TRKR surgery in a few days, my Mother is ill, should I still have op?

Posted , 9 users are following.

I'm booked for a TRKR in a few days and my elderly Mother has been taken ill and in hospital now, needs urgent surgery in next week or so, will be high dependency.

?She has been relatively independant before, but I'm the one who looks after her when anything needed and we don't have a lot of support we can call on.

?I'm wondering, as my op is elective surgery while hers will be urgent, whether I should ask for a postponement. I have recently had other illness and surgery myself. We keep having curveballs thrown and everything planned goes out of the window. It is not even just the practical things that maybe someone else could help with that I'm worrying about, just I see from posts on here that recovery from tkr is tough and you need to focus on your self - not sure how to manage this now.

0 likes, 19 replies

Report / Delete

19 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    Delay yours. You won't be able to take care of either of you , let alone both. I was forced into taking care of My wife who is on advanced stages of Parkinson's disease. I needed to do things likevmeals on wheels and paying to have other work done. This is not an up an down surgery. The pain is brutal and the demands are great....that's when things are going well.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I agree with OFG...  Your recovery will likely be difficult requiring your complete dedication to the rehab.  Perhaps now is not the time.  Check with your orthopedic surgeon about whether or not some Synvisc injections will help with the knee pain during this time.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Cynthia

    Sorry to hear about your Mum. You only get one mother so you be with her. I'm sure your surgeon will understand the reason you are deferring the TKR.

    You will need all your energy to look after your Mum. Doing TKR rehab at the same time is defo off the agenda.

    I hope your Mother's operation goes well & she recovers well.

    You can still keep in touch with all of us here whilst all this is going on, if you want to vent or just a friendly chat.

    I wish you & your Mother well.

    Marilyn

    XX

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Cynthia, I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  I think the answer to your question depends on a few things.  How long is your mother likely to be in hospital/how soon is she likely to come home, and exactly what sort of help will she need.  Does she live with you or would you have to drive to get to her (or walk?)?  Do YOU have someone at home to support you?  If so, could they also support your mother if you were unable.

    You may have seen from my posts that I've really been the opposite end of the spectrum and breezed through this op BUT I've heavily relied on my husband for help in EVERYTHING!  It's only now, two weeks post op, that I feel I'm getting more able to do more for myself!  So yes, whatever your experience of knee replacement is, you do need to focus on yourself and you're certainly not in a position to help anyone else physically.   For a start, initially you're on two crutches so unable to carry a lot of stuff other than something you can put in a bag etc.  Hope this might help.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Sorry to hear about your situation, in my openion you will not be able to care for your mother if you are recovering from TKR. It is a tough recovery and you will be down alot at first. I wish you both the best.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Update: Thanks for all the responses. Things have changed now as the surgeon has decided the surgery would be to high risk for the benefits for my Mother at this point and can be left and monitored a while longer. She is still in hospital with hypertension which meds are not resolving as yet, so things are not really sorted I guess.

    When we are caring for other family members, there is never a really good time for us to be ill or out of commission, is there?

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Update: Mum still in the hospital, they are still working on the meds to get things under control.

    ?My operation is still on at his point.

    ?I'm feeling panicky though. Walking badly today, I guess it needs to be done.

    Seeing what tomorrow brings. Best wishes to everyone for a painfree night.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi, hope you are well. The outcome was I had my TKR on 18th as planned as Mum's op is postponed.

      ?My actual surgery was fine but recovery is being trickier than I imagined even though I read so much up about it. No going back anyway, it is done! I will make another post about the recovery issues. Take Care, Cynthia

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      So sorry for my late response Cynthia - connection problems last night!  I'm so glad you've had your op, even though I'm sorry it was because your mother's treatment has been delayed.  Yes, as I see others have said - the op really is the easy bit and being 3 weeks after mine now I realise that the difficulties can range HUGELY in so many ways.  But you know you can tell this group about any worries you have at all and you'll get huge reassurance.  The problem is, we're just not told about so many things that all come under the category of 'normal' but don't seem normal as we're experiencing them, so it's a dive into the big unknown.  But please say if you've got any concerns and at least we can hopefully help you be less anxious about them.  You've got lots of moral support on here:-)  I know you've got a stressful situation with your Mother anyway, and the stress of this op on top is tough, so let us help if we can.  Thinking of you.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you Marilyn x

      ​Mum is not too bad, on new meds now and has to go back to consultant. Struggle to keep her blood pressure on an even keel. She is very young at heart, I hope they can get it stable.

      ​I have just been getting some further meds myself as the nerve pain at night was overwhelming, Fingers crossed. Hope you are OK. It has been a lovely sunny day here xx

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you Chris. It is indeed a difficult time and I have had so much more pain post op then I expected (even reading about it before) - I usually heal well and don't get undue pain from past experience, but have had severe neuro pain with this.

      ?More meds now on route and fingers crossed. I need to get the pain managed as the exercises are otherwise unbearable. This is a great supportive site and we need it on a journey like this. Take care x

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Cynthia, I hope they can help your mother & sort out her blood pressure.

      I'm fine thanks, it's a lovely sunny day today, not too cold, quite spring like really. Washing's on the line, life's good.

      Sorry to hear you've had the nerve pain, I have had a touch of sciatica on the unoperated side, which my Chiropractor says is due to altered gait, yet again. Not bad with it though.

      Just remember there is always someone here online if you need to chat/moan (don't we all at times)/vent/ask a question.

      All the best for your recovery

      Marilyn

      XX

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up