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What to do...

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Bobbins059
Bobbins059

hi ladies, hope you're doing ok. Don't really know what I'm doing or going to do or want to do, in some of my posts I've added humour to try & lighten the turmoil within. This is a confession to oneself, what I should have done long ago! I've tried being normal to fit in all my life but to no avail, I guess having many autistic traits which have made any social situations near impossible & not having friends to share life with & now all this menopausal crap which I don't understand & finding it all hard to cope with....just everything sucks! the intimate side of my marriage is suffering which always causes arguments & just makes me think 'I shouldn't be here' I feel like a blob of nothing, sexless, useless, a nuisance & I feel lonely, alone. The many things I've had to deal with through my life especially concerning my kids which I now have little contact & my grandkids...can't go there, how I survived it all, don't know how I did. On my own I moved to Oz to start again & now in my third marriage, thought I got everything right but maybe not, im still failing. Is like a case of damned if I do damned if I don't...just everything seems so wrong.

My apologies ladies for this long n miserable tirade of woe, I don't mean to create any grief. Stay well ladies, take care xo

0 likes, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • caroleUJ62
    caroleUJ62 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi Bobbins,

    I have found social situations alomst impossible for years, and have had to take tranquilizers or drink to cope with them. Now I cant drink - too many bad experiences, and addicted to the tranqs, but trying slowly to come off with the help of a psychiatric team.  I have lost all my friends due to having a very short fuse in the past and lashing out at people, saying hurtful things, or sending unpleasant emails.   I now reget it all.   I practically never leave the house, no confidence. My husband is fed up with it all - he is all out of coping strategies.

    Just wanted you to know your'e not alone. Felt really badly lonely today, and will do tomorrow and the next and so on........

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 caroleUJ62

      Posted

      Hi Carole, do hope you're doing ok. Life just seems testing n unfair sometimes, make me wonder "what's it all about?"  We may have lost physical friends but we have many more here...imagine if we could all get together, oh the menopausal madness n mayhem we'd create LOL 😁

      Be kind to yourself, do what's right for you & take each day as it comes. Sending hugs, take care.

    • caroleUJ62
      caroleUJ62 Bobbins059

      Posted

      Thanks so much Bobbins. I do appreciate your'e reply. 

      Today has been quite bad so far. I have been really scared. My panics have got alot worse since the perimenopause hit.  Unfortunately, I had a whiiplash injury which also caused me to get TMJ - a problem with my jaw where it crunches and grates when I eat. I have seen specialists and physiotherapists and had some treatment and reassurances, but I still get really scared sometimes that I'll have to live like this indefinitely.

      I have had good days, with minimal symptons and think OK - I dealing with with - then the pain and panic comes back. Obviousy, I know that panicking is likely to make the symptons worse.  My husband told me to have a lie in today, but I cant rest, so I;ve just run a hot foam bath - hope that helps.

       

  • jennifer01077
    jennifer01077 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi Bobbins,

    I'm kinda having a bad time myself right now, and I really appreciate your honesty in this message. Really, really appreciate it. 

    These are the back-to-the-wall times. You know your words "I feel like a blob of nothing, sexless, useless, a nuisance' . . . I think you are a soul in this world, and therefore infinitely valuable. I am not religious, but I feel strongly that we are valuable, to ourselves, to life and time, outside the social matrix of other people. We are eyes on the world, consciousness that has woken up on this planet and this world.  Sometimes we don't fit in well, sometimes we can't be in relationships - I couldn't even imagine being in an intimate sexual relationship right now. 

    Don't let depression fool you with its voice of 'I am useless and life has no meaning'. If it is depression, it is just low serotonin, nothing more - I have heard that it hits autistic people later in life, and it certainly hits a lot of women going through menopause. There is a reason that scientists came up with anti-depressants! 

    I am not saying 'Oh Bobbins, go on anti-depressants'. I think I don't clearly know what I am saying! Maybe you need space from your relationship, maybe you need space from the idea that a marriage is proof of success in life, maybe you need some chocolate! I don't know .  . . but I know that my back has been to the wall many times in life, and there is still bird song in the mornings for me, and the smiles of older people I meet on the road, and more and more knowledge of how to quieten the negative voices inside me. 

    Thank you for your humor in the past and your courage in writing this post, and sharing the really hard stuff. 

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 jennifer01077

      Posted

      Hi, how are you doing? today is another day, will don my armour & battle through another round of mixed feelings n emotions LoL as is said...things happen for a reason....well!, I wonder sometimes, the reason is?!  You mention chocolate, that & 'me time' great combo! Take Care Jen, sending hugs😊
  • jayneejay
    jayneejay Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi bobbins 

    oh bless ya 

    i really related to your post..

    peri and meno is just such a tough time for some, and we really dont know who we are anymore, while we process it, and how it affects our body, mind and soul.

    i went through a stage where i did not want my partner near me, not close, while i was dealing with all these emotions and hopelessness..

    it has got better hun.. The emotion side .. Still have a few post meno issues bodily fatigue etc..

    dont be hard on yourself hun, we are all different and have our own ways, thats what makes the world..

    i dont like social things, like to keep my distance from people 

    thats me .. 

    I always explained my feelings and how peri and meno was making me feel so loves ones could not only learn about it but try and understand me and how i was feeling ..

    Always here if you need someone to talk to, never feel alone 

    jay x

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 jayneejay

      Posted

      Hi Jay hope you're doing ok. Probably a funny thing to say but why do tough times have to be so bloody tough!? at 43 I decided it was my time after babies/family, marriages/divorces starting at 19, I am where I want to be but something isn't gelling, have a great hubby now but he's so over everything peri etc Just hoping normality & feeling well again will return in the mean time I have my humour to keep me from jumping off the cliff LoL

      Take care, keep well. ☺️

  • Scruffy61
    Scruffy61 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi there

    you are inspirational to all of us ladies I wish I lived closer we could join a for women only club because talking through our problems is a good medicine 

    this site has been my life line without it I honestly don't know what I would be like    but please it doesn't harm to ask for help from your doctor and maybe just talking to someone face to face 

    take care xxxx

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 Scruffy61

      Posted

      Hi, hope you're keeping well. I agree, this forum has been a great help knowing we're going through the same things. I thought I was the only one  doing it tough n going crazy!  Have seen counsellors, tried supplements, antiDs etc  but now going natural, I'm sensitive to what I take. Beaches are very close here so a good therapeutic walk makes me feel better.

      Take Care, keep well 😊

  • jayneejay
    jayneejay Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi bobbins 

    have you had routine bloods tests.. Check other things okay ..

    thyroid, Vit B12' and Vit D, adrenals etc to name a few ..

    i am lacking B12 have injections 

    and also Vit D defficient .. Have supplements ..

    thyroid is borderline underactive but no meds required yet ..

    after a ten year natural peri with all the naturals and lots of, etc, the returning flushes last year did not go, tried the lot and gave them a fair chance to kick in, i have researched meno for 12 years and the flushes were not going no where ..

    our body during meno tells our brain we are hot and the flush is the way we cool down.. it can get very annoying for some ladies .. Like it did me, it was affecting my daily living ..

    but the low dose escitalopram cured those for me ..

    look after yourself 

    jay x 

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 jayneejay

      Posted

      Hi Jay how are you? have had several blood tests for various things & they've all come normal. I'm taking each day as it comes, lots of me time with my interests/hobbies. Keep Well, hugs
  • susan21149
    susan21149 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi Bobbins 

    Social situations bother me at times to where I just want to hide away in my appartment. I don't have much friends either so I understand how you feel. All I have is my boyfriend. I don't really talk to my mom much because of her negativity torward me. My two brothers are busy with their work and personal lives so I hardly talk to them We will see each other when they have time. My youger brother and his wife I have asked several times if my oldest neace can come spend the night heere at our place so I can get to know her better and still no comment from them its like they want to keep me away from my two neices and nephew

    The only person who does talk to me is my sister but she lives in LA. so its hard plus dealing with this menopause makes it harder

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 susan21149

      Posted

      Hi Susan, hope you're well. Can be hard talking to family when there's tension etc I have little contact with my grown up daughters but keep in touch my mum & my sister but I find it hard to really open up n talk to her.  I moved here on my own so resettling has been a challenge & with all things menopausal everything can seem harder to cope with.

      Be kind to yourself, keep well

  • cheryl99622
    cheryl99622 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Wow Bobbins,you've hit the nail right on the head for so many of us. You've got to keep it together girl. This is a temporary condition,keep that in mind. Don't let this rule you or Rob you of your life and love.stay strong,seek counseling or try meds,do something!!!!!, don't just sit around letting this define who you are!!!!!!!!!
    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 cheryl99622

      Posted

      Hi Cheryl, hope you're doing well. Think I try to keep it all together with my warped humour...laughter is the best medicine, well, I wish it would cure/stop/end all this! LoL distraction with my hobbies sometimes helps too, today looks like another fine winters day so a walk will be a must.

      Take Care. 

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