...and then they are gone...either on thier path to sobriety and don't need this forum anymore which is GREAT.
Or...they are drinking themselves into oblivion.
For you...if you leave....I know that you will be ok.....and I know if something horrible happened and you ended up drinking you will be back.
I am happy for you that you have the "gift".
I know because I have had it...that I do not have it right now although I am not drinking. I hope it comes without me having to drink again.
I do alot of reflecting on the 8 years I had sober....they weren't great years for me....lots of bad stuff...but MOST people say when they get better...their life gets 100x better...and I wish that for you.