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Apologies in advance for a long story. My relationship has been really good for many years and although we had problems, like in any relationships, these never severely impacted us and we were able to resolve them. My now husband of a few months has developed depressions, quite severe, although he is able to go to work etc but I think it's slowly burning him out. We have relationship difficulties as well (prior to depression) which didn't help. Additionally, I have low self esteem and I am quite insecure on top of some anxiety.
As a 'coping mechanism' my husband keeps going away (over a week at a time) over the last 2 months to visit some friends. However there is limited communication while he is away and this is meant to be 'helping him sort his toughts'. He was always an amazing partner prior to all of this and it currently seems like he wants a life he cannot have (almost a single life).
My problems are:
- a severe change in his personality but to a point when I message something really important and he doesn't even acknowledge it.
- inability to do anything with me and being very withdrawn but going away and going to all sorts of various events, bars, day trips etc with his mates
- when we are together he is constantly on his phone, mostly chatting to other people.
- he recognises he is depressed but won't seek help, he thinks he can get better by himself
So my dilemmas are:
- is this behaviour unreasonable for someone with depression and is he just using it as an excuse to go away and have fun with his mates... like I said he is very different with me than he is when he goes away (from his stories).
- whenever I question him about it or get annoyed about this behaviour he just keeps saying I don't understand he is depressed and I am not supporting him but make all of his problems about me.
- I feel like I have no support in him whatsoever and I am left to do all the chores, bills, diy and even sometimes dealing with his family all by myself.
Please could someone with depression or who has been in a similar situation before shine some light on this as I am constantly battling the love for my husband and wanting to support him with my own insecurities and questioning if he's just playing me as he can do things and communicate with other people but me?! I know the symptoms of depression but it's the big difference in behaviour between him being with me and him being alone that keeps me questioning. And then he says he will try harder and that he loves me and wants to be together but then he doesn't change his behaviour. I just don't know what to think anynore!!!
Thanks in advance for any advice!
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