Withdrawals

Hi. I have previously been on fluoxetine on and off since I was 18. I'm 36 now. At the end of last year I ended my relationship with my boyfriend. Whilst I'm glad I did, at first I was a bit peeved that he didn't care. So the back end of last year that coupled with university exams, etc I was a bit stressed. The start of this year, newly single I started going out drinking more with classmate. This probably made me feel more depressed and that my fluoxetine wasn't working. I went to my GP and she told me to go up to 60mg. I did. Still continued partying. My classmate made me go to A&E cos she thought I was suicidal on the 31/01/17. They told me to go up to 90mg of fluoxetine. I said I didn't think this was a good idea but took the advice along with the sleeping pills given to me. I should mention my classmate is on Venlafaxine herself. There was trouble in college between her and others and a falling out which lead to them not talking to me either. My friend's father also died a couple of weeks later so I was feeling extremely low. I got an appointment with the psychiatrist on April 10. He diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and prescribed me Venlafaxine. Told me to take 75mg for two days, 150mg for two and then 225mg therein if tolerated. I couldn't so I switched down to 150mg. On my follow up visit on 22 May I said that I felt terrible on the tablets. My depression was far worse than it had ever been. Had stopped going to college, etc. He then prescribed me mirtazapine at 15mg to take in conjunction with the Venlafaxine. Now on this mixture I just felt weird. Night sweats started with me changing my pjs up to three times a night and having to have shower at 4am on numerous occasions. Strangely tho on my follow up appointment on 12th June I claimed I was feeling 8/10 and wanted to continue on this mixture. Had reduced the Venlafaxine to 75mg at this point. Think I felt OK that day cos I had my brother staying with me the previous week and I otherwise live alone. A week later and I just became an irritated, highly emotional, in motivational, irrational MESS. Was meant to be back in on august 14 for review but last Tuesday 18 July my mam made me go to my GP who sent me straight to A&E as I just wanted to die. I saw no hope whatsoever for my future. Obsessing over a failed fling I had with a guy, not able to concentrate on the college work I need to do next month. I just wanted the pain to end. On call psych told me to take quetiapine on top of my meds until the following Monday, this Monday, when my psych could see me. I stopped taking the mirtazapine tho. I know I shouldn't have. Anyway this Monday the psych told me to discontinue my use of Venlafaxine altogether and start taking the mirtazapine again but at 30mg. Now I'm having withdrawals and I feel awful. Dizzy, drunk feeling, vertigo, nausea, insomnia, irritability, no motivation, suicide idealation and a feeling of worthlessness. I don't even want to take the mirtazapine either. I wish I had never taken either. I think I felt bad on the fluoxetine because of my drinking and the things that were going on at the time. Now life is pretty hard for me. I'm just so angry with myself for all the mistakes I've made this year and I can't move on from it. I know it's the tablets tho. I feel a failure because I left a well paid job to return to college to better myself and I am going to have to repeat the semester in January now because I can't concentrate to do repeats next month plus I never went to class. Ironically I am in the second year of a BA (Hons) in Psychology. I have wrote way too long a message here but I just feel so helpless. I must mention when I said to my psych what happens if I can't tolerate the mirtazapine he said to come off it as it "would be interesting to see how you are on no medication"! Poor thing to say to someone who feels suicidal I think.

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