Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?

Hi I have been with my husband for 15 years and have two kids 4 and 7, one night I could just tell something wasn't right and something was playing on his mind, so I asked him, he then said hes not sure if hes in love with me anymore, this was a big shock! and I was distraught! but we agreed to try and make it work, he kept obsessing over sex all the time and going back to our honeymoon phase and that he doesn't feel excited anymore which made me upset at the thought he was just going to throw our family away for some excitement! so we then agreed to space, he went to his mums and had a lot of support off his family with them trying to fix him, and he was just as miserable there, they kept saying do you not love her like that anymore or is it just as a mother of your children? the truth is he does nothing but say good things about me, and that he cares for me so deeply that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, he is riddled with guilt for hurting me so bad and for the children, has lost his appetitie and cant sleep, his sister has took him to the doctors and he now has sertraline tablets and has come back home but only as I requested for the kids, I can't do this on my own, with two young children, work and the where's daddy questions and the heartbreak I was already experiencing, I was losing my own mind! so he has come back for the kids, he feels numb, and it is like the lights are on but nobody is home? he was always the one the kids loved to hang out with but now they are noticing it also which breaks my heart even more. so I suppose my question is....is this depression or is it the guilt from him maybe breaking up our family??

why do I feel so depressed but broke up with my ex boyfriend and don't have any feelings for him anymore. Please help me out. What should I do?

So, I have the same problem. 2 months ago, I was with my boyfriend, I had a moment of panick. Actually, he asked me 4 month ago to move on with him (but he wasnt into it, and wasn’t planning anything). It was the best thing of my life. So, 2 month ago I was at his place talking about our vacations in October and he was doing something else. And I Felton disappointed. And I started freaking out. I sent a message to my best friend telling her “Omg, if I move on with him, what’s about passion in relationship ? And I don’t want to be the only that care about us.” 

I told that to my boyfriend, we talked and I though it was ok. But then I realize some modification in my behavior. I was less jealous, less upset, less close to him. So, another panick. And this one is here since 2 months. 

No I’m always thinking “Do I love him ? What does love mean ?  Is it the only one ? Is there someone outside better for me ? Do I want to move on with him ?” 

And I’m looking at his flaws, which stupid cause I know I love him and find him so beautiful. But when I look at him it looks like something is missing. And I don’t what and why ... 

The worst thing is not even that. Probably a month ago, I’ve started to think about my ex. I feel so guilty. I feel I’m an horrible person. 

I’m am with my actual boyfriend since 3 years. The most amazing 3 years of my life. 

I’ve been with my ex boyfriend during 2 years. And it was awful. Always arguing. I was not happy, the only memories I have are with his family that I liked a lot, of about gifts he gave me. But we had nothing in common. During my actual relationship I’ve already talked to him. But not in good terms, I mean, all my friends already did that and I’ve never thought about him, as he missed me or something else. 

And now it’s all confusion in my head. I’m like “Whaf if i still love him after all this time ? What does it means to think about him ? What if it’s what I deserve ?” 

I can’t do it anymore. I want my relationship to go back to what it was. 

When I think about my ex, I have 0 memories with him. But I have moment of simple life. And I want that with my boyfriend. 

My therapist asked me if I looked depressed before. Actually since April I’ve noticed some difference in my reactions. Not about my boyfriend. Like, less expressive and less happy or upset, all those a big feelings. 

But it was ok. I mean I wasn’t unhappy. But now thaf it toucha my relationship I’m so lost. 

And now I don’t know if I am like this because i have trouble in my relationship or if i have trouble in my relationship because I’m depressed. 

For example, I went in Germany last week. And on the airport to come I loose my passport. I had my ID but it was out of date. And I did not freak out. I was “let’s just see”. 

And I don’t if I reacted this way because I was sad bc of my couple of just because I’m not enjoying things anymore. 

Idk what to think about all that. 

Hi all,

I can completely related however the stories i have read always say that the person loved their partner before all of this or knows they love them but keep getting the intrusive 'love doubt' thoughts... whereas with me there are a lot of things that could have influenced the was i feel from very early on... as for the first time in a relationship i doubted my love and feelings from the beginning...

To give a brief run down i have been with my boyfriend over 2 years now, and how we got together I don’t think helped the situation...

during my last relationship previous to my current, I had cheated on my partner very early in the relationship (during dating) which set off an enormous amount of guilt and worry for the 1.5 years we were together until I told him after we split up... during that time however I had experience severe anxiety everyday which caused me to fall ill and lose weight etc... after splitting with my ex I soon met my current boyfriend, and we were on and off between me having difficulty getting over my ex but the anxiety and guilt had gone since I’d told my ex the truth.

I thought that due to missing my ex and struggling to get over him caused my feeling to clouded towards my new partner as doubts began to occur very early on, I put this down to the struggles with my ex... however to my recollection these doubts never fully went away and soon after we got together I had a massive outburst of ‘what if I had cheated on my new partner’ (even though I hadn’t) this quickly spiralled and before I knew it the daily anxiety that I’d experienced with my ex was back and I was convinced that I had cheated on my new partner... my new partner knew everything as I couldn’t keep secrets like I had before after suffering the consequences of this with my ex... a few months of this went by where I was convinced I’d cheated on him and the guilt was surging! My new partner eased this by telling me if I had cheated he wouldn’t leave me... Then the doubts returned regarding my feelings towards him and all of a sudden I was asking myself ‘well if I could have cheated so easily it must mean I don’t love him... the BAM this was the new worry and cause for anxiety...

my partner has said that once he solved one of my anxieties that I create another one... but to me these are real and are real problems!

So since then and to my recollection I feel I have always either doubted my feelings for my new partner or not loved him ever.... and also compare him to my ex....

So as you can imagine I’m torn between are these thoughts and feelings of not loving my partner real... or are they caused by my anxiety and I do really love him... maybe me having such anxiety in my last relationship has caused me to always need something to worry about and In my partners words I have found an issue that he cannot solve...

I have had CBT for my anxiety and I have waves where I feel oh I do love him possibly and it’s all my anxiety then I revert back to no I feel like I don’t love him at all and it’s all real!!

I have known my current partner for 10 or more years. We were friends before getting together so I thought maybe this effected the way I felt... and also because in my last relationship I was surrounded by guilt... maybe this was what made me think I loved my ex... a clouded guilty love... where as with my new partner I have no guilt at all.... which is a first for me... so maybe this is me in love?

I’m at a loss and was wondering if you could help!

My partner Is everything I had ever wanted in a man and he is such a unique and amazing person... I don’t want to hurt him or drag this relationship out if I don’t love him I just don’t want to do that to him! It breaks my heart!

People keep telling my only I know if I love him but I just don’t know... and I hope and pray that it is my anxiety making me feel this way and think these thoughts... because I see a future with him but I’m the type of person that I cannot invest if there is no love!

Hello Chantal and everyone,

i am so sorry that you are all going through this phase. I really hope, that things have gotten better!

i am dealing with a similar phase right now. in one year i have my bar exam in law and i have been having so much stress that in February i had a burn down. right after this i woke up one day and wanted to break up with my boyfriend, with whom i had a wonderful relationship till that moment. I knew that something was wrong, so i went to a therapist. after my first appointment i felt really well and in love but then i started having thoughts, everything that reminded of him would pain me and i coudn't feel the love. i also have panic attacks every time i think of him gone. In the meanwhile I was diagnosed with depression, I lost many kilos, didn’t study and work for a while and having all the symptoms. I am trying to go through without medication but it is really hard. I am doubting my feelings all the time. Sometimes there are days where I don’t feel anything, like I am empty. Then again I have phases where I really feel the love and how beautiful it is to be with him. I tried to break up with him sometimes, bc I don’t want to torture him but he wants to stay with me,cause he loves me and would anything for me. But this makes me even more sad, be I can’t give him back what he does for me. I am like a zombie, when I think of my life without him, it’s like hell. Everyone, especially my therapist, say it is bc of the depression and that I shouldn’t make decisions right now, but it is so hard to distinguish between those two situations and to have faith. I don’t even know how long it is going to take.

I don’t want to loose him, he means so much to me and his the perfekt guy, we really were madly in love before the whole thing happened. I am crying all the time and cannot find any joy in anything in this life.

I wish and hope from the bottom of my heart that this will end with a happy ending.

Thank you for just reading this!

Julia

l I feel as if sometimes people get mixed up between feeling sad and feeling depressed and I don't want to come across patronising because obviously I've been in that situation myself but obviously it seems to me like you're not generally happy with the situation so you need to sum up whether you do actually feel depressed or you just generally not happy in your life and do something about it and you know I don't think it's the fact that you don't love yourself perhaps you're not very confident at the moment in your life because you're not happy

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all okay.

I came across this forum around 7 months ago so thought i would share with everyone what my experience has been, it might make some people feel really anxious as i know it would have done for me if i was reading it 7 months ago as i was feeling the exact same as you guys. For around a year and a half i have had this anxiety, i have been having counselling as well as hypnotherapy.

Councelling didn't really work for me as we were almost going round in circles so i then wanted to try hypnotherapy as i was running out of options and so badly wanted to feel okay again. I would really recommend hypnotherapy as it gets to the route of the problem, if you let it. I was resisting it because i didn't want to believe what was happening as i had been with my boyfriend for 8 years and literally had the best relationship until the day the anxiety came, I am now no longer with him as i needed to think about myself. Who knows what will happen in the future but for now i need to concentrate on getting myself back to a happy place and you guys should to.

Everyone will be different, i was still holding on to the fact that i had found this forum and that there were people exactly like me. I still do now but my hypnotherapist said that i needed to be honest with myself about my relationship, as there were things that weren't right so i had to do something.

Sorry that i don't have the answer, i wish i did but you definitely need to think about yourself and if your partner is the one giving you the anxiety then you need to really look at it as hard as it might be.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk about anything

I have been with my partner over 20 yrs 3 kids. In Oct he stopped communicating with me and in Jan left the family home saying he felt numb and didn't feel love for me. He is still living with his dad almost 5 mths later. He started meds 6 wks ago and goes to cbt. The last few days I have noticed some progress such as spending more time at home, giving me a hug and kiss on cheek when leaving. He won't discuss how he feels or what he wants. Last night he lay on my lap but then abruptly left and has not contacted me at all today. Its mental torture living in this limbo and waiting for him to decide what he wants. Has anyone had a happy ending or should I just accept that we are over at this point 😦

I am going through the same thing my boyfriend and I are about to make a year, and i am questioning how i feel. It was sudden and he did nothing wrong. I want to be with him, and i want this feeling to go away. please let me know what you did to help yourself I do not want to lose him.

I literally feel the same way you do randomly throughout the year. I've been with my fiance for 6 years and I love him dearly. But sometimes my feelings and emotions seem to dull and get confused and foggy, and I worry that I can't feel love for him anymore and it terrifies me. I know I want to be with him forever, but right now I just can't feel the love, and that's a terrifying feeling. Literally one day I love him so much I could burst, the next day I look at him and feel nothing. Depression and anxiety are horrible illnesses and I wish I could be rid of them, but I know I'll have them for life. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a "flare" of my illness and things will get better. But some days it is really hard to remember that.

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Pain

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