Why can't I escape the pain of depression

Posted , 13 users are following.

I really am on a low at the moment and really looking for an easy way out as I can't take the pain anymore.  My heart physically hurts and I feel like I am pushing everyone away who is trying to help me.  I have never felt lonliness like it and although it really gets me down, I don't want anyone's company (does that make sense) .   I am on anti-depressants and have been for many years.  The doctors tells me it will pass but it never does.  A smile that hides a thousand sorrows and i feel like I'm drowning while everyone around me is living their life.

 

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  • Posted

    Don't worry Gillian, I know it's easier said than done. But you do have days like that, I know I always felt my life was on hold and everyone else enjoyin their selfs and moving on to big things. Set yourself goals or things to look forward too. 

    A better day is only round the corner hang in there. 

    Xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Gillian sorry to hear your sorrow. You give such wonderful advice to others in your posts. You really are a lovely person full of empathy. Please please keep hopeful. My depression lasted about 5 months and then it lifted. It lifted as quietly as I initially sank into it. In the meantime keep being kind to yourself. I truly wish you a speedy recovery from a very difficult illness. The hard thing for depression sufferers is that we don't know when it will lift. Just take it a day at a time Xx
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  • Posted

    Thank you Laura and Annie, I always find it easy to help others, it's what I am good at if that makes sense.  I do hope it lifts soon and I start to feel better.  Suffered from depression for a very long time now but it never gets easier to manage.  I try to set myself goals but something always hits me like a stone and I fall over twice as hard. 

    xx

     

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  • Posted

    You have really helped me. So give yourself a pat on the back, and Annie that's so true, you don't know when it will lift. Mines lasted a whole year now, can't believe how quick it's gone. But really chin up before you know it, your be feeling a lot better. 

    Hope you have merry christmas!! 

    Xxx

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  • Posted

    Hello Gillian

    From one Gillian to another I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you. I know that you are suffering and have been for some time but that does not mean for one minute that this is forever. Some people take longer to recover and that's ok. There is no time limit. You will get there in the end.

    I know how it feels to not feel part of all that is going on around you and the loneliness inside your head and heart that you feel that nobody will ever reach or touch again but that is the depression and how it makes us feel. It's not a true reflection of the real you.

    Please don't give up hope. Tomorrow could be the day you feel that change..that your life changes forever. You have made it this far so that shows you have spirit and deep inside you..hope...You are stronger than you think. You can do this. Keep fighting sugar and on the days you don't feel strong..come here and let us see if we can figure something out xxx

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  • Posted

    Gillian this has been a bad few days and I always know if I come here I don't feel alone as much.  I don't have a circle of friends with whom I can confide in and although my mum is really supportive, I feel that I sometimes need to hide how I truly feel as she worries so much about me.  I have tried counselling and it helps at the time but long term I struggle every day.  I go to work come home and go to bed just so I can hide away from the world and I know when I fall asleep that I am safe for another day and it doesn't hurt anymore.  My doctor won't give me anymore sleeping because I was using them too often to escape the world for a few hours.  I overthink things in my head and I end up making matters so much worse than they are, am I alone in this? I do hope that I will wake up one day and I can finally climb out the black hole that engulfs me, i really hope its soon.  Thank you for your kind words, I truly appreciate them.

    xxxx

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  • Posted

    Gillian oh I know exactly how you feel.  Depressio9n is the most awful illness.  I have battled it for so very long, but after 20 years on anti depressants, am trying to cope without.  I know it is no consolation to tell you that you are not alone, because it does not help.  Many people hide their depression, there are many around us, I am sure, who feel the same.

    So many times you have come here and given hope to others with your kind words.  I want to do the same for you, lovely lady.  We are all in this together.  We all understand. 

    Every day is an ordeal, and anxiety difficult to cope with.  I do not want to go back on medication if I can help it,m butwill know if I do have to.  My body will tell me.  Meanwhile I battle on.  I am so lonely, as live alone, but try to get out.  Times I could not leave the house or speak to anyone.  Yes you make perfect sense believe you me.  Been there often.

    I send you love and courage to continue this fight.

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    • Posted

      Anne I sit hear with tears running down my cheeks as I read your lovely reply to me, thank you for letting me know that i am not alone in this horrible disease.  I truly want to find the courage to beat this and somedays I think I actually am winning the fight and then something happens and I am back to square one.  I pray to god at night just to take me and give me peace from it all, horrible I know but I just can't take it anymore, I want to be normal if there is such a thing! I am tired now!!  Its just horrible and I just so lonely.

      xxxx

       

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    • Posted

      Oh Gillian I didn't want to make you cry, just let you know I am here for you.  It is so up and down with depression.  I have fought it for many, many years.  When on anti depressants there were some reasonable times.  But yes, then down again.  I know how you feel.  Often I really thought I could not go on, just like you.

       I think the aloneness is the worst thing.  All of us here, alone in our world of depression.  So unfair.  But I am fighting it still, and perhaps I am winning, I don't know.

      I want to say, don't give up hope.  We must support each other.  Shame we can't all just have a nice chat and a cup of tea, and say "Here I am, give me a hug, I am here for you in person"  Wouldn't that be great.  Yet here we are in our lonely worlds, longing for support and friendship.  Well I give you my support and friendship.

      I live in Dorset, so if there is anyone in this area, I would be glad to befriend them.  I do not have a car any more, so have to get bus.  I do have a bus pass!! 

      Gillian dear, kind lady, please don't give up.  Keep writing here, because we need your kind words.  We give as well as take.  None of us are alone if we have each other here.

      Anne xxx

       

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    • Posted

      Anne I cry as I read your reply once more, tears because someone cares so much to take the time to reply to my pain.  I'm just sad that I live in Scotland and not closer to you to share the cup of tea and get a good blether.

      The aloneness is something that i struggle with so much, but also I don't want anyone to see me like this so it a bit of a double edge sword.

      I will keep writing on here and I hope you do the same, be nice to keep in touch with everyone, even if its just to end someone's sadness for a while.

      Take care

      Gillian xxx

       

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  • Posted

    Gillian 20097 posted that "Depression is a liar and a thief", sometime back.

     

    Keep hold of that thought in bad moments and repeat, repeat over and over.  I hope it helps you hun, meanwhile know that we all send you luv and support always.

    Wishing all of you a safe and  settled Christmas.

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    • Posted

      I stand by every word Jean. These disorders have taken away to much from all of us. It breaks my heart to see others suffering... Because I know every little thing they are feeling and going through. You are literally lost, behind a sheet of pain, screaming to get out but for some reason your mind doesn't think you are ready and keeps you there in that hell, prolonging your pain.

      I saw Gillian's post and yet again I was filled with sadness at somebody else's sadness. I hate this for all of us.

      I am on my way to recovery but stil struggle and hope that with my posts and comments that I am able to reassure others that I felt exactly that way...and I'm making it through!!! Just weeks ago I was a desperate,scared mess and people helped me so much. This forum is fantastic for that xxx

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