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F*** it!

Posted , 6 users are following.

mami5
mami5

I've had enough.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel, that's all bu****t.  Time to call it a day. Thank you for all your support in the past. xx

2 likes, 47 replies

47 Replies

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  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 mami5

    Posted

    Hi sweetheart, I am so sorry and sad to.hear just how down and

    Lost you feel..I can certainly empl

  • hypercat
    hypercat mami5

    Posted

    Hi Mami have you tried changing it round?   Instead of saying 'Life has nothing to offer me'   try saying 'What have I got to offer life'?   Instead of 'Why do people not want me'?  How about  'Do I want them'?   You get the idea.   This changes your mindset and makes you learn a lot about yourself.    I found this really helped me when I was very depressed and suicidal.

    I then thought 'What do I want then'?   Then 'What don't I want'?   When you know what you don't want it is easier to think of what you do want and ways to achieve it.  Then make a plan of action and concentrate on one thing at a time.

    The other things that springs to mind is to to some extent stop fighting your depression.  Accept that it is you and find way to deal with and live with it.  Otherwise life is even more exhausting.   A good example is - Ok I have to work but I will choose a job with the least stress and I will make sure I have a good social life to make it worth it.   Life is often a compromise after all and as long as you have balance then it can be worth it.   x

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 mami5

    Posted

    Please sweetheart....do not give up....you can and will get better and climb out of that deep black hole.......if you ( hopefully. ) Are under the care of the mental health team.....then ask them if it is possible to receive a course of E.C.T.....it can literally change and save your life !!!!,

    You deserve to be happy and content....and look forward to every new day.....Please, please , please just try a little longer....your post has so touched my heart...if I could ..I would do ANYTHING and everything to see you smile...every morning and be great fun and carefree and rejoice just to be alive.xxx

    Also my lovey, if you do feel the urge to harm yourself in any way....then call 999 without hesitation !!! ...your family.xxx.....myself.xxx......and every single person on this website.xxx want you to be content, at peace with yourself...and wanting so badly just waking up every, New day....I wish that I could give you a big, big, big, huge bear hug my love....in my heart...thoughts ...and prayers.... Dee xxx..xxx..xxx

    P.s. I have three adult sons, one adult daughter and a perfect LITTLE BABY GRANDSON.....my children have suffered...and still do .....with mental health problems.... schizophrenia....paranoia.....anxiety.....OCD....and social phobia....

    I had a very bad alcohol addiction.....and I was also sectioned four times...so I really do understand how bad and unhappy you feel...xx sleep tight, with peaceful and pleasant dreams lovey....today is a new day....Dee xxx

  • wayne76842
    wayne76842 mami5

    Posted

    hi mami5

    do you have family around you , children ?

    please take care

  • mami5
    mami5

    Posted

    Hi and thank you all for your replies, means a lot.  I do have family, I have children, one still lives with me, and two beautiful grandchildren.  I have BPD and therefore am not in touch with my feelings/emotions at all.  I only feel what's physical, so I don't feel any love for my family, there's no connection there.  I feel very, very exhausted, as that's physical.  My head tells me to die as my body has had enough.  Really have no strength to continue.  It's been a long battle and the time has come to say enough is enough.  It has to come to an end, and there is no other way.  Life has nothing to offer me and I have nothing to offer life.  There is no light, no future, no hope.  Just the end.

    Please don't worry about me, saw a medium on Thursday, there is a good life on the other side.  xxx

    • mari34228
      mari34228 mami5

      Posted

      Hello mami5,

      I came on here a few minutes ago to look something up but I noticed your post above and it was enough to make me sign up so that I could send you a message.

      I am hesitant to give you my opinion as I obviously know very little about your situation and I don't want to say anything 'out of turn'. However its obvious you are feeling very low right now. You mentioned that you have one of your children living with you. Please please please voice how you are feeling to them. Don't keep these thoughts to yourself. I know you said that you are thinking more clearly than ever, but might that just be a 'trick' of your brain. I know that when I am depressed I firmly believe in the 'feelings' I have, only to find afterwards that it was as a consequence of my depressed mindstate. Do you know what I mean?

      Please just talk to someone about this. You described your grandchildren as 'beautiful'. That doesn't sound like someone who is emotionally detached. I know you must be suffering right now, but I'm sure your family will want you to stay with them. Speak to them. Please.

      Like I said, I hope I haven't spoken out of turn. I just wanted to reach out to you.

      I wish you all the best mami5. 

      XXX

    • wayne76842
      wayne76842 mami5

      Posted

      hi mami5

      ​you have everything to go forward, you will get better, you have children and family they are worth the battle your having, many who suffer this awefull condition feel exactly the same but they come out of it eventually and it will get better, trust me and call for help there is plenty available , talk to your family , children tell them how you feel

      please take care

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 mami5

      Posted

      Hi mami

      I know it's really rough for you as battling for so many years is exhausting. But it may be your becoming resistant to some of your meds. Surely it's worth speaking with your doctor again. It's a pity the medium you saw didn't also say there's a good life to be had here on earth too! I think you really need some additional medical support and an urgent meds review. You mentioned you have been battling for many years that signifies great strength and determination. Don't let this illness beat you now. . Please get some help and although you may feel detached now from emotions I know you will realise that your family love you and desperately want you to feel well. Start making demands on your doctor and explain how very difficult living with this illness with no relief. You've come this far dig for the strength to go further. Don't suffer in silence please get the help you need xxxx

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 mami5

    Posted

    Hi Mami....please, please, please reconsider your intentions at the moment....

    Do you believe in God and heaven and hell ?...if you do, you may be aware that suicide is a mortal sin.my lovely.....

    Mami, I am really, VERY concerned about your present state of mind....both you and I have children...and grandchildren that we adore, they are our whole lives....I am aware that emotion must be difficult for you, but I truly. Truly believe that you love you family as much as life itself...think of the effect that your dying would have on them please......

    I know that life is...and can be very hard indeed...but I really do beg you to get help right now, please, please for you own sake...Lovely lady.......you are so....soooo much in my mind and heart, ;

    Unfortunately..life sometimes has to be gk

    B

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 mami5

    Posted

    Hi Mami, I am very, VERY, VERY concerned about just how low you feel at the moment...I really think that need to get help now before you feel so down that you do something to harm yourself that you regret.

    People both understand..and care very much...each and every single one of us are important....we all have great worth to our families and God...

    I really am pleading with you...get some help tonight...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...in my thoughts and prayers...DEIRDRE .....xxxxx n

    .

    A

  • mami5
    mami5

    Posted

    Thank you all for your replies and concerns.  Phoned CMHT today, spoke to duty desk officer.  I explained my situation to him, told him I was suicidal and getting worse, he suggested I tried pills??!!  Is that something you're suppose to say to a suicidal person with a track record of od'ing???  Not sure!  We continued to talk for a while, without him offering much, then when I kept pushing him for help and answers, he turned to sarcasm.  At that point I said goodbye. 

    So now what am I suppose to do?  Really feel like reaching for them pills, have to admit.

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 mami5

      Posted

      Hi mami

      So sorry to hear that you made the effort to get help and didn't get any. It's shocking that you have been treated this way. If you have the strength I would certainly complain to the head or Senior manager of your local mental health team. If things get to bad today call the nhs 111 and tell them you are not coping and feeling suicidal and no one seems to be helping you.

      I am so sorry you got treated this way it's appalling. We all feel and care for you here. So make sure you stay in touch with us. Keep demanding help and don't take no for an answer xxx

    • mari34228
      mari34228 mami5

      Posted

      Hi mami, I've been thinking about you. Ok...stay away from the pills. Please. I'm glad to hear you picked up the phone but devasted that you got no help.

      Can you get an emergency doctors appointment instead? Don't give up on yourself because of some pr**ck on the end of a phone. I don't suppose that was an easy thing to do in the first place, but you did it once, please try again. 

      Take care. xxx

  • mami5
    mami5

    Posted

    Hi and thank you again for your replies and concerns, really means a lot to me.  Have a GP appointment on Wednesday afternoon, just hope I can keep going until then.  Need to phone CPN tomorrow, might try psychologist too.  I missed group therapy with him today, didn't feel well enough to go.  When I asked CMHT today how I keep myself safe and alive until Wednesday he just said "what do you want me to do, send someone round to sit with you until then?"  I needed help and advice, definately not sarcasm!!   Will tell my CPN tomorrow too. xx
    • mari34228
      mari34228 mami5

      Posted

      That person needs sacking or retraining or something. Completely shocking.

      Hold on in there. Wednesday might seem like an age away but it will soon come around and hopefully your doctor will listen.

      Best wishes. xx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 mami5

      Posted

      Hi and so glad you have docs appointment. I hope you find the strength to put in a formal complaint of the disgusting treatment you received today . Please keep us in the loop we are all rooting for you. Xxx

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