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two weeks sober but gave in last night

Posted , 14 users are following.

sharon7979
sharon7979

Feeling very fed up and down today. I had such a grasp on all the reasons to not do it anymore and i felt i was becoming stonger as time went on. Then for some reason, it wasnt even a particulary bad day i just wanted it and gave in. I could have been stronger so why wasnt i? Am i just a selfish person who when it all boils down to it thinks of nothing else but the first wave of alcohol when it enters your body. This forum has been a big help to me over the last few weeks and i do thank you all for your support. Genuinely just fed up with the whole thing....i believe that i am someone who never ever should have had that first sip. A bit like the way most people dont have their first hit of heroin. I always knew that i could get addicted. I have a lot of thinking to do right now, need to retrain my brain to the point that it was at a few days ago. Right now its the guilt and a horrible feeling that i will always be this way. So sorry again for being on a downer. Just being honest. Thoughts are with you all x

2 likes, 22 replies

22 Replies

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  • pistal666
    pistal666 sharon7979

    Posted

    Hi Sharon, why all the guilt? It was just a trip, if you were to keep drinking then it might be a problem. You are feeling bad about having a drink last Night, I would be more worried if you didn't care. Chalk it up as a small blip. At the end of the day, it's only really you that you have to worry about, just forgive yourself and move on. You can't beat yourself up over this, how depressing would life be if we hate ourselves for every little mistake we made? Treat yourslf to a tub of Ice Cream and a good Movie. Trying to give up Drink is not a punishment, just a choice. (all be it a good choice).

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 pistal666

      Posted

      HI Sharon. good reply from Pista and RHGB..you are wondering what to do and can either consider medication or simply move on and try again to improve..however, it is an addiction and I drank for 35 years at least till I had to stop....do not give and the fact that you are giving it so much thought is great!! Robin
    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 pistal666

      Posted

      Thank you so much. I know what you say is true. Just hard at times, it seems to take so long to build myself up and then i fall back down again. Will keep trying and maybe even better next time i hope
  • RHGB
    RHGB sharon7979

    Posted

    The simple answer is medication.

    If you have been drinking for so long, your body and brain become altered, to where the normal state is to have alcohol and your body feels out of kilter without it.

    If not, you will spend the rest of your life, either drinking or thinking constantly about not drinking. Neither of which is pleasant, because the latter will mean you will spend your life in a constant battle.

    A drug (alcohol) got you like this, a drug (medication) is needed to reset you back to the way you were.

    I bet you won't drink tonight, but you will spend the whole night thinking about not drinking.

  • Nat666
    Nat666 sharon7979

    Posted

    Hi Sharon .these guys are so right, don't give yourself a hard time over this. Believe me I know how you feel that is what lead me to. medication TSM and this site early December last year.I was like you , would have all the resolve in the world to stop and yes I would manage it for a couple of weeks THEN from nowhere I would have F*** It moment , go and buy a bottle of wine thinking this time I'll stop at 1 but I never could.After that first rush of alcohol I'd be back down the road for more a couple of hours later I didn't give a monkeys til the next morning. when I felt so awful.letting myself down and all the stuff that goes with it I have now been on nalmefene over 3 months and I.am now drinking very little .I am actually lately finding it a chore to drink but am currently continuing with the tablet and alcohol to keep the process going..When I started TSM my goal was to achieve reduction and drink.like a normal social drinker, am not sure now that my goal may be abstinence as drinking alcohol is beginning to feel so MEH 😣 to me.I would never in a million years before I tried TSM would have believed this could happen.

    As RHGB has suggested think about medication , it really could be your answer and be kind to yourself 😍😍x

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 Nat666

      Posted

      Hi Nat Hubby has used those exact words, doing well until he had his F*** it moment! No real trigger, just wanted alcohol. CBT Counsellor seems to think there is an underlying psychological reason why he drinks, Hubby told him, in the beginning yeah there was but now, I am addicted to alcohol, I dont need a reason and I don't have a particular trigger either; happy, sad, whatever 😳 xx

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 JulieAnne101

      Posted

      In some ways i do understand him... there are times when i could have genuinely said i have found a reason to do it and some of those are times that i didnt. It is a strange thing. Most of the time i dont get it myself apart from the rare odd moment of clarity, and yes they do happen for real although sometimes alcoholics and others make a joke of this. I have already said to my partner that sometimes i dont need a reason. Even when he said that i pick fights with him just to have an excuse, the truth is i dont need one and i absolutely hate rowing with him, i always have. I think there are many reasons why i do it and i am sure many reasons your husband does it. Too many to mention to be honest. He knows your there for him and i hope in his own way he is there for you too. 
    • Nat666
      Nat666 JulieAnne101

      Posted

      Yes those F*** It moments are really hard because they come from nowhere.Thank goodness I have not had those moments since TSM .I understand your hubby's reasoning for drinking.The no real reason ! other than it comes crashing into the head like an invasion.They were very instant with I nearly always acted on them 😊 x

  • mike96133
    mike96133 sharon7979

    Posted

    Sharon,

    Very well done on 14 days! I'm so proud of you. Your making a lifestyle change not to drink. Lifestyle changes are never easy. If the guilt is for you knock it off, if the guilt is because you made a promise to someone that you wouldn't drink then explain to them. Don't make promises becauses it's a process. If I could stop automatically I would just stop! For example if you cut your hand, you just can't say heal! It takes time. The mental and physical damage you have done with alcohol takes time to heal. Especially, the mental your slowly reprogramming and changing your habits and lifestyle. Get back up, dust yourself off! You got this!

  • JulieAnne101
    JulieAnne101 sharon7979

    Posted

    Forgive yourself Sharon. Just a small battle lost, you are still winning the war xx

    Kindest Regards

    JulieAnne

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 JulieAnne101

      Posted

      Sometimes i think i am winning the war, right now i feel like i am just back to the way i felt a few weeks ago. However, there must be a true inner strength in all of us otherwise we would all not be here. Sometimes its hard to find it though. Curse the drink. Hope you are well and thanks so much for your support. 
    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 sharon7979

      Posted

      That's it Sharon recognise the enemy, it's not you it's the alcohol. There is far too much emphasis being put on the individual. You are strong, it's the alcohol that has changed your brain xx

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 JulieAnne101

      Posted

      Your right alcohol is the enemy...i am genuinely fed up with this. Dont need or want it anymore so why am i still doing it? Questions i am asking myself rather than expecting a reply. We are all different at the end of the day. There has to be some way to make things better. Sometimes i feel like i am getting there, other times like now i wonder what it really is i am supposed to do. It is an ongoing thing that i have to accept will always be part of me, the same way that i am always going to have an eating disorder, its just that i dont make myself sick anymore. There will always be part of me that feels guilty no matter what i eat. I can no longer drink and enjoy it, that is all it brings is guilt and sadness, yet for some reason i justified that over the last few days. Why, why, why? Sometimes i think i am ill other times i do genuinely wonder if i am just a plain, simple selfish person. Yet all of me knows that i love my family so much to the bottom of my heart. I have the three best people i could ever ask for in my life right now and to be fair i am very lucky that this is still the case. I know when my partner gets home from work that we will talk/possibly shout and i am dreading it. To be fair i know that anything he says right now is prob true. God its hard at times, your right alcohol is the enemy. Just see it for the horrible drug that it is. Thanks so much again for keeping in touch. The messages on we send each other on here mean a lot to everyone i think xxxx
  • sadie_dee70150
    sadie_dee70150 sharon7979

    Posted

    It was a small blip Sharon. You can't punish yourself & feel miserable. Start again. Maybe consider getting the medication even have it prescribed & have it at home so you can take it if you feel you need to - it'll just be there. 

    Thinking of you I am at a strange stage myself so you are not alone. 

    Be kind to yourself this evening & wake up with a fresh start tomorrow. Ice cream & a movie does sound very tempting smile

    xxx

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 sadie_dee70150

      Posted

      So much thanks to everyone for replying. I really thought i was starting to think of drink differently and i am just disappointed in myself and i have let everyone down again, its not like its the first time. I know what you mean about being at a strange stage...its hard and then other times you can actaully feel quite proud of yourself for not giving in. Its not easy and sometimes the fact that you realise there is a problem is a good thing obviously but other times it can actually drag you down in its self. I havent seen all of your discussions recently sadie, although have been having a look, so i hope things are still going well for you. I know you have been trying really hard xxxx
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