Coming off citalopram. :(

Hello Jackie,

First on all, I hope you have been successful on your desire to stop taking Citalopram.

My name is Linda. I am a partial caregiver for my 84 year old mother-in-law.  She was living with her son and myself, but we had to move her into a nursing 4 miles from us as my health would no longer allow us to care for her properly.  She has had breast cancer, now bone cancer, but is stable for a while now.  She has been taking the antidepressant "Nortriptyline" for maybe 30 years -- 150 mg.  About 4 years ago, in an effort to wean her off nortriptyline, reduced the 150 mg to 100 mg and added 20 mg. of Citalopram. That particular doctor soon left the practice and the doctor that moved in just left her taking both drugs at 100 & 20 mg.    All that to say . . .

Some 6 months ago she began thinking that the people on TV could see her just as she was seeing them.  She started putting a chair in front of the TV with a towel over the back to prevent this.  This was only an occasional thing.  Then it progressed to seeing/or hearing someone in her house, as she called it - really nursing home.  Her memoryis now terrible - can't speak full sentences as she forgets a name or what she was talking about.  She is aware though that she has gotten this forgetful and it is scaring her.  She has fallen 3 times. She occasionally vomits for no reason. She stays in her room most all the time. Staff has had to start bringing her meals to her in the room. She has started speaking harshly to the staff.  But now . . . she is seeing snakes in her room, dogs on her bed, events taking place in her room that she tries to participate in.

Her son and I have Googled all her drugs and none say anything about hallucinations other than the Citalopram.  We tried to get her primary care physician to change her to another drug but she refuses to believe a drug she has taken so successfully for so many years is now causing her any trouble.  She just a week ago had full brain scan, urinalysis, and tons of labs. Waiting for the results as we have an appointment with a psychiatrist next Tuesday.  

In the meantime, my husband told the nursing home to quit giving her the Citalopram.  We have found that her drug company changed manufacturers about 2 months ago and he is just certain that the possible side effects of the drug and the change in mfg. has caused this sudden progression of hallucinations.  I can't change his mind. We only have 5-6 days until we see the psychiatrist.  I just pray she doesn't see any  withdrawal symptoms before then since she also is taking 100 mg. of Nortriptyline for depression.   What can possibly be worse than what she is already experiencing????

The reason I wrote to you is that you stated you were having some mild forms of some of her symptoms even while on the Citalopram and that is what drove you to your decision to come off the drug.

Do you have any comment on the above??  I love her and I'm so worried about her.

Hi Jackie,

Too bad I didn't see this a year ago - a weaning buddy sounds like an awesome idea!!! I was on 20 for 3 years and 2 weeks cut down to 10 but for the last 4-5 days have been having a pretty bad exhaustion... Maybe cutting down a half was too fast?? Asking doctors - you don't always get the real truth unfortunately.... 

I hope you are doing well

I am going to look for a weaning off buddy - great idea - thanks!!!!

Lena

Hi Jackie

I have just joined the group and wondered how you were going by getting off cit. ive been on it since I lost my husband over 10 years ago Ive tried to come off before but I did it too quickly not realising the hold it had over me. So I plummeted. But I hear you regarding the social isolation. Jo

Good luck to you. I'm working on coming off, going into my 2nd week of weaning today but I wasn't on only  a baby dose they call it, 10 mg. Hopefully I'll be off by the end of this month, slowly taking me off my doctor is. Good luck once again to you, I too suffer with IBS and when it flares my mind does too(anxiety that is). Always thought something more seriously was wrong when I get the, gross but diarrhea, almost everyday I have it, that's what brought on my anxiety to begin with and I hope to finally just go with the flow of everything and get off the cit without any issues and hopefully my anxiety level will be okay too once I'm off. Cindy

 

Hi babycakes,

Did you manage to get off it ?

How did you do?

Hi,

this is my second attempt to email you - first said error but if you receive two i apologise.

i was wondering if you succeeded in coming off and how you did it?

i'm on 40 and in stepping down too quickly it has been a nightmare. Some encouragement would be great.

Thanks

hollybody x

.After a thorough discussion with my psychologist and pyschiatrist (both pHD's) it was agreed that i would go down from 30 milligrams to 0 in 6 months, each month reducing by 5 milligrams. I was on 30 miiligrams for over year after being on only 10 milligrams for 3 years prior and this was as the doctor said to "over medicate you in order to relieve your symptons (anxiety & depression) for the psychologist to be able to effectively treat you. I was diagnosed as having GAD as nothing in my past or present pointed me in that direction. I have experienced all kinds of side effects while dropping 5 milligrams each month, ranging from dizziness, light headedness, headache, body sores, insommnia, some anxiety, sweats, serious fatigue, some lack of focus and a general feeling of being unwell because my head felt heavy or burdened down with some kind of infusion. I can say however that my appetite was unaffected, nor was my weight gain or loss an issue.  My memory was unaffected nor was my ability to think straight or logically. I feel because of my proper guiidance and study of anxiety and depression (through lots of reading) and having dealt with anxiety 2 previous times in the past, that i will succeed despite the setbacks i am experiencing. I am at 5 milligrams now and in 2 weeks will be at zero and i am looking forward ot it

what worries me most is this idea that we can live free of emotions, or just choose the good ones. my sadness and my worry is just a natural response to the grief of my life and the insecurity i live with and have always lived with due to lack of family support and money worries. i miss the crying and the deep well of emotions i used to know. and it worries me that the doctors say 'oh you are depressed'  if you cry and become sad. i have never been depressed. my hobbies and love of many things never left me, but my anxiety was so strong that it became difficult to be in the life i was leading.. i would seriously recommend the teachings of Pema Chodron who states very insistently that grief, sorrow and fear are emotions we can live with, but not by running from them. her book 'The Wisdom of N Escape' is my bible, but i definately needed a break, and the citalopram gave me that for which I am grateful. now i'm coming off citalopram. i only went up to 20mg per day and was on it for a year and half. i've enjoyed being on it and life feels much much more carefree and enjoyable. but i feel incomplete without my full emotional life. though in some ways i enjoy the flatness! but i am old enough to be tired of all the drama and excitement!

Hi

I, never, ever felt 'flat'.  I still cried rivers and felt suicidal and that's one of the reasons I decided to stop taking the medication; I wanted to see how I was drugs free.  I think my depression was even worse, at the vey low points.

When my cousin was on a high, her sisters used to say 'She's on the Prozac'  BUT then she would self-harm and take an overdose!! 

Thers is a big different between depressed, sad and grief.  One day I would be distraught and then a day or two later, when the black clouds had moved on, I was fine and nothing in my life had changed.

Somethimes, though, the clouds are so black that you just cannot seem or want to live with so I disagree with that author who can say we can live them.

I haven't read her book so cannot comment too much but I will have a look.

The mind is a very comlicated thing.

 

hi

well yes, from reading this board, it seems to me that there are very individual reactions to this drug. I had day after day where life was so bleak and meaningless. I think i'd become completely worn out by the anxiety. 

I have felt much better and less caring in general, which has been nice but also sometimes a bit worrying too, to feel so uncaring. But I kept up my other practices and reading around emotions, fear, etc  I don't know, I don't think I want to be on a drug in order to feel ok. if the drug made me more full of tears and suicidal then I'd feel the same as you - I'd not be happy at all!

The thing is with my anxiety and bleakness, when I had it bad, it so clearly wasn't about my life as it was - well not the anxiety anyway. It was easier to justify the bleakness with a totally negative view of life society, people et al. So i knew it was my mindset that needed changing. I don't know if it's a chemical thing in me though. maybe it is and maybe the citalopram helped that. if so, then I'd want to use some kind of drug to put the chemical balance into a more comfortable place. 

That's my thinking today. But we'll see. Maybe it'll change.

 

Hi Mark

I feel the same as you - I must change my thinking.  I feel people are always letting me down....and they do.  I'm hoping, when I get an appointment with a psychologist, that he will help me to overcome that.

I've been on a few antidepressants and, to be quite truthful, they are all the same - or have the same effect.

I MUST stop thinking of how selfish people are and get more out of life to help me to overcome that.

It's up to us to change but it is hard.

well, i don't know, but i can't help but wonder if anti depressents don't make you feel better then you ain't clinically depressed!! but i am not a medical person! but yes, people do let us down, life is far from perfect, but i've learned that i have to meet life on life's terms, i can't control what's out there, but yes, i do feel happiness is an inside job, and that gratitude changes my attitude, so i keep saying my gratitude list and checking out how i'm responding to life today, just to keep me from throwing myself under the wave of s**t, that i am very capable of seeing.

Oh, I have that list too!

Doctors don't even know why/if antidepressants work so what chance do we have?

If you're crying all the time and feel suicidal, then you must be depressed.  They can't give you a CT scan to find the cause so it's just guess work.

I'm reading a lot of books and articles for that mmagic potion that will help.

So totally agree it's your thoughts ie my own...that can need changing..try reading stop thinking start living. Richard Carlson..but i so so think I have a chemical imbalancr myself that was helped by the cit but now am down at 2.5mg with some family issues going on, am struggling...what's the answer!

well.....I personally have come to believe there is no cure for life! I think we're increasingly of the belief that life should be good, or even perfect, but I increasingly think it isn't like that really despite science and the enlightenment myth that everything is within our control, so I'm learning to be with things that are very wrong without reaching for the solution too quickly and often i find i don't even need to reach for a solution. It's a bit like i used to feel that life is something precariously balanced and I had to keep it upright, but now I seem to be able to allow things to hang in mid air, apparently about to fall to the ground and smash without doing anything about it. I think the citalopram has helped me be more detached and it's alos down to my 12 step programme and Pema Chodron, Soto Zen and daily meditation. Family issues continue meanwhile, and the world is getting every closer to the sun - nothing I can do about either !!!! 

But we'll see how much of this I sustain once I come off the citalopram!!

Well, Mark, we will see..................

I told my doc. I never wanted to go on antidepressants again but I think I will have to as I just can't cope.  At lease, on medication, I had some good days but every day is bleak and I hate it because I'm a naturally fun person. I'm known for my it and my humour.

I feel there is a huge weight on top of my head, every single day.  More company with the right people would certainly help but my life, in that area, has taken an almighty tumble.

I'm trying my best, to think like an animal and just cope with 'now' but I'm a natural worrier.

yes, i have been in this place. for me, it is hell and it seems absolutely bloody eternal and like a vast empty chasm with fear being almost the only emotion and the only relief seeming to be, the void. it seems to me a shame that doctors won't give us anything for fear, but as soon as we say, ok i am depressed then we get the drugs. I know a lot of people who use mindfullness techniques and this helps, but it all takes time and practice and the fear can feel intolerable in the meantime. I was only ever on 20mg of citalopram, so maybe i escaped the worse symptoms, i have gained weight mostly on my stomach and i have become very beligerent with people and tend to go for the jugular once i start in on people, but i think this is due to the drug reducing my fear levels.

It was the weight gain that made me decide to come of the drug. 

i'm trying to practice Mindfulness but just can't concentrate enough.  How can you concentrate on the now when the now stinks?

I had enough of people telling me what they thought and what I should do.  I've gone out of my way to help people, over the years and, now, been kicked in the teeth.  Nobody really cares; they say they do and they love me but if they did I woulndn't be sitting here alone, crying.

this is where pema chodron comes in for me. she absolutely tells us how to sit with the stink of now and how to deal with resentment and the s**t of life and people. she really makes sense for me and she has released me from a lot of pain and resentment, or i have by following the practices. so i'm very grateful for that. it's basic budhism but she is like no one i have ever heard when it comes to acceptance and being with. but it aint easy and she says it aint easy and she says that's how it is to be human and she's not pedaling cures like the drugs companies. i believe her. 

Sounds like something I would like to read.

I have now started reading my Reiki Masters maunual to start practicing on myself.

I need to get rid of all the resentment inside,

Just purchased the Kindle version of 'When things fall apart'.

yae. i hope you find some way to be with yourself within all of this Ms Mac. you have the background and you are one of the elders!!!!! so bon voyage.

Oh, I know what I should DO - it's the doing it ! 

Hi. 

The flatness of no emotions is terrible for me. I have been on antidepressants for many years and moved on to cit 40 about 7 years ago. It is over the last few years that I have noticed I am very flat and emotionless. To cut a long story short I have decided that it is now time to get off these and see how life is without them about a week ago I dropped my dose to 20mg and I can honestly say that I immediately felt better, more alive, but then I felt terrible. Very irritable, anxious and low, so this morning I upped my dose back to 40mg and I now know that I was suffering withdrawal symptoms. I also spoke to my doctor yesterday and he said that I was expected to be on anti depressants for life!!!! Now that really is getting me down. I used to be such a loving caring person but now with the tablets I am very uncaring to say the least. I know the time is right for me to get off these because the thought of being on them for the rest of my life is getting me down more than any depression. 

I have dug my reiki books out and I am well read and have researched this well enough. 

Thank you for your post it has given me hope. 

Hi, I've now started back giving Reiki to myself.

I had resigned myself to being on  the happy pills for life and then decided to come off them but it's anything but perfect and I really think, 6 months down the line without them, that I will have to go back on them but I am trying so hard not to.

I'm not sure if you are attuned to Reiki but you have to be to give it to yourself.  If you are not attuned maybe now is the time to study it. 

Hello ms mac,  

Thank you for your reply. 

I am reiki level one and am now looking to complete my reiki. Recently I have started to meditate again and that has helped me. 

I don't know weather resigning myself to taking these for life or to get myself off them is the best way to go I tried for a week and last night I felt so low and worthless. Didn't want to do anything or speak to anyone. So I upped my dose again this morning and have felt tones better albeit a little anxious.  If coming off these make me feel like I did last night then maybe I should just stay as I am. 

You sound just like me by wanting to come off for the sake of it.  Personally, it doesn't seem like the right time for you to come off; be very careful.

I am not in a good place at all, with no medication.

Please don't rush through the levels just to get to master level.  It's not right to do that IMO.  Get to level 2 and know the symbols and stay there for a couple of years and use them on yourself and others.

Love and light.

To be honest I do think it's best to stay on them. 

I have been reiki level one for around 6 years now and will only do my level 2 when I know that I am properly using my level one again I won't rush it.  But I have felt the signs that I need to get back into being my true self (my partner doesn't understand me, thinks I'm weird) 

All I know is that I don't want the low and worthless feelings back. 

Love and light 

ms mac and kirsti. for me yes, i notice that i care less about all things, including people, but on the other hand, when i am with people i now  have enough energy and less anxiety which allows me to be much more kind and patient when i am with people. i also have to, absolutely have to practise 'one day at a time'. And if my day is ok with slightly more citalopram that's ok for me. I absoutely face the wall each day for one hour after i get up and make a cup of tea. This act of 'staying with' and having a fixed routine, definitely helped me with the early morning abyss i was facing. it's hell sitting for one hour but i am convinced it is for 'the good' so it's easier to stand, or sit, it out, and I know I have many wise contented people behind me in this practise so I don't feel so alone and crazy!!!! What I've not seen mentioned on this site is the nervousness and anxiety, which is very physical and in the stomach, just after I take the citalopram. But Pema Chodron tells me to to breathe and be open to what is, so I walk along into college or wherever and do some big sighs to myself and notice how s**t and hellish I feel, and say, 'ok' and keep walking. I get rather snappy when I'm like this too, so I have to watch how quickly i speak to people!!!! But for me, it's the act of patience. I feel I must give things time. But, and this is a big but, I have not been on citalopram for that long so i speak only as someone who tried it once for 18months and now is very slowly, and maybe possibly coming off it, very slowly. But we'll see. one day at a time. I too, like many others did not find it good to be changing my dose on a daily basis, even when my gp suggested take 10mg one day and 20mg the next in order to achieve 15mg per day I felt the big difference each day and didn't like this. So i tended to stick to 20 or else stick to 10 in the end.

 

Markanthony,.. You are so right on with what you wrote !! Love it ... I am coming down from 20mg (9 years) and am now on 10mg since march this year and am ready to go down to 5mg. The withdrawals are there, for sure, but are manage-able and are nothing compare to the REAL feelings I have again ...Thanks for your writing. I hope many others will read it too.  All the best to you  

Markanthony,.. You are so right on with what you wrote !! Love it ... I am coming down from 20mg (9 years) and am now on 10mg since march this year and am ready to go down to 5mg. The withdrawals are there, for sure, but are manage-able and are nothing compare to the REAL feelings I have again  [smile]  ...Thanks for your writing. I hope many others will read it too.  All the best to you  [smile]  

I've never felt like that, MarkA.  I care too much and that is my main problem because I allow people to hurt me and then go into deep depair but I just can't change that.

When I first came off them, I was sleeping great but now I'm having trouble which makes me feel awful the next day - like today.

Yes, one day at a time.

You have wise words markanthony. You are so right about the nervousness. And anxiety on the stomach. I have many problems in this area after taking citalopram. I have very bad acid and ibs when taking this med it only went off when I cut my dose and got worse today after upping my dose this morning. 

I have since learned to not expect anything and to take every day as it comes. I have to learn to take time out for myself and have some quiet time. Luckily I live on the outskirts of a town and very close to countryside and nature, which I love and brings out the best in me and I have a job that involve the outdoors a lot. 

Maria good luck and thank you for your words. They are well revived. 

:-) 

You have wise words markanthony. You are so right about the nervousness. And anxiety on the stomach. I have many problems in this area after taking citalopram. I have very bad acid and ibs when taking this med it only went off when I cut my dose and got worse today after upping my dose this morning. 

I have since learned to not expect anything and to take every day as it comes. I have to learn to take time out for myself and have some quiet time. Luckily I live on the outskirts of a town and very close to countryside and nature, which I love and brings out the best in me and I have a job that involve the outdoors a lot. 

Maria good luck and thank you for your words. They are well revived. 

:-) 

I used to be the same as you ms mac I was a very deep caring soul and got hurt a lot but now I have become very uncaring and impatient which has steadily got worse. 

On a bright note there is a glimmer of the real caring me that creeps out but not often. 

All I know is I an a determined person when I want to be. I kicked the smoking habit. I got myself off an addiction to granadilla and pain killers and I do feel the time is right again for me now. 

One day at a time 

Uncaring and impatient isn't good either.  I can stand up for myself and will not let anyone away with anything but it still hurst me so much and after  any confrontations I get really upset.  I would like some of that away.

I, too, am determined and why I came off the happy pills but I can't say I feel good and this is 6 months down the line.

I'm not an addictive person, thankfully but did think I would need the pills all my life and still thinking I might do. ODAT, as AA says.

You are a determined and strong person to have been off them for as long as you have and are still strong. 

I to get very upset at confrontations and don't deal with them well but for me that stems from my childhood.  

I can honestly say that yes I have an addictive nature and probably use the meds as a crutch. 

Be strong 

Oh, I used them as a crutch too.

I have childhood issues too which make me feel incure so have to have 1-2-1 sessions with a psychologist.  One memory was 6 weeks in hospital with only 2 half hour visits a week.  That was cruel as I was only 5. 

Even when I know someone is going on holiday, I panic, because I feel I might never see them again; it's crazy!

I can't deal with any kind of rejection either.

To others, I am the full of personality woman with a great sense of humour - and, I am, when I'm 'normal'.  I hate when the black clouds appear.........

Hi, I feel exactly the same as you!  feel like i often get let down. try so hard with everyone and rarely get the same back. People in general are selfish but i try so hard not to be like that and to make the effort but i get so frustrated by it all. Have been on citalopram for 2-3 years now, doc has recently dropped me to 10mg And i can feel the depression and anxiety symptoms coming back....

How are you now?