Done!!!

Don't you give in either Helen!   The darkness is the pits and you know it's false.   Like you said hang on to that.  Bev xx

 

I am trying. Today was a good day but with every good day comes a week of darkness. I refuse to leave my children motherless. They keep me strong they to be honest are keeping me alive. In my heart I thank them everyday for saving my life. I want to end it daily but when I hear them talk I remember I am fighting for them and me. They are teenagers I have told them what I am going through. I am so glad they are able to understand and help me. One of my kids I adopted she had been through a lot. She told me once when I was at my lowest she said "mom your future self is waiting for you so hang in there". I think of my future self and how much that future can't wait to meet me. I thank God every day for her and my bio daughter. They are the reason I am alive. I will NOT allow this disease to take my future self from them.

My babies are suffering with me being here, they deserve so much more xx

And who can replace their mother?   It doesn't matter how inadequate you feel your children love you and would never want to lose you.  They would suffer so much more if you weren't here.   No one can replace you in their eyes.   Do you want them to suffer that much?   No of course you don't so hang on to that.   Bev xx

Dondons, I lost my dad when I was 10 years old, I am now 18 and have been suffering from depression since I was 10 and have had thoughts that I would be better off if I weren't here since I was 10. You can't leave your kids like my father left me. He passed away so suddenly and so unexpected from a heart attack and I had anger that he left me. He didn't mean to. And if you leave your kids I am positive they will feel even worse than I did. They love you. I have gotten only a week ago and I can tell that things will only get better from here on out just hang in there. Xx

Devin

I have gotten help* I meant I have now gotten help.

Well you have with all this talk of doing yourself in.  But that's only because we care about you so much dondon.  It's much better you talk to us though rather than do something stupid.  So talk away.  Bev xx

No.

Stop it.

Always write on here.

What I'm trying to say is I had a lightbulb moment today.

I saw an actual piece of me in a JAR.

My mother was there and was horrified.

I was horrified for me and her.

Multiply that by about a million and that's how your friends/ family/ children/ us on here would feel if you came to harm.

Life throws us all some utter, horrific, rubbish. I'm not diminishing your pain, I'm just saying, there's a bigger a picture.

We don't exist alone on this planet. We all have somebody; be it family, friends, people on here, the postman, the person working at the shop round the corner; WHOEVER, who would be deeply upset and troubled by you not being there.

I know things are bleak right now. They are bleak for me too.

But you can do this.

And we are all here to support you through it xxx

Truth is I feel worse writing on here feel like people shoot me down feel I'm made to feel selfish truth is I do feel and know I'm selfish but no me will ever understand and the comments I get just prove that, I'm not alone in how I feel of course I'm not, I know that, I know everyone suffers and can understand to a point the way people are with me or maybe it's me? My head/mind doesn't work right! I don't want to upset anyone I don't want anyone to think bad of me I say too much i know that, I am sorry xxxx

Nobody is shooting you down, just nobody wants you to DIE.

A lot of people have felt how you feel, and I realise that doesn't minimise your pain.

But I've heard your voice. I've seen you're picture. Just as you have mine.

And I want to picture that person, who I know to be a GOOD person, LIVING and getting through this.

I believe in you and I believe you can win your battle. And I really really want you to. I really want you to try.

You can do this. You're a survivor,

xxx

you arnt selfish hunny ... its good to vent,get things off your chest ... Dawn x

You are wrong dondon we do understand.  Why do you think we don't?   Our comments just prove we do.  

Your head and mind don't work properly because of the depression,  and because you are determined that you are unique.  Come on join the human race and change your mindset.  That is what is holding you back you know.  

Understand we know exactly where you are coming from and you will feel such a sense of relief - trust me I do know this from my own experiences.   Your head and mind is not wired up differently to any of us nor is it wrong.  You are determined to believe it is.  Why?   If you are starting from that premise no wonder treatment hasn't been able to help you.   No one can get through to you can they with that assumption?  Bev xx

I'm sorry Bev xxx

I am sorry, Dondons, I didn't mean to make you feel anything....I just wanted to stop you taking your life.  You are not selfish, but your depression makes you think in a selfish way. 

I hope today will be a better day for you and I will keep you in my thoughts.  Please let us know how you are, I will be waiting.

Pat xxxxxxx

Idon't want you to apologise dondon,  I want you to think about what I said.  I don't mean give a quite superficial thought to it but to really sit down and think properly about what I and others have said to you. 

You have an obsessive idea in your head - 'My head/mind is wrong and can't be fixed'.  'No one understand because no one else is like me'.  You are determined this is the truth but have you thought it might not be true?  That it could be your depression telling you this?   Do you think you can trust your depression thoughts?   Wrong - you can't.  You have to trust those who care for you and believe in you instead.  They are right.  Now I know how stubborn you are,  but if you don't start recognising the truth of this then no one can help you can they?  

Now I don't want a 'sorry' from you,  I want a promise that you will think over what I and others have said and believe in what we say to you.   Will you promise me this please?   

I told you once that I am not giving up on you and I mean this,  so you had better get used to it love.   One day I will find the words which will penetrate into your obstinate mind,  and until then I wll keep on trying.   So will the rest of us.  

A big hug for you.  Bev xx