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Can't stop drinking

Posted , 33 users are following.

YLT
YLT

Hi. I've been drinking since I was 14. I'm now 39. For most of that time I've been a binge drinker. Often, like 2 or 3 times a month, drinking till I can't remember how I got home or what I was saying or doing. Now I drink most nights. Not loads every night but I do think about drinking  most days and look forward to the next time I can get melted.

Recently it's been affecting my relationship. My girlfriend has warned me that my drinking could be the end of our relationship. I love her more than anything but still I can't stop drinking. Sometimes I lie about what I've drunk or I hide empty bottles from her. I've  promised myself I'll cut down or I'll just have a couple instead of loads, but it never works.

I think it's now the time to stop all together but I'm not sure I can. I have a lot of good friends but socialising with them usually involves a night in the pub and I don't think I could do that without getting drunk.

I've also been trying to stop smoking for about 10 years and haven't really managed that either! I think I have an addictive personality and not sure what to try next. 

13 likes, 95 replies

95 Replies

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  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 YLT

    Posted

    First change your language to yourself.....you say you "can't"....say you "will".

    I am an alcoholic...just ended in hospital a month ago almost dead.  They said I had 1-2 days to live and that my organs were shutting down. I had a hospital stay for 4 days because of this with lots of Intervenous fluids..and medication to tame the withdrawals.

    Usually a person in our situation needs something drastic to have something click in our brains that we WILL stop killing our selfs...alcoholism is progressive. 

    Unfortunetly usually something really BAD has to happen to a person before they get the "gift" of not wanting alcohol anymore.  Maybe that bad thing will be  your girlfriend leaving you.  I know alot of people where their significant other left them...then they drank to oblivion (the way we want to)...lost jobs...got in car wrecks and then finally quit drinking..either ending in jail or hospital.

    My end was the hospital this time (its the nature of this disease)....it ends in jails, institutions and death and not necessarily in that order.

    My brain finally said...NO MORE.  It just happens and unfortunelty you are not there yet.  There are drugs that can make your cravings left.  Some people take Naltraxone..you can still drink on it...but it does something to you that makes you not WANT to drink alot....

    You sound like you have a significant problem with alcohol and if you pick a date to stop...you will need medication for withdrawal from  your Dr.  You would have to be  honest with your Dr about your drinking because you can seriously die from alcohol withdrawal.

    I'm sorry you have not received the "gift"....of WANTING to end it.  I know you want to end it...but your body is saying I'm not DONE with it.

    Maybe you need a bad test result from your Dr. to show you that you are affecting your kidneys and liver.  Have you been for a physical check up lately?  That could open your eyes maybe.  It did for me....  I'm sorry you are afflicted with this disease and I hope that the "gift" comes your way soon..before something terrible happens.

    • juanfo
      juanfo Misssy2

      Posted

      Wow Misssy2 I am sorry you had something happen so horrible. How have you been this last month? Good luck staying off the bottle.
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 juanfo

      Posted

      Thank you juanfo...I am doing really well...I pray I never drink again.  I don't think I will....thanks for the well wishes.
  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 YLT

    Posted

    I just read this post was a year ago and you did eventually stop.

    Then the relapse.  How have you been since then? 

    I had 8 years sobriety and relapsed and it lasted 2 years....when you get the gift again...or if you already have...hold on to it.

  • jo53678
    jo53678 YLT

    Posted

    YLT how are you doing? I'm struggling at the moment and in a very dark place - so much so I'm not sure I can go on. My husband and son would be better without me as I can't seem to fix this problem.

    YLT how are you?? X

    • juanfo
      juanfo jo53678

      Posted

      YLT has been MIA. I hope nothing bad happened. Hang in there jo. Don't give up. It's like almost impossible not to have a drink but make it happenredface
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 jo53678

      Posted

      Hi...if you set a date...you may have some hope.

      Don't use the language that you CANT do it.....use the language I WILL do it.

      Life is so much easier without alcohol....feeling better physically is such a welcome miracle.  I struggled so much my whole life with alochol.

      You should see a Dr. and have blood work to see if you are dehydrated....once they put the IVs in my arms at the hospital....(giving me fluids)...I started to feel a little better and stronger to fight this demon. 

      Your husband and son would NOT be better off with you gone...they would be better off with a Mom who can live. sad

    • robin39091
      robin39091 jo53678

      Posted

      jo, Hi.  I'm new to this site but so old to this chronic disease, alcoholism.  I'll be 55 yrs old in December, married to a man I adore, 36 yrs. now. I have three sons, they have grown into everything I hoped they would become and more. They married women that love them and are so easy for us to love! And my nine grand children have made me a child all over again! I should be the happiest person on earth, I shoulldn't have a damn thing to feel down about.... shame, embaressment, loneliness, fear, fear of so many things, these things shouldn't be part of my every awakening thought. But they are. I have such guilt ! And because I've choosen to drink to be able to live with myself or numb myself, fill the hole in my heart for a miute I'm risking my marriage again. Shoot I'm risking everything. I don't even know if anyone will get this because it was like two months ago that someone was on this site. I just found it and printed off the whole thing because it was exactly what I needed. I hope someone will respond to me. I have so much more I want to say. Please help, with your words!

       

    • terra70469
      terra70469 robin39091

      Posted

      Hi Robin

      I just saw this was 3 months ago..Did anyone reach out to you?

      How are you doing?

    • Sassy2
      Sassy2 robin39091

      Posted

      Robin, Im in same situation. But my life hasnt been peaches and cream with my husband. He is bipolar narcisist. We have two sons eho give me a reason to live. Ive also been married 35 yrs. to the outside world life looks great . I drive a brand new 100 grand car. Beautiful home . Kids are doing great. But i drink dsily and am in stage 4 liver disease. I want to live but have no desire to do anything anymore. Im on adderal for a.d.d. ( it runs in my family, just diagnosed 4 yrs ago and finally went on meds 1/2 yrs ago) -also now starting zoloft 2nd week. Doctors say i have smiling depression. ??? Ive had allot of crap done to me in my life. I dont ever drink to get drunk ever. I just drink enough to numb and forget my pain. If that make sense. I want to quit but few people even know i even drink. Help. I need advice.
    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 Sassy2

      Posted

      Hi Sassy - not sure if you are still  on - just found this.  Wondered how you were.  I have a pretty blessed life now - but only the last 6 years or so. Previous 40 years of unwedded bliss not so great. So much crap, like you, that just makes you want to drink to shut it out.

      Numb and forget the pain - yes - understand that totally.  I can't see a reply to your post - maybe I have missed it - but I do hope someone came forward with your plea for help and advice.

      It feels very alone to have AUD and, like you, my friends have had no idea - I am the cheery one who makes people feel good about themselves (either with or without alcohol) only told one mate who will not tell the others. 

      Let us kow how you are going on - cries for help equal respect and good for you for admitting you need it.

      Best wishes from myself and all the fab guys on here.

      G.

  • jo53678
    jo53678 YLT

    Posted

    Thank you for all your responses - back on the wagon today - here we go again. Really hope YLT is ok....

    Juanfo - I'm here should you ever need someone to talk to, vent to - shout at how unfair this all is smile x

    Misssy2 - congratulations on your sobriety - it is really wonderful what you have done 

    x

     

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 jo53678

      Posted

      Thank you!  good luck to you...one day at a time
    • juanfo
      juanfo jo53678

      Posted

      thanks a lot jo I will definitely keep that in mind and try to use the forum when if I start craving. I won't say "I will never crave" I know myself and have been through this and know what's coming
  • YLT
    YLT

    Posted

    Hi all. Sorry if I caused any alarm. I've not really been using much online support of late. I'm doing ok-ish I think. After my binge at 286 days I managed another 120 days sober then had a couple of days of boozing and smoking, not even really sure why. I wasn't particularly stressed or anything. I think I maybe just got bored of being sober.  

    That was about a month ago and I've been sober since but I've had to battle a few intense urges the past couple of weeks. A drink and the oblivion it offers seems really tempting a lot of the time. 

    I'm about to go on a work trip for 2 days. There will be a reception at night with free booze and whisky tasting. I'm 90% sure I won't buckle but sometimes I go into autopilot and all I can focus on is a drink and the illusion of excitement it brings. I know it is an illusion and that in reality I'll feel rubbish, guilty, hungover, a failure - but still it's tempting. 

     

    • juanfo
      juanfo YLT

      Posted

      Be strong YLT. Free whiskey ouch
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