Why won’t my wife ask for HRT from her doctor? What can I do?

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My wife started her Symptoms about a year ago. She has always been a very happy person. This condition is seriously affecting our relationship. What can I do to convince her that HRT will help. I feel that the effect on her whole attitude to me of this Menopause is damaging our relationship. Don’t know what to do. She never had mood swings like she is having now. 

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  • Posted

    Tell her she needs to go to the doctor. Repeat it a few 100 times, so it will sink in. I'm not kidding about repeating it that many times, either. If she still doesn't listen tell her if she doesn't see the doctor that you won't put up with her any longer. Tell her you'll take her to the doctor, and that you want to be there with her when she sees him/her. My hubby would leave for a few days, said he'd give me free time to see the doctor, when found out I had not gone, he threatened me he wouldn't come back. It worked and I was able to go out again. My situation wasn't about mood swings but fear of going out. He was always sweet and loving, telling me I want you to be the best person with the best quality of life, sweetheart he'd say, your quality of life has gone downhill and you need something to get it back. Tell her to Go see the doctor and tell him or if you want I'll tell him you need something for the mood swings because it's ruining your marriage. Hope this helps.

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  • Posted

    Dear Graham34842

    Please the 1st thing that you have to do is to be supportive - unfortunately we have no control over these mood swings. For some reason you tend to develop some form of irritation towards the person you love most. As you cannot deal with the emotional haywire your body is experiencing and have no idea as to why you feel like this, you take it out on your husband. Make her feel special, help with the chores, be supportive. And tell her that you know that she is going through peri-menopause and you want to understand and suggest to her that you both search for ways to better the "condition". I went through all of this with extreme depression and anxiety until I visited a gyne whom put me on HRT. My life is so much better then before. Still have the odd anxiety spell and mood swings though. I was lucky cause my fiance was very supportive. 

    Hope this helps a little bit.

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  • Posted

    Hi graham I can imagine how your feeling as I’m the same as your wife I normally am a really happy person but since starting peri I’ve been like another person , sometimes I don’t even know myself it’s really horrendous, My partner says he never knows what to say or do to help I just tell him just listen and be patient hopefully it’s not forever I personally can’t go on HRT as my mum had breast cancer , I feel for you like I feel for my partner but it’s something we never choose to go through and it disrupts relationships but if your a strong couple you will get through it not saying it’s easy for you guys but it’s also not easy for us  ladies .. wish you all the best 
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  • Posted

    I would suggest you both read the website of Louise Newson, a menopause specialist. It is informative and may help in any decisions you both make about HRT and understanding how hormones affect our bodies. 
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  • Posted

    I think there is a lot of jumping to conclusions here. There is no guarantee that HRT will help, and lots of women are not on HRT for various reasons. She may have already discussed this with her doctor and not told you for various reasons. The best thing you can do is step back and support. This is not all about you. She is going through an stage of 'illness' and needs support no matter what her decision is. If you are having trouble, go to a therapist and talk it through with them to get some clarity. You may see windows of opportunity to talk with your wife and get through this, but if all you have on your mind is that HRT is a cure all you may be sorely disappointed. Good luck!

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    • Posted

      Absolutely!!!!!

      Couldn’t agree with you more Sabrina

      I’ve been in peri ten years

      I’ve been married for 30

      Yes I’m horrible a lot yes I feel unwell a lot

      No I can’t be bothered to be at my husband and kids beck and call

      Yes I feel guilty for feeling this way

      Wondering if I will ever feel normal again!!!

      I’ve been in the pits of despair wanting my life back

      No I’m not on HRT

      Don’t really want to

      My husband tries to be supportive but how can he understand when I don’t

      I said all that to say this

      It’s hard enough for us women to cope with what we are going through without having to worry about everyone’s feelings 

      If it was physical illness like cancer I wonder if our husbands partners family would be more supportive!!!

      HRT isn’t necessarily a quick fix for everyone or even a fix at all

      What about women that can’t have HRT

      Support support support and care is what we need x

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    • Posted

      Michelle peri for 10 years that sounds awlful I really thought it would be over by then .... seems I’m on this rollercoaster for a long ride yet .... guess I try and get used to the symptoms and not try and please everyone else thinking I’m the bad person as I’m slways feeling wrong .... need to up my game and do things for me ..... you have given me that push x
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    • Posted

      Yes I've always been a people pleaser and now I put myself first and everyone thinks I've turned into a selfish hard person. I'm not! I now have a devil may care attitude and let everyone get on with things themselves. I haven't the energy for anyone but myself. it's hard mentally and with guilt feelings but I need to look after myself. Yoga has helped. x

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    • Posted

      Hi Jan, you go through per for up 10 years,I now reach post after 8 years of  and when my Dr told me how long I told him I can't go through it that long but I did and you can not easy ride but you get there, I think you go through Post for up to 2-4 years this is all torture for poor women it should stop when your periods are over not carry on but I guess that's the way our bodies are design to go through it,it must be marvellous coming out the other end I'm having holiday when I'm done Lol.

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  • Posted

    Dear Graham, it is very nice of you to come here to find help your wife and your relationship. I agree with most of the ladies that you need to be patient and caring with her rather than pushing her. She is already being pushed into all sorts of directions with the horrible symptoms she is dealing with. HRT can have adverse side effects. They may not necessarily work for her either. Perhaps just discuss with her why she doesn't want it and just accept her reason. I know it is not easy for you. But it is NOT EASY for us too. We want to have a hapoy,enjoyable, loving life too. But our previous lives are on hold for the time being simply because we are not men

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  • Posted

    You are correct the health issues associated with menopause can affect relationships.  But HRT is very dangerous.  I keep reading about women taking it all the time but its a REAL health risk. HRT can give women strokes and cancer. But you can do other things which are not risky.  You can revamp her diet and exercise.  Her body is changing and you need to look at everything.  You can be tested for hormone levels through testing in the mail.  Google Dr. Lee and menopause.  He wrote several books and has products.  He has testing kits. I use his progesterone cream.  Google DIM.  Available at most health food stores.  TAKE magnesium!!!!! Drop caffeine. You need to do your research.  Don't just assume HRT is okay .  ITS NOT! 

    And if all else fails google ovarian rejuvenation.  Women even in their 60's and 70's are doing it to get rid of menopausal symptoms.  Its cost between $3-5000 to do it but its worth it.  I am going to be doing it myself.  There is a clinic in California doing it now.  It may have long term health benefits as well.  

     

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