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Understanding the Invisable

Posted , 7 users are following.

Maggers
Maggers

If you fibro folk can bear another thought on today's society!   Written after a comment from a friend - made me think how many folk out there are misunderstood.   Called No Spots.

No spots, no scars, no walking frame

No cast, no splints or bandages

And so she is not entitled to consideration or a kindly word

A shirker, hypochondriac.

Fatigued she said

We all get tired

It’s more than that she cried

I’m numb, exhausted, foggy brained

Blind in one eye.

But still no visible reason for her laziness

Believing her to be

A benefit cheat as the papers say

For all of us to see.

She limps sometimes and then forgets

Or so it seems to them

They have no comprehension 

One day fine another not to suit her they believe

If only they would take the time to see what is

Underneath

And understand the nature of her ills

 but quick to judge they are

Their accusations and their gossip

Eventually reach her ears

She can take no more  and an

Overdose finds her on the floor.

Guilty neighbours rally round

If only we had known

We could have helped her cope they cried

And now, well what of now

 community rallied round and we find

A caring happy neighbourhood where

Side by side man and woman stand

United to the cause

To treat as would be treated one and all.

12 likes, 253 replies

253 Replies

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  • christine26761
    christine26761 Maggers

    Posted

    Your soo spot on again Maggers..well done you...:be blessed..-) xxxrazz
  • lisa52101
    lisa52101 Maggers

    Posted

    Matters so well said! Only yesterday a really good friend of mine, who I thought understood, listened whilst I read her some of your poems etc. her response floored me when she said "oh, I thought fibro was just really bad pain". I could have hit her because she's the one who I really thought understood me. At least she left a little more educated 😏
    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 lisa52101

      Posted

      Hi Lisa;  know that one only too well too....today hubby and some of the kids knew I was going to see a Specialist re my mouth brace...hubby asked "what did he say?"  my reply  "to make sure I wore brace  most of time"...hubby said "why"...me trying Hard to drop hint  "ensure that I didn't talk as much"....so what did hubby do...spent another half hour on phone "talking" to me, and then told others re my visit, so they all thought they had better ring Mum too, and have a talk about my visit................redfacecheesygrin.......Bron
    • Maggers
      Maggers lisa52101

      Posted

      If one person gains a little more insight then my ramblings in the early hours of most mornings will have been worth it. 
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Hi Bronwyn,

      so typical. I had a day not to long ago when I was so tired I spent all day in bed. I desperately wanted to get some sleep but one of my daughters phoned and my husband told her I was in bed. You wouldn't believe how often I heard the phone ring with people seeing how I was and was I up yet.

      Still we'd complain bitterly if they didn't care at all wouldn't we, it's a losing battle on all fronts. At least we discover that very dark humour in it all 😳😝

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 lisa52101

      Posted

      Yep Lisa; and how soon my lot forget re "giving Mum more Stress"....not phones today but txts....this one made me smile......smileBron
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 lisa52101

      Posted

      Hi lisa52101 people that you think would understand and be supportive turn out not to be. My sister in law is a nurse I thought being a nuse and caring for people she would understand and be supportive like your friend she said oh its only a bit of pain your in. for once in my life I was totaly lost for words. today we had a vist from her and my husbands brother. so I thought I would try explain about fibro and the affect it has on us. waste of time just didnt understand and couldnt care less. when I had  carers in last year I was in bed very ill unable to walk all down to the fibro. she called into see me I was gasping for a drink. she said Im not doing you a drink thats the carers job and left. I had to wait an  hour half for the carer to come and do me a drink. people have no concept of what its like. you only fully understand when your going through it yourself. take care gentle hugs  
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 kaz_40

      Posted

      I'm actually at quite a loss for words at how your sister in law has responded to you, and trust me I'm not at a loss very often. Getting a drink for someone in need is not a carers job, it's an act of decency to another human.

      This is in part why I think this forum is so precious. When the rest of the world shows ignorance and lack of care, there is always someone who understands. There is no need to explain or apologise because we all know exactly what it's like to struggle with the pain, fatigue, nausea and the 10s of other daily symptoms we have.

      That said as pleased as I know we all are to have this place, it's sad that people who are supposed to love and care for us in our daily lives can't or won't make the effort to notice how we have to live.

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 lisa52101

      Posted

       I was hurt upset that day lisa when she refused to get me a drink, and had to wait till the carer to come and get me a drink when I told my husband he went mad. being in the position I was in unable to move and realying on carers she saw how I was and still it made no differance. words fail me with some people, I think my sister in law is in the wrong profession. one day she may need help herself, that is something some people need to think of about. I never thought I would be looked after by carers and in a wheel chair. none of us know whats around the corner gentle hugs take care
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 kaz_40

      Posted

      Clearly not someone who should be in a 'caring' profession. I'm a strong believer in what goes around, comes around. I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy but just one day in our lives would be enough. I almost said one day in our shoes but given that I can't even get my shoes on today that may be some what pointless.

      Its good that you have a husband who cares about you so well. Hopefully you don't need to have too much to do with your sister in law.

      Gentle hugs Kaz

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 lisa52101

      Posted

      We dont see them very oftern thank goodness, she souldnt be a nurse shes not a caring compasionate person like you Im a firm believer in what goes around comes around? thank goodness for this forum at least we are all in this togeather take care gentle hugs lisa
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Sorry kaz but that is unforgiveable of your sister in law and with her being a nurse makes it even worse.  Whether it is a carer's job or not should not come into  it.  I am stunned beyond belief.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      to be in aposition where your in bed feeling vunerable unable to move I asked for a drink and was told no it was the carers job to do that. I was so upset I was thirsty and couldnt do anything about it. just to wait till the carer got to me. I was so upset angry very hurt by her lack of compassion and willing to help me, I was shocked by her and totaly stunned by it

       

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      when you need help support the most and didnt get it
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      How could anyone treat a fellow human being like that.  I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around.  I remember a few years ago seeing a man fall over - a number of people just ignored him. Those people were in a much better position than I was to help him to his feet but it was left to me to make sure he was ok.  I despair sometimes of our fellow humans but then someone does something to restore the faith.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      My husband I witnessed a biker coming off his bike a few months ago. we pulled over went to his aid my husband rang for an ambulance and the police. I sat with him till the abulance arrived. I could never turn my back on any 1 needing help what ever position they were in. their are still some decent human beings out their its just finding them
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40

      Posted

      Im also a firm believer in what goes around comes around.
    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 kaz_40

      Posted

      Hi Kaz; I have just read re "your sister-in-law", and even though I spent 30+ years in the same profession, it doesn't amaze me....especially in today's world of nurses, for many are University trained, and think they are too qualified to do the basics....and yes, their turn will come (as a very good friend of mine and I both feel......that's why I feel Australia is Rushing to train-up Enrolled Nurses again, as too many patients are complaining re there being No Real Nurses anymore....no-one to toilet/shower/pressure-care etc).....and yes, I agree, I wonder where your sister-in-law will end up when her time comes for care....as we all need it eventually......Bron  ps..   I am sorry you had to experience this though...xx
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Thank goodness you were there. I feel we should do as we would be done by.  I try to treat all as I would hope to be treated.  I have a friend with Parkinsons Disease and she falls regularly but people pass her by thinking  she is drunk. I feel so sorry for her as she cannot get back up without help and with nobody willing to help her she is there until someone takes pity or she can phone someone she knows to go to her rescue.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Hi bronwyn I live in the uk they arnt training enough nurses over here you need to be able to start from the basics caring compassion seems to be lacking in many nurses Ive come across. we have alot of foreign nurses in our 2 local hospitals nearest to me. nothing against them but half of them dont speak very good english. we definitly need more nurses in our country that are properly trained. dont join a proffession if you cant be a compasionate caring person and treat people with dignity and undersanding xx
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      their comes a time when we all need care and in need of compassion being a nurse is all about compassion my sister in law doesnt have that or understanding shes in the wrong profession take care gentle hugs
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I believe you treat people with how you want to be treated. with care compassion help and support I dont think thats too much to ask for and not hard to give 
    • Bee70
      Bee70 kaz_40

      Posted

      Well said Kaz.

      That is what I always say to my kids. If you wanted to be treated with respect and love then that's how you are towards others around you. What goes around come around.

      So simply but many seem to fail with this in life and society.

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      that is so true true bee their doesnt seem to be much respect about now a days or compassion Ive found that out just recently. I was brought up to have manners to say please thank you to be respectful of our elders and to treat people with respect at all times. not much of that around now a days  
    • Maggers
      Maggers Bee70

      Posted

      When did Society become this way and what started the downward slide?
    • Bee70
      Bee70 Maggers

      Posted

      Society in my eyes changed for me back in the early 90's.  When I got married and moved to be with my husband (From Midlands down to West London) I noticed a big change from the society I left behind to the one I now live in.

      My first hand experience was when I went to the local shopping centre and how no-one help doors opened if you were just behind and I thought how rude. People never said Thank you or even Sorry. Dropping litter on the floor when they have just walked by a rubbish bin. I remember I was heavenly pregnant and quite often had to catch the local bus to and from work, when my husband had to work later than normal, I was never offered a seat and stood for the whole duration of my journey and that took 30mins.

      It doesn't hurt to have a bit of manners in a normal day to day busy life we all tend to live these days.

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      whilst on holiday last week I was walking out of the cafe and held the door open for to able bodied woman to go in not 1 of them said thank you their are no manners now a days.
    • Maggers
      Maggers Bee70

      Posted

      Think you are probably right but I don't know why it suddenly went from caring for  your fellow man to "could not give a da.."  When I was growing up the backdoor was always left open, neighbours used to pop in all the time.  The teapot was always warm and community mattered.  If someone was having a bad time the community chipped in (although none of us had very much) and we helped our own.
    • Bee70
      Bee70 Maggers

      Posted

      Absolutely, never had any worries and like you said everyone looked out for each other, and the world was most definitely a better place.  It's all gone and I always look back on the good ole days.
    • Maggers
      Maggers Bee70

      Posted

      How do we get it back? suppose we can't.  Everything is too commercialized now. Children expect to be entertained with expensive gadgets. How many people look around when they are walking - most are looking at mobiles or listening to music - never even give eye contact yet alone a smile or a "good morning"
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I think me you must be in the same age bracket as thats what it was like when I was growing up back door left open neighbours poping in having drinks with neighbours at christmas, every body mucked helped each other even though like you said we didnt have much. how sad the world is today and how its changed so muchrolleyes
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      we made  our own entertainment years ago their went gadgets in our day blimey Im sounding old I can remember trying to make a dolls house  useing card board playing with marbles I wanted stilts but my mom couldnt afford them. so she mad two holes in 2 paint tins threaded some string them I used them to walk on. I played hopscotch with my friends played tig I had a hoola hoop those were the daysbiggrin
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40

      Posted

      youngsters of today dont know the meaning of respect and please thank you good morning etc their too buisy with their many gadgets
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      The good old days were the best days
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      why did it all go wrong?  I remember if you were in trouble at school you were in twice as much trouble when you got home.  Parents always supported teachers. Now parents go into school and give the teachers "what for" for daring to discipline their little darlings
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      If I did anything wrong in school I had to take what ever punishment was dished out I was for ever in trouble for talking  I would get detention for it either at dinner time or after school. my mom supported the school each every time. my eldest son got into trouble at school I was called into the school to see the headmaster. I listened to what he had to say about what my son had done. I said to the headmaster what ever punishment you seem fit to dish out I support you with it, his reply to me was it makes a refreshing change to have that from a parent and a parent who listens when I got home I gave my son what for he never did it again. theirs no disciplin now adays at home the schools have to be careful now adays with what punishment they dish out. in my day it was the cain slipper and detention I dont think it did any harm their was more respect back then oh Im feeling oldlol
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Old? I feel positively ancient. My very elderly mother is faster at walking and far less stiff than I am - depressing!  Still trying to work out when did the rot set in and what do we do about it? 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      my mother in law is more active than I am and fast shes like a bullet when walking. Mine started back in 2004 I had a breast cancer scare I had tests everything come back ok but it was a traumatic time for me and my husband. from then I started to be ill all the time what ever tests my dr sent me for what ever specialist I saw came back normal I thought I was loosing my marbles. I wish I knew the answear to that one on what to do about it. I dispair at times to be honest, think I cant take no more. then I come on this site and get lifted up by you all. all we can do is take each day as it comes and treat it as if it was our last. what helps me is being on this site I raise money for the british heart foundation and I treat myself now again hair do piece of  jewellery perfume flowers anything to help brighten my day and make life a bit more tollerable. I do what I can to help support others that always makes me feel good. hopefully 1 day a cure can be found but until then weve just got to plod on as best we can hun
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Mine started in 87 after childbirth.  Had surgery for carpal tunnel it didn't work. It was downhill from there.  I was going demented. Finally diagnosed only 3 months ago.  I was a long time that terrible place Limboland. One dy there will be a cure I am convinced of it.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      blimey I thought mine took ages to diagnose, no wonder we end up feeling demented by it all. Im hopeing preying their will be a cure soon as health wise Im getting worse my fibro has worsened. still plod on as best we can at least we have each other on here and that Im truly thankful for x
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      We are hardly top priority for the dear old NHS are we!   I had 14 cancelled appointments.  To avoid the wait times for appointments being breached they give a first appointment within the alloted time then same day send a cancellation letter.  My three month review was done 18 months later.  Hardly surprising it took so long.  Had to laugh on my first appointment I complained mainly of dead heavy arms so the consultant sent me for an xray and mri of my left ankle.
    • Bee70
      Bee70 kaz_40

      Posted

      Kids these days can't live without their gadgets.  I do try to make my boys play the old fashioned way and try for them to use their own imagination.  It can be a battle but once they get stuck into it they do enjoy themselves.

      Kids are ever so materialistic but some parents are too. I'd rather have love and understanding from people rather than having people just being materialistic towards you.

      I remember hop scotch, blind mans bluff, skipping, singing, just playing outdoors. I know we don't live in a safe environment anymore but definitely I miss the good ole days. wink x

    • Bee70
      Bee70 Maggers

      Posted

      Now, that's a task and a half. It would be great to get the communities and society back to the good ole days. Share and help one another.

      Maybe we can organise ideas on this forum and see what comes through. winkx

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      Hi bee our where I live our cul de sac had a party for every 1 in the cul de sac when william catherine got married we all chipped in with food sweets ice cream for the kids ballons cakes sausage rolls games were organised for the kids their was music we all chipped with drinks for adults and pop for the kids it was a fun day for both adults and kids. every one got on great 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      our child hood the things we use to do and play were so much better than compared with today. I steered my boys away from play stations gadgets got them to find ways of amuseing themselves with out getting into to much mischief. Im the same Id sooner have love and understanding than have material things a friend of mine was very materialistic and was forever bragging what she had got and what she paid for it and rammed it down my troat every oppertunity she could. her daughter had everything a little girl could wish for and more. trouble is my friend wasnt a happy person her daughter was very snooty and obnoxious. I couldnt put with it any longer and ended  the friendship the way I look at it is when you die you cant take your 4 bed double garage with you your gucci watch designer shoes handbags your holiday appartments caravan etc material things mean nothing to me. Im happy as I am poor as a church mouselol
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      dear me maggers we have to laugh at ourselves or else we would never stop crying I got sick of cancelled appointments but thats typical of our nhs
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      indeed we do. If we lose our sense of humour life would be impossible.
    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Maggers

      Posted

      Hi all; well I'm Not too sure re this comment, but I feel it's all started with "the Social Security Scheme"....those that are born into the System...and live their entire lives , and the circle continues with their children, that too many think that "they are entitled" to All....including, being Selfish, hurtful, nasty, backstabing, Gimmee Gimmee etc.......and those that were bought upto Respect, treat others with respect etc are the ones who do notice these issues, and are those that are Bullied/suffer in All facets of this day...I have watched 2 of my children suffer daily (in their work -life), with the Nastiness/bitchiness/backstabbing....and just can't seem to be able to Understand "Why"........and they suffer terribly....now I am trying to Make them understand, that There are People like this Everywhere....not just a Few....and it is an extra Stressor for them, and they are having to learn at an age of early to late 20's , what I didn't even know existed until my 30's and was more able to cope....the grandchildren are having to deal with it at school, and They Definately crumble.....did we need School Counsellors, Police patrolling the School Grounds??....not where I went to school....and for young children to be Stabbed/murdered at school....No....and as for Just playing in the Back-yard/going for a bike-ride....they are not safe to do these "normal" activities....and not just from adult criminals, but from their "so-called" friends from school....I know that my grandchildren find that they cannot even have friends Sleep Over, because of fear that "others" will find out their home address.....these are soooooo sad....we all took this for normal....my kids did too....but their kids can't.....and it's even in the Country towns, too, now.....I find here in Australia, with the Coal Mining bringing in so much wealth and the children having access to money, the drugs etc are just as bad in country areas, as in the city, pro rata of populations.....gosh am writing "another novel"....sorry.....Bron
    • Maggers
      Maggers bronwyn97278

      Posted

      It is indeed sad that our youngsters are forced to grow up and witness things they certainly should not witness at such a young age.  Where has innocence gone. Is media to blame? Where is morality nowadays.  Is there a lack of parenting of our youngsters?  In my childhood the whole village parented the children. If Mrs so and so told you off and told your mum then you would get double trouble!  If that happened nowadays then the police would become involved or social services or both.   I just dont understand how we got in this mess and understand less how we get out of it.
    • Bee70
      Bee70 kaz_40

      Posted

      So true Kaz. Live for the moment and be happy. wink x
    • Bee70
      Bee70 kaz_40

      Posted

      Now, that sounds lovely. You are ever so lucky to have caring and a loving cul de sac. Hope it stays strong in the coming years.  Well done to your cul de sac for keeping the community together. 
    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Maggers

      Posted

      Yep to that Maggers...how do we Get out of it?....thanks for replying...Bron
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      well put bronwyn In my grwing up years we taught to have respect be polite at all times not be selfish, and to always help support others it was safe to play out . bullying I think in schools has always gone I was badly bullied in the secondry school. but nothing got done about it you had to get on with it. my mom said give as good as you get. but when your not that sort of person. as for bullying in the work place Ive had that twice and in the end the second time I stood up to the bully who was my boss she never did it again. my husband was bullied in his job it caused him to have 3 break downs time off work and caused great hardship financially. he was abroken man and hasnt been the same person since. hes now found another job hes happy and contented in they are a family orientated firm. I did step in when my husband was being bullied had a word with his boss unfortunatly his boss was best friends with the bully. he was suppose to have a word with him but the bullying continued. I have 2 boys both were bullied from nusary to senior school the youngest son ended up with depression and being taught at home .its had a ig impact on his mental health. my eldest son fought back
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      I hate bullies with a passion theirs no need to treat people in that way. but unfortunatl that seems the way of life now very sad how life is now a days to how people are
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      I hope it does continue we all look after each other down here. when my husbands father was in hospital dieing 1 of my neighbours stepped in 7 days a week to look after my son day night so we could spend time with my husbands father before he died. 1 of our neighbours had a fire again we all stepped in to help support biggrin
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40

      Posted

      Hope you can understand what Ive tried to say my fibro is bad today Im missing words out Im also in pain with fingers today never mind onwards upwardssmile
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Gosh what a community.  that is what it used to be like here but not anymore.  So sad. Some of the locals have tried various ways of involving the community but it is the same old people getting involved every time and nobody else being encouraged to join in. Don't know how to get them motivated.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      its very hard to get people motivated and get them to join mind you my mom use to be good at rallying people around mind you she was fearsome charecteur but rally round they did.smile
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I agree with you maggers on this you dare not tell a child off now a days if its not yours parents will involve the police in my day like you said told you off then told your mom it was gold help you when your mom caught up with you. I dont know why its all changed like it has I think children arnt given boundries any more and seem to be able to do what they want and be left to their own devices and this is when trouble starts. some parents dont learn their children to have respect and manners and this where I think some of the problems lay plus you have the media which I think is a big influence on children today. things were so  much better in our day. you had boundries that you didnt dare cross you were taught manners and respect. kids of today are lacking both of those but can be done about it heaven knows I think its only going to get much worserolleyes 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40

      Posted

      bring back the good old days when their was disciplin at home and at school that is what is needed their is lack of disciplin
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Yes discipline is so important and children will play up and push boundaries until they find the point at which there is no more give.  So many times i have been in a shop where children are running riot, picking up goods and throwing them around, speeding around the shop on rollerblades, scooters and the like.  I removed a child from the top of a ladder in one shop - he was about 3 years old and the abuse i got from his parent was amazing. Apparently he was not doing any harm. well what if he fell. what if he landed on someone who was frail. I despair sometimes.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      his parent should of had tight of his hand when I went into shops with my boys they wernt allowed to leave my side. you the mother was at fault not you you were being responsible by what you did. but now adays you cant touch another person child because of the reaction you get.rolleyes no disciplin no manners no respect now a days
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Exactly - but children learn from their parents so we are never going to get back to how it was because we have gone too far down the road.  disciplined children are happy children because they know exactly where they stand and what is expected.   I have worked with some youngsters in their first jobs and they think the world owes them a living and are so quick to say "that's not my job, you can't make me do it" and that is if they survive their first day!   There seems to be a princess/prince syndrome where kids are the centre of their parents' universe and they expect to be treated like that at work.  so sad because these are not bad kids just misguided ones.  it takes a lot of hard work to get them on the right track.
    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Maggers

      Posted

      Gee Maggers;   I would have certainly said something th that "stupid" mother.....exactly as you say above, re all of the what could have happened.....besides the Fact, that he was breaking the law, no matter how young, and if he was so young , she would have been breaking the law on his behalf.......don't they read the signs )or can't read the signs"....there is always a sign "of don't climb the ladder" ...well in Australia anyway....when one is in a shop etc...if left unattended for a few seconds.....yes "dispair" is the word....and also it is Illegal for anyone to ride skates/roller boards etc in shopping centres, here too
    • christine26761
      christine26761 Maggers

      Posted

      It's almost like parents will think their kids won't like them, if they give them any boundaries...grrr. Kids look for boundaries..there healthy...it's high time time parents became parents and nit friends..my 2 bobs worth...:-) xx.   anarchy is a word that come to mind...if this generation have no boundaries..mm
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 christine26761

      Posted

      As an ex social worker who worked with children and families, I've seen all kinds of parenting. I find the majority of parents actually do care about how they raise their children and do instil in them good manner and respect. Like a lot of things it's usually the few who make the most noise, disturbance etc. For example, I live on a really nice street, most of the neighbours know each other and will help each other if needed. Two doors away is a household who are incredibly disrespectful, they come home late from a night out (often as dawn breaks), shouting, slamming doors. Then there is the drug dealing that openly takes place, with cars parking side by side blocking the street. They're never confronted because of the fear element and neither do they have any fear f the police, as the police say they have to catch them in the act. Grrr!

      Anyway the point of this is that not all of society is bad. I have seen some horrific 'parenting' from the obviously abusive, the disengaged, and parents who think they're doing a good job by chastising but end up chastising they're child so often that their child just switches off. Think of when we nag our teenagers and we get "yes  Muum!".

      I agree we do seem to be losing our basic manners as a whole, but it's clear that there are enough of us that will continue to push for them. I love hearing someone comment on how beautiful my grandsons manners are 😀

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 lisa52101

      Posted

      Hi lisa good manners whether from an adult or child dont cost anything as my mom once said to me. she brought me up to be respectful good manners thats what Ive tried to install in my 2 sons. now adays their is a lack of respect and good manners. also children need have boudries if they dont thats where the trouble can start. they learnt to be taught by their parents what right whats wrong and what isnt accceptable. their seems to be a lacking of all of this in our society. it certainly wasnt lacking in my day or the discipline. gentle hugs take care
    • Maggers
      Maggers christine26761

      Posted

      I think the trouble is parents try to be their child's best friend instead of a parent first and foremost.  I work in a very affluent area but have to say some of the children and parents I encounter are some of the very worst behaviour wise.   Not all but some. I have a friend who works in a toy shop and weekly a grandmother arrives with her grandson aged about 2-3 and the boy runs riot and throws all the toys around. The grandmother says it is his little treat - she never buys anything. Think my friend needs to be a bit firmer.  The shop is not a playcentre.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I think your friend should say something the child shouldnt be allowed to get away with that. hes going to think its normal behaviour and that he can do it any shop he goes in. His grandmother is to blame for not stopping him she should be keeping a tight reign on him and keeping him under control, cant believe shes not stopping his behaviour. when I went into shops with my children I kept hold of their hands they were allowed to look but the rule was dont touch. some people are unbelievalerolleyes
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 christine26761

      Posted

      children need boundries as other wise they will be out of control and thats when trouble starts they need to learn to have good manners and be respectful, my husband says be seen and not heardlol that was certainly the case in my day. 
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 kaz_40

      Posted

      I couldn't agree with you more. Manners are everything and nothing will irritate me more. From please and thank you to holding a door open to table manners, I have drilled it into my children. There is an infamous story that gets told by my family. When my eldest was around 9yrs old, we had the usual house full of children playing. I was pouring drinks for them all, 11in total, when my daughter who was being unusually stroppy and bossy, demanded a drink. I replied very calmly with "pardon, what do you want?"

      Her: i want my drink.

      Me: Pardon?

      Her: (now for the 4th time) I want my drink!  Now!

      at this point I very calmly gave her her drink.....Straight over her head!! And then made her clean it up.

      my home rules are very simple...Respect yourself, because without that you have nothing.

      Respect others

      Remember manners

      Dont lie and don't steal.

      Since the drink incident manners have Always been adhered to and the story has almost become folklore.

      I also believe children need boundaries. They need to know you care enough about them to set those limits and I believe it gives them a sense of security. Life and work has boundaries, so why would we set them up for failure by not teaching them the skills to cope with life.

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Maggers

      Posted

      Hi Maggers; just read this reply of your's.....I think I'd be putting up a sign "This is Not a Play Centre.....if buying you are welcome, if Looking, TAke Care of Merchandise...all breakages, played with, need to be Paid for First"...........Hacheesygrin and a Big Smile, for I would find that Exasperating....surely the Affluent Grandmothers can afford to buy something Small for their grandchildren, if she feels They Need a Treat....Bron
    • Maggers
      Maggers lisa52101

      Posted

      Absolutely agree.  I remember dealing with a 17 yr old at work.  I dained to disagree with something she said - nothing major just said "I have to disagee with you there", well she absolutely exploded screamed at me, marched off in a huff and punched the wall.  Couldn't believe it until I actually met her parents who idolised her and had never used the word "no" to her.   Unbelievable behaviour in the workplace but without the skills learned at an early age these young people are being set up to fail.
    • Maggers
      Maggers bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Well put Bron.  What is she teaching her grandson - yes fine darling you an touch and play with things that are not yours. Bet she lets him eat food before paying for it whilst going around the supermarket. Another of my pet hates!  I did challenge a woman once whose 4 children were each eating a banana each, ok so healthy food, but not paid for and certainly couldn't be paid for at the checkout as bananas were sold by weight not by pack! She did not see the problem.  Sorry but it is shoplifting or am I over reacting again.
    • Bee70
      Bee70 lisa52101

      Posted

      Totally agree with you. 

      I hope I have taught my two sons well. I don't expect it but after every meal they will always say "thanks mum that was lovely". When they return from college/school they will say "thanks mum" for their lunches. I have other nephews in the family and have never heard them compliment on the food they have eaten.  Mt boys will compliment wherever they go and do have manners with saying "Thank You" or "No Thank You", "Please" they say "Pardon" instead of "WHAT"

      It's the smallesest and simplest of respect is required and that goes a long way.

    • Maggers
      Maggers Bee70

      Posted

      Well put Bee.  Unfortunately nowadays it is the exception rather than the rule.  I was so pleased the other day to see a young child about 3 sitting in a cafe with presumably his mother.  This little lad finished his sandwich and pushed his plate away and said "please may I leave the table"  I wanted to hug this little chap but would probably have been arrested so I just said to his "mother" what beautiful manners and she just beamed at me.  A little praise goes a long way.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      Your not reacting at all maggers it was wrong that the woman let her children eat those bananas and yes it was stealing people never cease to amaze merolleyes
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Bee70

      Posted

      good manners dont cost anything respect good manners is lacking in todays society, shame its gone that wayneutral
    • Bee70
      Bee70 Maggers

      Posted

      Yes, there are a few out there that have got it right. Like you when you see or hear manners before you it does put a smile on ones faces. I bet the mother felt so proud of her son after your comments.

      We can only hope there are plenty more people out there using their manners well and daily. wink x

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Maggers

      Posted

      No Maggers; not Over-reacting.....I Totally agree.....and especially as those shops have to Keep increasing their costs, to counteract the Thieving, which we then have to Pay the extra costs for same items.....Bron
    • Maggers
      Maggers bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Hit the nail on the head there Bron. Also yet another pet hate - people who abandon shopping items they decide they don't want in wrong places. How many times do we see frozen or fresh items particularly meat dumped on shelves. This means it cannot be sold so up the prices go again. Totally irresponsible shoppers.  Shall get off my soap box now promiselol
    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Maggers

      Posted

      xxxxx to you...love your 'soap box'....you and I do agree on a LOT....rolleyes
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I use to see that alot in the super market I shopped in people can be so irresponsible those items wouldnt be able to be resold like you said maggers up go the prices. I do my shopping on line now so dont see it any more. gentle hugs take care
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Maybe I should consider shopping on line but at least it gets me out and about. I also have to take my elderly mother to get her food shopping so really have no option but to continue hitting the supermarket for the time being as tempting as on line is.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I can longer walk a round shops as my mobility has worsened since last year, I have since got a wheelchair, but prefer to shop in the comfort of my own home also since Ive had fibro. Ive noticed I dont like crowded and noisy places. 
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      I hate crowds and am very noise sensitive. Shopping for food is done either late at night or first thing when very few people are around.  I first noticed the noise sensitivity when the dog next door barked - it drives me mad he can keep it up for ages and the owner just ignores it - wish I could I end up putting cotton wool in my ears!   The more I read on the forum the more I realize that fibro sprite is responsible for alot of my problems some of which I put down to me just being me if you know what I mean.  I'm so tired I am not sure I am making much sense.  If you do not mind me asking what made you decide on the wheelchair. I use arm crutches sometimes - obviously my mobility problems are not as serious as yours.  Was it a difficult decision and has it made life easier?  I worry because now I cannot close my eyes in the shower otherwise I would lose balance and fall.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      I spent in 2012 2013  2014 6 months and over laid in bed at a tme very ill and couldnt walk had to have carers in to look after me. then last year I was diagnosed with fibro. my gp thought at 1 point it was ms. I had to have physio the physio provided me with a walking stick walking frame as my balnce isnt good my mobility has been affected so much. I can walk from my living room to the kitchen but other than that I have to use a wheelchair. As I can no longer walk for any distance. which is heart breaking for me as I use to walk  miles with charlie.The last time the physio came out he said my mobility would never get any better.I had no chouce but to get a wheelchair because of how I was, it has made life easier in that I can now get out and about. where as before I couldnt.smile 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      Hope it makes sense my brain not working great today. when we were a way on holiday  2 weeks ago my husband used the wheelchair to push me around we were able to go up down the whole length of the sea front.at tywyn so having a wheelchair does help Im glad Ive got 1 take care gentle hugs. . 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      balance is a symptom of fibro my balance isnt good at all,  If you dont have them already, you could do with hand rails in the bathroom to hold on to aI also use a bath oard to sit on while having a shower. I would love a wet room or shower cubicle as I now have problems lifting my legs over the bath? I cant believe how fast my mobility has worsened since last year all down to fibrosad 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      Bath board to sit on while having a shower thats what I was trying to  say brain function today has been terrible take care
    • Meg53
      Meg53 Maggers

      Posted

      I know what you mean about noise, I just cannot tolerate it anymore. Have you noticed that your sprite has endowed you with heightened senses. Not only, sensitive hearing but touch, smell, taste and temperatures sensitivity? Or is that just me?
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 kaz_40

      Posted

      Hi Kaz,

      ive just noticed your comment about using a bath board and wish you could have a wet room. Adult services (via social services) could assess you for a wet room. I think it's means tested. I got my wet room done through adult services and my housing association. Between that and all the others aids and adaptations I have, I have much more independence because of it and I'm incredibly grateful for it. 

      Hope it helps, gentle hugs

    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 Meg53

      Posted

      Wow, I thought that was only me! I've always had slightly hieghtened senses which I knew was in part, due to EDS, but I thought I had been imagining that it was getting worse. Some foods that I've always liked have over time seemed much stronger, such as garlic, to the degree that I've really gone off them. High pitched noises are also unbearable to me. So much so that it causes physical pain.

      Not that I wish it on anyone else, but I am glad that I've come across someone else experiencing the same thing.

    • Meg53
      Meg53 lisa52101

      Posted

      I am also pleased to hear there is someone else with similar feelings, not that I would wish it on you or anyone else. Have you restricted your diet lately, as I wondered whether that has altered my senses, for instance I can no longer eat things like chilli, and other taste stimulants, it makes for a very bland diet 😒.

      What is EDS?

       

    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 Meg53

      Posted

      Chi Meg, no I haven't changed my diet other than starting to develop a dislike for certain foods. Not sure I could cut chillies out of my diet at any point though, I love spicy foods. 

      Sorry, EDS is Elehrs Danlos Syndrome and it's a genetic collagen defect disorder. Lots of people have a very simple form which allows them to be very flexible, such as gymnasts and dancers. For me it means my hollow organs are affected too, so I have a heart murmur, have problems with my stomach and digestive tract, problems with my pregnancies and so on. My youngest daughter has EDS vascular. So she doesn't produce enough blood volume to keep a good blood pressure and has very translucent velvety skin.   In a nutshell, if something is made of colleges it has the possibility to be affected in some way. Some things like the hyper mobile joints are always present such as stretchy skin and sensitivity to touch, taste, sound, bright lights. 

      All in all it makes it pretty difficult to work out what is attributed to my Osteoarthritis, EDS or fybro. I bet you're glad you asked now 😊

    • Meg53
      Meg53 lisa52101

      Posted

      Oh wow, it certainly sounds like life is complicated for you. Enjoy your spicy foods, I miss them.
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 Meg53

      Posted

      I doubt I'll ever get bored Meg, and I'll certainly try 😄
    • Maggers
      Maggers kaz_40

      Posted

      Thank you Kaz for sharing. I would love a wet room too.  As if fibro does not rob us of enough - it robs us of every last penny to fund equipment to make life just that little bit easier.  Have a peaceful day.
    • Maggers
      Maggers Meg53

      Posted

      Yep -  exactly heightened senses - is there anything fibro won't mess with/

      apart from my sense of humour of course.

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 Meg53

      Posted

      yes Meg, I have noticed this for a few years now....lawnmowers/vacuum cleaners/chain saws....and most of all, which I know is Selfish of me, is when hubby puts the Stereo on for some music.....it really gets to me...I Have to go and turn it down, and of course they don't understand....it's These simple things that can be worse than the others at times, hey?  redface....Bron
    • Meg53
      Meg53 Maggers

      Posted

      Thank goodness for a sense of humour, our saving grace!
    • Meg53
      Meg53 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Couldn't agree more. Sorry to hear that others suffer from this too. 😔
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Meg53

      Posted

      Hi meg your a lone in having those things hun Im having them too. I cant stand laoud noises crowded places. Im sensitive to light smells especialy perfume smells as for temperature sensitivity thats a nightmare for me. Im either boiling hot or ice cold. I mean who has their heating fire on in June.? I am concerned about you and your balance in the shower, I have very bad balance issues. so have hand rails in the bathroom to hold on to and a bath board to sit on. Im Hopeing to have a wet room done as I badly need 1. but got to see if social services can do anything to help me to get 1. as I dont have the finances to do it. Hope you managed to sleep last night. I had none at all up all night with stabbing pains in my head feeling sicksad take care 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Hi bronwyn Im exactley the same Im so sensitive to noise, Im forever telling mu husband to turn to turn the tele down, as for James and his music it drives me mad. unfortunatley they dont understand what its like for us.sad hope your having a good weekend take care gentle hugs
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      Hi maggers your safe with the sense of humour thats the only thing fibro doesnt affect. it affects everything else? take care
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 Maggers

      Posted

      Hi Maggers, I was assessed by social services and was able to get a wet room and all of my aids for free. Is it possible you could do the same?
    • Maggers
      Maggers lisa52101

      Posted

      Don't think we would qualify - although other half is of retirement age he is still working and I am still working part time. Although there is nothing left at the end of the month I think we probably earn too much.  I may ring them and ask anyway. Thanks for the suggestion.
    • Maggers
      Maggers bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Buy him a pair of headphones!  I did for other half and whats more he cant hear the television and complain about the trash I am watching..biggrin
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Maggers

      Posted

      hi maggers Im going to enquire as well its worth asking they can either say or now take caresmile
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 Maggers

      Posted

      Hi Maggers, it's means tested, so even though you work you may still qualify. They take into account what the cost of what you need is in comparison to expendable income. So even if you earn a lot but after absolute necessities are taken out you are left with little or no cash to cover the cost of keeping you safe and independent, then they will step in. You may only get some of the cost or all of it. You need to ask for an assessment of need. Even if you don't qualify for what you initially wanted, they can provide other things to help you be more independent. They can also help with the new PIP forms. Which reminds me, did you know that advice from the DWP helpline is that you should fill in your form as if it's your worst day and then add a note that your condition may alter? This is because you need to cover for the care you need on those really bad days. 

      Hope this helps, gentle hugs

    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 kaz_40

      Posted

      Hi Kaz, even if they do say no Appeal!! Something like 40% of those who appeal succeed in their claim.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Meg53

      Posted

      we need our sense of humour to help us keep going hope your not in too pain hope you have a good week take care gentle hugssmile
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