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Your 2 worst experiences with alcohol?

Posted , 9 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

I don't know if anyone wants to be as honest as I can be...but I wanted to post this for ME to remember...although...both of these things happened many years ago...I have never forgotten them...and they never really stopped me from drinking again...but...these are pretty bad and as I get older...I would hope I could come to terms with maybe these are the reasons I relapsed...maybe I haven't loved myself enough from these days forward.

#1 - My oldest son was in the hospital dying of a cocaine overdose.  I was woken out of a drunken stupor in the night by my partner (my sons Dad)..and he told me my son had overdosed..and that he mumbled to a Nurse that he wanted his Mom.  I COULD NOT GET UP...I COULD NOT GET DRESSED.  I was freaking out....and I said to my partner I needed to have a BEER before we left...he reluctantley agreed...but he was in a fury...screaming at me...etc..I was trying to choke the beer down...and when it was gone...it wasn't enough to get me up...So, I said...1 MORE!  He did not wait...he left me there....I was devestated and hated my own guts.  My son ended up surviving...and when he came home...he refused to talk to me...(I don't think he remembered he asked for me...but I am sure his DAD told him I was too drunk/hungover to come).  Anyway,  shortly after that I had my first long stint of sobriety and when I reached 1 year...(this boy lived with me everyday and would not speak to me)....I reached 1 year and he had left a drawing in my car which said..."Take this to work"....and a long note stating how proud he was of me and how glad he was that I was ok.  I still don't know if  he could or has ever forgiven me totally. 

#2  - My youngest son..needed open heart surgery at 3 months old.

The hospital was in another state...one of the best in the world.  So my thoughts were my son will be fine.  I was assured by the heart doctor that he would be fine...but he would be one of the FIRST in the world to have this "teflon patch" procedure.  The heart surgeon agreed with us that we could drive our son to the surgery and he didn't have to go in the ambulance as long as we went right there.  I remember calling in work...and feeling FREE...."to drink".   So sad isn't it?

We were told it was a 2 hour surgery....after about 3 hours...a surgeon came out and gathered family into a room and said they were struggling to get his heart re-started and that they may have to insert a pace maker (this is not a good thing for a child so young...would mean many more surguries as he grew).   I remember being p*SSED.....because the beer we had stopped and put in the room for after surgery (for me) my partner didn't drink....had to wait.....Of course my nerves were shot...but looking back it was all about ME...and my BEER once again.

The surgery took a total of 8 hours to complete and the surgeons were successful in getting his heart started and it ended up he did not need a pacemaker.  I remember feeling so guilty the whole operation...because many family members were crying...I was stoic...and MAD that the surgery was taking so long and that I had to wait to drink!  Imagine?  I didn't even comprehend the fact that my son was literally dying and they were trying to save him...people kept telling me that...and I kept saying...he will be fine....I was a little beligerant in saying....I can't believe these TOP surgeons are taking so long!  Unreal.

Thank God my son is ok....he is 25 now....and he has participated in life with no further difficulties with his heart.

SO...this is how powerful alcohol really is when you are ACTIVE.  I love my boys...and always have.

Today...I would lay down completely SOBER and take a gun SHOT for either of my boys....But honestly....put a drink in me and I am TRULY...GOOD for NOTHING.

 

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  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    We can. And will all do it...we deserve to...and for our health and sanity ....I have had two glasses of wine and two vodkas tonight...in secret of course....I have been sober for nearly 13 yrs....but just struggling at the moment ( depression. ) which is made worse by the fact...I have a beautiful, and totally adorable and loving 7 month old grandson...I don't drink often...in fact hardly ever....I know myself that when I am down...alcohol for me....is the worst pick me up !!!? For me....keep your chin up ....we will...and can do it.....huge,huge warm and sincere hugs to YOU ALL ...always....DEIRDRE xxxxx
    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Oh Deirdre, I'm really sad to hear that. My heart goes out to you and I hope hope and pray it's just today. I'm sorry you're really suffering with depression. You are in my thoughts and sending you lots of love. Bless you xxxxxx
    • emma84640
      emma84640 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Hi Deirdre,

      13 years is amazing and if when you do have a drink it is a couple of glasses of wine and vodka and then back to sobriety that is pretty Damn excellent! I can't seem to go one night!

      I have had depression for years. Think it runs in the family. When I feel down and anxious or stressed I turn to what I know makes it all worse in the long run but can't seem to help myself. Think I learnt this as a habit since a very young age.

      But who can help but ourselves. Life just doesn't seem to make it very easy x

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      HI Deidre. Sorry for the late reply but many others have give brilliant advice and it looks good. You seem to be coping better by now but it is never easy to battle depression. Forget about the slip up and move on to more booze free days. you can do it! We are behind you    smile
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Hi paper fairy...thank you so much for your very kind words....it really, really means a great deal to me...don't you all just hate these bad days ?... we can all do it ....we deserve to ...thank you once more from the bottom of my heart....DEIRDRE xxxx
    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Hi Deirdre. Just wondering how you are today? Just back from an AA meeting. It was ok ish! Stopped me going to buy a lager which I've been taking in the evening. Anyway sending you my best wishes..pf xxxxxxxx
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Paperfairy....Yay...that AA worked for you for one day.

      You really had no alcohol yesterday?

      Great accomplishment...unfortunetly...when we stop thou...we feel like CRAP...I hope you don't feel like CRAP.  Its so unfair...when we are trying to get better and we have to feel crappy first.

    • vickylou
      vickylou Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Hi paper fairy

      how did the big shop go. First time in ten weeks wasn't it? I see you went back to AA. Was that a local one. I know you prefer the town meeting so well done. Did it help? 

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Hi paper fairy, very many thanks for your kind regards and concern....I feel a little brighter today, no alcohol...I saw the hospital dietician this afternoon. ( very, VERY underweight..)... she was lovely, but very concerned....two hours later...our head psychiatrist....for one of my three sons, he is very worried about his mental. Health at the moment...also his two brothers are not well at the present....men health again....at least because they live at home, we can be sure that they are safe...I have the doctors tomorrow so hopefully a Little more help at moment...

    Once more ...thank you....hUGS to yourself and all others on here....kind, sincere.wishes to all....Deirdre b xxxxx

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Not only is is good they are living at home...its good you are not drinking (as much) and able to be aware of what they are going thru.
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Many thanks once more lovely lady..we have to try our hardest to not fall into despair....does anyone else ever think....I will JUST GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY, and then tomorrow will be better ??

    I am always doing that....but then..there is ALWAYS A NEXT TIME...hUGS to you all ...Deirdre xxx

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Good to hear you've not drank today. Depression is so hard to cope with and I hope your doctor will help you. Hope you feel a bit, well a lot!, better tomorrow. Bless you xxxxx
    • vickylou
      vickylou deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Deirdre so sorry I've not replyed sooner. You have always been there for all of us with your warm hugs and prayers. You are the kind of person that sees positives where others see negatives.

      Depression is horrible and I'm glad you've had a better day today. My eldest son 31 has very slight learning difficulties and lives with us. He has a full time job, but is not very street wise. It's a constant worry and you have three if I'm right who are not well. Keep smiling, even when it's such an effort just to put one foot in front of the other. We are all here if you just want to chat. Take care xx

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Deidre...yes I always thought I will just get this out of the way and then stop...that is actually how I BLEW my 8 year straight time in sobriety.

      Oh well, its done....today and tommorow are new days....you all are sleeping in the UK now....You didn't drink yesterday?  That would be good...but like I tell a friend of mine...if you did....just brush off and maybe today you won't!

       

    • vickylou
      vickylou deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Deirdre I often think please make tomorrow better than today. But dread waking up knowing that today I feel the same as I did yesterday and the day before and the day before that. At the moment I have no anxiety, but I have plenty of guilt.
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