Why now - relatives from abroad are coming!!! What would you do?

Posted , 10 users are following.

This discussion has been locked due to a period of inactivity. Start a new discussion

Here I am getting myself in the 'zone' to have this operation and as we know it is bad enough 'going for it'.

I put off this surgery for 8 years, due to Breast Cancer, now trying to think positive picking up from where I left off.  Now I don't know whether to postpone this long awaited surgery which I am told should be a date in July.

My husband's relatives are coming over from Cananda!  It has been announced that they will stay with us for a week and have two children 5 & 8!  What annoys me is my OH does all the talking and my op has not been mentioned and I know it is because he wants them here, naturaly, and says we will manage. (he says when he went to Canada they were so good to him and he should return their hospitatilty - which I can understand - trust the timing to be against me. (feeling sorry for myself now)

Reading all your posts and with a date coming up in July - what would you do?  I have said to my husband I could postpone it to after they have been e.g. ask for September time and he announced but my sister, her daughter and her little girl could be coming then!  

I thought why is this happening after all these years - just when I want to sit in my own mess and get over this op.  So I will be 70 in July - I am afraid if I put it off for this year will I put it off for ever.

I would love to be able to get this operation over without staying guests.  OH said they can look after themselves and I think ' This is turning my home into a self catering cottage with me in the middle wanting to be in my own misery, pain and pyjamas.

OK - that's my moan over - it's good to talk. x

2 likes, 20 replies

Report

20 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    Actually Gilly I think you will be glad of people around, I have just gone through it on my own and its not easy both because you are completely stuck and need people around to help and because it can be very boring just sitting with your leg up. I put off having the op because there never was a good time and regret not doing it years ago. So carry on with all plans and they will work out fine. It will be nice for your husband to have other people around as he will be doing all the fetching and carrying...Also I hate to say it but there is a chance your op might be delayed... so go for it and good luck!
    Report
  • Posted

    Hi gilly,  You need to put yourself back at the top of the list of priorities.  Don't put off the surgery put off the relations.  Surely if these people know you will be having surgery they won't want to be around getting in the way?  A word of caution is that if you do have the operation and you get up and get active too quickly, the surgery may not be successful.  A full recovery with a good outcome depends upon doing exactly as you are instructed by your surgeon.  You will need to have the foot up for two weeks following surgery and should not walk on it at all except to visit the bathroom. After two weeks (continuing up to six weeks) you will only be allowed to 'flat foot' walk with a boot on the foot and then only for limited periods because the foot will swell up and become painful if you don't..  You will have to massage and oil your foot and wound.   You will have to apply regular cold compresses and sit with the foot elevated to keep swelling down . The whole healing process takes a very long time.  Maybe your OH does not realise just how big the impact of bunion surgery is.  I really would not advise combining a houseful of visitors and bunion surgery.  Sorry if this is a bit blunt, it's not meant to offend but just points out the difficulties you will experience. I hope you go ahead with your surgery and get these issues sorted out.
    Report
    • Posted

      I'm cautious because I have had to have this operation done again, because it was not successful the first time.  It is thought that I got up and about too soon after the first op.  Anyway it's fine if your husband is going to do all the work and you just get to enjoy lots of nice company.
      Report
  • Posted

    hi Gilly first of all congratulations on your recovery recovery of breast cancer cancer runs in my family not just breast cancer all kinds and it's a terrible thing second off I agree put yourself on top of the list and go ahead with your surgery ask your husband to explain to his family that you are having a long-awaited surgery he can explain to them that they are more than welcome to come but that he needs to be there for you you are going to need your husbands help and lots of it especially the first two weeks post op I wish you the best of luck and a quick recovery
    Report
  • Posted

    Hi Gilly, it is a difficult one I know.  I had my foot done last September and 2 weeks after surgery when I was still not allowed out and having to wear the shoe and rest with it elevated I had my 2 grandchildren to stay for 2 nights.  My husband said he would do everything!!!!  I did get the beds ready before the op because I knew about it.  Even so I do not think people realise what the healing time is for a foot op.  They think of it as just a toe!!! Not a knee or hip, which might I add I have been told take less time to recover from and you are usually up and walking at your own pace and doing little exercises fairly soon.  My husband did a lot because he had yo take our grandson to football practice and a football match, my granddaughter stayed with me, but I must admit I found it difficult not being able to get things and do things and I noticed I got a bit irritable with the younger one because she is lively.  The little boy is older and realised I had to rest.  My granddaughter started digging with her foot up apparently being an old lady.  Which did make me laugh but also made me feel like an old lady, I am 68 now.  I only had them for 2 days you will have 4 for a week.  They will no doubt go out and about but you might not be fit too.  On the other hand you could rest while they are out.  It will be 2 months from your op and you should be walking and able to go out but you will not be able to walk far
    Report
    • Posted

      Sorry I pressed wrong thing.  It would be good to get it over with because as we get older it takes longer to heal.  If you think you can cope that will be good and will take your mind off things.  Just make sure you get help from them and your husband.  I think it is just this feeling of the op being passed off as nothing at a time when you will want some TLC.  Hope it goes well for you xxxx
      Report
  • Posted

    Think of number one.  I had my op in my 69th year, as I new I wouldn't go ahead with it at 70.  There were times when I wondered why, but now I'm 6 weeks from op things are sooooooo much better, I've looked after myself by keeping my foot up and resting.   

    My advice, let them come, you will be pleased with their company.  You will not be able to do any housework, shopping, cooking, if they come in the first four to six weeks.  So as they are his relatives let him get on with it!  He will need to do all those things anyway with just the two of you.

    You don't need to wallow in your recovery, people will help you feel better.

    Report
  • Posted

    Gilly, what rubbish timing on their part! Do hope you go ahead as you've planned, you've bravely made that decision and need the operation so go for it. I'm sure you'll be happy to have their company, those first few weeks can be very boring and trying. Plus of course what a bonus, you'll not have to wait on them,OH can do that!!!

    Take good care. 

    Report
  • Posted

    Hi Gilly my advice is to definitely put them off! Your OH needs to realise just how serious this thing is. I had my op today (bunion and nectar clips put in two toes. I live alone and am worried how i am going to manage to be honest. You need to be able to just relax and sit about in your jim jams and keep your foot raised. The last thing you want is to be worried about guests and kids running around driving you mad. If you are anything like me you will not want to be around loads of people when you are not looking or feeling your best. Time to prioritise Gilly and forgive me for being blunt but that means putting Gilly first! I would advise getting the op done now and letting the family put off their visit or perhaps staying in a hotel. Perhaps it would be a good idea to explain to OH how important this op is to you and how you need his help to get through it all. Forgive me if I sound like I am telling you what to do but I do feel that we all need help getting through this. Best Wishes John
    Report
    • Posted

      John - first of all - thank you for replying when you are just over surgery and now time to heal.  I wish you all the best in getting over these first few weeks and caring for yourself.  I will of course be looking in but you have so much moral support here which will help. By the way am I right in thinking you had a podeatric surgeon in the end?

      Now I will reply to you all - as John and others have said I really want to think I can relax and sit about in my jim jams.

      These relatives had said they were coming some time ago and my husband says I am making a fuss over nothing 'They can look after themselves and I will look after you!'  He actually knows it will be painful he had a bunion straightened a few years ago - he actually tells me that it is really going to hurt.  His op was mild over what we are all going through - he never needed ice, massage, oil, etc.

      So naturally I am not looking forward to this op and quite honestly I don't want them around me.  Maybe when you get older you are happy with your own company.  

      OH would not even dream of putting them off anymore than mentioning to them I will be having the surgery.  I can almost hear them saying 'trust her to do it now!.'  Maybe I am the one who needs to go into a hotel ???!!!!

      I can just imagine the chaos, including our two little dogs in amongst it all.  

      By the way my OH was brilliant when I was having all my treatment even taking my 85 year old Mum shopping (now she is 92) and she too depends on me.  I had visions of us coping in a similar way BUT I did not expect the waiting list to only be a few months and surgeon said he will call me in July.  

      So although I knew these realtives were coming at some stage I just thought it might not happen and if it did I would still be on waiting list.  It was last Sunday that OH was talking to them and I know I was not mentioned - he would not dare to put them off.  As he said to me 'they were good to me so I should be the same in return'.  

       

      Report
    • Posted

      Gilly, it is down to you in the end, but you said they are coming for a week, a week is nothing!  When are they arriving?  How close to the op.  You just need a week to get over the shock and pain, then every week there is small improvement.  Your husband is going to look after you and they will look after themselves, and when they see you recovering you will have lots of sympathy.  I  was so pleased to receive visitors when I was recovering after a week, and I was waited on instead of the usual running around after them, I really enjoyed.

      If I was in the same situation I would rather be 6-8 weeks recovered, when my daughter visited than just have had the op.

      I still say go for it!

      Report
    • Posted

      Hi John, Glad to hear you had the operation.  I hope your recovery will go ok and wish you a speedy recovery.  Try the knee scooter, I hired it and found it easier than crutches to get around the house in the first two weeks.  I'm 7 weeks now and pretty much back to normal, Best wishes.
      Report
    • Posted

      hi wendy as i had already got the walker boot they put that on for me and said i didnt need the crutches. I had the bunion done and nextra implants put in two hammer toes. they also put a pin in my other small toe. I had a podiatric surgeon in the end. It is a bit scary being on your own at first but ive got food in and am keeping my foot elevated and reconciled to being stuck indoors for a couple of weeks. I live in a small flat so I don't think I need the scooter. Everthing is close to hand. Thanks for your support. John
      Report
    • Posted

      Hi, Gilly! I hope, the relatives were informed about your operation. They may be not comfortable if they don't. It will be their decision to come or not to come, knowing what to expect. It will be wonderful if they can live in the Hotel. Nobody ca tell you if it's better to have them or not, because nobody knows your condition after operation. 

      I am like you, don't want anybody to see me in this situation. Thanks God, my husband cousin postpone his visit, I am completely OK now.

      But if they will come, be a princess, try to get the best of the situation. Let them help you! 

      Your husband need to tell them, because, he wants the best for them. This may be not a good situation. They need to know!

      i hope for the best for you, but if not - it's not the time to have people in your house. You are priority! Can they live in the hotel?

      Best wishes!

      Report

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up