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Treating others whilst depressed

Posted , 3 users are following.

andrew41778
andrew41778

A family member has had some PTSD issues recently and I've been the primary family shrink! This has been exhausting to me so there are times when I disappear when I can.

However it's been clear that I have had terrible depression in the last few years and nobody ever tries to tackle it directly and help. Does any one else feel that people try and use more convenient explanations for it and skirt round it? It feels sometimes like I just want to shout I'm mentally ill, that's the big problem, not all this other nonsense!

1 like, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • nick34171
    nick34171 andrew41778

    Posted

    Gently tell them, that although you are here for them to gve them support that you're not professionally in a position to offer the best help, ask if they are recieving counselling, suggest it and the advantages it can have gaining advice from somebody in that area.

    For yourself, you need to see your dr, beginners steps, tell him what you are able to and discuss treatment available to you, Nick.

    • andrew41778
      andrew41778 nick34171

      Posted

      Thanks nick, I can't get her to see anyone unfortunately as it would make life much easier. As for myself, I work in the medical field and have seen the stigmas first hand which I'm terrified of. I just feel that I can't afford to have it noted anywhere that I suffer from depression. I know we like to feel we're a progressive society but I'm only on this chat room as I had to get some of the weight off my shoulders.
    • nick34171
      nick34171 andrew41778

      Posted

      Oof, well you're in between a rock and a hard place. The only thing i can now suggest is to see a psychologist privately, not on nhs records or your gps, but thats extreme, you say you work in the medical field? Is this with other drs/ nurses etc? I know i have had problems in the past with certain drs (yet i don't think this was linked with my depression, i'm uncertain will have to think about that) but would hate to think maybe this step into mental welfare where we are now from the dark ages was nothing... but i guess also pressure and anxiety in the workface wont help you if some morons are still out there being ignorant and using bully mentalitys. Try talking with her again, says you both need it as to help you through her PTSD, yourself research private practioners/ psychologists on the quiet, look them up on the net maybe? Theres lots of people on here with great advice, they might have their own situations but they know what they've tried, whats helped, whats not, hang in there ok, Nick.
  • andrew41778
    andrew41778

    Posted

    As Nick mentioned whenever I do mention getting my family member outside help she says " I don't need to as I can just talk to you " without really thinking how much it's taking out of me. I also feel bad as I know how debilitating it is to suffer from mental health issues.
    • nick34171
      nick34171 andrew41778

      Posted

      Tell her that you're not professionally suited for this, that she needs an expert to assist her through it. Help to find the right help for her, shes got to know that she needs to take the first step. Don't be angry, just sit down, cup of tea and have a straight conversation, Nick.
  • andrew41778
    andrew41778

    Posted

    I was thinking that might be the only solution for me. I'll find a good private psychiatrist as the last few months have been a step back. Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply Nick. Little things like this forum help more than I'd have thought.
    • nick34171
      nick34171 andrew41778

      Posted

      You're welcome Andrew, anytime. I just pm'd you by the way ok, try and have a good night, Nick.
  • UK-Ven-medicate
    UK-Ven-medicate andrew41778

    Posted

    People always struggle to accept it and it's not until something gets way to much, that they do something about it. 
  • mum2angelalex
    mum2angelalex andrew41778

    Posted

    Hi Andrew, hope you pick up my late reply. I know exactly how it feels to become an involuntary counsellor for someone when you are secretly

    battling your own issues. It is really important that you share how you

    feel with this person and maybe she could reciprocate a little support?

    Do not make the mistake of making yourself available on a continuous

    basis as this will make her dependent upon you, is there no-one else in

    the family you could ask to help out by offering her a shoulder and a

    listening ear to her instead of you? Bottling things up heads for disaster and I speak with experience, I hid it from people for so long and ended up experiencing a total breakdown, if you work in a medical environment

    then they of all people know the prevalence of mental health problems - we live in a very stressful society!

    You are only human and need someone to talk to and need to take care

    of yourself not just others. The best way you can help this person is to

    get her to help herself.

    I experienced first hand how others skirt around the issue, they know

    very well that you are depressed but it is far easier for them to pretend

    you are not they don't want to address the problem because they simply

    don't know how to deal with it. It is far better to talk to those of us who

    do understand.

    Always here if you need to talk

    Sharon x

    • andrew41778
      andrew41778 mum2angelalex

      Posted

      Thanks Sharon. It's a real shock to the system when you realise how inept people are at dealing with anybody with a mental health issue. You always assume that those closest to you know you well enough to say or do the right thing. It sounds like you have experienced simiar issues. I think it's about time to see a pyschiatrist privately providing it doesn't affect my health record. On a lighter note though I'm sure I'll feel like one of those suckers paying someone just to talk... I'll just have to keep that scene from The Mask out of my head when Jim Carrey meets the Doctor!
  • andrew41778
    andrew41778

    Posted

    Matbe if I lead the way she'll book an appointment too? I don't know if anyone has had any success with that?
    • mum2angelalex
      mum2angelalex andrew41778

      Posted

      Booking an apt and encouraging her to do the same would be a great step. I personally would have loved therapy such as cbt with a trained psychologist but through the nhs was offered treatment from a psychiatric nurse, her competency was so appalling I made an official complaint through pals and now have no therapist at all! If you can afford private go for it you can pick one who is right for you. It's not about paying for someone to just listen you need someone proactive who operates from a flexible framework with the competence and experience to offer multiple approaches tailored to your needs. Emdr and cbt are supposed to be very effective, these were the types of therapy I requested but never received, instead I was repeatedly told to engage in more activities and that was the only advice I ever received, I was lucky if I got 20 mins of the hour therapy I was allocated.

      Go for private therapy 100% and do your homework find someone with a wide approach and lots of experience and cbt is a must! Let us know how you get on.

      x

  • andrew41778
    andrew41778

    Posted

    Ok so I finally grew a pair and contacted a pschiatrist for myself, hoping my family member would follow suite. I was really dissapointed to find that in order to see a reputable shrink I had to get referred from my GP. As discussed earlier, working in Medicine means I just can't afford to have mental health dissorders on my record.

    I'm trying to think of an alternative but it seems like the system is very dangerous for those that require urgent access to a psychiatrist.

    Any thoughts or advice.

    • mum2angelalex
      mum2angelalex andrew41778

      Posted

      You dont need to see a psychiatrist, there are many qualified and experienced psychologists out there who you can book to see directly and personally I feel a psychologist is far better for depression than a psychiatrist.

      Do an online search.

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