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why do i feel so desparate?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Meganpooch
Meganpooch

Last week i had a couple of level days. The weekend was reasonable so why from Sunday night did it all go wrong (again). Monday at work was bearable. Last night wasn't tired so went to bed when sleepy - 2.30am. Did the same the night before. I don't see the point of going to bed when wide awake as that just frustrates me even more. Bloody brain would not switch off.

Woke up this morning, headache of 6 sodding days still there, body aching (contributory factor to all this) and i was tempted just to give up living. At least the pain would go away. Why am i putting myself through this. Were things really that bad before flu? At least i could function to a degree. Had to go to work or might have done something stupid. Haven't had these feelings since being on flu until now.

Cried when i realised what i was thinking. Suicide solves nothing. It's a selfish act and leaves misery behind but at the time it seemed the easy option.

Memory lasts on average for 10 minutes if i'm lucky, temper not much more. I'm totally the opposite of the person i used to be. Should call this the dracula drug. The only good emotion i have left is sense of humour, all the rest are negative.

It feels like my life is in soft focus - i can see and hear things but my brain is full of mush.

Sorry this is not a very jolly post but it's just how i feel. Everything is just such an effort. 7 weeks in. How much longer til i reap the benefits!? of flu.

2-4 weeks was the initial goal, then 6 weeks, then 8 and some say 3 months. It just seems to be getting further and further away and always out of reach.

Feel so desparate, help???? :cry:

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • SamB
    SamB

    Posted

    Hi MP

    Please to hear your migraine has gone. Awful aren't they.

    Hope works going well for you today.

    I'm actually getting out today, stuck in since Sunday, son with chicken pox, off to Sainsburys, yey!!!

    You and Nicki are lucky having somewhere nice to walk. Nothing like that near me, i suppose some of the parks are okay.

    Have a good day

    Take care

    Sam x

    P.S. Thanks for my prize

  • Meganpooch
    Meganpooch

    Posted

    Hello one and all

    Still a zombie i'm afraid. Probably a combination of flu, diazepam, stress and sleep deprivation. Even with diaz my sleep is far from restful looking at the state of the bed in the morning. Headache still lurking in the background. The certain individual who i'm sure is causing it was off today so less problems. Will have to spend part of tomorrow in my old team. Have already moved my chair and work to the new team.

    I'm nearly sitting where i started 3 years ago and there are many familiar faces. Training starts Monday week as half term next week so don't know what i'll be doing for a week.

    A new chapter and hopefully a lift for the depression, we'll see. x :roll:

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