Feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure.
Posted , 104 users are following.
Right, where do I start?
I'm 26. Male.
Working but on a zero hour contract but usually work the whole week (45 hrs).
That's where the good ends and the real crap begins.
I have no qualifications after getting two C's at A-level. Studying is something I find almost impossible.
I am socially awkward. I'm always afraid of what I said sounded stupid. I actively avoid any form of social activities.
I have zero friends. Yep nobody to hang out with.
Sure I say a few words to work colleagues and I think they genuinely like me but who really knows.
I've never had anything remotely like a romantic relationship and pretty much given up hope of ever finding anyone. I mean who would want to be with me anyway?
I'm boring, stupid, and unsuccessful.
I've tried taking to some girls online but after a a few sentences I can tell I'm being nothing but a boring drag.
I'm a nice guy but that gets me nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I think I've gotten to the point where if I had a button that would kill every human being on the planet I'd push it.
When it comes to physical work and actually producing visible results at work I'm unstoppable. That's the main reason I'm called in to work as much as I am.
Work is the only good thing going on in my life right now. Without that I don't know what I'd do.
Not a day goes by where I don't think of committing suicide. But I know I won't do it. Not at this moment in time anyway.
My mind often ponders about what would be the best way to kill yourself.
Jump off a building, car wreck, dive off a cliff, hanging, slit wrists, overdose, gunshot to the head (overseas). That's as far as I've gotten.
The topic of death occupies a big part of my daydreaming. I find it fascinating. What happens when you die? Do you just switch off? Do you wake up elsewhere (life doesn't seem real to me, more like a dream). I hardly recognise myself in the mirror. It's more like looking at a stranger.
As if the other day I've started cutting at my arm. Self harm. I never thought I'd end up here.
I'm on anti depressants at the moment. I missed one dose and went very far down hill. Back up today but not fully there. Doubt I ever will be.
I don't even know why I've written all this. It's unlikely posting this here will have any effect for the better.
The best words to describe my current feelings:
Low/down, disconnected/detached, zero self worth, useless, worthless, failure, unwanted.
Of well. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Regards,
X99
17 likes, 161 replies
rose_96991 X99
Posted
So sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself I'm to in a state of depression so I understand I have no friends as well so the only thing that has helped has been seeing my therapist and talking to someone about the way I feel since I'm so use to suppressing my feelings maybe that will help for u as well
scott0202 X99
Posted
I know exactly how you feel. I am only 19 and already feel like my life is a failure. I left school with a few qualifications, I am Scottish so it was 5 national 5s. This was one A, 2Bs and 3Cs. I am writing this on a ship with the merchant navy traveling the world. Sounds good but that's where it stops.
I have literally no friends and am called ugly most of the time. People don't want to be around me at all. I am unintelligent, if you want to know the definition that is me. I was bullied badly in high school because of those two factors, I have now got to the point where I think shooting myself in the head is the best option.
Every day is like hell for me, I have been to a counsellor before but he made me feel worse so I don't know. My mom is diagnosed with ms and my wee brother had cancer.
I just lock myself in my room now and hide away from going out in public because of the looks I get. I would love some sort of assistance because I am losing hope quickly, I am socially Awkward and shy, never had sex or a girlfriend in 5 years.
My teenage years have been a waste. I am a very slow learner probably bordering on needing some help from a carer it really is bad, the way my brain functions is honestly ruining my life. Apologies for the spiell but I just want this hell to end one way or another
Other than my family, nobody would care if I am dead. That is what makes it so hard to do it though, could I do that to them. I am not too sure!
elizabeth_70545 scott0202
Posted
Hi Scott,
You are precious. God loves you so much. Actually He loves you so much He sent Jesus to die for you. No matter what you are going through and the thoughts that come Jesus wants to have a relationship with you.
The reason why you don't know Him yet is..sin...it stops you from knowing Him. It blocks your relationship with God. If you cone to Him and ask for forgiveness and trust in Jesus you will be saved. This will show in your life, you will turn away from sin and you will start to hate those things God hates and love the things He loves.
elizabeth_70545
Posted
I got saved 4 years ago
Elizabeth
scott0202 elizabeth_70545
Posted
Thanks for the reply, yeah i have got a bible and the funny thing is maybe about 6-7 years ago i use to go to church all the time. Life at the time was going pretty well for me.
I have since stopped going to church for whatever reason and it now looks like I have hit rock bottom. I use to pray to God every day but that stopped. I think it was when I started getting bullied that kind of turned my head a bit and now I sometimes even struggle to go to church because I am afraid of people seeing me and integrating with others, it has really gotten that bad for me!
Ashley025 scott0202
Posted
Hey Scott
Its all on your mind. I am constantly worried about others too. But what is life if we are full of worried and self doubts. We should ignore those pessistic thoughts and fill our mind with positive ones. People are to preoccupied with themselves. They are probably thinking about some flaw they have or stressors they have. We all have problems. Don't worry about what they think and live your Life. If its true they dont want to be your friends. You dont need people like that in your Life. Now what if youre misinterpreting things and they think you want to be left alone so they dont bother you. You don't have to please others. They don't stop living because of you. So why should you my friend.? You shouldn't.👍Enjoy your life.
You're young. We are not forever young. 🙏Remember that. Don't grow old and live with regrets.👏 We don't even know if we will be here tomorrow. 💜🙌
elizabeth_70545 scott0202
Posted
Hey,
I understand, I did the same....I ran away. God loves you and sometimes we have to realise our great need for Him.
People telling you that you should enjoy life are only giving you a small part of the truth. Firstly knowing and being known by God is the reason for life. No wonder when we are not in friendship and love with Him it all becomes horrible. We feel weak and dry and without purpose when we go off and do our own things. (I'm speaking from my own experience here)
Jesus died to save you so that you would be filled with His Spirit and brought to life, real life... not the "real life" we are sold by the media....
Here's a link to two vids they are worth a watch and speak a whole lot of truth. Sometimes the truth hurts but trust Jesus. He helps us to let go and renounce those things that will harm us and ultimately lead to death.
Jesus came to bring "Life and Life's more abundantly"
John 10:10
Let me know how you get on
ElIzabeth
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elizabeth_70545 scott0202
Posted
Hi,
This forum wouldn't let me put the last links up -
But type
"Falling plates Christian" into Vimeo and watch it.
Elizabeth
fayez12308 X99
Posted
Ashdesai X99
Posted
Ashdesai X99
Posted
I used to feel like that too so i understand, i just want you to know you are not worthless and whenever you feel that way i'll be here for ( i think i already posted thid but it doesnt show up so...)
fred_43602 X99
Posted
Try and hang in there. At least you're working, I'm like you and I'm not even working. I feel completely hopeless and guilty about being a drain on society. Try and stay positive you sound like a nice guy and I'm sure there's a nice girl out there somewhere for you. Just try and hang in there the antidepressants might take a few weeks to get going.
elizabeth_70545 fred_43602
Posted
Hey,
You are not a "drain on society"...God loves you & He wants to know you. He sent Jesus to die for you so that you can be restored to Him.
Sin separates us from God. So we must turn from those things that are wrong and trust in Jesus.
Eternity awaits and there's Hell if we continue to reject Jesus. But then there's heaven and joy for those who trust Him
Ashley025 fred_43602
Posted
Hey Fred
You are not a drain to Our Society you have problems. Depression. Please get help. There's nothing wrong with you if you're not working at the moment. Everyone goes through difficult times where they can't cope to go to work. Try to be positive and get help. A therapist.👍
paddi60529 X99
Posted
when i read your post it seemed like i had written it. i feel in many ways like you. but only for about the past six months. before that i was 'normal'. have had some life despair in the past year that have hit me hard. i don't know what to do except get up every day and do a little something around the house. then i lay down and fall asleep because i'm too depressed to stay awake and get active and involved in anything. maybe you can relate. at least you are working and getting out of your living quarters.
I’ve thought too of how to go about suicide, of all the ways, the pros and cons of them all. But no, I won’t do it. This is the reason: God made me and put me here for the good times and the bad. It’s up to Him to see how I leave this world, not me. If I look at me and God, just the too of us, which one is the superior? Which is more important? Which has the answers? Certainly not me. So I will abide by his plan, not mine. This does not help my depression but it does clarify the issue of suicide.
i hope you will get better in time and in the meanwhile find an outlet. Would a support group help? A group of other singles who enjoy the same hobby as you? The answer is out there and it will be a struggle to find it, but it can be done. Maybe your therapist can point you in a few directions. Live while you can because it will all come to a close before you know it.
I know it because I'm a senior citizen. Take care.