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Tomorrow Starts Today

Posted , 9 users are following.

troy83653
troy83653

I'm pretty sure that today is the day. I've always drank since my younger days but never realized I abused it until recently. Even when I did think about it before it was an afterthought. Until now. I notice myself not necessarily deteriotating, but being a shell of the man that I used to be. No progress. I've beeen consistently drinking 40 ounces of beer or cheap liquor. Basically whatever's wet. Along with cigarettes, I'm a mess. My wife is a beautiful,strong, independent woman. It kind of crushed me to hear her say she loves me but has no respect for me. You see when I drink, I guess like anyone,I don't make the best choices. So at times,well all the free time I have,I drink out of boredom. And now I'm here. My willpower is low, if I have any at all. I want to find me again. And the drinking is clogging my vision. And those urges ain't no joke. But I want my soul back. I definitely have noticed that've I've had my soul stolen. I'm tired of fighting demons. So I'm going to go cold turkey and do what I have to do to overcome my trials and tribulations. Thanks for lending me an ear or in this case your eyes.. I'm curious to meet who I used to be before all the spiraling out of control or that great person I'm destined to become. I don't even know what it's like to be by myself. I'm scared of my own company. But this is something that needs to be done. So as I start my mission, thanks for for this outlet everyone

0 likes, 44 replies

44 Replies

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  • h1954
    h1954 troy83653

    Posted

    I think you have already been given some good advice. I want to add/underline a few things. Maybe it's not good to deal with fags and booze at the same time, if that's what you had in mind. Cold Turkey may be a very dangerous thing to do depending on your alcohol dependency - you should get medical supervision if you experience any bad withdrawal symptoms like shaking/sweats/seizures. Forget willpower - if willpower was the simple answer we'd none of us be in this forum - we'd have already dealt with it easily. Thinking that will power is the answer and you don't have it just reinforces low self esteem. If you don't have a take it or leave it relationship with booze and can't stop once you've started you're not weak, you're wired that way. There are medical solutions that help some people . For others changes of thought processes, and life modifications help. You need to decide if you want total abstinence or if you want to gain control. Whichever it is, I wish you all the best.
    • OOOOO
      OOOOO h1954

      Posted

      Hello h1954.  Your words are very helpful to those of us stumbling a bit, on the old journey. I am feeling a bit kinder to myself, now that I can consider the "wired that way" explanation. Thank you.
  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy troy83653

    Posted

    My dr won't prescribe me Diazapam anymore. Not that I've ever had it very much in the past, probably 3 or 4 times. If anyone does know of an online reputable pharmacy that sells it, could you let me know please
    • Guest
      Guest Paper_fairy

      Posted

      I'm going through the same thing. I went to my doc and he decided to double my anti-depressant dosage rather than give me Diazapam. I've found a chemist online but I'm not sure whether to order from them.
  • colin30375
    colin30375 troy83653

    Posted

    Hi troy, sorry to hear about your troubles but 'sorry doesn't cut it; I'll help if I can and I'm 100% sure others will.

    I won't go on but if you're in a really bad way, going old turkey could kill you, please seek some medical advice before you do anything.

     

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 troy83653

    Posted

    Hi troy..I really respect everyone on this site....but I didn't like what RHGB (one of my friends here) said to you about not drinking too much and lilly agreeing...

    BECAUSE..if you feel drinking is affecting your life....THAN IT IS A PROBLEM.

    If drinking is affecting your wife....than it IS a problem.

    You know you have a problem...people have also said to me "How can you be an alcoholic on just beer?".  I used to just drink beer...and BELIEVE ME...I was a full blown alcoholic...unless anyone thinks...ending in the hospital many times with IVs over the last 2 years because of drinking BEER....is not a problem?

    You also have reached out and found a page concerning alcoholism...because you have a PROBLEM.

    Ok, I think you get it....now...you have started thinking about it....which is a good thing.  It will come...I just hope for you that it is not too late for your family or for YOU.  You really DONT have control over WHEN it happens (not that much). 

    For one day...I woke up and said...that is it...I need to go to hospital...I didn't really want to go....I wanted to smoke my cigs more..but I felt like I was dying...so I s*cked it up and went to the hospital.....I was in really bad shape.

    You sound like you are in really bad shape.  Start drinking fluids (if you can)...taking vitamins...pick a date...if you need to....meaning if you can't stop on your own...admit yourself to a hospital.....do whatever it takes to get you there...that is the only control you have it seems...to let someone ELSE....confine you so that you can not drink and your body has time to medically detox from this demon.

    • troy83653
      troy83653 Misssy2

      Posted

      Thank You Love for your humbling words. I felt as well that those two were not understanding as much as they could have been. By the way everyone comments here because they feel it's a safe place. Correct? My problem may not seem as large as others, but still in all its a problem. And this where a certain dialogue would be beneficial. Needless to say instead of being encouraged, I was more discouraged and you know the rest. One day at a time.. Thanks Again
    • colin30375
      colin30375 Misssy2

      Posted

      Hi Misssy,

      I don't know what RHBG or Lilly said; all the replies to Troy aren't on my screen other than my first to Troy and yours.

      I think your post was great and there's not much worth adding to it; I think you covered everything as things stand.

      Yes, a great post. 

       

    • colin30375
      colin30375 troy83653

      Posted

      Hi Troy,

       

      As difficult as it is, you're still on a mission and taking your first steps to sobriety whether you think so or not.

      I don't know what RHGB and Lilly said to you but missy's reply to you says it all for now. I think it was a great post to you.

      Maybe you're right about some people hiding on line. I've been sober for a long time thanks mainly to A.A. but now live in a country where the nearest meeting is about 250 km away but if there was something local, I would attend but still use forums on line.

      Anyway, please take Misssy's advice, believe in yourself and get some medical attention even if you have to crawl to a doc' or hospital. Save your life man, your self esteem will come back.

      People care; I didn't think they did in my early years of alcoholism but they do. You have friends you don't know you have yet.

      Do your best, bit for bit. I'm sure you have the courage.

       

    • RHGB
      RHGB colin30375

      Posted

      Here is what you said in your earlier post, in relation to mine.

      RHBG is right when he questions exactly how much you're drinking. In the old days, however much you tell the doc' you drink, they doubled it. It doesn't matter, just tell the truth to yourself and the doc'. You'll be glad you did.

      The OP indicated he was drinking the equivalent of two British pints per day. I merely asked, had I understood the figures correctly, because that seemed to be on the low side. I did not mock, merely sought verification of the numbers. It is difficult to give someone advice if you don't know what you're dealing with.

       

    • colin30375
      colin30375 RHGB

      Posted

      I just made a general comment based on experience - some people on here have said the same thing - it wasn't directed towards you. Of course you need to know the details and didn't think for one minute you were mocking anyone.

      I was being supportive of your questioning. It seems I gave you the wrong impression or you took it the wrong way.

       

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 troy83653

      Posted

      Yes, it is a safe place and I trust everyone here has good intentions.  What is difficult is that it is hard to tell intentions when there is no "voice"...typing out questions about someones condition can be tricky.  As RHGB stated...he didn't mean to insuate that you weren't drinking enough.  But his post could defiently be "read" that way. 

      ​Your problem is LARGE...I would suggest the next time you feel unsafe on ANY forum....and this suggestion is for myself as well.   To ask the person that we feel discouraged by to clarify their comment.  Or to state how exactly I feel...like that comment affected me because....xyz....

      ​Part of recovery for me has been to always be HONEST and NEVER RUN AWAY.  You have done both...been honest and not running away but being able to talk about your feelings in a constructive manner.  Thank you for not running and for being honest! 

       

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