Trying to taper off wine, need some advice.
Posted , 10 users are following.
I'm a 46 year old female and I've been misusing alcohol for over ten years now. I have an anxiety disorder, am extremely introverted and currently have an intense job that is highly demanding of my time and energy. I have little to no support system in place and few people around me, including my current partner of four years, sees me as having a "real" drinking problem. I think because I don't drink until I'm slurry, have never had a blackout, and never needed to get up and drink in the morning, people around me accept my current 1-3 glass a night habit as normal. I've actually had doctors say things like, "come back and see me when you are drinking two bottles a day," or "if you aren't drinking more than me, you don't have a problem."
Well I do have a problem. I drink EVERY day. I think about how, when and where I will have my first glass of wine throughout the day, can rarely stop after one and feel regret every morning, swearing to myself that today will be the first day of the rest of my life where I just don't care about drinking anymore. My health is hugely impacted: night waking, leg cramps, night sweats, heart palpitations, brain fog, memory loss, gastritis and GERD, to name just a few. My mental state fluctuates between super motivated on days after only having one glass to saying f-it, I have no social life because I'm only comfortable with social settings when I'm drinking, so what's the point? I am a highly functioning alcoholic, may as well pour myself another glass of wine and embrace who I am.
I have reduced/abstained for periods of time in the past, never for longer than two months, usually lasting only a week or two here or there before going back to my most recent pattern of 1-3 glasses of wine per night, every night for about 2 months. Most nights are 2 glasses, few are only 1 and some go up to, but never beyond a full bottle (though a full bottle has not happened over the last two months.) I have over the last 10 years or so had a variety of patterns - heavier drinking on weekends with little to no drinking during the week and up to times where I could polish off a full bottle in a day, every other day or so. Pair that with my 5'3 female frame, and that's a LOT of wine for my weight.
So what I know to be true: I need a support system. I need to be with people who understand and are like minded and who accept and don't judge me for my anxiety disorder. Who want to quit misusing alcohol and start appreciating just being alive. I want to feel that life spark again. All the research points to alcohol or drug misuse as being a learned disorder and the ability to make new habits and be surrounded by people, places and things that are motivating and supportive will greatly increase a person's success in sobriety.
*The problem is that my introversion and anxiety disorder makes accessing those things nearly impossible for me. So it becomes easier to comfort my boredom and loneliness with my warm friend wine.
Anyone out there in a similar situation? I'd love to chat about my experience with anxiety disorder and alcohol misuse with other people experiencing the same. Any advice on how long I need to drink just one glass per night before going to every other day to avoid withdrawal? Right now I'm on day 3 of only one glass before bed. I am trying hard to taper down so that whatever anxiety complications that come with withdrawal will be avoided as I have a big trip coming up at the end of next weekand don't want to stack withdrawal anxiety on top of my underlying anxiety disorder, if that makes sense. And I have had what I consider significant withdrawal symptoms in the past.
Any comments in general are greatly appreciated. And yes, I do understand that I am not a-two-bottle-a-day drinker, but I don't ever want to get there as my current habit is already killing me, incrementally.
0 likes, 16 replies
Eiball Netskirt
Posted
I know your message was months ago but I just read it and it resonated with me. My drinking pattern was much like yours only I did not get up to a bottle by myself. But yes, every night 2-3 glasses of wine and more at social occasions....weddings, bookclub.
I did not drink to blackout and never got slurry, sloppy. I did experience mood swings.....after a glass of wine or two would get very chatty and up and then would sit down to dinner and mood would shift to anger, bitchiness.
I also have a long term anxiety disorder for which I've taken an antidepressant for 15 years. It has worked very well for me and kept me out of the weeds of severe anxiety. Well, I stopped drinking entirely 2+ months ago and for the first 4 weeks felt really good! My moods were much more positive, felt better physically, really energized....almost a little too much energized. After a few stressors in the course of a week, I began to experience a return of the panicky anxiety that hadbeen kept at bay for years.
The thinking is that alcohol helped tamp it down along withmy antodepressant but once the alcohol was removed, my brain went a bit haywire. MY Gp has recommended an increase in my AD and I am a few weeks into that. Things are going in the right direction but it has been, byfar, the hardest thing related to my quitting alcohol. Just thought i'd share and would be curiousto hear where you are at these days. I wish you well!