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I am feeling terrible the last few weeks have been bad again - not wanting to do anything and not caring either.
Have been trying not to self harm in an obvious way so have been attacking my head - with thorns from brambles/roses and crafts knives. It doesn't seem to have the same effect - possibly cause I can't see the damage. Anyway on Sun I was looking for some batteries (my cd player ran out) and found scalpel blades instead. :cry: :oops: Ashamed of what I did with them but what I am more scared of was the fact that I forgot how down I was while I was doing it. I feel very bad about doing what I did :oops: :cry: :oops: :cry: but I know I can't let one slip ruin everything. at the same time I am scared to be on my own now. I stayed with friends last night but can't today. I have appoints with cpn etc at end of the week, although I did spk to her today and she said I can ring tomorrow if I need to.
So disappointed with myself. :cry: Silly thing is part of me feels better now I have done it. I don't really want that cause then I will do it again.
sorry for disjointed ramble - thought if put it in writing then I'm not going to be thinking about it all the time. not sure if it will work though.
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