uncomfortable intercourse

No my partner is 45.

Let's say she's not into sex as much as I am.

I have to instigate it. She never makes a move on me. She sees sex as a chore that has to be hurried and done and put away.

Shes never really been into it so to say.

I wander sometimes how I've got three lovely boys all now grown up!!

Gp has been a bit unsympathetic towards me-you asked for it to be done now your complaining it hurts so to speak!

He said if I had no issues with past sexual partners then the problem is with my current one.

Sent me to see a councillor who suggested I get a sex friend......

I didn't go back after that and haven't spoke about this until now.

No my current partner won't try laying on her belly ad she accused me of trying to get her to do anal. (I've never done it and wouldn't dare ask) so she's not keen on anything where I'm behind her.

She won't let me touch the boobies either its a no go.

Dr says I need a good session with lots if experimentation and lots of reassurance but I don't get that chance.

She sounds like she's in peri-menopause... When women start going through hormones dropping off, they fill these way and many have a hard time accepting that they are going through the inevitable "change in life". My best friend is 17yrs older than I and I want he'd her go through yrs of the same thing yiu are discussing, including not giving sex at all to her husband for 8 months at a time. Getting on wellbutrin seemed to be the game changer for her. She seems like a different person altogether and is feeling frisky and having regular sex now.

You had your GP perform this!? No offense, but are you crazy!?? Only a urologist or plastic surgeon should have done that! Your GP is useless and you need to find another. At the end of the day, both doctors and patients forget that we are the paying customer for their service and we should demand proper service and treatment, not just accept it. I went off on a doctor who was talking g down to me and stated all this to her. Straightened her right up!

You are the second person from the UK, I am hearing that a therapist has recommended to them, that they seek another sexual partner or being a third party in to the bedroom, due to sexual issues. Thank god I am in the states! I am horrified by the entire medical system over in Europe. It appears they arw about 30yrs behind their time in education and treatment and apparently, mentality as well. Find another therapist, that's just disgusting!

I think you need to seek a urologist out and find a therapist for couples counseling. Someone who can speak to her about her changes in life and be open to seeking treatment. Most of women are resistant and in denial at first and will get angry upon mentioning it, but some come around and seek treatment.

You guys need to go see a therapist together. Are you guys married? Has she always been like this?

Let me correct myself.

I went to my gp four years ago with the peyronnies problem.

I had a severe curve of the penis, so severe sex was just on impossible and was very painful.

The curve was causing my penis to bend downwards when erect but it was so bad it curved back towards my groin.

My gp refered me to a urologist who performed 9 different proceedures/operations over a 12 week period.

I had infections and all sort of problems with stitches breaking, bleeding, wounds opening and getting infected.

Total nightmare.

Am i glad i had it done? No.

This was recommended to me as the only way to solve my problems and all it did was cause a shed load more and dent my confidence.

Yes we are married.

Have been married since 1997 and have 3 lovely boys aged 21, 19 and 15.

Like i said sex has always seemed a chore to her its always rushed or im told to hurry up if I take any longer than a minute or so before I climax but I hardly do and one thing I notice is if I'm rushing I'm thrusting much harder and faster than in comfortable with and that hurts me.

But once she has climaxed I'm pushed away and that's the end if it.

I'm left in pain and frustrated!

And yes its always been like this that's all she knows and if I protest im banned for several months from any activity.

I had a 9 month affair 2 years ago and I was treated like a king.....the sex was amazing and I did stuff I didn't know was possible or legal but I'm not proud if myself but i needed that confidence boost.

There was no issues making live yo someone who was reassuring and understanding.

Sounds like he didn't know what he was doing and did a botched job. I think you shouldn't give up hope and go see someone else.

So she was like this before you guys married? I guess I'm confused as to why you'd marry her? Was she pregnant? I don't think anyone deserves treatment like that and sounds like she takes you for granted.

No it wasn't like this. We been together since 1990.

She fell pregnant in 1994 and again in 1996 even though she was on the pill.

Then she changed and thats were it went wrong.

I think in taken for granted now because I have a new job and the pay is better.

I just got a new android cell phone and she tells me off for being on Facebook all the time when in not im either in forums like this or on android development forums as that's a big interest and hobby of mine

She's a bully. She takes her misery inside out on you. You need to leave.

No I can't see her going that.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

You didn't laugh once unlike someone closer to me!

I'm too scared to ask anything because its either an excuse to do something kinky like ejaculating over her bum cheek (what's so wrong with that?)

Or I'm accused of trying the ultimate bad boy truck by placing myself in the wrong place, and I wouldn't dare!

So yes maybe time gir a change just I'm very self councious about it and how it looks!

Why it would I laugh? I'm horrified by her utter lack of sensitivity and it's appalling to say the least and that is putting it lightly. I just could never in my right mind, imagine treating my partner w such disrespect. People who love, value and respect you, do not minimalize your insecurities and needs. People who love and value you, foster a safe place for you to feel secure in showing your vulnerability, weaknesses, insecurities and fears. When I love someone, I go above and beyond to show them how much I love and respect them. I tey to make a safe place for them, especially the sensitive subject around a guys manhood.

I say you make an ultimatum. She either agree to go to counseling so fix was is broken and things change or time to go your separate ways. Can you really see yourself being w someone one anymore years of the short life you have here, w someone like that? Excuse my language, but F*** that! You can do bad all by yourself, you don't need another adding to it!

Listen, there is not one genital in this world that is attractive! There is a reason the saying : Bumping uglies is so popular... Because it's true. I can assure you, a woman who really likes you, could care less. Women fall in love between their ears, where men fall in love between their legs. The sad realty is, men are very superficial, because they are visual based creature. Women can fall in love w a man, they thought was physical hideous of she gets to know him, that would never happen the other way around. On top of that, women are so sensitive and insecure about how we look/smell down there, the cellulite on the back of our thighs, or the rolls on our belly, that we do not scrutinize men physically, the way we do to ourselves and other women. Alls that matters to the majority of women, is finding a partner who truly hears them, values them, respects them, loves them, makes them feel perfect just the way they are, etc.. We love the feeling of feeling safe... I have always used my tenacity to get ahead, where I lacked in skill, intelligence or education and it always got me the job. Making up for where I lack somewhere, w another one or more quality such as tenacity, has always resulted on a win for me. That quality for example ia so intoxicating and refreshing, it makes a potential employer for example, look past my lack of experience or skill set, because I made them believe I'm more valuable than w someone who has it, because I out my heart into it. So w that analogy said, I promise you that there are so many other things that mean so much more to someone, than how your penis looks. So make up for what you feel is not up to par, by being a shining star in what yiu do have control over. Hope that makes sense.

Believe me, I've never met one female that has ever said that a mans frank and beans was cute... That's not the discussions we have.. Worry about that when it comes time to gross that bridge... Risks are what builds bridges and What Ifs are the flames that burn them.. Don't live in that headspace w what if's, makes your bridges burn faster, till you are too fearful to even try.

The reason I thanked you for not laughing is I've been made fun of over this by my mother in law..... My sister in law and close friends have all had a laugh about it and made fun and cruel jokes (because my wife has told many people)

This is why and how I ended up sleeping with a work college who was disgusted at my wife's actions and took pity in me.

Like I said I'm not proud of myself but I needed that.

That is absolutely f'ing deplorable! I normally would never condone cheating or ending a marriage, but 1. I don't blame you for cheating and 2. I think you need to go about your way immediately. They're all f'ing disgusting himan beings and it's clear none of them have respect for you. You put up w it and take it, because you have no self esteem and feel like the rejection you know you can handle, but its the fear of the unknown that makes you stay. F*** that! You clearly learned someone will be loving and accepting. You should leave her and find that other woman. Did your wife ever find out about the affair?

Yes she told me she knew I was cheating she just didn't know with who but I wasn't confronted. There was no argument or recriminations

The other woman died 10 months ago from a complication after surgery for a stomach problem.

I was gutted she was a good friend we stopped seeing each other but remained good friends.

I do miss her

You should see her belittle me or thump me in my man area if I laugh inappropriatly at something.

I don't have a good enough job .

According to her mother. Her mother comes before me.

My car isn't good enough and we live in a bad part of town.

This us normal criticism for me.

In told I'm a nice guy. I'm not ugly I consider myself good looking I'm 6 ft tall and weigh 180kgs.

I wear glasses when I drive and I have a black sporty Vauxhall astra car-i think in the states this car is a Pontiac le mans or a Chrysler? I'm not so sure but I do have an outlook and feel I'm wanted and women are attracted to me....but some have been very cruel about this saying if I can't perform I'm no good

Problems here in town where I live women just want raw sex no caring no love and that's sad

Oh wow.. I am so sorry for your loss.

Strange reaction from your wife BTW.. Who who don't react to an affair are checked out and not emotionally invested in the relationship, because women are territorial and when my ex husband had an affair, as the saying goes: h*ll has no fury like a woman scorned. Tlher lack of a reaction to it is very discerning and the fact she never confronted you. How did she find out, did you just come clean?

Omfg!!?? Do not stay another moment w this woman! That is emotionally abusive what she is doing to you! You can't stay in this, life is too short. No wonder why you stay, she's knocked your confidence down so low.

I think someone ratted on me. That's the only explanation I have.

But I agree with you.

Where in gods name do you live!?

There's so much wrong and I've tried damn hard to make it better and all I get is a lot of verbal and emotional abuse and I just want to be a liked a respected normal guy who can have great sex but with a caring, willing and supportive partner.

Is that too much to expect or want?

Apparently it is to her, which says a lot and a lot about how much she doesn't respect you. We all deserve a partner that respects us. Time for yiu to make some changes.

I live in a small market town in Norfolk called Swaffham, which is on the eastern coast of England.... Not too far away from the two large USAF air bases of Lakenheath and Mildenhall.

Time for a change, including moving maybe

Yes I think so