unwanted thoughts really need help

Posted , 35 users are following.

Hi

I was just wondering if there was anyone out there who struggled with unwanted thoughts?

One day about two moths ago I had a terrible thought about my children and from then it has just been awful.  My doctor has put me on 40mg citalopram and propanodol .  I have also started taking vit b as ive heard this can help.

one minute i think it will be ok but then bam it just hits me and i start having crazy thoughts.  I go thorugh suvere feelings of guilt because i start thinking why am i thinking like this, i start to question do i not like my own children then i think i am a terrible mother for even thinking that etc,

the other day i just thought oh my god i cant do this anymore.

i start to freak out thinking all this is the build up to something terrible i am going to do etc.

is there anyone else who has experienced and will it get better and stop.  i just want to go back to the normal mother i was who adored everything about my children i really cant cope with it.

one thing i think deep deep deep down i dont think i would ever hurt my children.  i dont even skelp them, and if i thought anyone had to hurt them i would kill them for it.  its all just so messed up and i cant do this anymore.

thanks

 

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  • Posted

    It will get better. 

    Please try not to react to the thoughts you have, The reason you have guilty feelings is because the thoughts are things you would never do.

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  • Posted

    Unwanted thoughts which are frightening and disturbing unfortunately are very common with anxiety. Thoughts though are a million miles away from actions, they are purely about anxiety. Its also good that these thoughts upset u and u don't like having them - thats healthy. These things do stop - once the anxiety is under control. How that happens is up to u. With meds or therapy - that's an individual thing, I choose therapy which does help, it's a long road but things can get better
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  • Posted

    It's just a part of anxiety. More specifically intrusive OCD. I've had it since I was 13. It's awful but you just need to know that you aren't alone. Everyone has intrusive thoughts but us people with anxiety are more frightened by the thoughts and can't stop thinking about them. The more we try not to think about it, the more we so. Just know you aren't alone. 

    Good luck!

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    • Posted

      thanks very much jalynn, I dont know how you have coped with this from so long. I feel its ruining my full life.  I do have moments when i think to myself , right this has to stop etc, but i just cant seem to get out the bit.,  I just want to wake up one day and it will all be back to normal. 
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    • Posted

      Well when I was about 15, I heard a powerful sermon and just gave it all to God and it pretty much went away. But now I am 20 and have anxiety worse than ever. It hit me about 3 months ago and it has been awful. I don't know how I went for so long not letting it bother me. I don't know if you're religious but I know God has His reasons. But my sister has it too but hers was so bad. I watched her go through what I am going through now and it broke my heart. She has been on Prozac for about 6 years and it changed her life. She is so much better. I personally don't want to go te prescription route so I am trying oils and Cognative Behavioral Therapy. I know it's gonna be a long road but I am trying to keep hope. I would suggest you going to therapy. The thoughts scared my sister so much that she didn't want to work through them, she didn't want to deal with them. But if you just wait for it to go away, it might not. You new to get a jump on this and not let it get a hold on you. If you have any questions, I am happy to help you through this smile
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  • Posted

    thanks very much, I appreciate you both coming back to me.  This is the first time I have posted. 

    I think I might say to my doctor about therapy the next time I am there.  My doctor did mention a website called mood gym which I have been on but i dont feel it relates to me. 

    I just want this to go away,  I really do not understand how it started as I have a very loving and supportive husband.  I have had quite a few bad experiences in the past but right now, I should be happy. 

    I feel so irrattible as well and feel i can be impatient with the kids which then spirals me into more guilt.  My mum has also started to take the kids one night a week, and again, i feel guilty as if I am letting them down.

    I wouyld seriously hate to think i would ever do anything to them as i would never forgive myself.  I even thought the other week maybe i just cant handle them etc etc and maybe they should go and live with my mum but i dont want that.  My head just keeps spinning.

    When i am with my kids I am nice and we get on.  I would do anything for them and I do think i put their needs first before my own. 

    I just cannot handle this.  I am so worried and dont know how i can get this to stop and also how i can forgive myself for even allowing these terrible thoughts to happen. 

    Thanks again for getting back to me I do really really appreciate it. 

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    • Posted

      The more you react to the thoughts, the more the come. I went through a period towards the end of last year where I had unwanted thoughts. I would acknowledge them when they appeared but I didn't react and they passed quickly. I think the more we react to whatever anxiety we have, the more it has a hold on us. 

      I am not saying that it easy!!!! 

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    • Posted

      yes it certainly isnt easy.  Thanks for coming back again amberstar, i think hearing it from you will help me.  As from tommorow I am going to try really hard just to let it pass and not pay attention to it.  fingers crossed. 
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    • Posted

      Some days are worse than others. Some days are better than others. 

      You've made a positive start by reaching out and speaking to others. I think it really does help to know that other people have experienced similar things. I think one of the most awful things about anxiety is how lonely and isolated it can make you feel. It isnt nice to think of other people having to experience it but it is reassuring to know that you can more forward with it!

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    • Posted

      Oh I know the irritated feeling I get at times is so out of character and I don't let it out but that's a frightening way to feel for sure. These thoughts can't hurt u, and I promise u won't act upon them - I really think therapy could help
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    • Posted

      Obsessive Compulsive Behaviors...which, should really be called , (Obsessive Compulsive Thoughts & Behaviors...

      Trust me, you are not alone...I've been dealing with OCB since I've been 17 and I'm nearly 47 now.. I've had similiar thought patterns for 20 years and it depressed me so bad. Nobody felt this pain but me..I was embarrassed to talk about it. I didn't believe anyone COULD ever understand me, I thought they'd think I was crazy..I really thought I was the only one this happened too.. I always thought i was going to do something bad because i thought i was going insane to be thinking thos way..And even though I knew in my heart who I really was, I knew I was a good person, and I would never do anything to hurt anyone, but I still couldn't control my thinking about the terrible thoughts! . Sadly I learned to live with my OCB without therapy and medicines and just dealt with it.. Back in the 80s and most of the 90s there wasn't internet and online forums to share our problems with others..Today OCB is so common and there's tons of help out there..There are many people who share this problem with us...

      It's good to know that we can help each other through the horror of this condition..

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