Week 4 100mg

Edited , 6 users are following.

i feel like crying and i cant stop thinking bad thoughts about dying and my friends dying and insane anxiety. is this normal.. why is everyday such a struggle after getting a small period of thinking im getting better

0 likes, 28 replies

Report / Delete

28 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    hi Matt,

    please dont worry or lose hope. it is totally normal to have times when you feel like you are making progress then boom, a really crap period and you think you will never get better. speak with your doctor and tell them you are having a bad time, even talking to them may put your mind at ease. Dont forget you have had better days and you will have them again. Everyday you take the tablets, you are a day closer to feeling better and blips do happen, but its just that, a blip. I have been through the same thing and continue to go through it, I am having more good days than bad. When you are having a bad time, take it day by day and dont catastrophise. Yoi arent alone on here. Be open with loved ones, dont bottle it up and speak with your doctor for advice. You got this!!

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Edited

    Matt, this is completely normal. You sound like me when I was going through the throes of my OCD/depression attack. I think I mentioned this before - the period before I got better I wanted to cry so bad but I couldn't and I felt like a zombie because I wanted to feel but couldn't express my feelings - like I've been fortified with all these meds and that I am like jello deep inside when outside I may look like a wall. So pleas, hang in there. Eventually, you will cry and let all the tears come out and then you will feel better.

    And regarding the crazy bad thoughts, I had the same. Like you, I thought I was gay for awhile. Then I questioned reality. Then I questions what if I hurt my loved ones and without knowing....the list goes on. Trust me, you mind knows these thoughts are bad and strange and you would never do anything. It's just the thoughts make you so anxious. So hang in there, trust me, this too shall pass and it will get better.

    Take a breath, remember all the good times, and do something that makes you happy, if you can, even if it's small. For me, it was taking a bath and reading the Bible. Hence when I got better, I came back here to help others. And oh, Candy Crush really helped me from thinking. It killed lots of time. Or any mindless computer games. Hope this helps.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      hey godservant. There is no question that I am doing better than i was back in Jan/feb when this first started. There would be periods of days where id want to tear my hair out and bang my head against the wall to stop the thoughts. Now the thoughts/questioning are less frequent and less intense but still there. Does it get better than this?

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Edited

      YES! To be honest, I am doing so well it's like I don't even have OCD and I am not saying this to boast. And not being paid by any med company to endorse any product.

      Like I said, this is the transitional phase you are going through. It will get better than this. First the OCD thoughts stopped firing so much and decreased in intensity as well as frequency. Then you go through a period of numbness - it's not that you're not feeling anything, but you sort of don't, then something big happens and you want to cry your heart out but the tears just won't come - and then once the tears finally come, and at your worst, then you start to get better. Seriously, it's true what they say - it is really darkest before dawn, so hang in there. From what you've been telling me, it appears as if you're going through the same timeline that I went through. Like anything in life, just keep hanging in there and it will get better. But you have help yourself by trying to take better care of yourself. It's the same advice I give myself - my husband is fighting for his life right now in a hospital after a week full of chemo - I can't see him and I could drive myself nuts for the next two weeks that I will also not be seeing him because he needs to be monitored at the hospital - or I could let it all go to God and only do what I can do, which is taking my daily walks, taking my meds, trying to get enough sleep, get a bit of sunshine, eat healthy, rest, and try to think positive thoughts and be there for my husband when he texts me or calls me if he needs anything.

      It's hard to see this when you're so young, but I'm being honest with the advice that I give you. This illness is manageable. It's like diabetes. You have to constantly work at reducing your stress and trying to be content. Happiness is great but it's fleeting. Just try to be on even keel everything. It's also good once you recover to have a schedule. And try to do things that you love. I know it's hard because when you're young, you have so much pressure of job, income, etc. But the advice I'm giving you is what I'm using or trying to use myself. I felt like I've died so many times and now that I've been given these bonus years, I try to not let little things bother me or care what people think or succumb to social pressures. If I don't feel like going somewhere, I politely decline. You have to get to a stage where you have to stop feeling guilty - that was extremely hard for me. You have to know that you have to take care of YOURSELF first, and that means maybe giving up some less important things. The things you give up define you just as much as the things you hold on to.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Your replies really keep me going - you're an example of what i want to become. I am 25 years old which is not that young, i should be old enough to deal with this. Ive always been a sensitive person which could explain why im having such a hard time getting through this. This year has been the toughest of my life by a country mile. Everything just seems to happen one after another. developing OCD, starting an anti depressant, a global pandemic, racism riots. I just see no end to it all, when i started to see the tiniest glimmer of hope, i have a setback. I know it takes time to recover and maybe the sertraline is exaggerating some anxities but boy i cant wait to get better. Thanks as always for taking the time to try and help me out. Much love

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I just cant help stop thinking like what is the point in living if its just pain and suffering and ill never feel normal again. its probably a side effect of the dose increase but its certainly not pleasant. In reality i have such a good life and a good family and friends but my brains wanting to focus on negativity and that causes alot of anxiety 😓 im sorry to hear about your situation and I really hope your husband recovers with the help of the lord

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Edited

      Matt, I live in the states. You sound like you live in the states, too.

      25 years old is quite young. You know in the old days the Greeks didn't consider a person an adult until they turned 30 years? Seriously. Also, Jesus started his ministry at 30 years and only did it for about 3 years. 😃 You really have your whole life ahead of this. This suck, but in any given situation, how you choose to see it and deal with it can the make the situation worst or better. It's up to you. Reality is not going to change, but you have to change your outlook. We can only control how we feel and react.

      I know exactly what you mean by, What's the point of it all, eh, this life? Living is so much work, isn't it. Life is hard, even if we do not have OCD, but take comfort in the fact that you are NOT alone in your troubles. You are NEVER alone in your troubles. Everyone around you who does not have OCD/depression is in the same predicaments as you - lockdown, Covid19, race riots, looting, etc. Even a healthy person is always faced with some trouble, money or relationships or both.

      Think about all the ones suffering worst than you. People losing their jobs, their businesses, their stores destroyed and looted - take my husband, a huge tumor in his head and still in hospital - and then, you will realize that it could be worst, it could've been worst. And then you count your blessings and thank God. That's why I always say, everything changes and nothing is constant. Just receive kindly whatever comes your way and try to be at peace. And thank you for your best wishes for my husband. It has been gutwrenching and heartbreaking. I've cried and cried but then I go on because what else can I do? I just try my best to be there - here - for him, since the hospital won't let me see him and he needs lots of rest.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I am across the pond in England. The thing is I've always been a happy positive person, even throughout traumatic times like my dad having and heart attack and my younger sister having cancer i held it together. I never had these thoughts/feelings before taking sert

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Matt, so why did you start taking the meds? I thought you started taking the meds because of the OCD thoughts and depression? It's not the sert that are causing these thoughts.

      Yes, always try to stay positive. You have wallow a bit in your own self-pity party and then pick yourself up and carry on.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      i started taking the meds for OCD. I would be arguing with myself as soon as my eyes opened whether I was gay or not, truely horrible. then of course depression followed because id get so worked up and didnt know who i was anymore

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Matt, yep, that sure sounds like OCD. It got soooo bad for me I couldn't even have a conversation without an OCD thought. And you are right. How could depression not follow OCD, right? To be constantly consumed by one stupid thought is sure to bring anyone down.

      The good news is that you recognize that this is OCD and it is senseless and there is no basis. Let me share with you a story. More than two decades ago when I was going through the throes of my OCD about being gay, my mom set me for a ride with this girl who I didn't know at all to return to college from a visit home. My mom didn't know the girl either. Her mom knew my mom and she wanted me to bum a ride from LA back up to the Bay Area and her mom wanted her to drive with someone and since we both just so happened to attend the same college, our mothers set us up for the ride. It was about 6-7 hours depending on traffic.

      So much to my surprise, some time into the ride, this girl revealed to me that she's gay! Seriously. At that point I personally didn't know a gay person, but it was as if God was answering me. So I took the opportunity to ask her how does she knows she's gay. She gave a loud laugh and said, "I've known it since I was a little kid. Every time the women in my family shopped, I would just sit and hung out with my uncles. You just know if you are." I remember her words to this day. If you really are something, you would not question it. Like, you never question yourself if you like cheesecake if you actually do, you just do! I hope this makes sense.

      Relax, Matt, trust me, when I tell you, give it time. Even laugh it off and tell yourself, So what?!??! What happens if you are indeed gay (WHICH I KNOW YOU ARE NOT!), then what?? Nothing. It's not the worst thing in the world. It's not even gayness that you're scared. It's that stupid doubt of OCD that drives anyone mad. So, right now, set the thought aside when it crops up. Do something else and say, If I am gay, it'll eventual surface.

      I also recommend you purchase this book called Stop Obsession by Foa. Please get it and read it. Take care.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hello Godservant, feeling abit better today. Having a little blip at the moment reading comments saying "sertraline will not get rid of ocd" and "all it does is takes the edge off" makes me think that this is all for minimal gain. Im trying so hard to keep positive and keep working on myself and that is about all i can do isn't it. Ive been at work for about 6 hours and didnt question my sexuality half as much as before so i believe im getting there

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Well, first of all, let me commend you for actually working while going thru this horrible illness. When I was younger I was able to work going thru this illness but it is EXTREMELY taxing to be working in the throes of this horrible illness. It zapped all my energy and consumed every good little thing in me.

      Now read this: Nothing will get rid of OCD at this stage in science.

      Ok, let me try to get this through to you and everyone else reading this. It took me a decade to get this because no one told me - when I was first in the throes of my OCD, the internet was just starting. But please get this concept and accept it and it will do you a world of good going forward, buy you have to get it.

      Think of OCD like the common cold. There is NO cure as of yet for the common cold. It comes and it goes. That is what OCD is. When I was in my twenties and every early thirties, I was very stupid. I used to think once I licked an OCD episode, that was it, I've got it licked, now I'll never have another attack. Hence, I kept getting of sert every time I got better. Think I posted it. I've gotten on and off this med more than a dozen times. My ex-husband was much smarter than me. He kept asking me, You sure you should be getting off of it? And of course my current husband is smarter than me, too. He agrees with me when I say I don't think I ever want to get off of it.

      Ok, you can be depressed by the fact that you've had OCD. Some people have one episode of OCD and call it a one-off nervous breakdown and it never happens again in their lifetime, but this is EXTREMELY rare. If you have had an episode for some time, then you know you are genetically proned to its flareups. So, the trick is to know and ACCEPT that you have this illness (I hate the term "mental illness" because we don't call cancer a "physical illness" but just cancer, so we should call OCD or depression an illness, like all other illnesses, but this is a discussion for another day 😃 ) and to do all you can and keep this illness at bay so do you have experience any triggers and have any flare-ups. Like the common cold. I don't get it every year and that's my goal. So, you can be depressed once, that you have this illness, but move on from it. What else can you do, but getter, right?

      Now, I disagree with your minimal gain comment. Seriously, I am a living testament that although I have OCD, I keep it 100% at bay right now and for long stretches, too. I've lived with OCD for more than 2 decades now, and I can tell even though I'm not the brightest colored in the crayon box, I've learned to prevent the flare-ups better, and how to deal with it a bit better when it comes. However, the goal is to minimize and attack, like getting a short 2-3 cold instead of the 2-month flu. So, each time you get an attack, like now, sit down and write how it all got started, what helps relieves your stress, OCD thoughts, etc. I only started doing this not long ago. The gains is NEVER minimal. Like a cold, you've had it so many times, so now you know how to get better comfort while having a cold and how to quicken your recovery.

      Please read this post two more times, if not more. I've taken time to write this. Hope it helps. Ask any questions. Stay positive. Think positive. This is from me who's husband has had a very rough day yesterday - I even told him I wish I could take over and do some of his chemo for him and share the pain (take it from him) and that he would reap the benefits. We OCD people have to be stronger than this illness. We are tougher than it.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I wish i could have a book on every response youve given me, every single one lifts me considerably. So basically, sertraline pulls your head from out of the water. Sometimes your head gets closer to the water but its how you react to it and to avoid dunking your head in is that what you're saying? This is my first OCD episode and its been going on for maybe 5 months now, im trying acceptance and adding humour to it. Often theres times when im in a real slump, feel stuck. Then theres other days like today where i can look at where i am now compared to how i was before i was prescribed this medication and honestly it makes me cringe thinking about how much of a mess i was. Every last second of my day spent arguing with my own stupid thoughts. So I withdraw my minimal gain statement. Sending my love to you and your husband as always.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Yes! Sertraline helps you pull your head out of the water that is drowning you. It breaks the cycle of the vicious argument of your obsessive thought. I think my OCD was worse than others because I had no compulsions. So my thoughts were also my compulsion. I'm a pure O. But back to the analogy, it is still you, once your head is out of the water, to learn to not get close to the rough waters. Get it? You've got to learn the triggers and try to not be HALTS. It's good to try to be even keel so that once you've gotten out of this attack, you won't have another one.

      Since this is your first episode, do me a favor and do yourself a favor and buy the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne. Also, if you can, please, please go see a therapist who does CBT (exposure therapy). If you do it right, this may be your only episode.

      Thanks for all your well wishes and love to my husband and me. I take it day by day. I spoke to a couple of his neurosurgeons. At best he'll make it to 5 years; it would take a nothing short of a miracle to go beyond that. So I am just praying for 5 more good years with him, if this is God's will. Whatever God thinks is best for him, not even for me. I am simply praying for us to have God's peace and His strength. And no pain for my husband. Get the books please. And read them and do the work. It's hard, but anything that's worth anything takes time, care, and work.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Matt, sorry for delayed response. You know I'm across the pond. And Sunday is very busy because I have two online church services to attend.

      I haven't been on 100mg for 2 decades straight. Remember, I've gone on/off this medication so many times. I have gone for long stretches (like a couple years here and there) without the medication, but then I take on so much, unaware of my stress and lived a very hectic life and then my world came crashing down and next thing I know, I've fallen down the bottomless rabbit hole and into another abyss. Each attack. In more recent years, I've stayed on this med for much longer stretches of time. And I have been back on 100mg since my most recent attack in winter 2016. At my worst, I has on 200mg a day, I was on 150mg this last time for awhile this last time around. I think I started on 25mg but that was more than 2 decades ago and I don't really remember. I hope someday I could reduce to a maintenance dose of 50mg and I really think I could because the last time I was fine with that.

      My problem is that every time I get better, I start fancying I'm like everyone else without OCD and I want to get off the med for good. Praying you have more and more better days.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hey I've not been on here for a few days either ive been feeling pretty good and positive to be honest. I just have a question. When you went to 200mg, did you wait 3-4 months before upping the dose each time or did you move up quickly? this is my first time being on pysch meds ever so i really dont know what the full benefits feel like, i guess they just make you feel like a normal functioning person? What makes you want to quit also, because you do so well it makes you think you can live life as a normal person unmedicated? thanks as always and god bless

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Good to hear you're doing better.

      Well, you asked so I always try to give as honest an answer. But that doesn't mean that you should do what I did. I want others to learn from my mistakes, just like I want to learn from others' mistakes because I am already making far too many on my own. lol.

      In recent years, each time I got back on, the fear of the med not working this time around increased, and so in the last couple of attacks, I upped it 200mg. I didn't do it consistently or purposely. It sort of got started because my brain was so messed up and hazy I couldn't remember if I had taken the med so I erred on the safe side by taking another pill.

      Btw, this is not how this med works. If you go above your dosage and your body doesn't need it, you will suffer the side effects of serotonin overdose. Google serotonin overdoes side effects. I experienced it and it was more anxiousness, palpitations, have muscle spasms and muscle rigidity and lots of yawning. So, do not think that by taking more that you'd be better soon.

      And yes, you are correct in your assessment - every time I get better and return to my normal self, I think I no longer need the med and I start to forget to take it and I want to get off of it. It took me more than a decade to accept my illness and that I need this med. And that OCD/depression is biologically-based. And that wasn't good. If only I knew then what I know now about this illness, I could perhaps have prevented a few attacks or at least reduced it severity.

      Thanks for your prayers. Yesterday I was finally able to see my husband for the first time in the hospital and only because he was hallucinating terribly. I cried a few times but that was good. If I didn't cry, then that unresolved emotions could lead to another attack down the line. Take care.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      As always, thank you GodServant. You have helped me so much throughout there are not enough words to explain my gratitude. Without your aspiring words and attitude i wouldnt be as optimistic as I am today. Had a really good day in terms of OCD, barely any OCD thoughts, dare i say it i actually feel quite normal. I can actually look people in the eyes today without the stabbing chest and racing thoughts. Although feel abit sick at times. But i would trade the nausea over wanting to pull my brain out of my skull any day of the week. Considering this is only week 5 it can only get better, right?

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Edited

      That comment about wanting to pull brain out of your skull was the exact thought I had when I was going thru it. So, you're not alone. And yes! This can only get better. I really think you're like me and that your OCD symptoms can be kept at bay once you get out of this attack.

      As for the nausea, try taking the med with food. It helps a lot. Even nowadays, if I take my med and do not get food in my stomach in my stomach asap, I feel nauseous.

      No need to thank me. All glory goes to the Lord, who has kept me to help others like me. If you are in the throes of this illness it is so bad you wish you weren't here. So I know and I still remember what it was like. So I always pray for all sufferers of ALL illnesses. Take care. Remember, reduce stress.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hey. I have a question, might be a bit strange. My colleague said to me this morning "Matt, you look so happy, You're glowing" but i didnt feel extremely happy or anything just rather normal. It took me by surprise i haven't had a comment like this for so long. Surely its still too early for the meds to be working? I dont know why this is a question really haha. Hope youre well

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      My daughter was 25 also when she went through this in the fall of 2018- and this is a SUPER challenging time for you to be going through this! You have so much on your plate...but my daughter recovered completely by 12 weeks and is thriving - you will too!!

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Matt, that should be a sign that you are doing better, even you yourself may not feel it. You know what they say, the person is almost always the last to know. So, hang in there. Take it day by day. You don't snap get better in one day. You will start getting better days interspersed with bad days here and there but you'll eventually have more bad days. Thanks for asking. They found a 1.9cm nodule in his lung from a CT scan, but they don't know if that is a tumor or an infection as of now. And so...but he's being discharged today. Say a prayer for us. Thanks and God bless.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      dear Godsend. Your story is really encouraging and reassuring. my OCD & intrusive thoughts relapsed recently and went for 100mg . its been just 2 weeks. How long does it take to feel my self ? i took 50 mg for 5 years and doing al right. but this time i am worried. plz reply me . I am so restless and feel going to be crazy and loosing control.

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up