Week 11/12 - argh!!

Im going to see a pstchologist on the 12th of this month, should i tell him or my doctor first, i will tell them eventualy but im not ready for this step yet, i also have no reason that i can think of that would cause this depression or me to self harm.

10 years ago when i was 17, i cut my right wrist quite bad but i managed to get to hospital, i told my parents i fell on glass, i felt soo ashamed with myself, i never really knew what i was doing but i knew it made me feel better.

I never want to go to this extream again but i feel i will get drawn there, it is easy for people to say u need to see your GP, but there is no easy way to just come out and tell them and im not passing a note to them like im in school, dont worry i will tell them in my own time...

Thankyou very much everyone...

Hi Maharg

Yes it is easy isn't it for people to tell us what we need to do - the hardest part is for us/you to take that advice and do something with it.

At the end of the day it is entirely your choice and your decision.

No one can make you do anything you don't want to do.

So it is up to you to decide if you tell your doctor or you wait until the 12th of this month and tell your pyschologist.

Then again, you might decide not to tell either of them. Your choice.

It is also your choice as to how you go about telling them, it will be the way you feel you are able to.

I know I'm a lot older than you and many times I have to write things down for my doctor or therapist to read because I can't bring myself to say it - I don't see this as me behaviing like a school child - it is me admitting to myself I have a problem I want help with but I don't know how to ask for it.

To me that is me acting in an adult and responsible manner.

I'm sorry that you see it another way - I wish you well and hopefully one day soon you will feel brave enough to let them know what your are doing so they can help you.

Best wishes

Melbi xx

Well, after the posts of the past few days and generally feeling worse than before, I decided that I would do something about it and ask for help. Didn't sleep well last night so got up in the middle of the night and wrote down some stuff and printed it off. Phoned the surgery this morning and got an appt but unfortunately with a GP reg. I did find her quite annoying as I had to go through everything again, but I had written about the self-harming and she was sufficiently concerned to send me to the hospital to see a psychiatrist. My OH had taken me to the doctor so I figured I had to tell him exactly why I was being referred to the psychiatrist. He looked understandably shocked but has been great. And the psychiatrist was really good too - it definitely helped to feel that I could take my time and tell her everything. So my dose has been increased to 40mg daily and I will see a psychiatrist for a follow up appt, as well as being referred for CBT and anxiety management. It was absolutely terrifying and I felt so ashamed voicing things; however it was absolutely the right thing to do as I feel I was listened to properly and given good treatment and advice. Writing it down and handing it to the GP reg first was a good way to start things off, and the psychiatrist said it helped to have it written down in such an articulate way.

Anyway, I hope my positive experience will encourage others to seek appropriate help, and I really hope this is the beginning of my road to recovery.

Gretchel :cuddle:

That is excellent news Gretchel and a huge well done from me, It is one of the hardest things to do - telling someone what is really going on in your mind or body. Writing it down is so much easier and like you say, having had the time to write it down helped you to say it clearly and consicely.

You have made the hardest step you will ever have to make now with your illness. When things start to look really tough for you - think back to today and remember what you achieved and you will get through everything else.

I'm really pleased for you - I'd hug you with delight and pride if we were in the same room.

Well done :D

Cyber hugs from me :hug:

Love 'n' Hugs

Melbi xxx

Thank you Melbi - I have to say, I am feeling quite pleased with myself, if a little drained! By chance the magazine I subscribe to arrived today so I am going to do very little for the rest of the day to recover.

Hi again Gretchel

That sounds like an excellent plan - and if you feel your eyes closing while reading then go for it and have a nap. You may very well feel drained for a couple of days - you have made a huge step today and need to be kind to yourself and take things easy.

Please, please keep us informed of your progress.

Love 'n' Hugs

Melbi xxx

Gretchel

Well done, I am so happy for you babe

Keep us posted wont you, we're all like friends now xxxx

Good on u Gretchel, u made the right move, hope u get better quickly...

Maharg, I hope my experience will encourage you to get the help you also need. Good luck and take care.

Gretchel x

I am seriously thinking about going to my GP, i just need to find the words and courage, i know what people think when they hear that someone is self harming, they must be doing it for attention, i bet thats what u all think ! Its not like that, im not 16, i do it to make me feel better, i dont really care weather u believe me or not i just want to make this clear to every 1...

I think it is fairly accepted that people do it as a way of coping and not attention seeking - at least, it's accepted by the medical profession but I agree, not necessarily by the general public. That is certainly how I felt, I too am far from 16 (40 is not that far off for me, I am happily married and have 2 children) and I was mortified about people finding out. But let's face it, a lot of people don't understand depression either unless they have personal experience of it. Your GP will have heard it before so although the experience is shocking and unique to you, it will not be to them. Go and see your GP and let us know how you get on.

Gretchel x

(getting there but not out of the woods yet, hence posting at 4am!)

[quote:88b40d38ce=\"Maharg\"]I am seriously thinking about going to my GP, i just need to find the words and courage, i know what people think when they hear that someone is self harming, they must be doing it for attention, i bet thats what u all think ! Its not like that, im not 16, i do it to make me feel better, i dont really care weather u believe me or not i just want to make this clear to every 1...[/quote:88b40d38ce]

Hi Maharg

I don't know about the people around you (offline) but I doubt very much anyone reading here will see your self harming as attention seeking.

Your posts here are a cry for help which suggest to me you don't want to continue self harming and you don't want to contine feeling the way you do.

The people who read and post here, like you suffer from depression or know someone who does and just like you they are looking for all the answers!

I stopped taking citalopram because I didn't like the side effects. My doctor has got to a point where he almost begging me to try a different AD but up until yesterday maybe Wednesday, I have refused because I am terrified of the side effects again. I am at the doctors today and I am going to agree to try another AD. Progress?

We all do it - we all delay taking the help out there - mainly because of our own fears.

You can and will find the words and courage to go and speak with your GP. He/she isn't going to jump out of the chair in shock, and start throwing a 1001 questions at you.

I promise you that once you have told your GP you will feel 'lighter' because you will have finally got it out and will start to get the help you need.

Good luck

Melbi xxx

Thanks i will tell my GP soon...

Hey Gretchel, well done!! :D big hugs

I've not been to my doc yet. But im almost at 2 weeks of not doing it, I'm so happy at myself (its been hard & this past week as I've had some major stress & wanted to do it, but didn't). My counsellor hasn't went in for her operation so I'm seeing her tomorrow night (selfishly I'm glad as i was starting to need her, not sure if its agood thing to rely on someone so much)

Maharg,

its not an attention seeking thing. I thought this at the beginning, my counsellor said if it was I'd be telling everyone & not going to such lengths to hide it - 4 months & my husband doesnt know, thats how good im hiding it & people who say its for young girls seeing attention, this upsets me, but also in my opinon, they havent got a clue, if they did they wouldnt say such things what can make us feel worse & more ashamed than we already do. Im 26 not 16 and think of myself as mature, so this isnt a teenage thing at all.

Its odd talking about it on here, but easier than having to do it face to face with someone, & if we can all help each other through this, surely thats all that counts.

I'm not goona go on about telling your GP as I havent done that yet, so i have no place to tell you to. The fact we talk about it here shows we know we need help with it - IMHO x

Hi, Hi-Me! - thank you for your good wishes and well done on getting to 2 weeks without self-harming - you are doing really well. You have already told your counsellor so that is a really good start, and you are very aware of the problem - so I hope if things get worse again you will think again about telling your GP - but at least you are talking to someone in the real world about it, as well as on here.

I have had a mixed week - still have the desire to self-harm, and have once given in. Other times I have felt much better and more in control. I can at least begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel - I'm now at 6 weeks on fluoxetine and the past week on a higher dose, so perhaps it's finally starting to have an effect. I am glad that I will have follow up appts with various people over the next little while to try to stay on track.

And no, I don't think it's anything to do with attention-seeking - I have struggled with the nice weather over the last few days and would be mortified if anyone noticed or commented.

Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

Gretchel x