why oh why melbi and tiny tears

ja, honestly, i know where you are!!! You will believe it or not get strength from what hurt you are feeling.....belive me, I know your feelings, I really do understand, ja! Im a bit pissed too, I got drunk for loads of reasons, you dont want to stick your nose in, and find out why? But believe me, I understand your sorrow. ...Ja , you can , youwould not over analyse things if you were so (doh! unreasonable!! I wish I could explain more to you, but really I am feeling soo hurt myself, that words are supercceede by paintings , drawings, and playing the flute. I cant do what people call the normal, sod it, why bother, I never was normal, and ill never be, Im just a freak, as its spelt out to me!!! Right I am tired now, hope you are okay, you will move on, you sound like a really lovely person. I wish my partner would be as considerate. teddy hugs, Katy.

Soory, Ja, about lear as mud!! You too wil ge over it, and evetually meet someone. its really not the end , youarre stil young, I amsure that with your nature and kindness, although right now, she iis your idle, youwill meet somone and make them feel worthy!! hugs, Id better go to bed, I am ducked!!!!! Nobody likes me evrybiody hates me, I think Ill go eat waorms, blah blah, Hugs, Katy/

:oops: :oops: [b:b41fe194b2]APOLOGIES!!! To everyone that read my previous messages, especially Ja, i think I was trying to make a point, but had 3/4 of a bottle of wine - sometimes I just get carried away.

Couldnt find clothes this morning, I realy have to make up a charity bag, all my clothes keep falling on my head :lol: :lol:

Ive got such a sore side, above my left hip, but okay, i better go before I waffle and rant about this Life :?: :?: :?: :roll: :oops: [/b:b41fe194b2]

Hi Ja

What can I say? What can anyone say? I cannot put myself in your position and even try to imagine how you must be feeling - well okay maybe I can imagine but having never have something like this happen to me then imagine is all I can do.

Ja, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wallowing in self-pity, I do it all the time! :shock: We all do it - it is a coping mechanicism - we are humans!

However, I don't think you are wallowing in self-pity, you are hurting, and you are hurting really badly at the moment - that isn't self pity. That is you showing you have feelings and care about what is happening around you.

I could almost be your x wife :shock:

I walked out on my husband last June despite him telling me over and over again how much he loves me and how much he will change etc.

1. I no longer love him - although he will always be special as he is the father of my children.

2. Why should anyone have to change just to suit me!

He puts on a brave face - bless him! We are on speaking terms and he spent Christmas Day with us (for the kids sakes) He often calls in to see his kids though they also go and spend weekends with him. I have to say at this point my children are well into their teens now - so they can't really be classed as children anymore - they will always be our children though :roll:

He has met Nigel - but he hasn't got a clue we are having a relationship - I couldn't do that to him - not yet anyway - I still think it is way too soon since the split to start rubbing his nose into the fact I have met someone else.

Reading your posts also helps me to understand how he must be feeling inwardly and I thank you for that - for sharing your pain here with us all. It will help me to be even more careful in how I communicate with my x. I'm sorry that this won't help you in your situation, if I could take away your pain - I would.

I'm not going to tell you to lay off the booze - that would be extremely hypocritical of me - as that is how I usually deal with pain and hurt. I just ask you to be very careful and very aware of how alcohol can affect us when already feeling crap - the alcohol, though after a couple can make us feel more able to cope - beyond those few drinks and further drinks will only make our pain and hurt seem far worse than it already is. Then comes the depressive state caused by the alcohol and not just our original depressive state - it trebles in size and we become the ever vulnerable human being - the one with suicidal thoughts - the thoughts of 'no cares', 'I'll show them', etc.

We then wake the morning after feeling far worse than the previous day - the depression is unbearable - that is because alcohol is a depressive. :oops:

So although the saying 'drowning our sorrows' seems like a good idea at the time, it can actually make our sorrow much harder to deal with beyond the couple of drinks and into the next day.

Please try and stay strong - in time the pain will lessen and you will be able to look back on this and possibly learn from the experience.

Hang on in there - keep posting here and releasing your inner feelings of hurt, pain and humiliation, we are all here for you - just a shame we can't all be together in the same room and give real hugs - here's a cyber hug from me :hug:

Take care Ja

Love 'n' Hugs

Melbi xxx

Tiny Tears and Melbi,

thanks so much for your posts, well firstly i am feeling better tonight, United are in the European Cup Final wey hey !! Back to normality, still feeling really strange about my ex having a new fella, thing is tonight i spoke to my mum about it, i realised all the things i hated about my ex, yes she did lie to me on several occassions, she never had my ambitions, different values and morals, yes she was kind but in essence I never trusted her, can u miss that ? i do of course miss her in lots of ways, but i was depressed with my life whilst with her, when someone u deeply love looks into your eyes, swears on kids life that there will b no more lies then less than 2 months later u find out there was more( this is money , not adultery) i always doubted her when it came to telling the truth, am i free ?? is it the new blokes problem now?? all i can say i hope she has learnt, she wont, jees im telling my most inner thoughts on here , private things not many people know.....

Me, well, i know my life has changed for ever now, i must stop remembering the good old days, we had some awful times, even going to florida last year we couldnt stop arguing, we were so different people, i didnt like her half the time and she probably didnt like me more than that, i sometimes say to myslef, i deserve real happiness and someone who loves me for me, i may have been in love with my situation, the big house, my beautiful kids and my wife at times, she hurt me and deceived me on so many occassions, it wasnt the money it was the trust issue, couldnt ever get over it, i often said to her u created what i am now. I hate the idea of being on my own, its like i need to replace her and quickly, i am a really decent bloke, i always put her and kids before me, she never wanted for nothing, i have so much to give and feel like next time i should get some back, im feeling cheated now by her. She was a good girl, but not the right girl for me, i need someone so much deeper who i can emotionally connect with, a soul mate, she wasnt , we just had alot tied up together i wasnt man enough to realise it and let go. I just need this darn house to go so i really can escape from my old life and start new, do u know what, im going to have a good future and meet someone who loves me and my box of tricks that is my head.

God i have rambled on, to anyone reading i must sound like a right sad git, who cares, i feel better for writing this, one day in the future i am going to realise what REAL happiness and contentment is, not is what perceived to be by the outside world, real love, where goose bumps stiill happens years down the line, not the mundane life of regularity and boredom that I endured, thats not me, thats her !!! do i sound like a jealous sod now, im not, yes i still have feelings in my own sort of way, but when i find true love it will blow me away, when it happens who the hell knows?? Tiny Tears, mate, we will all no matter how long it takes find contentment one day and Melbi, thanks u so much for your words, i really do digest them and try to take it all in, night to all

ja

Good morning Ja

Wow! Way to go you :D You are sounding so much more determined and with that your confidence will return.

I think we all fall into the trap of falling in love, marriage, house, kids! Then suddenly things start to go stale :oops: Well okay, there are some that really did find the right one the first time around - but many don't. Some don't but choose to continue with that life!

It will take time Ja but you will eventually put all this behind you. No, you don't sound like a 'right sad git', Ja, you sound like a very caring loving man who one day will meet someone who can return the same care and love.

The trick now is not to go searching for that person - wait for that person to find you!

Get out there, start to enjoy your life again and have some fun, love 'n' leave 'em for a while, you will know when you have met the right one! When you do ask yourself all the questions of what you are looking for in a relationship and if she can provide all of what you are looking for then go for it!

Just remember though, no one is like they appeared to be on that first few dates further down the line, although I do think they aren't going to be pretty much different. As we age, have a family, invest in homes etc, that is when we all change.....we find our new inner being and it doesn't always match our partners new inner being.

Keep staying strong Ja we are all here for you.

Love 'n' Hugs

Melbi xxx

Hi Melbi and Tiny Tears,

How r u 2? Katy, sorry who did you visit today, Im glad it went well for you, just couldnt phathom out who u went to see, feeling a bit tire today at work and away with the fairies.

Well, Im feeling as flat as ever today, just grates on me that she now has someone else, living in the house that i done up and she seems all happy in her little life, then there is me, living in my parents box room, little money because im doing the decent thing and paying more into house than i should so kids lives remain good, just feel so angry like i want to scream. I cant even get out that much beacuse of lack of funds, feeling so fustrated , angry and resentful towards her, she hurt me so much over the years , yes i take blame as well but she still has the house, kids and now new fella, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!!!!!!!

Melbi, I know u said and so does everyone of my mates say, go and have fun and play the field, its not like im shy or dont get on with women, its just in my nature to do this, i dont really want to, its nice at the time but i wasnt like this when younger and dont want to be now, what i want is to meet someone really nice and who we can share good times with, its like i want to replace my old life with a new person, my head never ever stops thinking about my situation at the moment, to be honest I struggle to concentrate on much else, its like im obsessed with my problems, i have watched 2 films in last 7 months, they just dont interest me, i love my music, but all i end up listening to is the depressing stuff when i have had a drink. In my mad head i dont think i will achieve any sort of happiness until i get my new place and have settled again with a new partner, i hate my life because i cannot take control of it, until the house goes she is in control and i cant move i like i want to. Please someone give me advice, i try and talk to my mum but she just rants about my ex, and says i will b ok, but i dont know if i will sometimes, sometime i get positive and like now i feel like crap , she is away with her new fella the weekend , doing the obvious and it grates me big time, i should be doing the bloody same, good for her its good for me, but its an unhealthy way to think and i shouldnt be thinking like this, its like its all i want to get even with her, that i have moved on , stuff u girl, see i knew i could do better than you, up yours!!!! its the only way i feel that in my mental head i can resolve my problems , do i sound like im losing the plot ? i f ing feel it sometimes, i have sat here all day at work miserable as sin , head down plodding on with my work, or staring at the poxy screen, people said after 6 months i would be so much better, well i dont, i feel down as uaul, fed up, flat, angry , jealous, resentfull, anxious, bitter, god ? why am i her, gotta cheer up, picking up kids in a moment, be on line later tonight, hope some of u r, take care and love to all

ja

Hi Ja

Enjoy your evening with your kids.

I think 6 months is too soon to start feeling better. So don't be so hard on yourself.

Chat later.

Love 'n' Hugs

Melbi xxxx

Melbi, 6 months feels like 6 years, Im sitting here , had a couple of pints listening to the best band in the world....oasis, trying to cheer myslef up, hard on myslef, Im a dad I have to be, my kids dont deserve a mental dad like me, i didnt have one ???? y cant they have just daddy ? happy go lucky???? im off to cuddle the only 2 people that keep me going, my gorgeous darling babies , night all xx

Well there you go Ja, you are not a crazy dad - not to them anyway - just in your head. :shock:

Enjoy the time with them and I;m quite sure the love you have for them shows through to them no end.

I have just had my sleepers so going to love and leave you all for tonight.

Sleep well all and I'll try not to be in your nightmares arghhh! :huh: :weird: :yikes: :ghost: :magic:

Melbi xxx

Hi ja, its Katy.

yes, you know and I know you are a good daddy, let them and you to help each other. Thereis no harm in explaining to them that you are not yourself, but you are trying your best to get better. (Or have you done this allready?),

Just dont forget , you are a good daddy, and thats probably the most important job that any man could ever succeed with. You also did not hurt your wife by any means of abuse, you still love her or loved her, that does not make you a bad person. Only good. Its good to even tell your children, as its a bit bizarre that they are alive and dont hear those words, if you canunderstand what I am trying to say. from experience, I never heard my mum ever say that she loved my father, though I dont blame her, but it does often niggle at me a bit. I hope I make sense here,, not sure I do, but anyway, i tried. take care ja, hugs and best wishes to you and your children.

Melbi and Katy,

Well its Friday night and i can honestly say im ok, yes I have my babies this weekend and they WILL keep me going , just them running up to me and jumping at me makes it worth it............... Well its a funny old life, yeah i am a good dad, i always put them 1st and they know their dad loves so much, always hug em to death when i have them, tell u what, until u have them no one can ever realise how much kids mean to you. Melbi and Katy, this wont beat me, no way, do u know i never tool my tablet today and i feel so much better, its madness......

y is my head so up and down????? had a really good night tonight , yep a couple of pints but totally chilled to some great music, music is such a therapy to me, well love to all, be on here tomorrow, Katy and Melbi xx

ja

:cry: Ja - grrrr!!! Iam really upset,really upset. Had such a bad night with scary man in my house. he thinks i should move out, leave him with my children as he never loved me in the first place, nope he was not interested in me, you don twant to know the rest, but what a complete........duck.....tool i am . I dont want to get up, I dont want to be on this planet anymore. There seems very little point. What is the point trying to trust anyone , when the person most closest to you treats us like this, sorry I aean me. Its so painful, I really want to do some strange surgery to my body, so that i am a different person. I nedd and want to change so that I never feel like this ever aginn. (Plaese god, dont let anything like thi sever happen to my children, please).

Ja, I keep thinking, Ill get over this and then knowing my luck Ill get struck down with the Big C, its common in our family. Last year My aunts best friend died suddenly, she was only in her sixties, but she was never treated well either, I keep thinking and going back to my loved family that have gone and left me, that i still cant except. I dont know whats happened to me. But sometimes I just want a huge friendly hug, like the ones my grandad used to give me. Sorry :cry: I dont think I am ever going to be able to except that he has left us, sometimes Ijust want to get on the bus and find him, I still feel like hes here :cry: I miss him so much. he was such a strong man, I would have asked for his help , if he had been here. Why do I still hurt? Is it as this is the only family I ever knew that I could turn to? Oh god, I feel sick, I have to go clean my tears up, i think ill go back to bed. There seems very little point to this existence, I mean, we all die anyway, I just hope its my turn soon. :cry: :?

:oops: Had to write back t me quickly 13th post and all that.

I was nuber 13 in the passport office, my face dropped ten feet, (Im not taking that!!!) So the man read between the lines and gave me number 14, I need to get here, and not be stuck at 12. :cry:

Hello Breezman, Melbi and Katy,

Well, im just gonna rant and make myself feel better, sorry folks !!!!

Do you know what, I actually think Im starting to over this depression, I havent felt depressed now for a week or so, the problems that did depress me are still there but i no longer feel down , I feel pure hatred and i mean it, i have felt like this for over a week now and the feeling is so intense. I dont know if i like it but it is certainly easier to deal with than depression. As you can guess its the ex wife, i cannot believe how one human being can be so nasty, vindictive, selfish, damn right horrible to another human being, i can honestly say hand on heart i havent felt hatred for anyone in my 31 years on earth but for her i do, i love my kids with all my heart, i am just saddened that i had them with someone like her, i dont want to go into details but she is a vile person who absolute disgusts me to look at and speak to. The strange thing is , that i am able to cope better, no longer am i down with myself, i feel like the old Jim again, like i want to sort things and get going with life again, its bizarre but i feel like a cloud has been lifted off me. This might like sound like sour grapes but whole heartedly its not, i just feel so lucky that at 31 my life has a new chance and that i am not trapped into an unhappy marriage that drove me to be depressed and drinking heavy, yes i still like a pint but im not drinking it to numb the pain. In the past few months i didnt even want a place on my own, now i see it as the start of a new life, just me my kids and hopefully a new partner, when i look back now , with a clear head, god, i never had a life , i had an existance. I am a great believer in fate, and i think fate has dealt me in a round about way a new chance to be happy again, i also belive in what comes around goes around, im not religious at all, but if one human can act like that then surely hardship must fall upon her. No one knows me on here, but i am a decent bloke, work hard, good dad, good mate, look after those close to me so I am sure in the end life will get better, i may not have the financial assets i had and i dont see my kids like i want to but hey Im free of an unhappy prolonged marriage, believe me to anyone going through a split or divorce, there is light at the end of the tunnell and everything happens for a reason, you will get there, some quicker than others but no matter how low you feel, you will feel better and ease in your mind one day, it has taken me 8 months and yes the house still hasnt sold, so i have more issues to deal with her, but hey, that is just money now, cold hard cash, businees deal, dealing and overcoming issues in your heart and head is so much harder, love to all...........