Work/Life Balance--Guilt & Shame

Go to your doctor you can't cope don't wait to feel worse I did and had to stop working bio identical hormones are the best way to go not a quick fix but they do work good luck

Hello maddysmom

I understand what you are saying and dealing with here. I was the same last year, just drowning with work and home and continually trying to carry on but feeling like an absolute failure on all fronts. One day after about 4months of huge work stress I just woke up and thought 'I can't do it'. Not like I'd failed, but just recognising that the continual demands of the job meant that I couldn't focus on feeling better or getting treatment . So I gave in, I phoned my boss and said I can't do both right now I have to stop.... And for once I knew I was putting my health first for all the right reasons. I had a few months of sick leave but didn't use it as I normally would (whinging, eating and watching judge judy) I focused on my own wellbeing and started exercising each day, walking every morning, eating better, meditating and started taking bhrt. Nothing is a magic cure but sometimes you've gotta give yourself permission to look after yourself xxxx

This is not our fault and we do the best we can.. You have sick time, USE IT.. That's what it is for. My friend and I were talking about this yesterday-- she feels like a failure in her job and feels that she was so much better in her younger years. All we can do is take care of our self and take it day by day. I feel for you on the period thing-- it's horrible and I don't like working when it comes--I really want to hibernate which I was never like that. I have never told anyone off at my job (well, maybe in a nice way) BUT more and more I feel just so irritated at people. I just have to remind myself it's my hormones and hopefully it will pass.

Hi maddysmom

You are so not failing, look at what you're doing: 2 jobs, home, bills, student loans etc and to everyone else you're doing fine. It's how you're judging yourself that does the damage. Someone told me once to be my own best friend. I'm so much kinder to others than I am to myself. If you can't take a sebatical (my sick leave is paid for first 6 months) then try to structure your day with You in mind. Underpin it with things you can do to raise your wellbeing. So get fresh air , walk at lunchtime, meditate at your desk (with your eyes open) fit in some yoga every other evening, meditate at bedtime. Start a journal and each evening write down 3 things you did that was positive. Maybe if you can weave in some things, you can keep going but just slow it down. I always find there are different approaches on here and what works for some won't work for me so keep an open mind. Yes it's hormonal, but I've had hormone issues all my life and it can seriously kick your butt. So know when to kick your own butt and know when to give yourself a big hug because you're amazing xxx

Great, give it a go. I'm happy to be your buddy if that helps. Just DM me. Just know you're not alone and it's not that you're doing this wrong or can't cope.... It's flipping hard!! Everyone always says to me that I'm really bubbly and perky, but most of the time I feel the opposite. It's good sometimes to let the mask slip so people can see you need help xx

hi sorry your feeling this way iam also having hard time with all peri symptoms iam now into my 5th week off work i just cant face it i need to feel stronger and face whats going on and put myself first like we all should i dont think any work place understands what us women have to endure at this time of life and they should be more understanding iam going through the most horrid anxiety at the mo hot,cold sweats dizziness,palpitations,and just general feeling unwell cant take HRT so all my GP has offered is antidepressants which i dont really want to take let us know how get on with life style changes hope it works, big hugs x

I was in really good standing with my work before I had a migraine aura three months ago which brought me to the ER. I haven't been to work since and my work is fighting my FMLA. When you are healthy, you have this false perception that your work values you. The minute you become ill, you quickly learn that you are expendable. My best advice: Treat them in the same manner they treat you. I used to go above and beyond...why bother? You earned your sick time...use it and don't think twice.

Also, it's likely illegal that your work forces you to drive others and use your own car. You know what would have happened if you would have gotten into an accident in the blizzard and your passenger would have been injured? You would have been sued. And, I highly doubt your employer would back you and/or pay for the liability. I don't drive strangers in my car...ever.

I took a day off today (I am a teacher). I hardly ever do that, but felt so , so anxious, vertigo, yucky. I hate the fact that I do not have the energy to do what I use to be able to do. It helps me to do a meditative walk in the morning before getting going.

I understand completely. And, if you have sick days saved up, they cannot fault you for using them! So don't let them make you feel guilty. I work in higher ed, too, but fortunately, where I ma they are very understanding.

I am taking classes, too, and have decided to withdraw from them for this semester because I just cant do it. With the perimenopause craziness, work, doing my online magazine, and now I am moving closer to my folks to help take care of my mom... It's just too much. So I made the decision to take care of my self. Sometimes, you just have to.

Doc gave be progesterone to start but I am holding off until after the move because I have too much going on right now and if I react poorly, I don't want to add to my stress! So, hopefully I'll start next month and begin to feel better.

And, the other issue is, everyone's menopause is different. Some women hardly have any issues - others have MAJOR issues. I hate it when people say "We've all been there! You just deal with it!" OK, yes, I get it, but not everyone is the same! And mine is PARTICULARLY horrific. And same with some others, so they need to stop telling me (and you, and others) to just "get through it." I'm 39. I wasn't expecting this. 6 months ago I was "normal." Now, I'm nuts. It's a difficult transition, especially when your symptoms are so bad, and I will not let anyone diminish that.

No, I'm not sitting home feeling sorry for myself. It takes strength, and you must move forward, but I am not letting anyone make me feel bad for taking care of me.

The point is, take care of yourself. My mom never did, and now she's only 65 and in such bad shape she needs help to just clean the house. So, while it's easy to feel "selfish," it's actually a very unselfish thing. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Hang in there. =)