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Watching my mother suffer - Hip Replacement

Posted , 10 users are following.

diane3103
diane3103

Hi All.  I'm looking for some advice as I don't know how to best deal with this. My mum is 75 and is struggling to walk only a few steps because both of her hips need replacing.  We have recently seen an NHS consultant who has been very empathetic and not at all pushy who has explained to her her situation, her poor bone density and the rapid deterioration of her hips.  All the family are so dreadfully worried about her.  Her quality of life has deteriorated massively over the last 18 months and we are all petrified of her slipping and falling as she now only shuffles around and can barely walk.  The pain, at times, I know is unbearable for her and yet she is resisting going for the operation for her first hip.  We are all really concerned for her quality of life but also the impact that this will have on those that are around her.  My Dad is finding her increasingly difficult to live with and we are all worried that what is left of her life, she will spend sitting in a chair or worse she will become so riddled with pain she will end up unable to walk.  I don't want to sound as though I am a bully because I totally understand that anyone who would be facing such an operation would be fearful and full of anxiety and I don't want to coerce her into anything.  But, I feel she has'nt fully considered her decision not go ahead with this operation.  I really want to hear both sides of this arguement/debate and would appreciate any comments that anyone has. 

3 likes, 21 replies

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  • Mary8610
    Mary8610 diane3103

    Posted

    Hi Diane we are all different I am 60 and almost three weeks post op on my first THR . I wasn't as bad as some people are before op but afterwards my surgeon said my hip was in a dreadful state no cartilage left .it was much worse than x ray indicated . I felt that the sooner you have the op the better as it will only get worse . I am a carer for my 94 year old dad who refuses help or respite so I know how stubborn parents can be ! Your mum would need lots of help afterwards I am sure as the tiredness is the worse part . People I have spoken to all say they are so glad they went thro it because the pain is gone . My experience in local NHS hospital in South Wales was brilliant . Good luck to you all
    • diane3103
      diane3103 Mary8610

      Posted

      Thanks Mary.  I am just very lost.  I don't know how to broach the subject with her without her losing her temper at me.  My Dad is the same.  He would rather not talk to her about it because she loses her temper all the time if she does'nt get her way.  It feels as if she is just putting petty excuses in the way, I'm sure because of 'the fear'.  But, I don't want to push her to the point of her not wanting to talk to me.  My husband and I have just moved house to be less than 5 minutes walk from my parents door so that as they get old and less able to get about, they have someone close by to lean on.  I really want her to be agile, be able to get around and have a good social and quality of life for whatever time she has left.  I'm really at a loss to know what to do.
    • Mary8610
      Mary8610 diane3103

      Posted

      It is very hard when you become the parent . My dad is stubborn beyond belief . I am the one on crutches but cooking and looking after him . They think they are helping by not putting on us but the opposite is true . Don't see what you can do its her body after all . Doesn't she realise the doc wouldn't put her on list if she didn't need it or think it would help . Look after yourself
  • Weycat
    Weycat diane3103

    Posted

    Hello Diane, I had my right THR done last July (i'm 65) and although was somewhat scared of having the op (never been in hospital, other than  a&e for a few scrapes) the pain I was in was making it so difficult to live a healthy life, Couldn’t walk more than a few hundred yards without getting pains, difficult to get up off the chair once been sitting for more than a few mins, uncomfortable sleeping or not!. I am so glad I had mine done - 6mths on walking without pain 3+miles daily. I had epidural with sedation - never felt a thing, Op was at 5:30pm - back on my bed just before 7pm, wide awake no sore throat as no tube in, telephoned my wife, sent a couple of messages on facebook and toast & tea. I know not all folks can have epidural but it’s the most recommended way and the recovery is much quicker than a GA. Please try to convince your mum to go for it now, I know she is older than I  but the difference it makes is huge. One last note, if your mum does go see if you can get to have hydrotherapy (heated pool therapy) I had this and it really helps with recovery. Very best wishes…..arthur
    • diane3103
      diane3103 Weycat

      Posted

      Many thanks for your advise.  It is much appreciated.  No one has discussed hydrotherapy with her as an option - maybe it is'nt available in our area or perhaps we have'nt got to that point in discussions with the NHS.  Either way, the biggest challenge I have is trying to do the convincing.  I feel I am schemeing and coniving but I really don't know which direction to come at the subject next.  A kindly neighbour who I bumped into at the supermarket has recently had himself decapitated verbally as he came round to try and give support and guidance and she nearly bit his head off and my poor Dad was mortified and had to go round and apologise with a bunch of flowers.  Oh boy...I've got a real task ahead.
    • Weycat
      Weycat diane3103

      Posted

      Hello Diane, it must be very hard on you to see your mum in such conditions, maybe your mum is concerned about having the op which is understandable but the longer she leaves it the worse it will become and can have adverse effects on general health. Also there are cases where if left and the person has a small fall or knocks the joint that damage could be so much worse and a op would be the only option. I live in Dorset and was able to have the option of going to a private hospital under the NHS which has hydrotherapy pool on-site but had to pay for this. Regards Arthur
    • Katieq
      Katieq Weycat

      Posted

      Dear Weycat,

      I wonder if i could ask your advice about post op hip operation. My mother is 75 and had the hip op 2 weeks ago. She seemed to be progrssing very well, didnt seemto hace too much pain was able to move straight away could getupand down stairs. But last week she has gone downhill,the pain relief, codeine, is making her delirious, she can hardly move herbody. Did you notice such up and down progress abd what pain reluef did you have?

  • ginny35168
    ginny35168 diane3103

    Posted

    Is you mom a "young" 75????  She seems like she is mentally "there".....lol.  It may help to suggest to her that it isn't fair of her to put the burden of her pain on you, your husband and your father when an operation could help her within a few months time.  I know sometimes they are harsh words, but 75 is not that old if she is in otherwise "good" health.  I am 43 post op THR 4 weeks ago.  I have needed a new hip since i was 13.  The arthritis and scar tissue built up so bad last year, i was almost unable to walk, let alone stand on my feet 9 hours a day for work.  At first, when i got the operation, i thought, i should never have done this.  its harder than i thought.  but, as the days progress, im feeling different about it.  its probably the best thing i ever did for myself, and my family.  Try and talk to your mom when the two of you are alone.  Its worth another shot.  She will talk to you.  even if she yells, it's still talking.  good luck.
  • barbara17317
    barbara17317 diane3103

    Posted

    I am a "young" 71 years old, never been in hospital before and had a hip replacement on 5th December.  I am now well on the way to recovery, pain gone completely, can walk without crutches, and feel I have got my life back again.  Its wonderful to be able to walk up stairs and even walk without any pain.  I was quite fit and healthy apart from my hip before I had the op, not on any medication and swimming regularly and everything went very well with the op.  Definitely worth having.  You need help at first but with the aids they give you, e.g. raised toilet seat etc. life becomes much easier as each day passes.  Your Mum will not regret having the op, she will feel so much better afterwards and feel that life has a whole new meaning!!  Best of luck.
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure barbara17317

      Posted

      Yea! Yea! Good for you. 

      I hope u continue on the road of recovery. 

      I have had a revision done oct 2014, and already almost back to doing most everything. I do still have some restrictions in bending, crossing legs, ankles, and nothing weight bearing. I do the exercises every day getting stronger & stronger. Same to you ! Stay strong! biggrin

      It's so nice to walk without all the old hassels and pain.

      3 time THR

      HOPE biggrin

  • ian97093
    ian97093 diane3103

    Posted

    Hi Diane I think that this site is a great sounding board for you to get things into perspective, perhaps you are scared of your mum and the general anesthetic, but you should not worry, yes it sounds a slow recovery but if the operation is not done then the mobility of your mum will decrease and decrease , her legs will probably waste away, and she will have so much pain that she will not enjoy any life at all, it is happening to me at 54, and I just want my life back, but facing one hell of a year to do so, just watch us as we go through it here, I will be posting my general progress as I go through it, I am just getting a consultation on 23rd Feb and then the date...Yes ..I am scared stiff, but want my life back  so much that it just has to be done...Voice your concerns to the specialist and assess the risks to your older mum with him, and then ask her to make up her own mind, you must not make her mind up for her.

    Kind regards Ian.

    • hope4cure
      hope4cure ian97093

      Posted

      The only issue with waiting to long is she could loose bone stalk and may not be a good candidate for THR. 

      I was only 42 for my first one and my doctor cautioned that it is very important for a Good outcome. Also cold risk bone and tissue necrosis. 

      I understand and this must be her decision but she also should know the risks. She is already walking bone on bone, it painful and such a miserable way to live. Especially when there are choices for this disease. Many diseases don't have a choice for a fix like THR ot TKR. 

      Check out the many things THR has given so many. It out weighs the negatives.

      Kind Regards,

      3 time  THR

      Hope biggrin

       

  • diane3103
    diane3103

    Posted

    Thank you all for your very lovely replies.  I'm not afraid to raise the topic with her but when I do so, I want to feel that I have a good solid case to make to her without it leading to an argument.  She is very stubborn and at the end of the day, it has to be her decision.  I feel I have been given the responsibility and ownership of trying to get this moved forward for her by the family - the others, including my Dad have struggled with communication with her on this topic.  If anyone is going to pursuade her, I guess that gift has been given to me.  My biggest fear is thatshe will suggest we are all being selfish and self centred by trying to coerce her into doing this.  Ian's comment has however struck home to me when he has said "her legs will probably waste away".  I can see this already happening to her but I dont believe she really understands how her body is working.  Her right hip, is already compensating for her left.  Perhaps the suggestion about getting another appointment is a good one.  Her good health and quality of life is what we all want. Otherwise, she is a reasonable fit and active person at 75 and gets around really well although totally avoids walking any distance for obvious reasons. 
  • maggiemac2362
    maggiemac2362 diane3103

    Posted

    Hi Diane, I am a 51 year old care support worker and have just had both my hips done. The right on 14th oct 2014 and the left done 9th dec 2014, it was quite hard going at first, but I am so glad I had them done ( no more bone on bone grinding agony !!!!). Yes recovery takes a little while but it is amazing how quickly you are up and walking with either Zimmer or sticks. I was walking within 8 hours of the ops. Could you ask your mums GP if there is a day hospital locally where your mum could visit and speak first hand with people who have been through the operation ?? I work in care with mostly elderly people, and have found over the years that most are delighted with the procedure, and only wish they had it done much sooner !! If your mum could speak to hip replacement clients and see for herself how vastly most of their lives have improved, perhaps this would give her some confidence about the op and what to expect afterwards from people who have experienced it.  Hope this might help  good luck.  Maggie
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