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Anxiety and my life so far

Posted , 15 users are following.

phil1990
phil1990

Hi my name is Phil and I'm 23. After reading all you're posts I thought I would tell everyone my story.

I have had anxiety ever since I could remember. I always felt more nervous than the other kids at school in certain situations and just thought they were as nervous as me but just didn't show it. I used to mask how I was feeling with trying to be the class clown and always being naughty. All through my school life I avoided any public speaking etc and missed a lot of school faking illness. I came away from school at 16 with no qualifications and hardly any friends as I used to make excuses to them as why I can't got to a party or hang around on the park etc so ended up pushing them all away. I also quit playing rugby at the age of 15 after 8 years of playing. It does hurt knowing that I had to quit the sport I love because the anxiety was getting worse.

So after leaving school I decided to google why I was always feeling nervous and I came across anxiety but didn't think much of it and thought it was just me being silly and I should man up. I have had a few jobs since leaving school but didn't last very long because of the anxiety. I have not worked but 3 years and don't claim benefits as I wouldn't be able to go through the whole interview process.

I pretended to be this confident funny kid at school but really I was just a scared child. Thinking back now I probably misbehaved as a way out seeking attention and help. My parents are quite laid back and have just gave me money over the years and have never really asked questions but now they are starting to struggle with money etc so I need to do something. Plus seeing all my old school friends that have jobs, cars, houses, girlfriends etc make me realise that I need to sort my life out as I will be 24 in October.

All I have done for the past 3 years mainly is stay at home and work out on my weights/exercise and watch tv. My neighbours always tell me I'm a good looking guy and I should have a good looking girlfriend by now but its not as easy as that. That's the problem with modern day society, just because some is supposedly good looking it doesn't mean they are a confident person.

My whole life has just been one big lie. I would be here all day if I was to go through them all. If a situation comes up and I don't want to be in it then I will just lie to get myself out of it.

Anyway after 7 years from leaving school I have now decided to try and get my life back on track and have booked myself into my local GP which is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:30am. When I phoned reception the woman who answered was very understanding and gave me the first appointment of the day so I didn't have to think about it all day and there wouldn't be many people waiting at that time in the morning so I could go straight in. It does scare me tho reading some of the other posts about people going there whole life and still having problems. I just want to be normal. Have a boring 9-5 job and eventually get my own place.

Anyway that's my life so far, I hope things improve. If anyone is interested I will keep you updated with how things go!

Phil smile

1 like, 43 replies

43 Replies

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  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    Thanks for the advice Danielle. I will hopefully be receiving a letter soon about my CBT classes.

    I shall keep you up to date with what's going on!

    Good luck

    Phil x

  • JooneBug
    JooneBug

    Posted

    Does anyone have advice on how to get CBT if your doctor wont refer you for it? My GP will only recommend medications, not any therapies so do I just look up a therapist and call them? I don't want to have to go back to my GP and ask again, it costs me €50 every time.
  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    So after 24 hours of taking my first medication I felt light headed and sick but after phoning my doctor he reasured me that these symptoms would slowly dissapear within 2 weeks.

    Hope everyone has a good day smile

    Phil x

  • denise1963
    denise1963

    Posted

    They will Phil, it's just your body adjusting and you'll be fine in a few days smile stick with them.

    Enjoy your day smile

  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    Hope everyone is doing well! Day 3 on the tablets and I haven't got much of an appetite and not been able to sleep much but they are the only side affects smile

    To all those people who have gave me supportive messages have a good weekedn! Positive thinking will bring positive outcomes

    Phil x

  • denise1963
    denise1963

    Posted

    Very true Phil, positive thoughts.

    The sun is shining, so have get some sunshine into you for the weekend.

    That goes for all of us smile

    Pleased you are seeing some positives too with your tablets, remember to eat though wink - enjoy some healthy food & feel the benefits smile

    I read your post from start to finish and it really made me smile! Such a long way in a matter of days.

    Imagine where you'll be months from now?

    smile smile

    Fabulous reading!

    Have a great weekend.

    I'm off on an organised dog walk tomorrow, we have three, two Bernese so will be eventful!!

    wink x

  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    Just another quick update

    5th day on the medication and the nausea is wearing off and last night I finally slept ok.

    Hopefully I will know more about my CBT sessions this week.

    Hope everyone else has had a good weekend smile

    Phil x

  • sue86025
    sue86025

    Posted

    Hi Phil!

    Glad to hear things are improving and you had a good night's sleep. It helps you feel more positive.

    Hope tomorrow is good too.

    Best wishes.

  • KG19891
    KG19891

    Posted

    Hi Phil,

    It's so nice to ready about someone a similar age dealing with anxiety! I'm 25 and have suffered with it the last couple of years. I'm a holiday rep and it's so difficult to try and act normal when I feel anything but most of the time! I've spent the last few years trying to ignore how I feel but I joined this forum a few days ago and instantly I feel better just knowing that other normal people are going through exactly the same thing!!

    When I get back to the UK, I'm going to speak to a doctor but it's a it difficult now as I'm living in Mexico. I was thinking about quitting and giving it up but I think I'd only be letting myself down so I'm gonna stick at it and try and fight through it and hopefully things will start looking up smile

    Best of luck with your treatment, it's great that you've accepted what's wrong!! I hope it's the first step in living a happy stress free life!! Keep posting your progress on here, I'd really like to know how is goes!!!

    Kirsty x

  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    So I just got news that there's a 4 month waiting list for the CBT therapy but my health center are looking at other places around where I live so hopefully it will be sooner smile

    Phil x

  • diana421
    diana421

    Posted

    Phil, fingers crossed they sort something sooner. That's too long to wait. :-( I'm still waiting for my counselling, no idea of how long the waiting list is. Keep us updated. X
  • Dannie1989
    Dannie1989

    Posted

    Ye I'm having problems with my CBT too, I got referred within a few weeks, so not too bad there, but I've started it just when another company was taking over so all the staff have to be retrained and the classes are being reviewed so not actually attended anything as yet, waiting to hear from them now, fingers crossed it will be soon.

    Best wishes

    Danielle

  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    Just another quick update:

    Not long got back from the gym, feeling great today and the sun is out which is a bonus. Things always seem better when the sun is out!

    I would recommend that anyone with anxiety exercises reguarly. It just makes you feel better about yourself. Hope everyone is ok and having a good day smile

    Phil x

  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    Also I would Just like to once again thank everyone for the supportive messages! If it wasnt for you're previous posts or comments i might of struggled to start getting my life back on track. Have a good evening :-)

    Phil x

  • phil1990
    phil1990

    Posted

    Hope everyone is having a good Bank holiday weekend and feeling positive!

    x

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