Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?
Posted , 159 users are following.
Hello, thanks for reading and I apologize for the length.
About a month and a half ago, something happened in my relationship (my fault) that kind of triggered (at first) an enormous amount of guilt.. which then subsided a little bit. I was good for a few days and then bam... "do I love him?" a thought so truly devastating and painful that I was crying all day. A man, so loyal...loving...caring...truly the love of my life. We have a relationship like you've never seen before. It's so unique and that's what makes it so special. But when these thoughts started... I truly feel like I've lost myself. These thoughts give me multiple breakdowns a week.. cause me to feel extremely overwhelmed everyday. I feel tired, exhausted.. I don't fantasize about my future anymore because the want to "live" is kind of gone. (Not a suicide threat). Before all of this... my boyfriend made me so damn happy. Everyday, my love truly grew stronger for him. We talked about our future, and what we want. We have all of it in common. I can still be sexual with him some days. But when I overthink and get these thoughts...I cannot. It's truly killing me because I don't want to end things with him... all I want to do is get back to being happy with him. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts like "do I love him" "what if I will feel like this forever and the only way to get better is if we leave each other". I cannot be without him.. everything we've talked about.. all the memories we made. He truly loved me to the core and I do too.. but these thoughts are killing me. When we're apart, like rn.. we sleep on the phone together every night and it's something I can't not do. I cry to him over the phone, explaining to him how much this is hurting me. He tries to understand to the best of his ability and he's as supportive as he can be. Could I be depressed and anxious? The first 2 weeks of this issue.. I was lying in bed all day all night.. I was sweating with a cold feeling and every noise I heart scared me and made my heart race. I did not eat, I did not sleep right. Just so many issues that have again, slowed down a bit. What should I do? 😞. The only time these feelings kinda go away is when I do things together with my boyfriend. When I'm alone and SOMETIMES with him, the thoughts hit me and I just want to cry. I don't feel free.. I feel trapped in a pool of my own thoughts trying to eat me alive. Please help me😞
18 likes, 222 replies
noorical chantal_76583
Posted
Hi everyone,
I've been googling frantically for answers, I'm so glad I found this thread. I'll be reading through it all throughly tomorrow. I've been feeling the above thoughts over the past week, I don't think they've come out of nowhere but I think because I don't really have any friends I feel I can talk to and don't really feel I can talk to my family either. I've been trying to deal with it on my own and I've just been spiralling downwards. I feel so ashamed and guilty and totally messed up. I'm not sure if it's depression, my pill, my hormones or god forbid that it's just actually my feelings - I really don't want it to be the latter.
We've been together nearly 9 years, he's a really good guy. We now have a house and a life together. I don't believe in 'the one'. Life is way too short and throws so much at you, I feel like when you find someone as good, decent, kind, clever, reliable, honest and loving as he is, you don't just throw it away. We've hardly ever argued in our whole time together. I certainly don't feel like I want to leave and start over again but I've been having all of those above feelings, questioning if we're right for each other, do I still love him, do I love him enough etc. I know that relationships are hard work and love isn't a constant, you have to work at it but literally it's only my mind that is causing the trouble and I'm scared I'll say or do something that will ruin everything.
It's a little more complicated than this but in summery; he proposed, I said yes, then felt nothing but panic, googled found Sheryl Paul, chilled out for a bit, decided I wanted us to couples counselling before marriage to iron out a few things I could see were going to be potential issues in marriage, waiting for our next appointment, I almost started to get excited about the wedding and then a few months later BAM this is happening to me.
I wondered if anyone was still around on this thread to chat and help me through this? I'm so tired of not knowing what is going on in my own head and I'm really scared I'm going to lose the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'd really appreciate an ear.
chase87964 noorical
Posted
i was on here about a year ago feeling the exact same way you are feeling but i do say it gets better. everything seems to always work out and the depression and anxiety has lifted but sometimes the anxiety creeps back in and i have to deal with it knowing that its telling me lies. i questioned my relationship for a year and a half while going through my depression and downward spiral but now i realize i cant live without her! things will pick up just figure out the right meds and stay on track and focus on getting yourself better
noorical chase87964
Posted
Thanks for your reply. It's good to know things got better. It's been a month and honestly I just feel totally empty now. I don't know if it's from exhaustion of feeling to much or that my mind is taking in that ROCD is a thing and trying to process everything I've googled.
I'm not on any meds at the moment but I had depression in the past about 5 years ago and when I was put on the meds they made me feel the way I feel right now - just numb towards everything. The thing I'm holding onto is that I came back from that feeling and things were good again for a whole 4/5 years.
I've booked to see a therapist privately as the couples counselling waiting list is huge, we've been waiting a good 2 months and I've just slowly been going more out of my mind every week. So I just want to feel myself again and crack on and marry him now but equally I don't want to feel 'empty' making all these wedding plans.
harryseddon123 noorical
Posted
has anything changed? do you feel better?
noorical harryseddon123
Posted
Hey 😃 things are a little better. Its a really long story (im more than happy to chat) but in short we ended up going to couples counselling sessions for another issue (I was worried about how much he was drinking and felt it was having a real strain on our relationship). We're working on it still but it was a big part of how i was feeling. He has agreed to drink less (for now) which (if nothing else) has given me a little head space to understand my true feelings without them being heightened due to stress of the other drink issue. (does that make sense?!)
I dont feel "in love" and im sad that i dont feel that way... But I realised once i was able to calm down a bit that i feel a bit "meh" about everything in my life at the moment. This made me think I might need to get some meds from the Dr... but it also put my mind at rest for now as I was trying to think of something I felt that way about at the moment and I cant at all (i saw that as a weird +ve)
Im still working through some things with the counsellor. I wouldnt say things were fixed... but i dont feel im as broken as i was and i feel i have the strength to get back to where i want to be.
So in short. Work to do still but not as bad as when i came here in the first place.
More than happy to chat more if you want/ are going through it 😃 just message me!
harryseddon123 noorical
Posted
okay thank you 😃
laura06636 noorical
Posted
hi! I hope this is not weird but I saw your post on a forum here about dealing with the relationship anxiety. I'm recently going through this horribly with my boyfriend of almost four years and was wondering if you are still too or would be whiling to help support each other. I hope you see this and wish you the best!
Gaby301 chantal_76583
Posted
this is exactly what im going through. ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months. 2 weeks ago he kind of proposed. no ring and it wasn't official but we were so happy we both cried and hugged and i was over the moon. ive never met anyone like him i love him so much but i dont feel like i do anymore and ita heartbreaking its been giving me so many panic attacks and im so depressed im only okay with him but then when im alone the thoughts kill me. im starting therapy next week and seeing if i need medication for me anxiety. i need to love him the way i did just a few weeks ago. what is going on!?? were you able to get past this?? please let me know i have hope
Karla4478 Gaby301
Posted
There is definitely hope. I've been down that road many times over the 6 years I've been with my fiance. My depression will randomly take hold and make me think I don't love him anymore, when really it's just my depression numbing my feelings and emotions. with therapy and medication I was able to realize this and for the most part move past it. There are ups and downs, but it definitely gets better. You'll get through it.
chase87964 Gaby301
Posted
The same thing happened to me you just gotta keep pushing through it i know its hard cause ive been there but your feelings of love will come back its just your anxiety telling you lies
Gaby301 Karla4478
Posted
did you find that anything like ROCD resonated with you or was it mostly just anxiety and depression?
Gaby301 chase87964
Posted
did it only happen to you once? and how long did it last ? i know everyone is different. my anxiety has decreased a bit but now im more just depressed and i dont have disgust for my boyfriend anymore, i know i love him but i still have some ruminating thoughts circling. do you find that passes when the depression/anxiety lifts? and are you on anything. im thinking of starting an SSRI. been over 2 weeks of this i just want to get better and love him thw way i did.
chase87964 Gaby301
Posted
yeah it only happened to me once and ive seen a psychiatrist and therapist for a couple months to calm my anxiety and get rid of my depression for the most part. so it lasted a couple months but try not to overthink thats what my problem was and you know you love him or you wouldnt be as concerned as you are.
Gaby301 chase87964
Posted
how long ago? and yeah i know i love him. im trying not to dwell on the bad thoughts because i love him .
Karla4478 Gaby301
Posted
I'm unsure what ROCD stands for. But I do know that my depression had gotten so bad that it basically shut off my feelings and emotions, and anything I did feel was negative. I was told by a therapist that this is very common with depression. With therapy and medication I was able to get miles better than I was.