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Walked out of work, no support

Posted , 11 users are following.

jellyJo
jellyJo

Yesterday I walked out of work and went straight to see my GP. I was already on my notice (decided to leave), but yesterday was the worst day in my career.

I was called for a meeting - assuming they wanted to discuss handing over my responsibilities. They know about my depression. Instead I was attacked with various accusations of how I had been upsetting staff, creating bad atmosphere, being unpleasant to customers. There were some awful things said and I was totally unprepared and couldn't defend myself. It took all my strength to hold it together during the meeting. I broke down afterwards and couldn't calm down for hours.

The thing is I now know I haven't been well. I did withdraw a bit and definitely lost my sparkle. But I have never ever created bad atmosphere or deliberately taken anything out on staff. I just about held it together - everyday was like playing a role.

there was a lot of personal things thrown in my face and I just couldn't respond. My direct supervisor said "I'd rather you weren't here with your illness".

So here it is. I walked out. Broken, patronised and undermined. I got signed off for the duration of my notice and this is it. I'm not going back.

Sad thing is that my January appraisal was "outstanding performance". Then I admitted to being ill and suddenly all shifted. I'm so sad. I loved that job. It was hard to decide to leave, but I knew my job was one of the stressors that had to be removed from my life in order to get better.

I haven't slept all night. I just can't turn the racing thoughts off. I'm devastated. Keep questioning myself - did I realy do that? Maybe I forgot - my memory isn't that great. I'm distracted. I have been so concious to be 'nice' with that fake smile you all know.

But I feel I was made to feel like a total nutcase. There was no support offered. It all made me feel milion times worse.

Sorry for the lenghty post. Yesterday for the first time in my life I felt so useless, total failure of a human being - I started to think of actually not being here. I'm scared of my thoughts.

3 likes, 29 replies

29 Replies

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  • georgaline38435
    georgaline38435 jellyJo

    Posted

    Hi JellyJo,

    You poor thing (not sure if you are female or male) but that doesn't matter. You sound like I feel right now. I am sitting wondering this past few days if this is my last day.

    I was really depressed and tried to handle it on my own. I eventually got some help. 

    Now it seems when i have got on the right track my Husband of 32 years has gone down the same road , although he says he hasn't. Everything small thing has become a big thing, he doesn't care if people like him. So he has become hurtful. Says he feels numb. Can't sleep and has nighmares almost everynight. Nut won't see a doctor and i really want to help. He says things and then can't remember saying them so there is no good in reminding him of how what he said hurt me , he only seems to see me as a problem.

    I'm so scared todaylike yourself and the tears won't stop. all i need is a friendly voice. you can talk to me if you want

     

    • jellyJo
      jellyJo georgaline38435

      Posted

      Oh dear, it doesn't help you that your husband is this way. He needs to seek help. But I understand he won't do that. He's in denial.

      Click here to view image

    • georgaline38435
      georgaline38435 jellyJo

      Posted

      He has admitted he feels stressed but  has the old thought where people call getting help taking happy pills. Everything seems to aimed at me, i did this for you, because of you or whatever. Yet for 32 years + i have stood by him and only ever cared for him. I feel lost now as he has changed, problem is I know there is help I only wish he would see that

       

  • carole28488
    carole28488 jellyJo

    Posted

    Jelly Jo....I'm so sorry that you are having so much trouble with depression.  I was born with a depressive disorder, and I have lived in my own little "hell" my entire life.  I'm on the right meds and I have it under control, but it is a chemical imbalance in my brain, and I will never be completely over it.  It is a very hard disease because others can't see it from the inside like you feel it.  I usually put on a smiling face and people think I'm just fine.  Luckilly, I'm retirement age, but had to retire from my paramedic job early, due to panic attacks....I hope it helps letting you know that it is not your fault and you are certainly not alone....HUGS.
    • georgaline38435
      georgaline38435 carole28488

      Posted

      Dear Carole, I am so sorry about your illness. Can you please advise me on something. I think my husbands problem may have been under cover  for a few years and I only noticed a year ago that it was actually depression and not him being moody.

      Is it possible for a person to still get and go to work everyday but still be depressed. he plays golf but again he is on his own alot during the game

    • jellyJo
      jellyJo carole28488

      Posted

      Thank you Carole. I find this site very helpful. And it's good to help others too.

      I'm in a very bad place at the moment. Very tired and anxious. My little boy is with me so I have to put my happy mask on.

      I don't know for how long I will be able to continue to do that...

    • georgaline38435
      georgaline38435 jellyJo

      Posted

      Hi, thats what I did "put on a happy face" and cried alone. Then I got help alone and still told no one.  When i phoned lifeline their advise was that my husband was just a bully and he couldn't go to work everyday if he had any type of depression, I know I can hide things so why can't he. 

      I only want to help

    • Rainboy
      Rainboy georgaline38435

      Posted

      Dear Georgalina

      "Is it possible for a person to still get and go to work everyday but still be depressed".

      In one word, YES! In two words, yes definitely! There will certainly be occassions when they can't due to a particularly bad day, or a particularly bad bout of depression, but I'm guessing you do mean in general.

      Referring back to Carole's comment, it is remarkable how many depressed people expend huge amounts of emotional energy hiding their depression in the workplace because of stigma. Carole's experience is testament to that and it makes for heartbreaking reading.

      If your husband has been "under cover", it's possible that he may have been putting a lot of effort into appearing 'normal' (I hate using that word - but you know what I mean). This will have been emotionally exhausting and whether depressed or not, would certainly be reflected in moodiness.

      I hope you are able to get to the root of the problem and you have my best wishes for that. Make sure you take care of yourself too. That's really important.

    • georgaline38435
      georgaline38435 Rainboy

      Posted

      Thank you Rainboy, I knew myself that this was the case but to hear your words are really great. I know he looks exhausted. nightmares nearly every night, waking at 3 in the morning all take a toll on him. I stay awake just incase he needs me.

      I had depression and just went on so I know how people can see your happy mask and not the real you.

      Thank you again

    • Rainboy
      Rainboy georgaline38435

      Posted

      No thanks needed. If it helps you, that is all the thanks I need. That's why we are all here and I think of us as a 'family'. At any given time, some of us will be down, and some doing okay. Hopefully there will always be enough of us doing okay to be there for those who aren't, and vice-versa. x
    • anne240
      anne240 georgaline38435

      Posted

      People with depression can hold down important jobs.  They can manage their life like anyone else.  Yes they can go to work every day and play sport, and do what everyone else does.  You would often not know they have depression because they are so good at hiding it. 
    • Rainboy
      Rainboy anne240

      Posted

      A simple yet painful truth Anne. Well said. x
  • archemedes
    archemedes jellyJo

    Posted

    As your employer knew of your illness and apparently has done nothing to help you, and as all employers have a duty of care to all it's employees there may well be a case for 'constructive dismissal'.

    It does really matter that you were forced to quit, in fact that is the very point of constructive dismissal.

    When an employee is made to feel that their working lives are impossible then under employment law an employer has an obligation to try and find a way of making their lives easier at work.

    • jellyJo
      jellyJo archemedes

      Posted

      Does it still apply if I handed my notice in already?

      They were awful. Used my illness against me. I'm not strong enough to face any of this at the moment.

    • festus88
      festus88 archemedes

      Posted

      I totally agree with you on that. @jellyJo, its a case of constructive dismissal and your company should be sued. 

      You had a previous good performance review and because your humanity showed, the company turned its back on you! Thats cruel and should be taken seriously.

      All you need is to find a spark and never stop searching for anything that will make you happy once more.

       

    • archemedes
      archemedes jellyJo

      Posted

      Of course it still applies.

      An employer cannot under the LAW allow prejudice against or the persection of an employee at work, particularly where an employer has full knowledge of any form of illness or disablility, and particularly where an employee is forced to leave the said employment due to prejudice or being persecuted in any way shape or form.

      I believe if you took this to court you would be awarded punative damages.

    • archemedes
      archemedes

      Posted

      PS. There is no need for it to cost you a penny.

      Just take it straight to an Employment Tribunal and tell them what happened to you.

    • hypercat
      hypercat jellyJo

      Posted

      Hi jellyJo I agree 100% with archemedes.   Your employer has a duty of care to you under the Health and Safety Act at work.  They are not allowed to discrinimate against you because of your illness.  A lot might depend on how long you had been there - 2 years or more if you are in the UK. 

      If you are ill then your employers by law have to make 'reasonable adjustments'  to help you cope ie more breaks,  different work etc.  but bear in mind this is all subject to 'business needs'.  They should have sent you to ATOS or somewhere similiar for a report from them on how to proceed. 

      They are not allowed to bully you out of a job. 

      I have been through this myself at work so know how you feel.

      Have you kept any notes of the dates and times of 'abuse'?   Why don't you seek a free half hours consultation with a solicitor (In the UK) to find out your rights.   Or you can call ACAS who can tell you your rights.  Google it.   You might have  ground to take it to an employment tribunal and sue the b.....ts.   Let us know how you get on.  Take care  Bev x

       

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