1. Community
  2. Women's health
  3. Menopause

Allowances

Posted , 8 users are following.

Fairy28
Fairy28

 Me again. Don't know about anyone else but I think this awful nasty phase should be classed as a proper illness and I think doctors should give us all long term sick notes so we don't have to struggle on working. The last thing we need to worry about is money when we feel so ill all the time. I know it's not much but even a small amount would help so we didn't have to struggle to even get up in the mornings, why are we just expected to struggle on and on its so hard to even open the car door and drive down the road - anyone else ? xx

5 likes, 41 replies

41 Replies

Prev Next
  • debbie_18471
    debbie_18471 Fairy28

    Posted

    This post made me smile. Yes I completely agree with you Lou. This phase is so difficult. I have had a good day if I fought all my anxiety panic and didn't end up at the ER. Thanks for the post it brought a smile to my face as I sit here wide awake at 3am trying to sleep😊😊

    Debbie ❤️

    • Fairy28
      Fairy28 debbie_18471

      Posted

      Uugghh poor you I know all about the scary 3am thing, and 4am and 5am been there done that, still am doing that - pacing the floor like a weirdo stressing about anything and everything - catastrohising all my horrid symptoms. I'm right there with you xx
  • jamie50513
    jamie50513 Fairy28

    Posted

    I agree with you on this. Not only is this tough physically but this transition is tough mentally. We don't have a choice in the matter as to wether or not we want to go through this. For some it's a breeze and for others it's difficult. For me it was difficult and still is. I resigned from my job for a while because the physical symptoms was causing mental stress and I could not perform my job duties at my best. I could barely make it in to work at times and when I did I was all over the place couldn't function and ended up leaving early. So wholeheartedly I agree with you.
    • debbie_18471
      debbie_18471 jamie50513

      Posted

      Oh Jamie I am so sorry you had to resign from your job. These symptoms are so terrible and unpredictable. It is very frustrating to see our peers living normal, full lives. I have no idea why some of us suffer and others don't, I hope you are able to get a little sleep

      Debbie ❤️

    • Fairy28
      Fairy28 jamie50513

      Posted

      Oh Jamie I get where you're coming from, sometimes I think I will be mentally destroyed by this let alone physically, it takes all our physical strength coping with these multiple symptoms day in day out - the lack of sleep challenges our very being , this is an illness that we have no idea how long the suffering will be, you're right for some it is a breeze but for others we may feel like our lives are not worth living like this, despite this we fight on because deep deep down there is something inside urging us to carry on with the belief that one day it will be over and hopefully we will feel better on day, we just don't know when. I do know that I am so grateful for lovely ladies like yourself , someone to talk to when we feel so low, someone who really understands what the other is going through. No matter what our symptoms, however we feel there is someone here he same. We have to try not to collapse under the enormous pressure of all this, somehow somewhen we will get through it- until then we have each other. xx
    • jamie50513
      jamie50513 debbie_18471

      Posted

      Thank you Debbie ,

      I really really struggled when the symtpoms first hit me. I had been having subtle symptoms a few years before, but the hard stuff hit me at once and it really put me somewhere mentally that I had never been. I was even worried for myself. I still have hard days but I'm learning to cope. I can honestly say I owe a lot to this forum and you lovely ladies. If it had not been for the expierences shared, knowledge shared, understanding, listening, kind words, and the interest to research I would have been one of those stories that you hear about women losing their minds literally.

    • jamie50513
      jamie50513 Fairy28

      Posted

      That's the only hope that I hold onto Lou, just knowing that one day it will be over. I've come to realize that there will always be something once the hormones have settled to whatever they are going to be, I just hate the fact of not knowing when that will be. I guess it just comes down to patience and hope that I don't lose my mind in the process.
    • Fairy28
      Fairy28 jamie50513

      Posted

      I know, me too.......Right now Ive lost interest in many things I used to enjoy, everything seems pointless and such an effort so I don't bother, hopefully one day it will all come back x
  • Zigangie
    Zigangie Fairy28

    Posted

    I've said the same to my husband.

    I didn't know what it was until recently, but now reading all these posts on this and other sites, realising that so many go through the same thing it's scary.

    Also I feel for women who for reasons of ill health and risks or doctors misdiagnosis can't have HRT.

    I haven't had to work but I have done and at the start of it I would have the odd day when I would say to my husband if I had a job I would have had to come home today.

    Going to bed thinking this flu thing I'm coming down with will be gone soon only to have it again and again a few weeks later.

    Then sleepless nights and feeling sick all the time. The awful fatigue and feeling sure after a year or mite that there must be some weird disease or maybe chronic fatigue, knowing something physical is wrong and being told it's all down to depression.

    I tried to take my life at one point, my friend I've found out recently considered suicide.

    I wonder how many women going through this have actually done so?

    I've sat and looked at things that need to be done, it makes me want to cry. Just looking after myself at times was difficult, I felt that the energy expended to make a meal and tidy up afterwards must be more than the energy I gained from eating it.

    At my worst in the mental health unit although scared of being there the relief of not having to worry about anything but myself felt so good.

    I still have problems believing that all that stuff was caused by my hormones.

    This is getting long and I have said this before. What about the cost anyway? I lost count of the specialists I've seen who all came to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with me? How many women are being sent to neurologists cardiologists and whoever when what is really needed is an expert in menopause and why, in the UK at least are most of these experts practicing privately?

    • debbie_18471
      debbie_18471 Zigangie

      Posted

      I absolutely loved what you just wrote in your post. You were so honest and transparent in what you went through. Thank You so much. I am crying right now because what you went through concerning the thoughts of taking your own life. I have just recently went through that same very dark and desperate place. Thinking it would be easier to be gone than live through this everyday. It is so scary to be in the place of desperation. That is what convinced me I desperately needed HRT. I have a few other friends that have said if we ever get to that dark and desperate place in perimenopause where we no longer want to live that we all agree to reach out to each other. It's a real place that we poor women face during this transition. Thank you so much for making me not feel crazy or alone. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Debbie ❤️

    • Zigangie
      Zigangie debbie_18471

      Posted

      If I had known then that it was peri and not just me I probably wouldn't have tried.

      I just thought it was me and I couldn't take any more of feeling that way.

      If I'd suspected it was ever going to get better it would have given me some hope but at the time things were just getting worse.

      The depression lifted like a miracle a few weeks into HRT resulting in me enjoying the best Christmas in 10 years, looking forward to the future.

      I just cannot believe that no one I saw with my problems ever suggested HRT.

    • jamie50513
      jamie50513 Zigangie

      Posted

      That's the part that baffles me all the time. So many docs, trips to the ER, specialists, so many tests, and bills only to be told that nothing is wrong. Don't get me wrong. I'm greatful that nothing is wrong, but I know that how I feel is not in my head. But because there is nothing on paper or docs just don't know how to treat it, me and so many others have to suffer and be told we're depressed. Over time I can see how it can become depression once you are left out to suffering to figure things out on your own.
    • Zigangie
      Zigangie jamie50513

      Posted

      Well I was being told I was depressed before I felt that way.

      Although it helps to be told everything is fine, it's hard to believe it because you feel so ill.

    • jamie50513
      jamie50513 Zigangie

      Posted

      Yup and that is why I started getting depressed. I just could not believe that hormones was making me so ill. I'm already feeling crazy and then to have docs tell me basically that im depressed instead of addressing my symptoms made me feel even more crazy. Then I had to sit back and really think about it. They didn't know how to address my symptoms. I guess until they have it on paper, I have to help myself.
    • metamorphed
      metamorphed Zigangie

      Posted

      Hi Zigangie

      I have read this post and I love your honesty about your whole journey through this madness.  You are a very honest person and the women on here will benefit from all that you write.  I know you are taking HRT now but from previous posts I know that you have only recently started it and that you suffered for 10 years?  Can I ask you how old you were when all this started for you and if you feel that had you taken it sooner you would have avoided the really low feelings?

      and, on your comment about why the experts are practicising privately, because they can, and charge what they like, because the medical profession in general know little about the effects of hormones.

    • Zigangie
      Zigangie metamorphed

      Posted

      Hi metamophed,

      I was 38 when one day just thought I feel so old and I must be coming down with the flu.

      Nothing then until 43 when I had it a few times and sleep problems started. Being unable to sleep at all some nights and strong enough at that time to just pull occasional all nighters.

      About a year later even after being up 24 hours I might go to sleep then wake up 2 3 4 hours later and more of the odd feeling old and flu like.

      By 45 I was just worn out and seeing doctors all the time fatigue and bad sleep. By then occasional anxiety and began to feel sick.

      My periods were normal on time and if anything slightly lighter.

      By the time I was 47 deep depression suicidal so tired from the sleep stuff I would just sleep whenever my body would allow, sometimes awake for 3 nights and dead on my feet ( tried to kill myself with the drugs given to me for depression by the doctor) ended up psychotic and in the mental health unit.

      Scared and confused I thought I was in prison and for some weird reason (I don't know if because of the psychosis or meno) everything seemed so loud. The birds singing something I've always loved were so loud. My husband likes to play his music loud and it's never bothered me but at that time it was like being next to the speakers at a disco.

      I lost a lot of weight and all my clothes were hanging off me and zero appetite. The smell of food just made me reach. A nasty metallic taste in my mouth made doctors change medication a few times but it was there to stay.

      With the fatigue and the medication I had a job to lift my arms.

      That was my worst year. That year they found I had gone below the amount of b12 that I should have although I'd been taking b complex from them already saying it was on the low side. It gave me some hope that this may be what the problem was and the injections seemed to lift the depression slightly and in may that year I sat in the garden and life felt a bit brighter.

      By that time I'd seen loads of specialist also homeopathy herbalist and tried all sorts of vitamins. I had to agree it must be depression.

      Sleep still is a problem but depression HRT worked better than any pills I've taken.

      I had asked my doctor could this be because of menopause (a blood test that year said I was perimenopause) but she made light of it and said I wouldn't get any problems with it until my early 50s.

      Yes I do think that had HRT been offered earlier I may not have got into such a state and may have not suffered so much with sleep.

      I'm really surprised they tried so many things and no one ever thought to at least give HRT a try, one of my husband friends wife had simular and HRT helped her, she sees the same doctor even.

      I'm thinking now maybe it will take a little while anyway to get over it all. I will be asking to try a higher dose, first 8 nights on estrogen were like a holiday 8 hours 15 minutes every night and woke ready to face the day.

      I know that was estrogen because I haven't had 8 nights of real sleep like that since I was about 45.

      Just hoping when I go that the doctor will be happy for me to try more of it, or even a different type (maybe a patch as it is continuous delivery)

      A bit scary again, I'd rather be taking the least amount I can and also worry what if a different one didn't work and all that stuff comes back.

    • metamorphed
      metamorphed Zigangie

      Posted

      this is very interesting, thanks for writing this.  Makes me wonder if hormonal imbalance is responsible for depression in people of all ages, especially teens whos hormones are fluctuating just like ours are.  Some suffer worse than others too and perhaps for some, they don't quite balance out as they should.  I wish doctors knew more about hormones instead of chucking anti-depressants at everyone.  It's awful that you had to suffer for soooo long.  there's nothing worse  
    • tina65315
      tina65315 Zigangie

      Posted

      Your posts are so reassuring, ive been through something similar and am still battling with this depression/perimenopause nightmare. I was hoping HRT would help but my GP wont prescribe it due to high blood pressure and the occasional aura migraine. Im on 2 antidepressants & a mood stabiliser but its not lifting xx
    • Zigangie
      Zigangie jamie50513

      Posted

      Hi Jamie,

      You are the lady having trouble getting HRT? If so PM me for info about a natural progesterone cream.

Back to top
Prev Next

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.