Too scared to kill myself, how pathetic

I'm 39 with anxiety, depression and other crap.

They took my children away from me. It's been over 430 days now.

Now they want to terminate my parental rights permanently.

Every time I see my children they hate me more. They don't understand why they can't come home.

I want to die. I'm poor, stupid, ugly and worthless. I cannot help anyone and now they won't even let me have my children. I wasn't like this before.

Now I have nothing to live for and no money to bother.

Killing yourself isn't the answer. Please seek help now

I hope you're still in this world Dannie. I really genuinely do. It's difficult I know, and it seems like nothing will ever get better but no matter how false it sounds, it really will get better. start out small, it doesn't have to be major first. try and think about the sun. i don't know but it's something that i like to think about. just how the sun rises every morning and how its bright and then think about some good things around you, like flowers or the light bulb shining light or the sound of the wind or the rain and just try and focus on that. i promise it will get better. it really really will. i will always hope for your safety and happiness and peace in this world. i really hope you're still here.

Dannie I hope you are bearing up okay. I won't pretend to know what you are going through as everyone's demons are different. I can only talk from my experience.

I've been in this position quite a few times myself where the depression and anxiety consumes me and many a time I have contemplated ending things or simply just not wanting to be here. I've probably been a sh*tebag but in a way I'm glad. I dont wish to not be here, but when I feel s**t, I just want that feeling to go away. It's ending that feeling, not my actual life.

All I know is, if you speak to ur gp, counsellor and reach out to friends (as cheesy as it sounds), that dark feeling goes away eventually. you don't ever see a future when you are in that dark hole because we think negative when in that mindset and self destruct., But in months time u realise uv went days without feeling crap and cant remember when you last had a dark dark cloud and never thought you would see that day. Then you feel glad u never acted on things. I know I am.

all is I'm saying is hang In there. If ultimately you do not want to be here, give it a few months. you've nothing to lose by waiting. You might just be okay and conquer those demons. Feelings really are temporary. but suicide isn't.

take care

Dannie1989, please don't kill yourself, I have been there after a relationship breakup and my thoughts were all down to failure, not for the person who left me but for letting her family and my family down. I had my shotgun taken away and all that kept me going were my animals as they depended on me and I would be letting them down.

I am going through the same now as I have serious ED issues and fear I will loose my male partner because of it, the gun is my solution but then I think of him and what I would put him through for my quick fix and then the animals and what would happen to them.

It is a struggle, I can fully recognise your thoughts but just think of those who depend on you and how they would cope in your abscence and that will hopefully help you overcome your thoughts. Stay safe.

have you any family? have u spoken to gp. I too suffer from panic attacks and crippling insomnia also.

I've been thinking hard about it since I was 13 or 14, now I'm 20. I made a deal with myself that I would tough it out and allow things to get better. It feels like everything's deteriorating. I let myself fall in love, and I fell hard for this girl. She left me after 10 months like I was nothing and it's like it made no difference to her. This was 3 weeks ago. The worst part is that I never got a real reason, and I also lost what was like a second family to me just like that. My only friends outside of my house that I would talk to on a regular basis were her relatives. Might be the end of the line, I know I may be a coward because it seems so trivial, but I'm just tired. I've been battling this s**t every single day for the better half of my young life. The funny part is that the only reason I haven't eaten a bullet yet, and literally the only one, is that I don't want to put my siblings and parents through that. The thought of one of my brothers or my baby sister finding me stops me every time. My parents also had their share of hardships in life and doing that would absolutely crush them. I'm honestly sick of always thinking about other people, but I can't shut it off either. I'm still here, but not for me. I often find myself wishing I didn't have such a great family. At least then I couldn't talk myself out of pulling the trigger. I simply don't see a future for myself and I don't want to fight anymore. I've already prayed for God to take me hundreds of times but He doesn't seem to want me. And if He has a better use for me here, I don't see it.