Too scared to kill myself, how pathetic

Posted , 23 users are following.

That's it. I've had about all I can take from this miserable thing we call life. I'm sick of being depressed and having panic attacks.

I want to hang myself, don't ask me why that's my chosen method but it is but I have a death phobia so I'm too scared to do it and gave myself a panic attack instead.

That's irony in its finest form.

It's just not worth it anymore, nothing is.

My life's falling apart and I have absolutely zero will left to carry on this fight.

I'm done.

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  • Posted

    People say those who commit suicide are weak. I think its the opposite. Think you need to be dam brave and strong to do it knowing your current body will not see another day. Thats some scary stuff.
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  • Posted

    Have you asked if your meds can be causing you this issue? Secondly whatever your fear is with death are you are aware there is an entire world out there Who doesnt even use traditional western medicines or theraoy. Its true. Holistic, alternative, complimentary, spiritual (not religion) based routes. Theres so much out there to help you. Tradional ways havent worked so far. After finding out if the meds side effects are adding to your thoughts of giving up on yourself seek out another route one will explain life in a very different way to you. Not corny its real. Its holistic/alternative healing and it comes with an abundance if information and knowledge about the world and a different one than you are used too. It would take way too long to exolain this on here  its basically a whole view and you being a part of a bigger picture. A soul housed by a body. An energy viewpoint. A more meta ohysical explanatiin and connection with the world. Way to hard to explain here.so bottom line is lets just say traditional western meds and ways and theraoy havent satisfied you. So what. Theres others go seek it out. Google too spiritual motivational speakers see what comes uo and learn. Learn a different way to exist. Maybe you will find a lot of peace there. You do have to check meds first and if you can find an holistic or alternative doctor in your area go to them. Let them figure out whats going on, they will approach all this from a different, refreshing perspective. I dont know if you are in the state of mind to consider what i wrote or even care but theres more then one route to happiness. what it seems here, and for all of us is the fear of suffering and tole it has taken BUT it is temporary if you can find a route to peace of mind. Its just a way bigger world then what is in front of you. Somehow all the symotoms have defined you and it should not be that way. Depression needs to be treated properly as well as anxiety. There are so many different ways to do this. Im not a doctor but i would want my oatient to call me and let me know if they felt life wasnt worth living. Period. They can change your meds too. Seriously think about holistic/alternative therapy route. They can guide you. Have yiu ever windered what you would be like without the deoression? Manageing the anxiety attacks? Try a different therapy route.
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    • Posted

      Thank you Lisa, I really will start looking into holistic medicine, I'm really sick of med's reliance all the time to feel......nothing, they don't make me happy at all they just numb everything until just a shell of a person is looking back at me in the mirror.

      Thanks for suggesting it x

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    • Posted

      Hi Danny

      There is a group called Recovery International. You can google it. It will hive you tools on how to change your thinking. Dr Lowe was the founder. There are local support groups as well as online chat rooms. I live in the United States but I'm pretty sure they are available elsewhere

      Give it a try! It saved my life!

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  • Posted

    Hi Dannie - sorry to read of your despair. You have done the right thing by reaching out to others and I hope the sum of the answers you recieve will contain some hope and solutions for you.

    You mention you are on Venlafaxine @ 150mg. I was on that med for approx 2 years, had a terrible time with it. It has been withdrawn in some quarters because it was found to exacerbate suicidal tendancies. Talk to your doctor about alternative treatments. If your doctor is dismissive or glosses over your difficulties, get another doctor.

    It is a lonely experience to be depressed and anxious and many people will do nothing to deal with the problem because of the stigma attached to illnesses that cannot be quantified to Joe Blow - i.e: there is no wound, bandage or plaster to point to as you say "it hurts here."

    I notice some contributors here have suggested religion. No amount of indoctrination of any description will alleviate what is essentially a biological issue - whether an imbalance of chemicals (like seratonin and dopamine) or a structural issue with the brain. Be easy on yourself. You are ill and should not expect yourself to just "snap out of it" (dismiss anyone who says that to you. They do not live with your illness.) 

    Yet others here have urged you to think of those who are left if you enact your suicide. It can be difficult to comprehend the pain of others when one is in agony herself. I wonder if you have communicated your pain to those who love you and that you feel suicide is the only cure. If not, could I suggest you do so? Perhaps a letter to them from your pained self could open the dialogue. It is true that those left are indeed shattered. They can wander through life blaming themselves for your act, endlessly wondering what they could have done or said differently. I can tear families and even communities apart.

    Please let us all know how you are progressing. You can always come here to share and we will answer you. You are not alone, Dannie. 

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    • Posted

      Hi wayne, thank you for your response, I do worry about going to see the doctor because the last one tried to keep me on Citalopram even though it was making my panic attacks hit the roof.

      In the same respect I'm also scared to change or come off of my med''s because of the panic attacks. I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.

      I don't want to worry my family and friends because they have their own life issues to deal with, my mum's always abroad and my dad has his new girlfriend, my brother and sisters have their own lives and families I wouldn't want to unburden myself on them with this. My boyfriend just doesn't seem to get it, no matter how much I explain about my phobia, my anxiety or my depression he doesn't understand and we end up arguing a lot over it so I just try not to talk about it anymore.

      I might have a look into holistic medicine like Lisa suggested. I've never tried or even thought about it in all honesty and I don't like to think I'd have to be on med''s for the rest of my life, that's depressing enough on its own.

      I really do just wish this wasn't happening to me, why can't I be as oblivious as everyone else on this planet and get on with my life, it really does control my entire being, I can't go anywhere that I don't know or face anxiety if I do, can't have a drink because even 1 affects my anxiety, I'm not a strong independent individual anymore, my disorders dictate how I can live my life and it's absolutely soul destroying.

      And I'd like to say thanks to everyone suggesting religion but I'm really NOT religious, like at all, so please stop reciting psalms because they don't intereste at all or make any sense to my issues.

      Some man in the sky isn't going to just take it all away, and it makes me angry you think that is even possible

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    • Posted

      no need to get angry dannie, I was only trying to help you think of things in a different way.

      everyone is trying to be kind to you. and eveyone is sharing their coping mechanism that help.

      why be so abrupt about it?

      anyway I wish you well I really do.

      take care.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for responding Dannie. I wish there was more we could do for you. I must admit your particular illness is one I am not familiar with.

      Your comment about religion is spot on. There is not a single disease it has cured.

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  • Posted

    I empathize completely. I have tried to kill myself more ways than I can count and always up in a hospital. You see how successful I have been. It sucks because now I cant even drive a car or leave my house any distance. I used to travel everywhere. Hitchhiking, driving across country, riding around on my motorcycle (gone now). Now I sit and crochet and pet my 4 cats and watch tv. Thats my entertainment most days. I just joined this group and yeah I cant even kill myself. I need a therapist haha!
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    • Posted

      Wow I just read through all the other posts. I have to get used to this forum. I understand how you feel about all the religious posts. I am an atheist. There have been times where just the choice of being able to kill myself was a comfort to me it makes me feel less trapped.

      Some people would say that's a negative coping skill and they would be right but when you have no coping skills at all that's better than nothing and if you're still alive thats pretty cool too

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    • Posted

      I'm really not trying to be rude or abrupt that's just my views so I'm sorry if I caused offence.

      Especially with my death anxiety don't even have that option anymore which is really sh*t.

      I've pretty much run out of coping skills at this point, so as you can see I'm not coping well.

      It just annoys me when people say look to God etc etc .... because it's as easy as someone telling you to do it.

      I've tried going to church, read the Bible, opened myself up completely and I got a big fat nothing in return.

      I just can't do it no matter how hard I try or how much I let go.

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    • Posted

      I hope you find your peace with holistec/alternative. Its where i go for solace.it makes a lot of sense to me. Im not against religion at all it would have just made more sense if their was one and not a ton of different ones and all different rules and threats. thats why i like the spiritual alternative route. Theres only one. No negatives either. One and it all connects. 
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