Very Dark Place
Posted , 18 users are following.
This just can not be normal. So low, so hypersensitive to every sound, smell, feeling in my body. I swear what im smelling is coming from me like foul odors/breath. Then theres ppl that are like youre so pretty yet i feel like rotting garbage. I feel so detached, do not want to be around anyone, dont want to talk to anyone yet im screaming for help on the inside at the same time. Vivid dreams/nightmares. The list goes on. Its just a relentless torture to feel this way and be told youre fine or have your family and friends look at you like you have 3 heads and say they just dont get it.
Very dark thoughts this week just want it to end any way possible. I dont know how much longer i can do this.
Medication makes me feel worse- another slap in the face.
I never thought in my lifetime that i would wish to die or at times consider it myself:(Is this really peri or am i just staring at mental illness when i look in the mirror.
3 likes, 16 replies
Finny2018 susan39015
Posted
I'm so very sorry you are going through this, Susan39015. I turned 50 last November and last summer, 2018 was the first time in my life that I had ever experienced such intense physical and emotional symptoms that you are describing.
My life on the outside was good! It was all happening to me and I, too, never could imagine that wanting to die or consider it would ever be something that could cross my mind. I guess at the time I kept saying to myself "Is this what life is going to be from now on? Is this my new normal? Will I ever be myself again?" I cannot even take a guess at the hours I lived on this forum - we are talking weeks upon weeks. The thing is - I never posted then - I just read and read and took screen shots of different posts. This forum and the women on here unknowingly lifted me up and carried me through one of the scariest times in my life. I am a strong Christian so I do thank God that he led me to this place amongst other women who were experiencing the exact same things.
Tears would stream down my face when I would read the VERY RAW AND HONEST posts, like yours, when I was going through my darkest times. Those posts were SO VERY VALIDATING as I had thought - can this meno stuff really get this bad? Yes - for some of us it is a yes and for me it definitely was. I ended up buying a Progesterone Cream over the counter - for the other women here, they have tried so many different things. I will never know if that is the reason I started to feel a little more like myself with each week that would pass? Or if I would eventually started to feel that relief on my own? My 60 year old doctor said that she would have had to shut down her thriving practice without some intervention for her meno nightmare starting at aged 50. In her case she did Hormones and Prozac. My takeaway from the nearly year on this Forum is that I would have the strength and steadfastness to keep trying different things - no matter how many -to travel along this journey and to not lose hope! If it meant supplements, hormones, antidepressants, eating etc etc - I was always praying that I would continue to have the strength to keep trying!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! Just hearing those words for me meant so much and I hope that you read those words and it provides you just a teeny bit of comfort as it did me. Keep reading the forum and let it be a comfort to you, maybe give some ideas etc. I am so sorry you are struggling right now. So many of us know exactly what you are going through and we are here for you.