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Too scared to kill myself, how pathetic

Posted , 129 users are following.

Dannie1989
Dannie1989

That's it. I've had about all I can take from this miserable thing we call life. I'm sick of being depressed and having panic attacks.

I want to hang myself, don't ask me why that's my chosen method but it is but I have a death phobia so I'm too scared to do it and gave myself a panic attack instead.

That's irony in its finest form.

It's just not worth it anymore, nothing is.

My life's falling apart and I have absolutely zero will left to carry on this fight.

I'm done.

15 likes, 182 replies

182 Replies

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  • beestr
    beestr Dannie1989

    Edited

    Are you on meds? Have you visited a psychiatrist?

    Do you know the root cause to your panic attacks?

    If you keep thinking like that and manifesting those thoughts in your head, it'll just get worse and worse. You need something to distract you and do something.

    Out of curiosity, do you have a partner? many friends? close family?

  • anxietysite123
    anxietysite123 Dannie1989

    Edited

    My best friend took his life this way. Youd pass your pain into everyone who loves you, which isn't fair. You're letting your diagnosis win, instead of trying to fix it. Give yourself some time. When you look at one coming, just tell yourself "screw it, you're not ruining my day" sounds silly but sometimes it works. Surround yourself with happy people. People who care and understand. Getting yourself into a slump won't help anything. Maybe see a therapist or check yourself into the hospital sooner than later.
    • Xonos83
      Xonos83 anxietysite123

      Edited

      I'm sorry but I had to respond to this comment. Not everyone has positive people in their lives to rely on, and with someone who has say, borderline personality disorder like myself, going out to meet new people isn't really an option. The only way you could understand that is by experiencing it. Furthermore, suicide isn't about others...it's about the individual. Using the excuse that you would hurt others by committing suicide simply guilts the suffering person into continuing to suffer. If other members cannot understand the reasons why someone would commit suicide (and they won't, because they are not that person), that is unfortunate, but should not be a preventing factor for the sufferer. Everyone only truly has ownership over their own bodies, and therefore have complete and total say over how that body ends up. Losing a loved one is harsh, but then again, reality is harsh. Everyone has the nature given choice of where they go in life, and if ending extreme suffering is the ultimate goal, is it really all that bad? Have you ever been suicidal yourself? Have you ever had the displeasure of sinking that low? It's surreal...like a waking nightmare. "Staying positive" and "hanging in there" are just ignorant words that disregard the sufferer, and in practice, are WAY more difficult to execute. I have attempted suicide three times in my life, almost succeeded the last time. I am pretty familiar with soaking in that darkness for most of my life, I've had more experience controlling it than I ever wanted to. Things are never that simple...you have to try and really put yourself in the person's shoes.

    • audrey30102
      audrey30102 Xonos83

      Posted

      I hope you are doing better . I dont know if you have tried meds but they really do help. it can be a long road to find the one that works best for you but it's worth it prayers for your healing.

    • daena15942
      daena15942 Xonos83

      Posted

      no one deserves to go through what you and countless others have gone through. i cannot understand what you have felt, but i just want you to know that you are not alone and that i'm rooting for you. you deserve a lot of happiness and love and i hope you find it in life. i hope you're still here.

  • lizzie67
    lizzie67 Dannie1989

    Edited

    Please don't do it.

    My brother did it eleven years ago and my family's lives are in tatters because of it.

    You will find a way through - can you ring Samaritans or a mental health team?

    Has your doctor given you any medication?

    If you feel so awful - please go to A&E and they will have someone for you to talk to.

    x

    • Xonos83
      Xonos83 lizzie67

      Edited

      The options you suggested often don't work....people are more frequently judged than helped, which actually makes things worse. Unless you have money to spend, people often don't care. I know this from personal experience.

      Avoiding family grievance is no reason for someone to continue suffering. The family members should be more understanding and supportive...which may be part of the reason for suicidal thoughts to begin with.

      The average person is not as generous and caring as you might think...even within places considered sanctuary. Reality is brutal, but it's still reality.

  • lattifa7777
    lattifa7777 Dannie1989

    Edited

    dannie, you don't want to kill yourself, listen , why nit try a little longer, if yiu keep fighting and trying you might get there ( and you will get there) giving up lasts forever hun , no going back.

    I know how you feel I've been there my self, and I'm ok now , it's the illness talking , do NOT let it beat you its time to fight for your life do what ever it takes and tell your self you will do it, you have to dig deep deep down and talk to god ask him to show you the light. slowly that fog will lift a little I promise , walk in nature and see and talk to people , walk , lay in the sun, swim, this journey is about finding your self sweet heart , and millions of us go through this and come out stronger than ever.

    it's not all going to change tonight or tomorrow, but small steps at a time and you WILL see an improvement.

    are you on meds?

    how long and what dose if you are?

    • damien33552
      damien33552 lattifa7777

      Edited

      am in the same boat as danni... do millions really find there way out or do they learn to live like the rest and learn to ignore all the evil in the world, learn to ignore all the famine and cruelty, learn to be materialistic and only do something if they get something in return. for me depression is just the soul screaming out to us begging us to stop accepting the world as it is

    • tracy51593
      tracy51593 damien33552

      Posted

      Damien you sound like a lovely guy, who could make a a great contribution to the world. you could volunteer overseas helping people, or help the homeless or refugee's where you are, or work on environmental projects at home or abroad.

      You sound like you might need meds to take the edge off the overwhelming feelings you have about the world, and that would help give you the capacity to find a way to contribute to the issues you are concerned about. the world needs people like you. please read my longer comment, on the main comment stream.

      take care my friend x

    • daena15942
      daena15942 damien33552

      Posted

      i really hope you're still here. this world is cruel and terrifying and i hate it. but i think that awareness is the first step towards change. i think, no matter how small, there still is hope for this world. there are millions who are contributing to making this world a better place, and i want you to know that you are a part of that contribution and change. the very fact that you acknowledge this world is cruel and the very fact that you exist is proof. the fact that you exist is proof why this world isn't totally cruel and that there is still hope. please stay strong and keep going. we can do this. lets keep on going and make this world better.

  • JackDM
    JackDM Dannie1989

    Edited

    I find the fact that people are saying you're too pretty to kill yourself very strange and slightly demeaning, although I'm certain they were meant with the best of intentions.

    please don't hurt yourself. Listen to Lattifah7777, her advice is very very good. Anxiety and depression can be so cruel. I was in a coma after trying to kill myself last year. I'm glad now, that didn't die. My brother killed himself ten years ago, it devastates families.

    You are young, you can beat this thing and have a meaningful, happy life. You need help. Ask for help, take the help offered and follow lattifah7777s advice.

    Keep a hold on hope, don't give up on this life too soon.

  • Guest
    Guest Dannie1989

    Posted

    Don't do it. There are people who love you and care about you.

    It is not worth it.

    Do you have a therapist or a counsellor or someone who is trained to help?

    What options have you tried?

    what haven't you tried?

  • Dannie1989
    Dannie1989

    Edited

    As much as I appreciate all the responses, even the demeaning ones saying I'm too pretty to do it ??????

    Can I just ask what being pretty, in some people's opinion, has to do with emotions and depression? Like I'm just going to look atyself and realise I'm 'too pretty' to care?

    I know you meant well but really?

    Can I just say that I didn't write this do responses however, I wrote it because I had to vent how I was feeling because I'm too scared to tell anyone I know this is how I feel. They would think I was crazy or something or just attention seeking.

    In my heart I know I can't cope with all this, it gets so bad my brain has to switch off to cope sometimes. I hit such low points, like today, where it's all too unbearable and it feels like the world is just closing in on me and I need to escape.

    For those who asked I am on med's, venlafaxine 150mg and propranolol 80mg.

    They help to stop my panic attacks and some anxiety but the depression is getting worse.

    I don't see a therapist, I have exerstential death phobia, if you don't know what it is then please read up.

    I know I have people who love me and I love them back but that doesn't make a difference to how I'm feeling.

    I don't want to hurt them but I can't cope.

    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 Guest

      Posted

      Have you read what exerstential death phobia is?

      If so then how do you expect a therapist to help me?

      Tell me it's not going to happen? Lessen my fear of my existence coming to an end? Tell me I'm overreacting?

      Because in all honesty I see absolutely no reason on this planet how anyone could help me not to fear my own death.

      I'm not religious, believe me I wish I were so I could let my fears go.

      So death, for me, is the end, nothing after that so PLEASE tell what I can do?

    • Guest
      Guest Dannie1989

      Posted

      There are therapies that can attempt to change the way your process your thoughts. They can potentially FIX your phobia. Why not try it?
    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 Guest

      Posted

      I know therapies help some people, I really do, I've been on this site for almost 3 years now when I started my med's, I know they can change your way of thinking and help develop techniques to help you cope but I really do struggle to see how someone can help me over something not a single living living creature on this earth can stop or avoid.

      I know it''s going to happen some day and it really does terrify me to my soul.

      I hope you don't think I'm being ungrateful for the advice or that I'm not taking it on board, I really am, but I've turned into a pessimist over the years of continuous panic attacks and I really was an optimist all the time!

      I guess if I struggle to see how someone is going to help me for myself then I tend to have trouble holding any faith in it which puts me off asking for help.

    • JackDM
      JackDM Dannie1989

      Posted

      Hi Dannie, 

      I understand what existential death phobia is. I was absolutely consumed with it at one time. There was a terror vibration that ran through every single moment of my life. It was soul destroying, it was genuine torment.

      I stumbled on something that helped me. It changed my life. I still suffer with a heightened sense of anxiety and I suffer with depression.

      The thing that helped me is something quite strange but I've subsequently discovered that it was used in the 50s and 60s to treat existential death phobia and it still is in places like America and some European nations. I don't want to mention it here because it is somewhat controversial. But it works! It's worked for hundreds of people over the years. If you are interested I can send you a private message.

    • Guest
      Guest Dannie1989

      Posted

      I just dont understand why you would contemplate suicide when you haven't considered or tried every option.

      Do you get where I'm coming from?

    • richard89308
      richard89308 Dannie1989

      Edited

      I never meant to be demeaning I was just trying to boost your morale a bit.  Sorry if that was too much.
    • lattifa7777
      lattifa7777 Dannie1989

      Edited

      hi dannie

      i now you said your not religious.

      a lot of people are not and that is fine for them and me.

      I'm not going to preach my religion and beliefs to you, but the question that all depressed people have , is actualy the biggest question that science and no one can answer with proof, and that is , What is the point in living? why is all this here if at the end we are all going to die anyway? .why can no one make me better?

      these answers you will.find in the Bible the quran and the Torra , the world is her and it was made for a reason and it will end for.a reason , we are.here for a reason and all the answers to those questions all come to god and I feel you need to accept god as your creator of you and your destiny , he can do anything he wants , and can make yiu strong and we'll, as he just wants to hear from you.

      I'm sorry this is a very religious advice, but what else can you try if you feel suicidal! !

      pray dannie look for.the truth talk.to god ask him to show you the light and make you well, ask him day and night, and look.for.the right religion that works for you, it's all the same anyway in regards to one God. obviously I belive only one is the correct.wayband the way you will.gwy a response.

      the mind is so so poweeful , we can do anything.

      God bless you hun and plz plz try, never give up EVER no matter what you feel, it's dam hard I know.but make sure.you give this a good shot and let us know how you get on.

      love lattifaxx

    • anxietysite123
      anxietysite123 Dannie1989

      Edited

      Have you checked if your meds cause suicidal thoughts?

      I doubt your friends or family would think you're crazy if you expressed your feelings to them. I'm sure they would take this extremely serious and try to help. If it helps any, all of my friends think I'm totally insane because I'm always making them check my heartrate and compare mine to theirs.. I have no shame! Lol

    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 anxietysite123

      Posted

      Hi Delaina, yes my meds do have that as a side effect but it's been 3 years now, surly Im not going to get side effects this far down the line??
    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 JackDM

      Posted

      Hi Jack, if you could private message me and tell me how you did it I'd be very great full.

      I didn't know people had ever gotten over it before.

      That brings me a little hope

    • emily48953
      emily48953 Dannie1989

      Posted

      Dannie I also suffer from phobia of dead it consumes you and takes you to a point where sometimes you want to take your own life because the fear has tooken over your very being and your mind its hard to live with this phobia everyday is a fight I'm with you on this one

    • emily48953
      emily48953

      Posted

      Sorry for typos new cell phone still getting use to the keys
    • temple73
      temple73 Dannie1989

      Edited

      jp1992 I hope all is well it's been 3 years and you do not respond to messages I've sent quite a few. please let me know you are alright. please ... God Bless

    • raymond2222
      raymond2222 Dannie1989

      Posted

      i hope u can over come your situation your not alone i also have been wanting to take my own life because i cant recover from situations i endured i cant go to my family because they played a part in my down fall

    • HollowVibes
      HollowVibes Dannie1989

      Posted

      Call me sometime. 254-396-7296 I'm from Texas. Please. I don't know you. I'm a stranger. But I don't want you gone. I'm here for you if you want. Text if its easier.

    • daena15942
      daena15942 Dannie1989

      Posted

      hey Dannie, i hope you're still here. your feelings and experiences are valid and you don't deserve what you are going through. i can't understand what you are going through, but i just want you to know that you are not alone and that im rooting for you. i hope it brings even a small comfort and i hope for your happiness in this world because you truly deserve it. there will be better days.

    • daena15942
      daena15942 emily48953

      Posted

      please stay strong! i don't understand what you are going through but your feelings and experiences are valid and hope that you may overcome them. keep on going. im rooting for you!

    • daena15942
      daena15942 raymond2222

      Posted

      i hope you're still in this world Raymond. you don't deserve to go through that at all and im sorry about your family. you don't deserve any of it. what you do deserve is happiness and love and healing, and i hope and wish that you find it in this life. i know you will. you're not alone and i support you. keep on going. maybe consider going to a professional for some advice? they can help. you'll find your people, people who love and care for you. they're out there waiting for you. stay strong!

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