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Hello everyone. Im Lucy, 24. I stumbled across this page after another one of my dates with good old 'dr google'. A bit
of background - Ive always had severe anxiety (to sum it up, basically Im scared of just about everything, although ironically not the common stuff people without anxiety fear like exam results etc) ever since I was an infant, its manifested itself in a wide array of ways over the years without a strong emphasis on health but more recently it has become a full on - what I can only descibe as sheer terror regarding cancer. Like everyone Ive always been 'aware' of cancer so to speak and for someone with anxiety to the extent of mine you'd think it would have always been a problem - no, that is until my Dad died of cancer 2 years ago and then my Grandma also got a terminal diagnosis. This has broken me to say the least. Every single day now I seem to live in perpetual terror and atleast 3 hours a day goes to googling symptoms and ending in hysteria and floods of tears. In the past month alone ive 'had' over 15 types. It sounds ridiculous and trust me I know but no amount of rationale seems to fight those demons. Any pain results in this cycle and it is truly ruining my life. I finally bit the bullet and got referred for cbt but the waiting list is huge and Im at a bit of a loss as to what to do in the mean time. I seem to be spiralling into my lowest ebb and I really cant deal with it at all anymore. I was just hoping for a friendly word or to from anyone who has similar issues or just has any ideas on what on earth I could do to sort myself out. To make matters worse I am absoloutly terrorfied of the doctors to the point I make myself physically ill everytime I go. Another delightful little idiotic character trait of mine. Isnt anxiety great?
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