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Walking zombie

Posted , 7 users are following.

jason1602
jason1602

Had depression for 4 years. My GP is no help at all, have given up trying to get help now. I'm self employed and just about drag myself out of bed each morning. I have no money worries but just incredibly lonely. Have been on various dating sites and tried to make friends by joining clubs but I have no interest in anything. Would rather sit and stare at the 4 walls wasting my life away. Can't wait for the day I'm no longer here. They say time is a healer. . . What a load of rubbish. . It just gets worse

2 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • hilary95948
    hilary95948 jason1602

    Posted

    Hi Jason, I also have gone through a similar thing to your self, lost my husband 3 years ago.... initially did all the same things as you, went on dating sites (bad mistake for me).... does work for some.... I was also lonley... It is only in this last 7 months, i realised i was trying to blot things out.... I went so low it was unreal... took various antipressants, which wern't for me,  am just over 3 weeks on Fluoxetine and also diazepam to take as and when the anxiety is just too much,  till the Fluoxetine gets into my system, I am not there yet, but there are signs of improvement..... so hang in there.... I am trying to love myself again, before I even try another relationship.... try the gym... it is not easy... I am also finding it hardto join in things, and that was never me.... you are certainly not alone..... Hilary   smile
    • jason1602
      jason1602 hilary95948

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply. Got to the point where I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up. Fed up with doing everything and being on my own all the time. Used to go on holidays got fed up with doing that one my own. Cooking for one all the time depresses me even more (I have been told I should go on Masterchef, I used to enjoy cooking). Just eat junk food, smoke and drink now to hopefully speed up not waking up anymore.
  • lynne82155
    lynne82155 jason1602

    Posted

    Go and see a psychiatrist and consider some therapy
    • jason1602
      jason1602 lynne82155

      Posted

      Tried that . .Doctor prescribed 2 weeks worth of citrphram over the phone. . Have never got to see a doctor only able to get phone calls. Tried changing surgeries but unable to no matter how much I ask.

      Am trying to treat it myself. Thinking of getting pills of the internet. . If I feel better they have worked if they kill me they have worked so a win win situation

    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 jason1602

      Posted

      Oh Jason dont say that,please dont get pills of the internet.

      Are you in the UK?

    • jason1602
      jason1602 lynne82155

      Posted

      I'm in the UK.

      Like I have said I give up trying, sometimes things are too broken to be fixed. Been on my own for 4 years and can't remember the last phone call I got asking how I am. It's at least 2 years ago. People can't be bothered with me whilst I'm alive, so I'm pretty certain they won't loose any sleep when I'm gone

    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 jason1602

      Posted

      Jason I know what your going through

      I have has depression for 16 years Ive been hospitalised 3 times with it

      I havent spoken to my family in nearly 20 years.

      I understand

      Please go and get some help I know what the NHS is like with mental health but make a noise demand to see a pstch face to face

      You can do it

      Stay Strongcool

    • jason1602
      jason1602 lynne82155

      Posted

      Problem is, I don't want to do it. Have put up with feeling like this for to long. Best for everyone if I go.
    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 jason1602

      Posted

      Jason there is something and someone for everybody out there.

      You just have to get yourself better and then everything will fall into place.

      Im not saying its gonna be easy its tough sometimes but you gotta give it a go.

      If I can do it anyone can do it.Yes Ive had really tough times some been good some bad and some dire but I pick myself up brush myself down and start again with a little help from antidepressants and now Im getting therapy always thought it was for wimps but I am learning how to control my depression and anxiety

    • jason1602
      jason1602 lynne82155

      Posted

      In 4 yrs there has not been one good moment. I have just got home from work and I will not see or speak to another person until Monday. Even on Monday I might if I'm lucky get a good morning from someone, handed a piece of paper with a list of jobs on and that's it. . . It's the same every night after work as well. Sorry but there is no point in me being here. I'm just a waste of space
    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 jason1602

      Posted

      Well you are doing something that I cant I had to give up work because of anxiety.

      Get out there meet new people and get you life back.

      Please give it a try and go and talk to a therapistcool

       

    • jason1602
      jason1602 lynne82155

      Posted

      It's been exactly as I said it would. Haven't seen or spoke to a single person since I got home from work on Friday, not even a text. Sat here on my own doing nothing but stare at four walls thinking about everything and nothing. I really couldn't careless about the weather. 

       

  • richard89308
    richard89308 jason1602

    Posted

    try and do some activities like gym or walking to get your mood better.

    rich

  • jodi3861
    jodi3861 jason1602

    Posted

    It's funny how the grass is always greener on the other side. You described your life and it is everything I seem to want. I want to be alone. To go to work and come home to the house just the way I left it. To not have anyone depend on my or expect things. To have peace and quiet. What i wouldn't give to live in the UK. I have a husband and 3 children and two dogs. My life by all accounts is a good one. Yet I hate it. Your life is awesome. If you need company invite me. I would love to visit. Depression sucks. I now know you jason. I will from this moment on wonder how you are. So you are not alone. Keep in touch.
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