Why can’t I be normal?

Hello, I’m 41 and have been a drinker since my early 20’s. Over the last 10 yrs I’ve relied on alcohol more and more. I drink white wine. I’ve always been a shy girl so I feel drinking makes me more talkative, interesting etc if we’re out and about Or if I’m just out with a few friends.

My typical alcohol day is... pour a glass around time to do dinner so say 5pm/6pm. I pretty much drink between 1 and 2 bottles of white wine a night. Sometimes I stay up later than my husband just so I can get more in before bed 🙁

I watch what I eat through the day so I can have more wine and less calories with my food. I even exercise daily for long periods so I can get that wine into me. I don’t get drunk, I’m usually happy, very relaxed when I drink but I know it’s so bad for me. I have young children that I want to see grow up and get married, I’m scared I won’t see that happen but at the same time cannot quit my drinking. Many mornings before work I say to myself just 1 bottle tonight but always end up buying extra. 

I even suss out all the specials nowadays so I can get a $5 bottle so financially it doesn’t have an effect on our money. 

I enjoy having a drink but WISH I could open a bottle of an evening and only have say 2 glasses from it not polish off that bottle then decide to start on a 2nd. I know and admit I have a serious problem, my beautiful husband does too but doesn’t say much as he knows I’ll get upset and angry. I have a pretty much perfect life with hubby and kids, great job etc so just wish I could kick this 2 bottle rubbish and be happier and healthier ??

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