Difference?

the wonders of diazipam! 😅 it's been one of them days so I've taken a diazipam this evening and atleast I haven't lost all of my personality x I'm still in here somewhere x . its wearing off now though x 🙄

that's a good idea x I'm gonna do that now actually and keep writing the positives down x ❤

how are you feeling? x

im on my third diary haha! dont see the last year as a waste p, its only a waste if you let it be, for me personally getting off although i suffer extreme withdrawal and had so many bad times ive also had some really awesome times as i feel my laughter again, and although im in a lot of pain im fitter than ever could probably run a marathon, im buying extra small clothes now haha, life is what you make of it! x

what kinda things do you write in your diary? or diaries lol x

I'm trying to not let it be. I'm trying so hard to keep my sense of humour but I just cant most of the time when I'm feeling so crap x my poor partner has to live with me crying everyday lol x

I wish I could be as positive as you 😭

oh trust me i break down a lot, just symptoms, whats better, whats worse, waves and windows, what ive achieved that day etc x

after a couple of reasonable days. woke up this morning with a feeling of dread or fear has that happened to anyone else

i wake up with dread most days 😞

ive woken up without dread/fear once in over 2 years, it was amazing

me too 😭

its 4am here - dreaded insomnia is back! Felt so fatigued yesterday but shortness of breath was bad in the evening, I felt depressed and couldnt get to sleep. Now awake, still feeling depressed and a few tears. Had a few better days last week but hasnt lasted. Not so physically anxious though so i guess thats a good thing - just still have all the constant worries

Feeling fab. steady emotions, chilled, dont worry about much and i now realise how useless worry really is. 87 percent of worry never happen and the other 13 percent you are strong enough to deal with. ive been level headed for last 2 or 3 months and long may it continue! its a great feeling! It took about 4 months to settle down and its 2 steps forward one step back. BUT i kept a little log of my feelings good and bad and saw that the bad stuff wasnt continuous and gradually it faded, although a up and down the first few months i got through to the other side and so will you! and if you trip up theres so many around you to pick you up and support you through. Just look forward to your inevitable recovery. x

thats great to hear Catherine - well done! so yiu have been on the meds about 6 months then? Did you hsve blips/relapses in the early months? im having one now after feeling bettter. its so discouraging. how long did it take for all the worrying thoughts to go? The physical anxiety has calmed a lot but the worries are all still there. Thanks heaps

how are you doing potato?

hi lou how are you feeling? Any better?

slept really crap x awake really early so trying to get back to sleep but nothings working x brain fig hitting hard too and feel crap x

waves of dread everytime I try and go back to sleep.

hope you're feeling better than me 😊

woke up the usual but did have a decent sleep. I took a quarter of diazapam and am trying to slowly do a few things around the house. How are you Tamsin?

hey noticed you said food can make you worse, what are you eating? are you cutting out sugar, caffeine and fatty food?

upping your dosage again started the cycle once again.so now you are in the begenning stages again.sorry potato.

that's ok I kinda expected that 😭

I've got the random triggers feeling today which I hate. like the weather and certain smells and objects x

I swear I'm going coocoo and I'm not normal.

that can't me anxiety surely x

no caffeine no sugar no fatty food! I'm behaving 😊

how you feeling lou?

I do miss a cuppa tea. decafe seems to set me off too for some reason x

gee whiz i get that all the time, i can literally smell a dog a mile off and cant even wear perfume x

I am on the sofa, eyes rolling having taken 1/4 diazepam.....feel flat and low.

certainly are side effects.so bizzare how they rotate everyday everyhour everyweek.

potatoghost, how do you feel when you wake up

going back to docs tmrw.......need a docs line again and Im.so rough its a week now in this low....22 weeks on Thursday 😥😥😥

lou you have changed doses alot that will all catch up!

that's your super power!

lol

blips can last a lot longer than a week x I learnt that from toria and lois!

I hit a blip after being on my dose and I changed. that was nearly 12 months ago and I'm back on the original med and worse than when I blipped.

please try and ride it out if you can because you dont wanna make the mistake of changing to soon and ending up regretting it lovely

keep going for now and hold tight.

I'm sure something similar happened to a family member of toria and she needed up trying different meds and ended up back on the same one in the end.

sorry toria if I'm wrong x lol

yeah they do!

some days I'm dizzy

some days I'm foggy

some days I'm wierd

some days I'm spaced out but it changes constantly. some times after every few days

sometimes a few times a day.

up and down like a fart in a spacesuit!

I feel like a fat lady called sharkisha is sitting on my chest

I shake like I'm being electrocuted

I feel dread

anxiety

low mood

dizzy

sick

and just a general feeling of feeling terrible x

that means the meds are working believe it or not.

Thank you for the encouraging words......I do feel better knowing we are all in the same sorta boat....Im out and about now so the 1/4 Diazapam did its job. No guilt....i need the break

its horrible p, i literally hate most smells, make me so anxious, except floral and laundry x

youre spot on p, she is still struggling bless her x

i get the same withdrawing 😕

i knowwww im going for some sortta record! 22 weeks on 20, 20, 30, 40, 30 and 20!!!

sorry i meant 10, 20, 30, 40, 30 and 20!

wow

i know! what was I doing! every time I blipped i reacted

wish i could get of as quick as youve changed doses, it takes me over a year to get stable dropping 2mgs

i blip so many times that in the end i learn my lesson.blipping is part of revovery.i know that now all too well.

sorry guys had an appointment with my nurse. I have to do Exposure and response prevention 😭

sh*tting myself lol x

how is everyone? x

sorry guys x went to see my mental health lady and I have to do something (cant tell you because it gets moderated 🙄)

basically where I have to sit with the panic/anxiety in a situation that makes me panic and wait for it to go away naturally 😭

help! lol

how is everyone tonight?

hi all im in the modfle of a major blip right now. Started off feeling down and really tired on monday night then started feeling anxious about the shortness of breath thing thst ive been having heaps of, then couldnt get to sleeo, then awake for 2 hours, then exhausted and really low all day yesterday with bucketloads of tears. Last night woke about 4 times with that awful startle feeling really panicky feeling. Feel like im back to square one and so hard when i was feeling better - had a better week last week. Now im flipping out that the meds arent working at all and im not going to get better and im stuck like this again. i hate the feeling of being tearful all the time. Lois any advice?

P - glad you saw the nurse - you are really strong i know you can do this. Accepting the anxiety and not being afraid of it is a key part of recovery.

Lou - so sorry youre having such an awful blip too. i feel your pain! Hope it goes well at the docs let us know how it goes. i still really think it seems hormones could be playing a big part in the blip

dont ever think the meds arent working .they release the same amount of seratonin daily.what you are going thru is exactly the path to recovery.

can a blip really take you back to the start though? Werent you tempted to increase dose to see if the blips went away? Im still on tbe 0.5 lorazepam too.

oh I increased and that didnt help me. It is so so rough when u are in the middle of an endless blip. A wee light popped on at about 1pm today for me....I am making the most of it and going to hear my Dd no1 sing xmas songs. Take another lorazapam??? I am so glad I took the 1/4 diazapam earlier....and might start taking a very small amount every day......I am sticking at this dose. We should all lift very soon. Keep the faith! you lot keep me going!!

i never thought to increase .and yes the blips will make you feel like you are going backwards.if i had a blip i took my xanex

thanks lou - how many children do you have? i have 3. i have been worrying about how all this is affecting them but they seem ok tho my middle son who has just turned 14 has been worrying about me. Yes the L hss definately been helping me get through. I take the 0.5 every morning. was taking it twice a day but have cut the evening dose. im really glad that you felt a bit better this afternoon - i hope the xmas songs helped too x

im still taking the lorazepam every day. it helps for 6 or so hours but with this blip its first thing in the morning and evenings/night when its bad. my husband wanted me to take another one last night but im not keen to increase again. i had a glass of wine instead. Do any of you get depression as well as anxiety?

sorry you're having such a crap time tamsin. don't worry about your kids honestly they are more resilient than you think and if you're oldest is noticing just say to him you're poorly now but it's only temporary and it will get better and for him not to worry. even if you dont believe it so much yourself x 😊 1 in 3 people suffer with a mental health problem and how many people do you hear never get better x hardly any and that's because there is another problem underneath x I wish I could tell myself that lol

Lou

thats amazing that a little light turned on for you today x that's always a good sign x do u feel the diazipam was a good idea helping you be a little bit more yourself x hey if a little bit a day helps you I say go for it! x wish I had enough to do that lol

what dose did you take?

uggghhhh why do my symptoms change throughout the day it sucks lol x

Thanks P. My 8 yr old daughter is really tired cos its nearly the end of term and shes really touchy and my husband just told me its because she finds my illness difficult - just what i need to hear right now. hes been amazing but i think hes finding this blip hard as he thought i was getting better and back to normal again. he gets really grumpy about me being on here. he thinks its really unhelpful but he doesnt understand that i need to talk to people who are going through the same thing

i went thru the same thing with my husband about this forum.in the end my husband found this forum to be more helpful than all the other crappy sites he read.

did you have depression too Lois? i i find the depression really hard - it makes me anxious and scared.

not really .i was more Irritable with anxiety.i never cry during treatment i did cry before treatment because i refuse to believe it was all anxiety.

The diazapam definitely helped. I am going to see how I cope with 1/4 tmrw and may try to push through and go to work on Thursday and maybe Friday! but sure that could all be different tmrw!!! really enjoyed the wee xmas songs!

of course the benzo helps.if it was not for the benzo i would of definitely ended in a mental institution.yuck

I have 2 girls, 8 and 5. They are totally oblivious to me being ill as I have got up and dressed every morning and kept the routine of bringing them to school etc. They think I go to work but I come home and kill time till its time to collect them. I mostly pick up mood wise in the afternoon. I get the homework done, uniforms, dinner and then we all chill. For me its mostly the mornings that trigger me.....

yes, I was so flat and tearful....kept looking at my kids and thinking I don't want you to be burying your mummy.....but then I was able to rationalise it and remembered that it was a childhood fear of mine......my first experience of anxiety. As a 5 year old I thought my parents would die if I wasnt with them to protect them.......this is why all kids should have counselling.......

oh you are so lucky. You sound like you are recovering pretty well then or just really really strong - probably both. My children have seen me really anxious and crying. And some nights i have had to have dinner in bed. But maybe i need to do a better job of trying to keep on as normal so they dont worry. Do you get depressed and tearful? That is mostly what this blip is and its making me feel really anxious and scared. im sitting here crying as i write this.

it was a 1/4 of a 5mg tablet! I am super sensitive to meds!

is this just a blip or have i really relapsed and meds have stopped working?!

its a blip.trust n believe

but its two days now Lois - what if carries on?

i had a blip that lasted almost two weeks.i just took more xanex to combat it.

do none of you get depression hangovers from the benzos? you lucky things! i did every time i took them and only took them for a week, and was unlucky enough to have withdrawal from them but i am sensitive to meds now.

what do you mean by a depression hangover? do you think thats what ive got?

no not at all, its a common thing with benzos though but not sure everyone gets it, im not a doctor! but glad im not as half of them dont even think withdrawal is a thing, mine do now though as i didnt even have anxiety until reducing!

You are doing amazing. There are no rules.....They have seen me cry, but I tell them its ok to cry. I say I dont feel very well or Im feeling a bit sad. I want them to know its ok to show emotion. Its important that they know its ok to cry.....awk dear love you, wish I could give u a big hug. Please dont give yourself a hard time over your kids as you are doing your very best. Take the extra lorazapam and give yourself a break. I have been so very afraid at times aswell......but this wont be forever. We will survive this and come through the other end more empowered to help our children xxxx

like i said before the benzo only took the edge off never felt drowsy or nauseas or had any type of issues related to my recovery.

thanks Lou - i will keep your words with me. i feel defeated by it all right now but i must not let it defeat me. i need to stay strong and fight back, wish i could give you a hug too - such shame we cant have a daily face to face support session xxx

how is everyone? woke up today and my body is so weak. I feel exhausted like I have the flu. it's horrible! and scary hope everyone else is doing ok x

flu like symptoms are annoying, i just crack on as usual as it isnt real x

its unbelievable how all the crap we feel is not real.

what do you guys mean not real? 😊

it may feel real but if you went and got a physical and blood work your symptoms and complains are all invisible.kind of like fibro.

the doctors wont find anything wrong with you.

its your nerves firing off false signals to your brain! for example ive had pain in a tooth i had removed many years ago!

ahhhh I see thanks guys x that does make sense actually!

how are you both?

why in the world do my symptoms change multiple times a day ,

same kinda thing?

same thing p.the firing off nerves that create these phantoms feelings.

and the sad part is the doctors will try to diagnose you with n illness and give you more added meds.yuck

why do you think i want off them (understand you need them) anything that can do that to me i will pass thanks! ive had the same symptoms over and over for 2 years p, but on good days, guess what they all go!

i attended a two year back pain clinic because of these pesky things!!!

but all of these symtoms for me all subsided.it was just in the Beginning of treatment.i no longer have side effects or suffer from phantom symptoms etc.iam a complete happy camper.

I wish I was x like today right, felt like i had flu and was really weak and achy and everywhere hurt. now i don't feel like that, I feel super spaced out and high kinda. not in a nice way though lol x

rollercoaster is a complete understatement! lol

its be great if everyday was a good day! we would both be so happy 😅

you will have medicine head for a while.

hahahahaha medicine head? 🤔

thats our aim!

yesterday felt so good today not feeling sad. Hope the day improves

more like migraine head atm x ouchies!

Lois , Did you have a great day while recovering and have a horrible day the next. i am feeling so sad and hopeless today

yes lynn.i had moments of feeling great in seconds /minutes /hours /days /weeks.my mood seesaw like crazy

do you think migraines are anxiety related or sideeffects or both??

lois, were you able to cry much when you were sad. i have such a hard time letting go

i did not cry during treatment .only before treatment.

hi lynn i have been crying so much! i do find i feel better after but i do find feeling tearful all the time quite scary

im the same - mine change every day too, breathlessness one minute, aching legs the next, headaches, dizziness etc etc! just wish the universe would give us a break!

I woke up this morning and felt like I had flu. then it changed to being really spaced out. then felt dizzy for a few hours then brain fog and now panick 😭

it's crazy how it changes isn't it x hope you're doing a little better today than yesterday x

why cant we just catch a break? 😭

haven't taken a diazipam today x I wish I had enough so i could!

i read my diaries today, literally couldnt stop crying, all the pain ive been through the last 2 years and still have 3 drops left, =3 years 😦 at the moment im having literally hundreds of symptoms at once x

hi toria i feel for you. do you think you could just go cold turkey now and try and cope - if the symptoms are already that bad could they get any worse? what does your doc say?

that's a point x try and go cold turkey and if it's too bad reinstate like one drop to take the edge off orb drop down to one drop rather than 2 and see how that goes? just to save you a year! something has to be better than waiting a year each time!

or what about when it settles just staying on a really really low dose for a while so you can have a little break. from all the pain and suffering? ❤

good advice P - how are you feeling now?

same same old same old x managed to go to the pub earlier for food. well that was the plan as my partner begged me to try. when we got there it was too late to be serving food so the relief was unreal x stayed for a diet coke as I had to compromise 🙄 its mad how everyday tasks that are normal to everybody else is life or death when you have anxiety. 😭

feel a bit lightheaded and dizzy, eye pressure too and a little foggy. resting heart rate is 131 so not overly high x dread what it's like when I'm not resting lol x

how are you? x

im ok. still feeling anxious but trying not to worry about it. Great you went out! did use it as an opportunity for your exposure therapy? ie sit there with the anxiety until it goes away?

hi, my doctor has admitted they know less about withdrawal than me, i cant go cold turkey as i wouldnt sleep at all unfortunately and ive read some pretty grim stories about people who have problems all their life from cold turkey x

hey p, i have to do it this way, its safer x

Does anyone ever sweat when they first wake up in the morning not at night. Is it anxiety.

yep iive had both - night sweats and sweating when i wake up

how you doing T? x

not sp good again today - bad night and floods of tears again this morning. this shortness of breath is really getting me down and now im scared to get out of bed as it seems ok while im lying in down. i know its the anxiety playinhg trixks ob me but hard to fight back sometimes

I feel you I really do x I know exactly what you mean but the fact today has been really bad means that other days haven't been as bad if that makes sense x that's how I try and look at it because it does give you hope realising on days like this that maybe the last one wasn't actually so bad....... sorry I'm confusing myself now so I must be confusing you too

f*****g brain fog 🙄

I'm having a bad day too with brain fog and panic and I have the breathlessness aswell but it seems to be bothering you a lot more than me as I find the brain fog worse. terrified its permanent 😭 and it makes me not feel like myself and really spaced out 😓

sounds like someone added some extra Anxiety flakes in both our cereal bowls this morning. lol

has it got better as the day has gone on as mornings are always the worst? x

remember the symptoms as uncomfortable as they are, are all anxiety and we are on the meds to get rid of it so when they kick in the horrible ness will start to subside a little bit.

how are you occupying yourself at the minute?

Psych wants me to increase to 30 and is talking about possibly adding in questiapine. im freaking out! like you im thinking im treatment resistant or something. Have felt really down and tearful agam today, i think im going to be stuck like this

saroquel will knock you out .is very good for sleep.but long term not good for liver.so ask and do your research.best regards

did you try it lois? ive read about all the side effects the sound awful!

this thesis your journey and if you aren't happy about adding it in then don't feel forced to add it in.

the problem with adding something else in is more side effects and if it doesn't work withdrawing and then not knowing if its anxiety/meds/ side effects.

all i know is that if it worked before, you know it works for you.

the second time is a lot harder

the second time takes a lot longer and has different side effects compared to the last time you were on it.

not for everybody but for most.

I would rather increase than start something new.

my mental health nurse says she has been working in mental health for over 20 years.

she has supported hundreds of people and she said she has not yet met anyone who didn't get better and couldn't shake depression. she said the people who are resistant it's more often that actually there is an underlying cause that stops them from being able to recover from it and it's because they aren't tackling the right thing when trying to help them. and have more severe mental health issues.

hope that puts your mind at ease a little bit.

I say to give it another few weeks before changing anything

it's still super early!

yes i was prescribe that med for sleep .stupid doctor never told me it was an antiphychotic .when i found out i wanted off .i had severe vomiting for one week .and dizziness off an on for two weeks.is not a bad med for short term.great for sleep.and it will make you eat like crazy.

lois did you get those side effects from going on it or when coming off? how long were you on it for?

thanks P - i am really grateful for your support even especially when youre feeling so crap yourself. he was talking about setraline and mirtazapine if the cit didnt work well enough and i was thinking of your experience! increasing dose is def the best option in the first instance.he wants me to do it now and says i might not even get any side effects but im super scared. just wish i could have something that stops the worrying thoughts

no side effects .three months

its dose change, i always walk before breakfast and it dies down

coming of the seraquol i had severe vomiting and dizziness.

mirtazipine was horrible for me but you might find that it works for you. if it's just for sleep I would avoid it as it's better to take something that's not gonna effect your seratonin aswell.

personally I would try all your options with citalopram first because it has worked for you before so it will work again.

if you switch it's back to the beginning and withdrawals added in too.

only switch when you know 100 percent citalopram isn't gonna work and 7 weeks on 20mg really isnt a lot of time.

sorry if that's worrying for you x I don't mean to make your anxiety worse x

I think increasing is a better option than switching x what does everyone else think?

12 months and I'm back to square one again and back on citalopram so please atleast consider before changing x ❤❤

totally agreed

totally agree

thanks all im not going to change at the moment. really dont want to. just want the cit to work. psych said it was working just very slowly so thats why he wants me to go up to 30. insomnia has been really bad this week. lois did you try anything else for that?

lois did your insomnia eventually settle down?

how are you doing today? chest tightness finally easing up

thanks P Im not going to switch unless i really have to cos its not working well enough but im really hoping it will eventuallly. just had a really bad after feeling better for a week. P are you feeling any better on 30? did your mental health nurse say that it took longer the second time? xx

alao did she say the same about anxiety as depression?

yes mam i still take benadryl here and there.and i sleep 7to 8 hours

i also thought the celexa was not going to work boy was i wrong.aint better that been free of this horrible illness.

it definitely takes way more than weeks. definitely need more like months. some people who are on there first Ad respond quicker but I know so many people who have said the second time takes so much longer.

and is a lot lot harder for a lot of people too x

definitely going up to 30mg hasn't made any improvement yet as it's only 9 days.

in. the problem with swapping aswell as starting from the beginning is it will take longer because you'll be used to citalopram x

youre on a half dose and it goes up to 40mg so there is still a lot of room for improvement but I would stick with 20mg or go to 30mg and stay there as long as you can.

if it's truly unbearable and you cant cope then switch x do you feel like can carry on with the citalopram?

you won't feel like this forever x last time you were on it you probably thought you wouldn't get better but you did!

if you have felt depressed all day every day since you started then it's likely to be depression, if it comes and goes and some days none at all it's the meds doing the thing she said x

thats good to know ive had some periods of depression

tamsino, do you ever get waves of depression

anything in waves means that the meds are doing there thing.

really i didnt know that.

oh yeah lois is right! definitely waves and windows toria described it as a while ago one day I hope I can wave good bye to anxiety! actually more like kicking it in the c**k before slamming the door!!!!

you better believe it

yes definately get waves of depression - its not there and then suddenly ill have a couple of days (or a week in this case!) of feeling down and really tearful

yes i feel i can cope with it, Not as bad as i was just not better yet.

I feel like that too a lot of the time aswell so it seems to be pretty normal in recovery. we are definitely gonna get down aswell feeling so crap 24/7

it's the worst feeling in the world being like this isnt it.

have you decided what you are gonna do about increasing?

or you gonna stick to 20mg and see how you are?

we just need to keep pushing and fighting and take each day at a time.

one day gone is another day closer to getting better x

Have you started getting moments of feeling better in the evenings. Yesterday was real rough for me. We have so much snow and its 20 degrees outside. i hope today is better for all of us.

wow thats full on - where in the US are you? i hope you have had a better day. i am in NZ - we are having incredible rain and thunderestorms with lots of flooding down south a d its supposed to be summer here!

how is everyone one tonight?

just watched the Anthony joshua Andy ruiz boxing match and my heart was pounding before I even put it on.

felt like I was gonna have a panic attack but I didn't take my eyes of it and have been waiting for so long for it! anxiety wasn't gonna ruin it for me.

nearly had a panic attack but thankfully I didn't

poatato=1

anxiety=48474932184637 😂

hope everyone is ok.

thats awesome - definately PG 1!! are you seeing any small moments of improvement at all during the day?

the brain fog hasn't been as bad the past few days but I'm still very panicky x but that's about it. it's so difficult still.

what about you? anything noticable or positive?

and now the depression is back today too 😭😭😭

I love the Snow x probably because we never get it where I live x

sounds too cold though x no improvements yet I'm afraid. today is a rough one x

yesterday i felt good from 11:00 on even did a gym class. Woke up with anxiety as usual this morning. can you have on day good one day bad.

yeah x

potatoghost can you have one good day then one not good.

perhaps not so anxious but still pretty down. didnt cry for 2 days tho so i guess thats an improvement. woke up again this morning at 5 with that awful startled panicky feeling tho. i really hate it. i only get it in the early mornings. i manage to calm myself down from it reasonably quickly but it leaves this lingering sense of disquiet

its good that your anxiety isn't too bad though right??

yeah I get that too x then it normally comes back at some point in the evening x

it makes me so dizzy aswell it's horrible. it's like I'm swaying lol x

the fact you haven't cried is good though x I feel like I'm overdue a big cry though it's been a few days for me too.

have you decided what you are gonna do about changing/increasing?

was just sitting here thinking that actually the depression is worse than the anxiety now. the anxiety is still there and thinking about the depression makes it worse but its def the feeling down thats the worse. i didnt have it this bad before i started the meds. its def got worse since starting. anyway dont think ill increase until after christmas. dont want all the side effects over that time. Funny on that other thread theyre all talking about decreasing to feel better!

which thread is that tamsin?

one called i feel like im going backwards started by laura

you'll find that one is always worse than the other. when the depression is bad the anxiety will ease off a little bit and Visa versa.

that's not all people but a lot of people x

how long has the depression lasted for you now this time? x

do you get brain fog too?

I have thought about decreasing but I know that the lower doses don't work for me

I think it's a case of people doing anything to make themselves feel better.

I see so many people getting better quicker and I'm happy for them but it breaks my heart thinking that I never will.

it's scary but I know it's just the anxiety that makes me feel like that I think x

I just want my life back. I'm sure that's how you feel too x

Toria to the rescue!!

this week i have been having more depression this week can the antidepressant cause this. yesterday i felt pretty well

yes absolutely - just want to feel like me again. My mind just feels like its on shaky ground - just want to be stable again. I guess ive been depressed all along but since last mon been pretty bad. although no crying for 2 days but it always feels not too far away.

its like you cry too much then your brain has a few days off from feeling like it for a few days but always feels like you need too doesn't it x

the low mood is probably because you are so anxious too

my main problem today is the brain fog and dizzyness/unsteady feeling. it wasn't as bad yesterday but must have jinxed myself saying it was easing off a bit lol

not at all, got enough on my plate p, but do try to help a few, feel like i did my time with my mirtazapine support group, i try not to focus on this 24/7 and live life!

oh yeah ofcourse it can x it's trying to fix your brain x

I wish I could try and live life!

life is meant to be easy peasy lemon squeezy

not Stressed depressed lemon zest 😓

lois when you started getting better was one day good and the next day not.

yes i had moments or may say seconds minutes hours days weeks of feeling well .up and down

its normal x 😊

do any of the rest of you get shortness of breath? its not like im wheezy like asthma its like i feel like i need to take deep breaths to get enough air sometimes. i dont think its hyperventilating either as the therapist made me do it the other day and i didnt really get it.

yeah I do x it's really horrible.

it's like air hunger

just never feel like I'm taking a proper breath. its horrible but its just anxiety but knowing that doesn't help much.

is it a constant thing for you?

i just crack on with my routine no matter what as this drug isnt going to beat me plus this takes a long time and i dont want to look back and regret anything, want to make myself proud it helps our brains, trust me laying in bed is tempting but ive never done it and im not going to start x

Hi Everyone! Reading this thread has been helping me alot, knowing I'm not alone with all these scary thoughts thoughts/feelings. I have anxiety & depression and was started on citalopram (10mg) 4 weeks ago. Most of the side effects have now subsided and I have found im eating a bit more and sleeping a tiny bit better (hoping this means this med is working for me) however, I still feel generally low with dark thoughts (especially during the morning/afternoon) and still don't feel motivated to do anything or return to work. Maybe this means I need to increase to 20mg but I'm not sure, how did you guys know an increase was needed & did it help? Thanks!

hi megan, the others will be able to help you more as im withdrawing x

hi hi megan x

happy for you to join us crazies lol x

it's hard to tell what to do with doses and stuff as we are all very different. lois recovered really well on just 10mg, but 10mg doesn't work for me and Tamsin

I would say if you are starting to improve as appetite and sleep is meant to be one of the first to improve I would stick with 10mg for now as 4 weeks is still really early x

everyone on here is great and really helpful x ❤

what side effects did you start with? just remember you aren't alone and if we can help we will x x

I always find it's just better to jump up straight away and just get on with it. staying in bed just delays the inevitable!

I say that while I'm in bed feeling sorry for myself 😂

i cant stay in bed, i walk before breakfast, after lunch and after tea, and constantly doing things!

I have got up now though as my house is a mess so I'm gonna try and give it a proper tidy up. depression was hitting a little this morning so I was super tired. I make sure i go for a walk atleast once a day just to keep busy because it does help doesn't it.

will do a bit more once i start getting my energy back x

hi megan welcome! it is really tricky to know. this is my second time and 20 is what worked for me last time but as P said some recover on 10 like lois. my doc is not keen on sub-therapeutic doses (below 20) but they are all different. i say talk to yiur doc about how youre feeling and take their advice.

tyes thats exactly how it is for me! no i dont have it all the time - in fact didnt seem to have it too badly over the weekend but it was bad yesterday. i went to see doc about it and she couldnt find anything wrong- said pulse and oxygen were fine and heart and lungs sounded good so she thought it must just be the anxiety but i still had had it and fretted about it all evening. eventually managed to get to sleep but its 3 am and ive been wide awake for 45 minutes! im sick of the bloody insomnia! how was your day?

ho everyone - I know that feeling P! Well i decided to try going without the lorazepam yesterday to see how id go without it. i actually surprised myself and wasnt too bad- bit edgy and anxious but ok and i just cracked on with the day but it all went to custard at about 8.30 in the evening when i guess i was tired. Back to being anxious and breathless and tears again. So frustrating as i hadnt cried for afee days and id had a better day up to that point. i know part of the problem is that i keep putting these expectations on myself and get really frustrated when i feel like ive failed. Today i just kept thinking its 8 weeks i should be better after 8 weeks. Psych is still really keen for me to go increase as he thinks i will need that to get better but im just so scared of getting the side effects back,

particularly increased anxiety and the awful burning sensations i used to get.

when were you on mirt Toria?

yes i find it hard to get up when ive had a bad night or depression is hitting.

if it's any help the side effects were the same for me but less intense. it was easier going to 30mg than going to 20mg. it's still early for me on 30mg but hasn't been as bad as starting 20mg so far.

8 weeks is still early really but maybe 30mg is gonna be the kick that you need to help you be able to cope a little better until they start to lick in atleast. you don't have to decide today or even tomorrow. you've got time to have a good think about it x

the first 2 days were hard but it seemed to trail off again but today has been pretty rough not sure if that's just anxiety or the increase.

the burning sensation is horrible.

my side effects were more increased anxiety so felt wierd spaced out/brain fog.

and random triggers like the telly or a certain noise or the way someone or something looks (do you know what I mean, hard to explain lol)

but just less intense as starting x

I'm sorry yesterday was so tough for you 😥 it will get better. we have to keep going to get better.

I would say increase rather than swap x

The breathlessness is horrible x try to take deep breaths and try not to concentrate on yourself doing it as concentrating on it will just make you worry more. easier said than done though bless you.

cit effects your respiratory system, was on mirt 3 times CT all 3, it helped with depression twice, but i handle that myself now!

Hi Potato! Glad to be joining yous! Strength in numbers lol. I have a docs checkup now on Thurs so I'm gonna see what he advises but I'm hearing alot about 10mg not being a therapeutic dose and that for severe anxiety I'd be better off on 20mg, I just don't know wither to hold out and see if my mood lifts in a month or take the increase if offered. My side effects were not pretty, icreased anxiety, shaking, jaw clenching, couldn't eat anything, insomnia, headaches and pressure and a whole lotta crying lol. It's only now in the last week they've started to subside.

Hey Tamsin! I've got a checkup on thurs so I'm gonna ask my doc what he thinks then, im thinking I may need the increase but I don't wanna do it too soon either, how far in to your dose did you know you needed to increase?

hope you're doing ok today ❤

unless you're lucky your gp wont know much about the meds and how they work and even how long they take x

some people do recover a lot quicker but the time frame they give you will be more realistic if you double it x

it's a difficult one because 30mg is the lowest theraputic dose but 10mg can be effective for a lot of people too.

lois had severe anxiety and recovered on 10mg and so have a few others I know but 20mg is normally the go to dose x I'm on 30mg but this isnt my first time on them x

it really is trial and error x

see what your doc says and see how you get on on Thursday but remember theres no rush to increase until you feel ready x 😊

have you been given anything to help with the increased anxiety? like diazipam or beta blockers? because anxiety and depression is your body fighting to live while your mind is trying to die and it's not nice do see if you can get anything to help x

you will get better! I know it feels like it now but most of us on here have got better before so will again x

I meant 20mg is the lowest therapeutic dose lol

sorry for my spelling brain fog hitting hard lol

Hi Potato! I'm doing Ok today, very sleepy and in that mood where you feel like you're just on the verge of bursting out crying at some point, but you don't lol. This is a good day for me though compared to how I was when I first started the meds. How are you feeling today? Yep the doc gave me a limited supply of diazepam (2mg) to get me through the start, trying to save them for compleye emergencys but they def do help. No beta-blockers allowed though since I'm asthmatic 😕. How did you know an increase was the right move for you?

that's good that you are a little better today x I know that wanting to cry feeling all too well! if you need to cry just do it because it really can help!

I've just taken a 2mg diazipam not because I needed one but just to take the edge off the physical symptoms as they get a bit wearing after a while. like palpitations tight chest muscle aches x just need an hour of peace for once lol x

for me I kinda panicked because of how bad I was feeling mentally and physically and took a 30mg once I done it I knew I would have to stick at that dose. also I have been up to 40mg before in the past and stupidly swapped to sertraline when I thought it wasn't working.

now I know I didn't give it long enough x

I would say more people do well on 20mg rather than 10mg so going up to 20mg wouldn't be a terrible idea x you can always decrease if it's too much for you but 6 weeks on a dose should lesson side effects of increasing a little but x not much but a little x

it's so hard to know what to do isn't it bless you x

so how does the anxiety and depression manifest itself for you?

I was real anxious this morning so I went to the gym my anxiety subsided but then depression came on. i am usually not depressed. Can medication cause this

was that because the withdrawal was making you anxious and depressed? what was the other thing you were on? how did you find the mirt? were you taking it at night?

Diazepam is great at taking the edge of definitely! I only have 4 left so I'm trying to save them. I get the palpations as well, I'm starting to get used to them now but at the start they freaked me out that much I'd go straight into a panic attack lol. My anxiety causes me panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, loss of appetite, health anxiety, constant feeling of dread and zero appetite and then the depression side of things makes me not want to leave bed, cry all the time and just an overall feeling of hopelessness, like I'm never going to feel normal or have any joy again. Not to mention the guilt it makes me feel. My fiance has been absolutely amazing and supportive through all of this but I just feel soo bad that I've kinda turned our lives upside down at the moment 😕. To be honest though Im not as bad as I was this time last month, the only thing that's kinda hanging around is the dark thoughts, and the general low mood and hopelessness. I'm no where near ready to return to work yet. I'm also in CBT therapy at the moment too. How does it manifest in you? How long have you been on citalopram all together now and have you found it definitely helps you? This forum and you guys are truly great, I'm learning soo much

thanks P. Terrible night barely any sleep. Feeling really negative this morning.dont think the meds are doing anything except @giving me side effects. im better than i was for the first month but i still think im worse than i was before i started it again. Didnt have this insomnia or breathlessness or crying all the time. i had one bad panic episode related to severe pain but otherwise was just a bit down and edgy. i said to my husband this morning i should just come off them but he got angry with me. The doc i saw yesterday has anxiety herself and she has been on meds for 18 years. she said i should probably have tried something different this time as i had been on the cit a while. she also said its a lot harder to treat the second time

Advise i have had 6 out of 12 days of feeling better. the other days are still awful should i go up it will be 11 weeks on 50 sertraline.

the fact you aren't as bad as you were is a really good sign x because it's still really early x so the good news is you have time on your side and higher doses to try x 😊

honestly it does get better! it doesn't feel like that now but it will. I have been where you are twice before and got better! that's the depression and anxiety talking x

I was put on citalopram 6 years ago and was doing amazing for 5 years x no anxiety or depression on 20mg

then I switched meds basically and have been suffering ever since so back on them again now x

my anxiety is a lot worse this time round

negative thoughts

some depression

dizzyness

headaches

muscle aches

brain fog

palpitations

panic

health anxiety

shaking

that horrible dread/doom feeling

Adrenaline rushes

uggghhhh it sucks!

you will get better it takes time but it will x I'm doing CBT at the minute and not really helped so far so trying a different route and doing something that involves sitting with the panic.

it's so horrible lol x

this place has saved me because if I didn't know what everyone has thought me I'd be in a worse place by far x lois and Toria have been by my side the past 12 months! ❤❤❤

read bruno snows timeline it takes a lot longer than 11 weeks remember 😊

I would give it another 3-4 weeks before increasing again otherwise you will turn out like me. mash potato for a brain!

still not sleeping? 😭 bless you x I know it's so tough but we have to go through the bad to get to the good!

I dont think it's harder to treat the second time I think it's harder to go on the meds a second time. I know an awful lot of people who have said that the second time takes longer and is a lot harder x

plus hearing that from your gp must have been a bit of a slap in the face when you already feel like crap.

its triggered me! so must have been horrible for you x

remember I tried mirtazipine and sertraline and couldn't get through it so 12 months and I'm back on my original x I just don't want you to give up too soon x

I would increase before switching like I said but..... no matter what you choose to do we will all support you and be here for you ❤❤

just don't come off cold turkey, you'll feel good for about 2 weeks then it will hit you like a ton of bricks!

what is your plan do you think sweet?

lois how long did you take your xanax for every day?

i really dont know what to do P. Im just all over the show - just not remotely stable. one minute ok next bawling my eyes out. Obviously cant do without the lorazepam and dont know what to do about the sleeping

for one whole year.

every day for a whole year?

yes mam

no the third time was because i had steeiod induced pychoshis or however it spelt, you always take mirt at night

withdrawal hits me at 8 weeks

my anxiety is horrible today

how are you doing? you ok?

same here lynn but you have improved and setbacks and blips are completely normal x if they weren't gonna work you wouldn't have seen any improvement at all lovely x they will work tomorrow is another day and will be different x

hey tamsin x today has been pretty rough x as I had to pick my son up from school on my own for the first time. I was really panicky before hand and was shaking and dizzy too. settled a little bit this evening but that's because of the brain fog makes me feel a bit numb x it's horrible but must just be my brain trying to give me a break x

how are you feeling today? x hope a bit better than yesterday x

hi gosh that would have been hard but well done for doing it! Thats a great step. i had terrible brain fog when my anxiety was bad. couldnt focus or concentrate on anything. ive done another day without the lorazepam and ok so far. Bit of breathlessness but ive managed to get it under control without panicking. was really low yesterday even with the L but a bit better today. Will see how i am tonight tho.

know how i will have a bad sleep tho as didnt have a chance to take the cit until 4.30

Getting scared have not had a good day since saturday. started 11 weeks today

lynn ❤

believe it or not its completely normal x 12 weeks isn't exactly the exact time frame x

I had blips that lasted weeks about that time too. its completely normal. worrying about it is adding too it aswell but its definitely normal! I promise x it will pass

sorry for the late reply guys x it's been one hell of a day. got myself in a bit of a pickle lol x so been feeling pretty anxious x how is everyone doing?

oh no are you ok?what happened?

how u feeling today tamsin. x

it's ok I've managed to sort it out now x

any improvements yet? please tell me you're having a better day x 😊

hi yes yesterday was a bit better. didnt take lorazepam and wasnt too bad tho did have breatlessness on and off. took 25mg. Feeling a bit anxious this morning but its manageable.

that's a good sign that you didn't have to take it x

and the fact that its manageable this morning is an even better sign x

how long on 20mg for you now? x

I haven't improved tbh bit it's still early for me on my new dose.

how long until the panic attack feeling passed for you, I seem to always be on the edge of one for some of the day x

was 9 weeks on 20. yesterday first day of 25 will prob do that for a week then go to 30. still feel very nervous about it. but i can always go back down! havent had a panic attack for a while now tho the breatlessness can make me feel panicky sometimes and sometimes when i get really upset crying i can feel a bit panicky/hysterical

im trying to cut down on the lorazepam supposed to be taking it on alternate days

hope it works out for you x

Hi everyone, how are you all doing today? I just got back from the doctors checkup I was worrying about and he thinks the best course of action for me was to increase me from 10mg to 20mg. So I'm starting the new dose tomorrow. Very nervous. Any advice for me on what to expect would be greatly appreciated!

thanks toria so far so good

just remember 20mg comes with some strange side effects but that's all they are side effects. they will pass.

if you feel depressed for a few days a week maybe. normal!

don't let it scare you into stopping.

dont trust a fart for a few weeks either 😂

has anyone else has big involuntary jerks when going to sleep? i havent had them for ages but theyve come back again

getting that weird sensation of fear for the last couple of hours

Potato that made me LOL hard.. Relatable 😂

i get them withdrawing x

how is everyone today x really struggling with depression today and them horrible adrenaline rushes/cold waves in my chest and heart x

whhhhyyyyyyy can we just get better!

thought I might have made some progress a few days ago x even though it was tiny x

also I'm terrifies to get better as my partner has just found out we are having a baby and I should be over the moon but the anxiety is ruining it 😭

it makes me worry that I wont be better in time for the baby and I'm a right mess x

hope everyone else is ok and is doing a little better x

sending hugs ❤

congrats on new baby. Potatoghost you will get better.

you are not alone, i wake up every morning with a tightness in my chest and anxiety. can not wait for evening. Another horrible rainy day

aww a baby.congrats

congrats p, im just doing the usual rushing around like a mad woman

Thanks everybody! 😊

just worried I wont get better in time x my partner is over the moon because shes been diagnosed with PCOS so thought it would never happen x

once in months!!! and this happens 😱😂

sometimes i just want to scream in frustration

Oh P that is great news! You will be better for the baby and even if youre not a hundred percent better by then the baby will give you new direction and focus. It will be ok!xxx

Thanks tamsin x I'm terrified I wont be better in time but gotta keep pushing on and 9 months is ages away so fingers crossed x

how have you been x noticing any positives yet?

everyday here Lynn....everyday!

sorry i havent logged on for a while. i did have blips for the first 3 months and it was 2 steps forward one step back. i logged my feeling each day just with emojis and a few notes which helped me to see it wasnt all bad. eventually the worries went and now i feel emotionally calm and stable and strong and have done for months. it will happen to all of you too. You must never feel bad about having to take medication, it makes you a person who believes in self care, and its so nice that you are all helping each other along. there is a lot of love here. xx

i really do understand that fear but you will be better by then. yes ive had a better week mostly. Managed 3 days without the lorazepam. still feel anxious but its not nearly so bad

Thanks Catherine x we are all helping each other out it's good to help others when feeling so low as it gives you something to help give you a bit of a lift 😊

I was wondering how you were doing and it definitely sounds like you're getting to a good place and that's amazing!

thank you for checking in and your reassurance and support it means a lot 😊

that's great news! I'm well happy for you that its settled a little bit and the fact you don't need the lorazepam is good too x must mean you are on the mend soon x

I'm having a pretty rough day today

evening hasn't been much better but I've managed to eat and trying to keep occupied.

it's more physical for me today. palpitations are bad and my god I cant stop shaking x it's not a usual one for me but even when I'm relaxing my insides still feel like they are shaking and what does anxiety say......theres something seriously wrong with me 🙄

I really hope this is a turning point for you now x 😊

hang on potato.when u least expected it will come.

thanks so much P - back to feeling anxious again and a bit tearful now. triggered by reading about Leah having no anxiety after only 4 weeks on 20 for the second time. Must be triggering for you too. but we will get there blips bad days and all!! that shaking doesnt sound at all pleasant must be just another weird side effect. i hope it goes away soon xxx

thanks lois x I really really hope so x the past few months have been unreal. i thought i was bad last time but changing and starting meds has definitely sent me to a worse place x

keep your fingers crossed for me i have some good days soon. once I see some improvement I will be happy as I know they will work for me x

that's all I need to keep me going x

need to get better soon so I can get a job again with an extra mouth to feed in months to come x 🤞

Today went off the 25mgs of luvox and up to 66mg of sertraline to balance the seretonin levels. i sure hope it helps the withdrawal from Luvox. Today i am exhausted and have stomach issues. Luvox has a 12 hour half life, so it will be out of my system pretty fast. Any advise would be appreciated. Luvox is not a kind drug and has so many drug interactions. i got up to 200 in June and been reducing since the begining of September. i will finally be able to drink coffee again when its out of my system. It also i found out raises the serum level of sertraline. Next ill tackle the 7.5mgs of mirt

so in 12 hours half will be out then another 12 hours half of that half and so on! also i dont go by half life as when i reduce i get hit with withdrawal after 8-12 weeks

oh no,

for me it has almost always been more immediate.

thats good then 😃

how is everyone today?

xxx

blooming cold!!!

lovely.

coming off luvox is not fun. Feel exhausted, nausea, chills, feels like the flu. All physical symptoms.

so got a couple of questions dunno if you lovely peeps will be able to help.

so my partner is on 20mg of citalopram for depression and has been for 4 years.

now that shes pregnant the doc said that she has to either come off citalopram or swap to sertraline.

when she tries to come off her depression comes back so I dont see that as an option. sertraline is s**t and she had that before citalopram and it didn't work for her.

her gp said they are her options as citalopram can cause heart damage to the baby. I have read citalopram is safe.

but the doc says no. whatdya wreckon.

also why everytime i eat do i feel like crap?

i get shakey, palpitations and a headache and feel anxious . no matter how little I eat or what I eat. will this go away?x

been like it for weeks now x

thanks wonderful people x

try your best to ride it out as its gonna go away eventually x x and you're off now so keep going x

couldnt do it went back on but at 18.5 mgs. i felt like i was dying

personally i dont think cit is safe for babies or pregnant people sorry, also the food thing i have all the time thats why i only eat the same things over and over, when you settle it ahould rectify!

how much do you reduce 10% each time

lynn i only reduce 2mg at a time as so sensitive, it depends on the med ive cold turkeyed other meds before but ssris are brutal!

i thought i was going to die from the anxiety and flu like symptoms. After only three days going to do it slower

probably the best idea!

is your stomach tight? skin feel on fire, shaking? i got it but i cant sleep! its called akathesia. can wear off

I shake a lot but that's down to my anxiety more than Aka

do you take propranalol as that's meant to really help akathesia I've heard. is yours from the meds?

yeh i seem to get the shakes skin burns real bad restlessness on and off when i change dose. doctor gave me the propranadol but i heard stories of adverse reactions. when restlessness get really bad i take dizapam. does the beta blocker work well for you?

thnak s

propranalol is meant to be good for akathesia as it helps stop the shaking x and slows the heart rate down x i only take a low dose of 10mg in the morning to stop the palpitations and stuff.

its definitely safer than diazipam but wont give you a relaxed feeling. it just helps the physical symptoms x