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Extremely desperate and don't know what to do

Posted , 10 users are following.

Noodledoodle
Noodledoodle

I first attempted suicide in feb this year and saw a crisis team, there was a 7 month wait for a psychiatrist. I've been told repeatedly I have severe depression and anxiety but I hear voices and do not feel like I am part of the world so sometimes I feel like I have something else. I've had depression and anxiety for a long time but never felt this suicidal, it's my every waking thought. I attempted suicide again this month and was sent to a crisis house for a 2 week stay. They talked about grounding techniques and mindfulness but I can't grasp it because all I want to do is die. I was discharged from the crisis house today and I practically begged to be admitted into hospital because I cannot cope with daily life and all I think of is ending my life. All that has been suggested is seeing the crisis team at home, but I'm terrified of being at home. I can't go anywhere alone and I feel I've lost touch with reality. How desperate do I have to be for them to admit me? I need to be safe and I'm not I'm just petrified of who I am and of my thoughts.

4 likes, 45 replies

45 Replies

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  • anz89557
    anz89557 Noodledoodle

    Posted

    Time comes when nothing seem to be positive, you feel useless, worthless. It happens more with people who are extra sensitive.  There is nothing wrong to be senistive and feeling things.

    But one thing must be kept in mind that you are not going to get anything from the people at all. 

    So why not be a giving hand try to be different from rest of world, start giving smile and goodness to whosoever you can give it to, in response it will give you positivity. No harm in giving it a try.

  • grandmaw
    grandmaw Noodledoodle

    Posted

    Hi Noodledoodle, I really feel for you as I have been there so many times in my life, but I have never heard voices which I must admit is a postive thing.  I think you should go back to your gp and say how bad you are feeling and see if he can get you some help more quickly, I didnt know there is such a waiting list to see a psychaiatrist, that is really not right as you yourself have a right to ask to see these people now, not in 7 months time, tell you gp how you feel suicdial tell him/her that it is all you think about and make sure they are aware of how serious it is. I do hope by writing on this forum it has helped at least you can talk to us all who have been there or going through it now, it wasnt that long ago when I felt like you but I have been under a psychiatrist for 30 years so unfortunatly mine is on-going and I do hope that they can get to the bottom of yours and get you sort out, wishing and thinking of you that you can get the help you need
    • Noodledoodle
      Noodledoodle grandmaw

      Posted

      It is helping to talk here. I've stated very plainly that I feel like I'll die at home. I've also written it down when I was in a crisis house because I couldn't verbalise it.

      I wish you the best.

  • phillip_96025
    phillip_96025 Noodledoodle

    Posted

    I have been thinking about your problems.  The fact that you are hearing voices in addition to your suicidal thoughts clearly suggests that you do need to see a psychiatrist.  The quickest way to effect that is via A/E. I think that you should not delay any more.
    • Noodledoodle
      Noodledoodle phillip_96025

      Posted

      Thank you, I have been to a mental health unit this morning however I have been told there are no beds available right now so I have to wait. Meanwhile they are going to give me zopiclone for sleep. I explained the voices are new to me and that it feels like something more than just depression and anxiety but again all I can do now is wait for a bed and hope they find one in time. Sorry that sounds dramatic.
  • karen76745
    karen76745 Noodledoodle

    Posted

    It does make you wonder how desperate you have to be to get the right help that much I know. I have been depressed for two decades, but in the past four the thoughts about taking my own life have been constant and frightening. Many of the mental health workers I have faced just don't seem to comprehend the difficulties and turmoil of my situation, they ask senseless questions and you end up feeling worse off after seeing them. It can all seem utterly pointless and exhausting and just not worth the bother, I don't really know why I am still holding on, but I do. I wish I could see some light at the end of this tunnel, and find someone who really understands what Severe depression is like. Thanks for your post.Karen
    • grandmaw
      grandmaw karen76745

      Posted

      Hi Karen, I know exactly how you feel, I have had severe depression for 30 odd years now, and I think now then ever before there is less help out there then there was before, you must hold on and just think I will see the light out of my tunnel but it takes time and effort, I always say I am in my black tunnel and cant see the light, but every now and then I do see the light, like today I am tired, I am stressed I am in pain and where the depression is I just dont know, but I am praying I dont go back into my black tunnel, so you see we can have better days even if the light is small, you must carry on, try and see if you can have a earlier appointment to see your psychiatrist ( I assume you have one) and really tell them how you feel especially about the feelings you have of taking your own life, if you cant get into see the psychiatrist try your gp or someone else at that pratice, please try and get some more help just someone to talk to, it makes a complete difference.  I do know where you are coming from about the workers making you feel worse, but they dont understand as they are just taught it they have not experienced it, and that is completly different. I wish you well and hope to hear from you next time saying you feel a incy bit brighter, take care Karen
    • peter2824
      peter2824 karen76745

      Posted

      Hi karen, one thing that distanced me from my professional coleagues is that I used to think out side of the box. This was the way I developed a trusting relationship with my clients. I still do it now and I still get the same responces from from people that does not know me. I am not affraid to speek my mind and see the world as it is not a cosy little place. I've also known psych's that I have cringed at the questions they have asked. I say you are dealing with your demons and are I feel thinking out side of the box. I wish more people who had mental health problems worked with them rather than against them. Peter
    • peter2824
      peter2824

      Posted

      I forgot to add karen that I have been bi-polar for over 40 years so have been there and empathise with all members who have the same.
    • karen76745
      karen76745 peter2824

      Posted

      Thank you for your encouraging words I am due to start seeing a counsellor this Monday it will be my first attempt to share about the suicidal thoughts and my feelings that life is futile, obviously I want to believe it will help, that it will be worth it and that the person will understand me, I know you can never guarantee that, but maybe it wil go okay. All I know for certain is that I do need help. Thank you for taking the timeto reply. Karen
    • karen76745
      karen76745 grandmaw

      Posted

      Thank you for your lengthy response to my post. It does help to be encouraged and heard, I am trying to hold on, to make the effort to keep going. It is very defeating to be like this, but I know I need help. Hopefully it will make a difference, I want to believe it can. Karen
    • Noodledoodle
      Noodledoodle karen76745

      Posted

      Hi Karen,

      I actually asked today how desperate do I have to be to get help. With self harm etc I am very impulsive it feels beyond my control but I am working so hard by literally not moving from my bed to not harm myself. I am glad you are still holding on. I really am trying to even though it feels very pointless. Let's try and keep going x

    • karen76745
      karen76745 Noodledoodle

      Posted

      Thank you for replying and for being so positive towards me when you have such difficulties to contend with yourself, it is very much appreciated.I sometimes feel taht these longings to die are uncontrollable, and yet I soldier on day to day. I will try to keep going, Thank you so very much for caring, I hope you know you are cared about too xx Karen
    • grandmaw
      grandmaw karen76745

      Posted

      hi Karen, keep in there, and hold on, I know you are trying and I know its hard keep believing you will get better on the right meds and also with the help of your counsellor, I hope that works out for you, it is good to talk to them, I had a counsellor for over a year and then they left so now waiting on a list to go and see another counsellor, I know it helps letting everything out and I know its also hard to say your worse fears but it will take time, dont think it will be all done with after the first week it takes time to trust and time to get it out of your system, I always ended up saying what I needed to get out of me at the last 5 mins but then of course they cant go over there time so when I went the following week it was the same, evenually it did come out but I do still need to speak to another councellor to get it out of my head as its always there and when you watch some programmes on telly its there too, so we just have to carry on and hope that you get a good counsellor and you can say the nasty things which is on your mind first and not at the last 5 mins. Thinking of you
    • karen76745
      karen76745 grandmaw

      Posted

      Thank you very much for all yo have said, I do want to believe it will work out for me, and I will try to take my time and make sure I say what is most important. I just know I need to talk out these terrible thoughts to someone professional and impartial, before I do anything I might otherwise regret sad

      You are very kind to be so encouraging, I hope things work out for you.

      ​I know what you mean about the thoughts going round in your head all the time, even watching telly, or trying to listen to a radio.

      ​I just hope I feel comfortable with this counsellor.

      ​Thanks again.Karen

    • grandmaw
      grandmaw karen76745

      Posted

      thank you Karen, but I am only trying to help you with my own experiences. You say you will have to talk to a professional, what I still do is, write things down on a piece of paper what you want to ask, and if you cant say these when you go to them just hand over your piece of paper, honestly they dont mind, they rather know what really is going on then you say nothing and go away without asking anything. Hope this works for you it does for me even after all these years. Take Care
    • karen76745
      karen76745 grandmaw

      Posted

      I always try to write something on a bit of paper when I go to see my doctor, it doesn't matter what it is, so long as I put into words what I am experiencing and finding so hard, and he does try to listen and encourageme. Lately I've been writing out my feelings about the despair so I could take it with me to the counsellor, as you suggest it would be an opening if the talking din't come straight away. Thank you so much for your support it really does make a difference. xx Karen
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