Walked out of work, no support

Posted , 11 users are following.

Yesterday I walked out of work and went straight to see my GP. I was already on my notice (decided to leave), but yesterday was the worst day in my career.

I was called for a meeting - assuming they wanted to discuss handing over my responsibilities. They know about my depression. Instead I was attacked with various accusations of how I had been upsetting staff, creating bad atmosphere, being unpleasant to customers. There were some awful things said and I was totally unprepared and couldn't defend myself. It took all my strength to hold it together during the meeting. I broke down afterwards and couldn't calm down for hours.

The thing is I now know I haven't been well. I did withdraw a bit and definitely lost my sparkle. But I have never ever created bad atmosphere or deliberately taken anything out on staff. I just about held it together - everyday was like playing a role.

there was a lot of personal things thrown in my face and I just couldn't respond. My direct supervisor said "I'd rather you weren't here with your illness".

So here it is. I walked out. Broken, patronised and undermined. I got signed off for the duration of my notice and this is it. I'm not going back.

Sad thing is that my January appraisal was "outstanding performance". Then I admitted to being ill and suddenly all shifted. I'm so sad. I loved that job. It was hard to decide to leave, but I knew my job was one of the stressors that had to be removed from my life in order to get better.

I haven't slept all night. I just can't turn the racing thoughts off. I'm devastated. Keep questioning myself - did I realy do that? Maybe I forgot - my memory isn't that great. I'm distracted. I have been so concious to be 'nice' with that fake smile you all know.

But I feel I was made to feel like a total nutcase. There was no support offered. It all made me feel milion times worse.

Sorry for the lenghty post. Yesterday for the first time in my life I felt so useless, total failure of a human being - I started to think of actually not being here. I'm scared of my thoughts.

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  • Posted

    Dear JJ

    There is little I can add but an extra voice of support. What I've read and taken at face value is completely and totallu unacceptable. What a gross lack of understanding and duty of care to display to an employee (whether serving notice or not).

    In some ways JJ, it is a pity the decision to leave had already been made, otherwise I would have some very different advice for you. However, even though serving out your notice, you were at that point still an employee in the full sense of the word, so I shall be watching this space for developments.

    Sending love, good wishes, and support. Today is all about you and you must put yourself first and take care of yourself and your emotional needs. Revisit yesterday later, much later. Whatever has worked in the past to help you remain calm, make sure you do it. If you find yourself thinkingh about yesterday, replace those thoughts immediately.

    Give your emotions time to settle. Rest, have a quiet day as far as it depends upon you, and don't think ahead any further than taking an hour at a time.

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    • Posted

      Thank you once again Rainboy.

      I can't face tribunal action at the moment but I will definitely give it some thought. The more I think about it (and I'm trying not to) the more let down I feel.

      I don't want to be revengeful, negative, and full of anger. I want to be happy and free of the worries and challenges I faced there.

      I want to do something, stand up for myself. And I will. But not just yet.

      Have a good day all. I've got beautiful sunshine here.

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    • Posted

      JJ

      I hope you are feeling more settled than four hours ago. Your comment has really pleased me, because that is precisely the point I wished to make.

      You felt broken this morning, and mixed with that you had a skew of other emotions. I'm sitting here knowing what a domino effect that could have on you today, so I really wanted you to effectively 'shelve' your feelings and allow yourself time to recover from the awful day yeserday and get back some equilibrium.

      All of your emotions about what has happened are valid. You have received some superb advice from all the caring people that have responded to this post, and you can see the disgust they all have in common at the way you were mistreated.

      So, as I said earlier, later, days later if needs be, (and only if you feel you have built up a small reserve of energy to draw on), then you can deal with your other emotions which include anger.

      I would like to say this to you finally. As a valued member of this website, you have received such an outstanding response from many other members of our 'family', that when the time comes you will not have to right this wrong alone.

      Yesterday, you were neglectfully and unlawfully hauled before a hostile self-appointed 'tribunal' of sorts. That scared the living daylights out of you and it would have done the same to me, and I'm not easily intimidated. The fact you are functioning today and able to communicate to us is a testament to your inner strength. We applaud you for it.

      If, and I do mean 'if', because it has to be your decision, should you decide to seek advice that leads to the prospect of action, remember, it won't be like yesterday. We will help you source the right advice and guidance, and we will be 'holding your hand' during every step of the process.

      This time JJ, there will be more on your side than there is on theirs. Draw strength today from the massive outpouring of goodwill, advice, and love shown to you today.

      God Bless you JJ.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry.  I lost my job because I was off work a lot with depression.  I took my employers to Industrial Tribunal and lost.  I reckoned if I had broken a leg, or had a heart attack, or similar, there would have been sympathy.  I found, like you, mental illness was not understood, or taken into consideration.  It scares people.  There is a stigma.

    I don't suppose all employers are like ours, but I know exactly how you feel.  I am sure none of it was your fault, they just wanted to get rid of someone with a menbtal illness.  You were totally honest with them.  Recently I even lost a voluntary job because of my illness, and I was doing really well. 

    I think it is awful how bad you and I were meant to feel because of no fault of our own.  You worked hard, and gave ytour all.  Put it down to your employers just not understanding your illness.  They are ignorant, and do not understand.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  Not your fault.  Put it down to their ignorance. 

    Keep going please, don't let this episode affect how you feel about yourself.  How rude for your supervisor to say such harsh, unfeeling words.  Makes many people with mental illness not  want to divulge it to their employers. 

    Perhaps you could keep it quiet when you next get a job.  You sound a very dedicated person.  Take a break.  Have some "me" time, and when you are ready. look for another job, with hopefully, a more understanding employer.

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    • Posted

      This will teach me about being dedicated and loyal and honest. Never again will I disclose such private information to an employer.

      Shame, stigma and lack of understanding. Until now I was one of them too. How much I didn't know and understand about depression. Bitter lesson to learn.

      Thank you all for your replies

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  • Posted

    Can totally understand how you were feeling, this happened to me last year,my monthly reviews were getting worse and things kept cropping up like my attitude was affecting the whole team, if I got annoyed or upset they would tell me to go and have 5 mins to myself.

    I think its generally that people do not understand depression and think its only when people cry all day. They have no idea of the short term memory loss, the lack of concentration etc that comes with the complete and utter feeling of uselesness .

    I was lucky I work for a huge company that offered excellent benefits including free therapy which helped, and although I went back to the same job after 2 months I decided to move back to my old job.

    I absolutely think you did the right thing hun, if there's no support and no willingness by your colleagues to try and understand you are better off out. Hope everything works out for you lovely. You are definitely not alone. X

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  • Posted

    What a bunch of ignorant pigs!

    You have an illness, there are laws about bullying and harrassment in the workplace speak to your union or the citizens advice buereau. That is disgusting, treatment if a person has a physical illness they would not be allowed to treat them in this way. It shouldn't make a difference that you left on the of your own accord you were treated that appallingly when at your most vulnerable it's not a surprise you couldn't defend yourself in the way that you probably would have before you became Ill.

    Ooh i hate things like this out and out bullying. Did they not offer you any help before the assassination or say is there any thing we can do to help you at all?

    Definitely find out your rights on this one hun. You are not useless your previous appraisal is testament to that!

    It would be good if you could screw them for thousands at a tribunal and then get a job working for a rival firm!

     

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    • Posted

      Thanks Rebecca. You made me laugh (in a good way)!

      I received two apology emails from my employers. I assume they realised the position they put themselves in and my possible actions that may have followed.

      I haven't replied.

      I just don't want to feel the anger and bitterness. I want to be happy and full of love. I want to believe people are nice and caring. I don't want to lose that. Some may say I'm being naive. My mum says " if you have a soft heart you've got to have a hard backside" .

      Not te case with me. Definitely not at the moment. Truly broken now, but thinking positive and hoping the pain will go away.

      Having lunch with my little boy at the moment. He's playing with his Lego men. He is sweet and innocent.

      I don't want revenge. I want peace.

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