Can depression/anxiety make me doubt my (perfect) relationship?
Posted , 83 users are following.
Hi everyone. I'm posting this because I have been going crazy the past couple of days. I am 20 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. I can't tell you how wonderful he is. He is kind, smart, funny, and comes from an amazing family that I love so much. Our love has always been stable and strong; he is my rock and my very best friend in life. We have the same goals and values, and I know that I want to have a family and future with him. We don't have giant arguments - we are really good at communicating and working out any problems we might have had. I've never once questioned us.
Until about a few days ago, when I literally woke up and felt nothing. This is the scariest feeling in the world. I went from absolutely ADORING him, to feeling nothing. It has given me such bad anxiety the past few days to where I can't eat or sleep really. I pace around my house obsessively, thinking about every little thing about us. I feel pangs of guilt anytime that he does anything sweet because he loves me SO much and I feel like suddenly, I can't reciprocate that. I've struggled with the question, "Am I still in love with him?" and it has broken my heart to even ask myself that. I feel so guilty, like I am keeping a secret from him and he's living in this blissful ignorance. I don't want to leave him, and I don't ever think about what it would be like to be with anyone else. It makes me anxious to be around him because I'm constantly overanalyzing everything to see if I feel the same way, and to not be around him because I just keep overthinking.
Some background: Starting just after Christmas this year, I have really struggled with health anxiety stemming from problems that did not really exist. I thought I had a brain tumor and spent every moment trying to convince myself I didn't. I took two trips to the ER during that period, where they told me that I had a pinched nerve and on the other trip, an anxiety induced migraine. Things have calmed down since I have been to a doctor and she told me I don't have a tumor. Then recently, I had a sensitive tooth and I couldn't help but think it was infected and I HAD to go to the dentist that day - or else the infection would reach my blood and I would die. I know this sounds nuts, but I'm just trying to give you a picture of my life.
I'm a college student, and lately I don't have the motivation to do my work. I used to be outgoing and ambitious, but now I feel like doing the bare minimum to graduate. I am so anxious that I won't actually get into law school and will embarrass myself because of that. I kind of feel like I'm always waiting for the next thing to come along and that I'm just sort of... existing.
Do you think this could be me projecting my feelings on to my boyfriend? How could it be that one day I literally just don't feel the same way? I'm constanly battling between "you're projecting your anxiety on to him" and "you think you have anxiety/depression, but you actually just don't love him" and it is driving me CRAZY. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Help please!
7 likes, 100 replies
grace86962 carli80797
Edited
i cant believe after reading this forum that SO many people are going through the same thing. Ive been with my fiancè now 5 years, we got engaged last october. However, i was and am dealing with these intrusive thoughts, emotional detachment etc since last August. i was crying every day, my mind would not stopping thinking about him, i was obsessed with how much of a stranger he was to me, its like all my feelings have been switched off towards him. i cant remember feeling happy with him and its like the last 5 years havent existed. i struggled with this from august - december and the doctor then put me on sertraline. i barely cry now and i do get days of peace and im planning our wedding really excited then whenever i get an episode, im the opposite, obsessing over the future and lack of feelings and why i cant see one for myself even. its like there isnt life before or after an episode? Sertraline has calmed me down but im left numb now. its better than before but it took me 9-16 weeks to feel the full effect. i had counselling and i got to a place i felt strong enough to take it on but i waver sometimes and the episodes are INTENSE.
i feel so guilty too because my fiancè loves me so much, he sees our future and he has been so supportive. however i struggle with believing he loves me, like its a big lie. i dont love myself so i dont believe he loves me, clichè i know lol. He says no matter how hard i push, he isnt going anywhere and he knows im still in there and we'll work through it together, i genuinely dont deserve him. like i look at him and i just want to feel the pure love i did before. i wonder how i went around every day for 4.5 years not obsessing over it because its all i do and its exhausting.
If you have a supportive partner, let them be there for you. i know its so hard but one day, you'll look back and youll gain a whole new appreciation for them. The process is slow, painful and exhausting but we are in the situation and we're all trying to understand and get help which shows we really want it to work and you and your OH deserve the work and effort. Our minds are powerful and especially if you suffer from depression like myself, its filtered your whole life, negatively. Accept the thoughts but, they dont have to be true. The more you obsess, the more the mind clings to it. Meditation is great, after a few weeks meditation, it really helped my mind breathe.
We'll get through it! at least we all know we're not alone and some support to each other.
Ri7745c grace86962
Posted
Hi grace869
I am going through the exact same thing with my partner Can i ask how you are now?
haley96203 carli80797
Posted
@carli80797
@mackenzie10151
Hi everyone, I just wanted to share my "story" with you all. To start off I have found it extremely helpful that my boyfriend knew from the very beginning what was going on. After 3-4 months of doubts and anxiety, I never thought these thoughts would go away as I was literally consumed by them. After being put on medication and seeking therapy for a little while I'm happy to say that I think things are back to normal. I don't remember the last time I had a bad day. It definitely has been a good month of normal. We all do have bad days, so don't let one bad day discourage you. I truly believe that having such strong faith and reaching out to god has been been my saving grace. If anyone would like to reach out to me please do. This website really helped me not feel alone and I hope none of you have to do this alone. You will all get through this crazy path and I hope this helps the next person who comes across this page.
lauraliz92 haley96203
Posted
would you please be able to help me? im going theough this now and just dont see any light at the end of the tunnel and feel al alone 😦
haley96203 lauraliz92
Posted
hey girl! please read my post down below. i hope it helps. i promise you arent alone and it does get better! always remember your thoughts are irrational NOT rational. remind yourself why you love your significant loved one!!also keep yourself busy!
haley96203 carli80797
Posted
@carli80797
@mackenzie10151
Hi everyone, I just wanted to share my "story" with you all. To start off I have found it extremely helpful that my boyfriend knew from the very beginning what was going on. After 3-4 months of doubts and anxiety, I never thought these thoughts would go away as I was literally consumed by them. After being put on medication and seeking therapy for a little while I'm happy to say that I think things are back to normal. I don't remember the last time I had a bad day. It definitely has been a good month of normal. We all do have bad days, so don't let one bad day discourage you. I truly believe that having such strong faith and reaching out to god has been been my saving grace. If anyone would like to reach out to me please do. This website really helped me not feel alone and I hope none of you have to do this alone. You will all get through this crazy path and I hope this helps the next person who comes across this page.
tony96723 haley96203
Posted
Hi Haley96203
I'm so happy to have found this thread and to joined purely to reply to you and vent my feelings. I have been in a loving relationship with my partner for 2 years however lately I have been having feelings of extreme anxiety and depression of which I am seeking medical help for. My doctor has been giving me Zoloft after a recent panic attack and I am in my 4th day however I mostly feel nauseous with small moments of clarity however I feel incredible guilt at even having these thoughts. My partner is the most amazing, caring, loving and beautiful woman I know however I often get anxious thoughts and feel like I should leave her. Sexually I can find it hard to focus and during my panic attack I had overwhelming thoughts of wanting to leave her. I don't always feel this way however and we have been met with a large amount of stress recently, we recently had a miscarriage to which I found it hard to show emotion and my job has been hard as of late. I'm currently having some time of work and they have reassured me that they will have me back once I'm well however I feel anxious none the less. I know that she is the woman for me I just want to stop these intrusive thoughts.. will zoloft help eventually?, im sincerely praying that it does.
haley96203 tony96723
Posted
i cant say 100% that medication is going to fix it, personally i believe you have to train your mind to also think differently. For example if you are having a moment of extremely overthinking distract yourself, or start singing a song, anything to move your thoughts away from negative thoughts about your loved one. i also made a "pros and cons" list. Like what i loved about my bf and what annoyed me (there werent any cons in my case) however by doing that it helped me remember why we work so well together. whenever in doubt, remind yourself of the pros. the best piece of advice i can give is being open w your partner. now that doesnt mean tell her your exact thoughts, they may drive her away, but to tell her you arent feeling like yourself you are very anxious overthinking things in your relationship, but you are working through it. for me persoanlly my bf 100% stood by my side and didnt anything he could to help. it was so hard, at times i wasnt sure were going to make it through, but we love each other so much, it honestly makes a stronger now. can i say that i dont ever get doubts or over think or think about what ifs?? no i cant, i still do, but it just gets brushed off and my mind doesnt spirl. there is light at the end of the tunnel. My relationship with god and reading self help books help so much as well!!
gemma72804 carli80797
Edited
Hi everyone!
i have been trying to find a forum about my feelings recently and was so happy to come across this one. i know its been a while since this was posted but was wondering if anyone else is still suffering from this feeling? I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, met at University, instantly knew i liked him and have been in love ever since. i cant imagine not having him in my life, i want children, marriage a future with him. Due to covid i have been furloughed and without a real job since graduating September 2019 and have been stuck at home with nothing to do but think. One morning i woke up and BAM i had these massive feelings of guilt for no reason, spoke to my boyfriend about it and he reassured me then BAM "are you sure you really like him?" then all i could do was cry. i get these horrible pains in my heart and feel all hot when these thoughts come into my mind. Then i see him and im so much better, he is amazing with me, so understanding, i just want to cuddle him and have him with me. Then i go home and its like the good times are forgotten, straight back to the beginning. The thoughts manifest to "do you want to be with other people?" and this REALLY freaks me out, like i HATE thinking of this i have never had that thought before and I panic. I just need to know i'm not being stupid. all these are anxiety and depression right?!? I don't want to continue feeling this way, all these negative thoughts out of nowhere??? i'm speaking to a therapist to try and help me, have tried anti depressants which i just bad side effects from so i'm trying to cope with this on my own. not many people understand and i hate people telling me 'maybe you're just having second thoughts?' because deep down i'm not, i'm truly HOPING i'm not.
xellax gemma72804
Posted
this is EXACTLY what I'm going through too!! I've been with my boyfriend for a lot less time than most people in this thread but we were best friends for YEARS beforehand and he's the love of my life but i still feel this way! Have you had any improvement in the last month? It's been about a month since i started feeling this way and its gotten better but i still have moments.
gemma72804 xellax
Posted
Hi! It's so nice to hear from you! To be honest I have improved, before I struggled to go out and would cry all the time. Now i can facetime him and not feel as though im a bad person because he helps me through it all. I have had bad moments throughout the past 3 years with my family and my boyfriend which i think has sparked the anxiety and OCD thoughts in my head. It helps a lot to read that other people feel the same way! So you just need to know its not real and we will get better eventually! I'm still fighting it as well as you are and i think its a normal thing in a relationship to have the doubts, to solidify your feelings for your future x
lizaparker carli80797
Posted
There is possibility to get into poor relationship as a result of depression. It is strongly suggested to go for psychiatrist ASAP. Depression is real and It shouldn't be taken for granted.
gabriela99192 carli80797
Posted
Hello everyone. I highly hope there are still people in this discussion that might have some advice for me. I am in the same situation as all of you. I have to mention that i am in a lesbian relationship if that matters. We have been together for almost 7 years now. The first time i had my doubts it was about 4 years ago and came out of nowhere. After about a week of feeling doubtful, unsure, scared and not realising what was going on I woke up in the middle of the night with what I could only describe as a panic attack next to my girlfriend and I had to tell her what was going on. Me saying that im not sure if I still love her, if I dont know what and why I am feeling this way, made her absolutely devastated because we were so happy and it came unexpectedly. She was ready to leave, but after a couple of days of crying and sleeping in different places I felt like I cant let her go even if i was unsure of what was going on. at the time we were living with my mom, I was 20 and she was 25. I read all about Anxiety, depression and how i could affect a relationship and started taking herbal antidepressants which seem to have helped a lot at that time. Since then I have done my best to prove my loved one that it will not ever happen again that it wasnt her fault and to prove her I do love her. since then she has always had a thought at the back of her head that it will happen again and that it will totally kill her. but she stayed! and it was good, not perfect, but i believe there are no perfect people or relationships. Now to get to these days. we moved away from our homecountry to UK 3 years ago, believing it was what we both wanted at the time (she had always wanted to leave where we are from and I was willing to do it to be with her and to try and find happiness, now one of the reasons i doubt and feel anxious cause I dont know if that was her
SUESAN1954 carli80797
Posted
hi....I think your anxiety has caused a depression episode, you dont have to look far to find too much anxiety will result in depression. first call is your doctor....
xellax carli80797
Edited
Has anyone who's gone through this please reply telling me what happened with their relationship? I’m going through practically the EXACT same thing! I woke up one night and felt practically nothing for the love of my life and it sent me into a panic attack. Thinking logically i know there's love or at least the psychological components of love (passion, comitment, and intimacy). This was about a month ago and it's getting better but i have days where i fluctuate and i feel anxious and guilty about how I feel about him. When I'm with him I'm generally fine but it's only when I'm away from him. We've been together for nine months (which is a lot shorter than a lot of the others in this thread but we were best friends for four years and as a result our relationship is generally quite fast paced) and before we got together every day of my life was dominated by depression and anxiety but it had nothing to effect so I never did anything about it but now i fear that the honeymoon phase has finally ended and my depression is fully coming back to haunt me. I know the honeymoon phase couldn't last forever but thinking about him should surely make me feel something more than this? please anybody help me. I want to fight for my relationship and feel normal again.