Why don't I understand my husband's addiction to alcohol?

Your husband has a medical condition.  Even as far back as 1956, the American Medical Association categorised alcoholism (as it was called then) a disease, characterised by changes in the brain caused by alcohol consumption.

This is an identification that is often disputed and as a result, it has held treatment back decades.  This is clearly shown by those who support the traditonal 12 step program belief that alcoholism is 'character defect' and that the obsession to drink can only be removed by the belief in full submission and having the obsession lifted by a higher power.

If your husband had cancer, do you think he would be told that he must believe that a higher power is his way out, his salvation, and that in order to achieve this, he must declare everything negative he has ever done in his life infront of strangers?

With the advances in science, there have been many advances in both the understanding of addiction, and mental health in general, and possible treatments for it.

Please don't take this as an anti-traditional treatment rant!  It isn't.  Far from it.  I recognise that this peer support led treatment has it's place and works for some.  They have a daily reprieve from their condition as long as they live their lives by a particular set of steps to remain a person of better moral temperament.  I don't care how anyone gets recovered, as long as they do!

But the stats are quite astonishing.  We persist in treating sufferings this way and yet, the successful recovery rate is at best estimates around 10%.  We allow people who are continually relapsing and suffering to continue on a path that clearly isn't working for them.  There are many reasons why, but one is perhaps that the rehab/treatment industry is exactly that - an industry that is worth billions and billions every year.

There ARE other ways to tackle a medical condition and with the correct treatment and support, the chances are much better that someone can recover from this condition/illness/disease - whatever you wish to call it.

It isn't your husband's fault that he has developed this condition - there is evidence to indicate that it is genetic - but it IS his responsibility to find a way to reach recovery.

It is not necessary, in my opinion, that the only people who can help addicts recover are ex-addicts themselves.  It is useful to have empathy but, again using the cancer diagnosis as a comparison, do we insist that we are only treat by a medical physician that has had cancer themselves?

If you are of interest, this is the clinically proven medical treatment I used to recover.  Please view it with an open mind, especially because it involves a period of continued drinking on a safe and non-addictive medication, which results in the extinction of cravings and 'resets' the brain back to it's pre-addicted state over a period of months.  From a drinkers perspective, they may well be more open to this because of this very fact of continued, but controlled drinking.  Despite what they may say, most drinkers are scared of not drinking and what to do in their lives.  This is a way that  the biological part of addiction is being medically treated and that aids a drinker to be in a better state of mental health to deal with other issues and learn new ways of coping.  The immediate stopping of drinking and staying stopped is virtually impossible for a large proportion of drinkers.

https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

As an addition to this, I very much feel that those caught in the ripples of someone's drinking do not receive enough help either.  I have experienced both sides of the coin - my own recovery and the frustration and anger of being unable to fully influence a loved one's drinking.  I wish you both well and hope that with this new information, you can both move forwards.