Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?

hey is anyone still active here?

im having the same type of issues as many if you, been married for 10 years, but since my depression and anxiety have increased the last couple of months, i am scared im out of love. ive only just started meds 4 weeks ago, but theyre not helping. im really very scared this is happening and hope it is not real.

can anyone tell me that this has improved?? thanks

hey chantal_76583,

I can't begin to thank you enough for having the courage to speak out, and put this question on this forum for us to see and participate in.

Warning: This is going to be a long one (LOL), but I hope it helps as this forum has helped me a bit more each time i visit.

Truth is, I have used this forum to read and read more times than I care to remember, but I feel that it has helped me to some degree in terms of realizing that, not only am I not alone, but almost the EXACT feelings that I feel are felt by other people. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 18 months now, and I know beyond anything that she is the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. Even now, as I typed that, I felt no anxiousness. No fear. No doubt. I know in my heart that I love her, but somehow I do not always know it. Almost two months of doubts, fears, sadness, and anxiety have made me feel just about the full spectrum of emotions towards her and us. "Do I love her as much as before? Do I love her at all? Should we take a break? Why do I doubt if I truly love her as I did?" These, and a litany of other questions, constantly circle my mind. I have scoured the internet for "ways to know you love someone", or "how do you know if you are still in love", and countless other things like this. Crazy, right? Not so much, for an anxious mind. The need to know trumps most everything when we are anxious and depressed. Now, I have ALWAYS been an over-thinker, an over-analyzer, and a person to be hard on myself as well as to jump to the worst possible conclusion more times than not. I am self-aware enough to know that these things are surely aiding in the ease of my anxiety to take a hold and cause me to question and doubt everything. Thing is, anxiety wasn't a part of my vocabulary until about three years ago, when I was found to have cancer. I can say now that I am still cancer-free (praise God), but that anxiety of that event has stuck with me. Work has also been a source of anxiety and unhappiness for me over the last (coincidentally) two years. Home has been a source of anxiety to a degree, as I am the last one home with mom. I know that my relationship will inevitably progress to the point where I will "leave the nest", and I definitely do want to take it to the "next level", but it makes me sad to leave her. I feel like all of life's experiences (these, coupled with lost relationships and feelings of unrequited love in the past) have led me to this point (duh.), but I am absorbing only the downsides to these experiences as opposed to the "silver lining" in them, this making me insecure about so many things I would normally not be. My girlfriend and I have always had an honest and open line of communication with each other, as I have shared these feelings and insecurities with her.

Needless to say, I know wholeheartedly that she is hurting with me. I have frustrated her, angered her, hurt her, and feel like I had begun to drive a wedge through the center of our relationship. However, no matter what, she has withstood. She has remained steadfast in her love for me, and her belief that I DO LOVE HER, despite what my brain and feelings were sometimes telling me. Needless to say, this has made me love her even MORE than before; I mean, how incredibly blessed am I to have a woman that would stick through it like this?? Is it because I am worth it in the most important ways to her? Maybe. This fact alone lets me feel that I AM WORTH it, and I am not the insecure and "poor little thing" this anxiety and depression reduces us to. If we are honest with ourselves, all this stuff makes us pity ourselves in ways we normally wouldn't. She has been the driving force behind me remembering this: pity parties are always a table for ONE. If I want to sit with her forever, I can't sit at that table!

Now, I still have struggled through these feelings the majority of the days in this time frame. Just today, as I broke for lunch, I couldn't help but be overcome with the anxiousness and sadness, beginning to panic until I had to just pray about it. It has been excruciating, as I feel that the more the feeling is prolonged, the more validated they become in my head. However, I try to focus on one thing and one thing only. I KNOW I love her because I feel that I do. I KNOW I want to be with her because I feel that I do. When I fan away the clouds of doubt and fear and insecurity and all that mess, I am left with those two things. Also, the fact that I am so worried about all of this is proof to me that I DO! The term I've used for it is cognitive dissonance- how could I have conflicting thoughts about my love for her, yet still be doing things that let reinforce the fact that I DO love her (buying flowers for her, cooking for her, cleaning for her, etc)? What I have CHOSEN to see is that I do those things BECAUSE I love her! When I am doing them, I feel the love for her! They are my proof, among other moments of "clarity", as I like to call them.

I have turned to several sources of help throughout this time. I have turned to my faith in these times - we BOTH have - as a way to renew our commitment to each other and to what we both want, as well as to strengthen our resolve and perseverance in working through this for me and us. We started seeing a pastoral counselor as a couple, so that he could also help us in this way as well as in the ins and outs of what makes a relationship work best. I am seeing a therapist on my own, to learn to deal with and eliminate these feelings and thoughts from my mind and heart. Finally, I talk to family A LOT about this stuff, as they know me maybe more than anyone can. This may seem like a lot, but I don't feel that way at all. It's the least I can do for myself, the woman I want to spend forever with, and the health of our relationship. It helps quite a bit, but I am still not there. I pray that I get better quickly, and get back to being happy with her "all the time", and I work hard to dismiss thoughts and feelings that do not line up with what I WANT. I say all the time in quotes because, when I reflect, we will not be "happy" 100% of the time, perhaps. We will have fights. we will disagree. But, we can rest in knowing that we love each other, and want best for each other, and want the other to be happy with us for ever.

To wrap things up, I hope that the OP was able to salvage their relationship. I also hope that this thread (and my reply to it) helps those who are seeking the hope and means by which to try and work through this. The fact is, we love A LOT. If we didn't, we wouldn't give three hoots about seeking help, or talking about it, or doing things to make us see that it's all in our minds! We need to hold to those feelings of love, and understand that love doesn't just happen. Love is a CHOICE. We can will ourselves to love when there are things that have happened that would make people fall out of it. Love is an ACTION. For me, I've chosen to see that yeah, there are defects in our relationship- as there are in every one of us, but they will never be greater than the love between my girlfriend and I. We are romancing each other again; we are dating each other again. We are taking steps that remind us (and me, in particular) of the fact that the love HAS NOT LEFT, IS NOT LEAVING, and will be there! So, look at the internet all you want, search for ways to know you love your partner or when to leave them or whatever it is you want. However, when you dig deep, you will find that you already know; you love them, and want to do whatever you can to be happy with them again, for as long as God and life permit. Again, I am still struggling with these things myself, but am getting better, day by day. Will we fall again? Yes. However, keep walking, keep pushing, and keep moving. Hard times do not last, but hard asses do.

Good luck to everyone on here.

Love, C

hiya,

I posted on hear nearly two years ago, feeling depressed and anxiety which it made me question my relationship! few months after that i got better and my relationship has never been better, but since a few weeks ago i've hit a low and the the anxiety kicks in, i over think things anyway but when the both is mixed together im not very well.. My thoughts are back, questioning my relationship with my boyfriend, i know i want to spend the rest of my life with him, buy a house and have babies. just that niggly thought a few weeks ago when i was feeling very low and i am still am feeling low and set my anxiety off, when i get a heavy feeling on my chest, i heave and heave until that feeling goes away. im back on my medication now and hopefully ill start to feel better in a few weeks time! be strong everyone!!! you can do this!!!

im going through this right now, i think its just been a month and i cant do it anymore. the thoughts and feelings are making me so unhappy but im so willing to work through this instead of running

tell depression who is boss and convince yourself you're going to win! you can do this you're stronger than it. good luck fighting but fight you must!

Hello,

I have just recently started to feel the same emotions. I have prayed I have tried meditation I even looked this up to see if anyone else has gone through this and im so happy im not crazy. It started like 2 weeks before Christmas. Just one day the thought cane across my head idk why but it just did and it hurt my heart that i would even question my love for this person. He is perfect he is my everything we have so many beautiful memories he treats me like a queen and we've never had any problems. We always talk about our future together so how could i stop loving him? I know i love him i dont wanna feel this way anymore. its hurting me and idk what to do i dont wanna break up with him because that would break me. when im around him i feel better but then it comes back and i sob in his arms. i dont wanna lose him and im so scared that im never gonna stop feeling like this. i still give him kisses and cuddle and hug him because i love him. so why does my head keep questioning it. its killing me , i just want it to stop before i lose him.

I have recently been going through the same thing. I made a big decision in my life and while pursuing that big decision I did something that made me feel very very guilty. I made a new friend but we got close really really fast. We exchanged social medias and I got really excited talking to him. I felt so guilty because I know how much I love my boyfriend and it just wasn't something that I would ever see myself feeling or doing. I talked to my boyfriend about everything but the guilt would not stop. That led to me getting really depressed and then anxiety kicked in like do I love him? After a month or so I realized this was bogus because he is the most important person in my life. But then the guilt came back and made me think well why did I do that? Do I want that person instead? I started seeing a counselor and realized I have adjustment disorder. With the big decision I had recently made, my counselor said that what happened with that boy happened for a reason and it was to show me that there is a bigger problem. I made a decision too fast without truly thinking about it. And now I am extremely scared. The anxiety is still here and I feel like my brain is running in cycles. When I am with my boyfriend we are loving and have fun UNTIL I get in my own head. I just have a lot to figure out. Anxiety tends to attack the things we love the most in this case it would be our significant other. If you are having these thoughts, you obviously love them very much. There is a deeper rooting problem and you have to find where that anxiety is coming from. That will help. Hang in there. It will be okay.

i feel like this is what the man i love is going through only he started saying he wasnt sure he was in love with me since the summer, he got worse and ended the relationship but even now hes still there and saying he doesnt know how he feels or what he wants.

Before we split up he would say he doesnt know when things changed and he started to doubt how he felt.

I havent managed to figure him out or do i think he has figured it out.

Its reasuring that it could be depression thats causing this and if he allows help it can be dealt with.

i dont know how to help him anymore and it kills me

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I sent this to my boyfriend after he asked me to research about anxiety and relationships as he worries about losing feels etc. quite often. We both have anxiety and understand that this is just his anxiety at work.

When we both read this we realised how similar all of it was to his anxiety about our relationship.

His anxiety makes him feel like it's going to last forever and never cease even though we both know it will.

We also have a very strong relationship and both know it's very unlikely for our current affection for each other to change.

It is getting better and we are getting through it 😃