Why don't I understand my husband's addiction to alcohol?

Thank you, Rich.

He won't.

thats a pity.

Thank you so much for writing this. How did you persuade your husband to go into hospital? Mine has been offered but totally refuses to go.

Tess, if for no other reason than getting some support for yourself, perhaps try Al-Anon. There are regular meetings in the UK and it's designed for families of alcoholics. They may have some helpful ideas, at least some moral support. 

Is he even capable of getting alcohol by himself? 

Yep. The other day we had no money. None at all. He was normal for a few hours until he borrowed a fiver from someone - it seemed to be his mission to get some money, somehow, even though I was being paid the next day. I found it startlingly desolate and pathetic. He 'only' managed to get six cheap cans that day and I haven't seen him that sober for many, many months. It was a lovely and short-lived treat for me. Oh, yes, he was determined to get money for booze - even said he'd go and beg on the High St. if necessary. I remember seven years ago he broke his leg and I enjoyed three weeks while he was alcohol-free. Then he forced himself to walk (far too early) on the plaster, because I refused to go to the off-licence for him. So now of course he has bad arthritis from not letting that very bad break heal properly, but he still struggles to the off-licence. I wish he'd be run over and incapacitated enough to have to stay in hospital. What a thing to be wishing for!

I hear your desperation, Tess. I also hear your love for your husband and that you want him back. 

I know you were jesting about wanting him run over. But the problem is, because his liver is in such a bad way, it is not producing the clotting proteins and it wouldn't surprise me if he is platelet count is sub 30 or even sub 15.

So he could probably bleed out before he got help. Yeah, they could give him a plasma transfusion like they did with me to try and stabilise him, but my count wasn't as low as that and I don't know if it would be effective enough.

you have certainly been through a lot and so sorry to hear that your husband passed away. Long and hard road and you are brave to give us all good advice...    Robin

Er, I think he would be most disconcerted to hear that...

'Mine also nearly died from booze'

'But he got admitted to hospital and is here now 8 years later'

Don't ya just hate it that this forum doesn't have an edit button?

He had a seizure - I called an ambulance - he had no choice - and he'd been feeling extremely well for some weeks

Ha! So I just have to TELL him he had a seizure - that would work - he doesn't know what's happening anyway.

Hmmmmmmmm. Let me consider that scenario for a few hours.

Tuh! When I was menopausal (and that was indeed a long time ago) I threw fifteen plates at him.

They all missed, but he had to do a lot of clearing up ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, ok, I threw the plates, so I should have cleared them up. But I refused categorically to do so   "STOP XXXXXXX DRINKING SO MUCH!!! YOU MADE ME THROW ALL THESE PLATES AT YOU!!!!!!! SO IT WAS YOUR FAULT, SO YOU CAN XXXXXXXXXX WELL CLEAR THEM UP OR I AM GOING TO THE SHED. FOREVER. GOODBYE"

He actually went to the shed (safest place) till my anger abated. i sat with a furious and strangely self-satisfied smirk on my face. It wasn't so self-satisifed when I realised that we had no plates to eat dinner off. How lame. Oh, well, every act has its consequences.........

I would love him back - but NOT accompanied by a blue bag containing eight cans of beer.

I am now realising that I am asking too much of him. He is in a place where I cannot reach him any longer.

Read it again - her husband is still alive!

So is mine -just. And thank you again for taking the trouble to write to me. It has helped me so much. Really, really, thank you.

Actually and strangely, his platelets are fine.

How, I do not know.

What do you mean when you were menopausal. You sound menopausal now!

Women. they can be frightening some times, so unpredicatable. Men are more chilled.

It's not true. You are only 'chilled' as you put it, when you are drinking lots of beer.

Women can be scary at any time of the day or night and we're very proud of it. With or without beer!!!!!!

Ha!

That is a huge sexist generalisation about the male population.

And you'll only get away with it here, because the forum gender balance is about nine women for each bloke.

Where it is a proven medical, genetic and statistical fact that women are hormonal and completely unbalanced, hence their generic name of Bunny Boilers.

 

That should have said extremely UNWELL!

I didn't mean to be sexist. Or anything -ist. I was merely objecting to your generalisation that women are scary.

Interestingly, there seem to be equal quantities of men and women on this particular forum, all with different stories to tell, and all determined to help the others, including me. Since reading all these replies I have completely calmed down with my husband. I have finally realised that his drinking is not something he is doing on purpose to annoy me. I do wish he would accept some treatment in hospital, though...........

I have never heard the term 'Bunny Boilers' and may I point out that men have hormones in their bodies, too, hence their generic name of Drunken Nuisances.

I did wonder about that, H. I am very happy that he is still with you. Thank you for replying tto me - it has been very helpful.

Lol tess,have you not seen fatal attraction

No - is it a film? I don't like films - I always fall asleep, having paid ten weeks wages for whole family's tickets plus popcorn, drinks etc etc etc.

I imagine 'Fatal Attraction' is not suitable for children? It is of no consequence anyway, since they are all grown up now and can waste their own money rather than mine...............

BTW who proved it? You?

LOL

'I was merely objecting to your generalisation that women are scary'

It is not a generalisation, it is a well know fact, albeit one that women have a problem in comprehending. I mean, how many blokes do you see on HRT tablets?

QED