worried mom

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hi

can anyone help me,i have a 17 year old son which i thought was very happy and enjoying life.to my sadness broke down to me,shaking ,sweating saying he has been feeling like this for a while,worse in crowds of people eg(college,cinema, town)feeling that eceyone is stareing at him when they laugh he thinks they are laughing at him,which has start making him stare at them back,making him have panic attacks,sending him parranoid,the last few months  i have noticed he keeps choking on food and even liquids he was put on some tablets for acid reflux not sure if this is all connected,he said he has been feeling like this for a few years but got really worse the last few  months which is really worrying him.but he doesnt want to go to his gp,does he need hepl i dont know what to do im afraid it will just get worse

 

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  • Posted

    Lisa,sorry, he needs help. Badly an quickly. Good that he can share with his mum. Loads and loads of support and love. Reassure him he WILL get better. There are probably lots of students carrying the same load and can't tell anybody. So well done you. Get him to ring Samaritans,anon if he prefers. Not be ashamed many famous sportsmen also suffer with this social phobia. I am not a medic but not being able to swallow and eat properly is ione of my symptoms too, hope your Gp is a good kind Gp. In a few weeks he will feel much better and more able to cope. Running football and any other excercise pays dividends. If possible bring humour into the situation,it helps to defeat the bogeyman. Let him read this,if you want. Don't despair, it gets better with help,he has been very brave if he has put up with this for a long while,every day has been like climbing a mountain for him. He has a good strong character and will overcome. Books and knowledge help too. Good luck Lesley.x
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    • Posted

      thank you so much for your kind reply

      we are such a close family which upsets me that i hadnt even seen any sighns that he was feeling like this.he has such a fun loving character about him loves making people smile with his wit.hes in 6th form loves drama which he  as picked as a option loves to act and oozes with confidence.so just seems so unreal.he doesnt go out much but  does go to a 6 aside football match once a week witch he enjoys but as been making excuses to go  for the last few weeks.i will have a good talk to him and hopefully he will go to see our gp i feel so useless its awfull he is feeling this way and just as bad seeing yr child go through this ,hopefully love and support will get  him through this and makes  him stronger .thanks again

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    • Posted

      Hello again, Lisa,

      My own son has social anxiety or social phobia. But I thought your case sounded more serious. But in your last post, it seems clearer that it may be just that. If he can function normally and is apparently and seemingly happy at home, it may be S.A. The crying and crisis sounds very worrisome however and I would get him help asap...especially if you feel he is losing touch with reality.

      You can read up on S.A. on line in any case. It is very common and it tends to run in families. I am sure you recognize S.A. in people you know who say they are very shy, hate being around others, avoid crowds etc.. My mother had it to some degree and my husband;s father for sure. He was very ill at ease in social situations...like my son.

      Like your son, my son, Chris was a fun loving, hyper and very bright and active boy...but once into his teens he preferred to stay home on the computer, was still fun and clever around us his close family but hated larger family functions. He did play football and hockey and enjoyed it...but not going out for a snack afterwards. He's married with a child and is still ill at ease among others...except us, I think...

      You will know what to do. You sound very clued in to your son's situation. And being a close family, will be a big support to him. Good luck!

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    • Posted

      thank you for your reply i am very greatful,

      my son does sound alot like yours,what worries me is that he is paranoid of others not sure where that comes from,we have had a long talk tonight i have asked them questions you have stated in your last message.and he said he wouldnt harm his self but hates feeling the way he does  and  he has asked to see a doctor so thats a good sign as he never goes to docs if he can help it,he does seem so sad but i did say we will get through this and not to keep anythink in.he struggles more in breaks and lunch times at college where there is crowds of people he dont know ,but in class he  is ok he just gets stuck in to his work..im not sure if there is coucilers at school but might look in to it will  let you know what the outcome of the gp is thanks again

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    • Posted

      Hi Lisa,

      I think he needs more than a counsellor or a regular doctor. He needs a psychiatrist to get the right kind of help quickly. He is suffering agonizing psychological pain obviously. It can take months to see a psychiatrist unless he is admitted to hospital. Can you pay for one privately. Don't know if such a thing exists in the UK. Here in Canada you can go private ($$$) and so if it's possible for one emergency visit, it might be your best bet. You too are suffering, being in limbo and not able to help your son to the extent that he needs at the moment. 

      You sound like a wonderful caring mum. How reassuring that he says he will not harm himself. He must really feel your concern and support. Tell him as another poster suggested, that he will get through this. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes when a person, especially a young person is in the depths of despair, they do not see beyond the pain. Let's hope you can get help quickly for the poor kid. 

      Robin (also a mother so I get it.)

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  • Posted

    Hello worried Mom.

    Your pain comes through loud and clear in your message. I have goosebumps all over reading it! You have every right to be worried. I am sure you have told your son that you are there for him and that you will get through this together. I hope his father is equally supportive.

    Have you asked him if he has considered suicide? You may be afraid to ask but he may be relieved to be able to tell you...and you need to know. If this is the case, you must get him hospitalized...even against his will and fighting you every inch of the way. As soon as a patient says that he is suicidal, that is the cue to admission. Scary thought...but you don't want any regrets.

    If you really feel that he is not in iminent danger, (and maybe only a psychiatrist can judge...), get him to agree to see a psychiatrist asap with you as his support. If you are told that there is a long waiting list, and you feel that he cannot wait, I really think you have to get him to hospital. He may hate you for it because he will be frightened but he will thank you for it down the road.

     

    The choking may be unrelated. Check out 'Globus'. Or it could be from general tension which extends to his throat. 

    The paranoia and staring back at people etc..could be an indication that he is heading into a psychotic state; schizophrenia which tends to come on in late adolescence and in one's twenties. Does this run in your family? The earlier it is diagnosed and treated, the better it is. 

    If he smokes marijuana which many young people do, this can mess with his mind and bring on schizophrenia if he is so disposed.

    My friend and her son, Paul have gone through a rough patch this past year. Paul was feeling paranoid and finally delusional. He thought people were following him and he started talking about violence. That was it. Threats of violence towards himself or others...requires immediate admission....as tough as it is. My friend had to call the police because he would not go to the hospital voluntarily. He was assessed for about 2 weeks and he was stabilized on anti-psychotic meds. The good news is that after a period of adjustment and even going off his meds (back to the hospital!) he took an 8 month program in construction added to his electrician's license and he is working almost full time now and is on an even keel.  

    Please let me know what happens to your boy. I am worried for you both. This is not something to be taken lightly.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry.  Please take him to a therapist so he can receive feedback about these emotions and how to handle them.  Let him know that most people have their own problems.  They might be feeling the same way about him...that he is staring and laughing at them.  He must say to himself that it's his imagination...smile and go on with his day. He must know that humans are fallible...make mistakes all the time. Therefore, no one is qualified to laugh at someone else, since we all are imperfect. Praying for him.
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    • Posted

      thank you for your reply

      i do feel a little better as  this morning i couldnt stop crying just thinking about the way he is feeling,but now ive pulled my self together and had a good talk to him when he came home from college .giving him all my support even though he did look so sad just kept hugging me telling me he loves me.he doesnt hang around with anyone at college and feels lunch time and breaks are usually worse as there are more crowds and people he dont know .we moved forward a step as he has said i need to see someone .i am going to book a appointment to see gp first thing in the morning will let you know how we get on thanks again

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  • Posted

    He could be having panic attackes it sounds like. I have them occasionally.  He can get back on track with a good councelor who works with teens. Management of his symptoms is a good start. He came to u...he loves u and trusts u. It's a lot of responsibility having children, sometimes we moms need a little extra help coping with life's issues. With time & counceling UR son will learn how to cope and be stronger because of this struggle u both took together thru this journey. Good luck.

     

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    • Posted

      thank you for your reply 

      you are very kind ,seeing it for my self shaking and sweating worried me so i thought this could be panic attacks and he said he gets like that around people he dont know ,we have had a good talk this evening and he has asked for help so hopefully the first steps to recovery.thanks again for your kind words as a mom it helps 

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    • Posted

      UR welcome. Sometimes a little encouragement goes a long way.

      i appreciate u taking the time to message me back..most don't take the time.i realize how a mom suffers with their child.. That is the toughest part. Mom my need to take time to treat urself to a little support counceling / massage works too. Both of u very relaxing...or some other activity UR son can tolerate without anxiety. I know once recognized... Treated... Accepted.. Time does help heal.

      ((hugs))

      HOPE

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